


Secrets unlocked

by rholou



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Gen, Past Child Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-15
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2018-11-14 15:09:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 47
Words: 105,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11210649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rholou/pseuds/rholou
Summary: A what if story. What if Aaron's darkest secret came out sooner, an AU version of events that happened in 2009 when John Barton caught Aaron setting a fire in the barn.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Set in 2009 when John caught Aaron setting a fire in the barn, what could have happened if we knew then what we know now. Unbeta'd and a bit waffley I'm afraid but it felt good to write again. Aaron Livesy/Dingle appears to be my muse. Also each line break is supposed to be from a different characters perspective, hopefully it makes sense.

Aaron watched as the flames started to take hold, letting the straw burn for a minute before stamping it out with his heavy work boots. He flicked the lighter again, mesmerized by the sight of the flame, something about it called to him, the cleansing power of fire, destroying everything in it's path, it was fascinating. He reached down to the straw bale and let the fire take hold. Only this time he completely misjudged it, within seconds the fire had spread, he tried stamping it out again but it was too big already, he could feel panic setting in as he realized that this could get out of hand, quickly. He was both relieved and scared when John Barton came running into the barn, shouting at him, asking what he thought he was doing.

Before he knew it John had grabbed a blanket, ran it under the tap and after shoving him out of the way quickly doused the fire. Aaron was glad the fire was out but he didn't appreciate being pushed like that, reminded him to much of his dad. No he wasn't going to let his thoughts drift there, it was locked away for a reason.

"Give me that" John shouted, reaching for the lighter that Aaron still had clutched in his hand. Aaron did what he always did in situations like this, when he felt cornered, he pushed back. He held the lighter out, teasing the older man by moving it away when he reached for it.

"I'm not messing about, give it 'ere now" John said, Aaron could see how angry he was but he couldn't help winding him up more, it was like a default setting for him.

"Or what?" he cheeked back holding the lighter out again and flicking it on. Only this time John had had enough and ended up hitting him around the head. It was only a glancing blow but it made his ears ring and at the same time sent a bolt of fear through him.

"What do you think you're doing?" he yelled at him.

"You asked for that" John came back at him, pointing his finger aggressively. Which was probably true, he always deserved it really, didn't he? He'd heard it before and he knew it was true. 

John bent down to pick the lighter up that Aaron had dropped when he'd hit him. Aaron saw red.

"Oi that's mine" he yelled reaching out to grab it back but John moved it out of his reach.

"Not anymore it's not" Aaron knocked into the older man and before he knew it he was being pinned against the wooden fence that ran down the middle of the barn. He tried to ignore the fear that ran through at being so easily trapped.

"Get off me" he yelled trying to push the older man away. Instead John grabbed him by his top and started to drag him further into the building. He fought him the whole way, terrified now. Where was he taking him, why was he taking him more out of the way? 

"Let go of me" he begged, he was pulling away, trying desperately to get away but the other man was much stronger and managed to drag him along with him.

"John" he tried using his name, hoping to get through to him "get your hands off me". He was desperate now, didn't know what the older man was going to do but past experience told him it wouldn't be good. His heart was racing and he thought he might be sick as all the possible things he might have planned raced through his head. He knew that this wasn't his dad, that John probably wasn't like him, he seemed like a good guy from what he'd seen so far. But then again everyone thought that about his dad too. Shows how well people could hide who they really were and what they were capable of.

John still didn't let go of him as he pulled open the door to one of the stables.

"What are you doing?" Aaron shouted at him, his panic and fear through the roof now aT the thought of what could happen in that room, away from everyone, where no one could hear him, or help him. Maybe they wouldn't anyway, maybe he deserved everything he got. Why did he have to be so stupid, always had to push people, do bad things, force them to punish him? His dad was right, he was the one to blame. He must be otherwise this wouldn't keep happening to him.

John pushed him into the room hard so that he lost his balance and fell to the floor. Luckily it was covered in straw so he didn't really hurt himself. He lay there though, not daring to look up, didn't want to see him coming for him.

"I'm giving you some time to cool off" John shouted at him, out of breath from the battle to get him in there, "see how you feel in an hour or two" and with that he shut the wooden door and bolted it from the outside.

Aaron didn't hear him though, didn't register the door being bolted, he was lost in his own head. Thoughts of what John might do running over and over on repeat in his head. Except it wasn't really John he was seeing anymore, it was Gordon. It was his voice he heard screaming at him, his hands grabbing him, his face screwed up with anger and hatred. His breathing was out of control, he managed to scramble to his knees before being violently sick into the straw below him. He kept retching until nothing else would come and then he crawled over to rest his back against the wall. He screwed his eyes shut as tears streamed down his face. He knew he was coming back and he knew what was going to happen when he did and once again there was nothing he could do to stop it. He pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms round them, trying to make himself as small as possible, trying to hide and knowing that wouldn't work, it never had before.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

John stormed into the farm house. He grabbed a cup off the side and a teabag out of the cannister and slammed it down on the table.

"What's up with you?" Moira asked looking up from the pastry she was rolling out.

"That Aaron lad's not right in the head" he answered throwing the teabag in the cup, taking his anger out on it.

"Oh you found him then?"

"Yeah I found him. Caught him starting a fire in one of the barns, the whole place could have gone up".

"What? Does Paddy know?"

"No I've locked him in one of the stables to cool off. He's lucky I didn't give him a good hiding" John didn't notice the look Moira gave him at that.

"John you can't just lock someone up."

"Someone needs to sort him out" John tried to explain himself.

"Yeah like his mum, it's none of your business" Moira argued back.

"Look it's my barn, so it's my business" he wouldn't back down on this, the little sod needed to be taught a lesson.

"Oh I don't believe this" Moira sighed in anger, wiping the flour off her hands and taking her apron off. "We're letting him out now" she glared at him in anger as she headed towards the door.

"Well I wasn't going to leave him there all day was I?" John said, his temper finally starting to abate now a little time had passed. He followed his wife out of the house, he hardly noticed his youngest daughter and Victoria following them out.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Moira headed straight for the stable where John said he had left Aaron, she understood why he was angry but he couldn't just go locking up teenagers when they did something stupid. She hoped that the boy had had a chance to calm down a little like John planned, otherwise this could get messy. She expected to hear some shouting and banging as they got closer but it was strangely silent. She looked over at John as they approached the door.

"Are you sure he's in there?" she asked frowning at him.

"Yeah" he replied "it's still bolted see" he pointed at where the heavy deadbolt was pulled across. He at least had the decency to look a little ashamed at that.

"He's a bit quiet" Victoria said drawing their attention to the two girls who stood hoping to get some kind of show.

"Yeah well, maybe it did him some good locking him in there" John said "gave him a little shock. just what he needed".

"John" Moira admonished before reaching up and unbolting the door. She stepped back almost expecting the teenager to come rushing out the second he heard it unlocked but when nothing happened she pulled the door open herself. The first thing she noticed was the smell of vomit, she shot a worried look back at John before peering cautiously into the gloomy little room. The pile of sick in the middle of the floor didn't surprise her given the smell but the form huddled against the far wall did.

Aaron was sat on the floor with his back to the wall. He had his knees drawn up and his arms wrapped tightly around them, his head buried so she couldn't see his face. She sensed John behind her and looking at him saw the same shocked expression that she was sure she was wearing.

"Aaron" she said gently not wanting to startle the boy, he didn't seem to hear her though. She walked further into the room. As she got closer though she realized he was muttering something under his breath but she couldn't hear what exactly. She crouched down next to him, her motherly concern taking over. There was something very wrong here.

Now she was closer she could hear what he was saying, it was one phrase repeated over and over, his voice small and childlike. It sent chills down her spine.

"I'm sorry I was bad, please don't hurt me" Aaron said. 

"What's up with him?" Victoria's somewhat strident voice broke the stillness of the room.

Aaron looked up then and Moira was shocked at how he looked. He had tears streaming down his face and she had never seen fear in anyone's eyes like that.

She turned around and ignoring her husband's stricken face she addressed the girls standing in the doorway. "Go fetch Paddy" she commanded and when they didn't move quickly enough she shouted "now".

Both girls turned and ran.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"What is up with him?" John repeated Victoria's question. "You don't think he's claustrophobic do you?" he felt terrible at the thought. He'd only wanted to teach the lad a lesson, didn't expect it to have this much of a reaction.

"No" Moira replied her eyes never leaving the boy in front of her, his head once more buried in his knees. "No, this is something else".

John found himself agreeing with her. This was something else, something bigger and he had to admit he was a little scared at what that could be. Maybe he had mental health issues, they didn't really know that much about him. He really wished he hadn't acted so rashly now.

"Aaron son, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you" he said walking forward and crouching down next to his wife. If he'd hoped that his apology would have a calming effect then he couldn't have been more wrong. Aaron's breathing quickened at the sound of his voice and he backed even further against the wall, if that was even possible.

"I'm sorry.....please.......don't......I don't.....please.....I can't......" the words didn't really make sense but the pain in them was clear.

John looked at his wife and saw the same helplessness he felt reflected back in the watery depths of her eyes.

"What's going on?" John almost fell to his knees in relief at the sound of Paddy's voice. He'd never been more pleased to see someone in his life, he just hoped the vet could fix whatever was going on.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Paddy had been heading to the farmhouse for a much needed cup of tea with Adam when Victoria and Hannah had come running up to them.

"Paddy come quick, it's Aaron" Hannah shouted as soon as they were close enough. He took one look at their panicked faces and took off running back with them in the direction of the barn. In the couple of minutes it took to get to where they were taking him he had someone managed to imagine about a thousand different ways someone could get hurt on a farm. Not once did he imagine what he found though.

In one of the stables Moira and John were both crouched down next to Aaron, the smell of sick filled the air. As far as he could tell though no-one was injured but something was clearly very wrong.

"What's going on?" he asked and the two adults in the room turned and faced him. They both looked lost and neither answered him.

"Aaron" he said getting closer to the hunched over figure on the floor.

Aaron looked up at him then and he almost took a step back at the anguish on his face. "Don't let him hurt me again" the words were spoken in a hushed voice as though he was scared that he would be overheard, he glanced over at John as he spoke but quickly averted his eyes again.

Paddy turned angrily to look at the other man, "I barely touched him" John sounded shocked and hurt at the idea that he'd caused this.

"You didn't tell me you hit him" Moira said.

"It was a little clip round the ear, not worth this reaction" John stood up and backed up glancing around at the other people in the room. Hannah, Victoria and Adam just looked confused but Moira and Paddy looked furious. "I swear it, there's something else going on here".

Moira sighed then nodded in agreement and then spoke to Paddy "John wouldn't lie Paddy, if he says that's what happened then I believe him"

"Well then why is Aaron so worked up?" Paddy was still angry, but it was out of worry for Aaron rather than aimed at John.

"Why don't you ask him?" Adam spoke then and Paddy had to admit it was simple but it made sense.

Paddy gently lowered himself until he was sitting on the floor next to Aaron. He watched as Moira lowered herself down on the other side. Hannah and Victoria watched from the open doorway, a mixture of curiosity and worry etched on their faces. Adam and his dad stood against the opposite wall. He was tempted to ask them all to leave but he got the feeling that they wouldn't listen to him. Everyone wanted to know what was going on, what had made the normally cocky, brash teenager turn into this broken shell of a boy.

"Aaron" he spoke to him like he was a skittish horse that could bolt at any time, or a dog that might lash out and bite in the middle of it's pain. "What's the matter?"

He didn't expect Aaron to answer him straight away, he'd never been very quick to open up so he was surprised when he heard him speak. His voice was muffled against his legs and he sounded younger than he'd ever heard him before.

"I'm scared" Paddy frowned at the words.

"Why are you scared?" he felt like he was walking on eggshells, so scared of saying the wrong thing.

"I did something....." Aaron's words hitched as he took a deep shaky breath before continuing "naughty and now .....he's going to punish me" he gave a small sob then and buried his face further into his legs. 

Paddy shot a look at John, the shock on the other man's face plain to see, but something told him that this wasn't about John, this was bigger than that. The childish words that Aaron used so out of character.

"John won't hurt you" Moira said "I promise you, he's not that kind of man" her voice was gentle as she tried to reassure the boy.

"You don't know that" Aaron sounded so lost.

"My mum knows what she's talking about, she knows my dad wouldn't hurt someone for no reason" Hannah spoke up, obviously feeling the need to defend her parents.

"My mum thought she knew my dad too, but she was wrong" Aaron lifted his head up to look Hannah in the eye.

Paddy caught Moira's eye then, he had a feeling she was thinking along the same lines as him, this wasn't about John at all.

"Why was she wrong about your dad?" Paddy winced at the bluntness of the question, but he had to ask.

"It wasn't.... I shouldn't have......" Aaron didn't seem to be able to form his words into sentences.

"Did your dad hurt you Aaron?" Moira asked the question that Paddy was too afraid too.

Paddy had never seen Aaron look so young and lost as he did right now, he didn't answer at first, instead he looked down at his hands and started picking at his fingernails.

Aaron" Paddy prompted gently after a few seconds, that felt like hours, of silence.

"It was my fault, I shouldn't have been bad" Aaron wiped his tears away with his sleeve.

"What was your fault?" John spoke for the first time in while, Paddy heard the way his voice cracked half way through.

"I just can't help myself, you know, I can't control it. My mum knew it, that's why she left and he tried his best. Everything he did was to try and help me" something about the words sounded rehearsed, like it was something he'd been told over and over again, until it wormed it's way into his mind.

"Your mum loves you Aaron" Paddy felt like he needed to get through to him, prove that what he thought about himself wasn't true. He knew Aaron had self esteem issues, knew his mum leaving him had left scars but he didn't realize just how deep that went. "She left for all sorts of reasons, maybe not all of them the right ones but I can tell you right now none of them were because you were bad. Why would you even think that?"

"Because that's what he told me" Aaron had tears running freely down his face, his blue eyes shining brightly with them.

"Your dad?" Paddy almost choked on the word, how could he have said those things to a child, his own son. He wasn't a particularly confrontational person but he had a feeling he was going to be making a very angry phone call to that man at some point.

"Yeah, he said that she didn't love me, because if she did she would have stayed. Only he really loved me". Scratch that phone call, this was going to require a physical confrontation, something involving his fist and Gordon's face.

"Well he's wrong, your mum does love you, she always has" Paddy was desperate to get through to him, but Aaron was shaking his head at him. 

"Then why did she leave me there, with him?" Paddy didn't know how to answer, he knew there was nothing he could really say that would make sense to someone who still clearly felt so betrayed, it was something Chas was going to have to deal with. Only she could try to prove him wrong.

"Why was it so bad that she left you with your dad Aaron?" Moira asked and Paddy realized that maybe that was the most important question of all, he wasn't sure he wanted to hear the answer.

Aaron obliged by not answering, he pulled his sleeves down over his hands and started worrying at the edges.

"You said it was your fault that your dad hurt you, but you didn't say how he hurt you?" John said.

"It doesn't matter" Aaron said.

"I think it does" Paddy looked at John, he was right, in fact right now nothing mattered more.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Aaron continued to pick at his sleeves, he wished he could just disappear, wished he'd never put out the fire earlier and that he's just let it burn until there was nothing left but ashes.

He'd already said too much, already said more than he ever had before, more than he thought he ever would. He couldn't do this, didn't want to. Why couldn't they just leave him alone? But he knew they wouldn't leave it, they were just going to keep on pecking away at him till he was raw and bleeding and had to tell them. Tell them the one thing he'd sworn he would never tell.

But if he did, what then? Once he told and they could see him for what he really was dirty, disgusting, damaged. What if he told them and they didn't believe him or worse what if he told them and they did?

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Moira sat next to Aaron and watched him do everything he could to avoid looking at any of them. She looked over to where two of her children and Victoria stood and wanted to tell them to leave, she didn't want them hearing anymore, wanted to protect them from whatever ugliness was about to be exposed. She didn't know exactly Aaron might say, if anything, but she knew whatever it was it was bad. 

She also wanted to take the boy, because for all his front and anger that's what he was, a 17 year old boy, in her arms and hold him until he felt loved. She barely knew him but the tears running down her face was evidence of how much she cared for him already.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Paddy waited, he knew that now was not the time to push, even though that was usually his thing. It was Victoria who finally broke through oddly enough.

"Aaron we just want to help" 

"You can't help, no-one can" Aaron was sobbing again now.

"How do you know if you won't tell us, you said your dad hurt you" Victoria was crying now, in fact all of them either had tears in their eyes or were openly crying. "What did he do to you?"

"Don't" Aaron pleaded.

"Did he hit you?" Paddy wondered if he should stop Victoria from talking, he could see how upset Aaron was getting, but he needed to know the answers, there was no going back now. He waited with baited breath for the answer. Aaron nodded slightly and Paddy clenched his fists in anger. No wonder Aaron had anger issues, god that man had a lot to answer for.

"Was it more than that?" Moira asked now and Paddy felt his heart skip a beat. Wasn't that bad enough, did there need to be more? But the way Aaron stilled at the question was almost answer enough.

"Oh god he didn't used to lock you up did he?" John asked, making the connection between what he'd just done to him and the reaction it had caused. It would make sense after all.

"No, he didn't do that" Aaron's voice was hoarse now from all the crying. Paddy breathed a sigh of relief at the answer though.

"Well what did he do then?" Hannah this time and Paddy wanted to yell at her, to tell her to shut up because he didn't want to know that answer anymore. He wasn't sure he could handle it. Because he already knew and it was unbearable.

"I can't say" Aaron whispered.

"Why can't you say Aaron?" John prompted.

"Because he told me not too" he sounded so frightened and unsure

"Well he's not here now" Paddy knew he sounded angry, he tried to hide it, didn't want to scare him. But he couldn't help it, he felt like he was going to explode with it.

"But he'll know I told and then he'll......he'll" Aaron could barely speak now, his breath hitching with every word.

"What Aaron, please just tell us, tell me, I want to help you so badly but I can't if you don't tell me" Paddy pleaded with him, tears running unashamedly down his face. "I promise you he can't hurt you now, we won't let him, but please just talk to us".

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"But what good is telling you, it's in the past, it won't change anything" Aaron tried to reason with them.

"Is it though?" Moira asked. "Because it seems to me, whatever it is, it's hurting you right now"

"I can't say the words" Aaron admitted.

"Do you want me to say it?" Moira asked. Aaron looked at her, really looked at her and then he gave a barely perceptible nod.

Moira took a deep shaky breath before looking over at Paddy. He locked eyes with her and she saw the gratitude in them, she was about to do something he couldn't.

She didn't speak straight away, trying to summon the courage, but she didn't wait too long either, knowing it was now or never.

Five little words, who knew they could hold such power. Moira felt like a tsunami about to hit, knowing the devastation she was about to cause and yet powerless to prevent it. The weight of the words as they left her lips stole her breath away.

"Did your dad rape you?"

The room was silent, the air thick, everyone waiting to hear what no-one wanted to and then

"Yes"

.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So as a couple of people asked if I'm going to continue, so let's see where this takes us shall we? Hopefully I won't disappoint. You'll notice little snippets of dialogue taken from the show, that's intentional I swear.

"Yes".

Aaron sunk further into himself, if that was possible. Moira wasn't sure what to do, she didn't really even know him but she couldn't bear to see someone in such pain without trying to offer some comfort. 

"Oh Aaron" she said, her voice soft and sad as she reached a hand out and gently placed it on his shoulder. She felt him tense up as he lifted his head and looked first at her hand and then at her. She expected him to shrug her hand off, to pull away, but instead he launched himself at her, grabbing her tightly like a drowning man grabs a lifebuoy. She let him sink his head into her chest and she wrapped her arms around him as the sound of his heartbreaking sobs filled the room.

Tears streaming down her face she looked over his head at the other people in the room. Paddy first, who reached his own hand out to rub the back of Aaron's neck, obviously needing to offer comfort as well. She couldn't tell what he was thinking from the expression on his face, too many emotions and thoughts to deal with, he looked like he was in shock, his face a blank page, but he too had tears in his eyes. She raised her eyebrows at him, trying to ask what now with just her expression but he just shook his head at her, as lost as she was.

Moira looked over at her shoulder at her husband then and he looked back at her with more anger than she had ever seen in him before. His fists were clenched tightly at his sides as if he was resisting the urge to punch something, or someone. She could easily guess who. She didn't know until today that it was possible to hate someone you didn't even know, but now she did. Her son stood next to his dad and she felt terrible looking at him, knowing that today he'd lost some of his innocence, that he knew more about the evil that was in the world than he should, after today the world would forever be a little darker for him, for all of them.

Over the sound of Aaron's crying she could hear someone's else's sobs and her attention was drawn to where her daughter was stood hugging her friend. Victoria was openly crying, big ugly sobs. Moira was proud to see her daughter comforting her friend, she was a good girl. All three of her children were good kids she knew and she loved them fiercely. She would defend them with her life if need be, she knew John felt exactly the same way. So the idea that Aaron had been so badly hurt by his own father made her feel sick to her stomach. The worst thing a parent could do to a child, to take their love and trust and use it against them, betray them in the worst possible way. She held Aaron even tighter, as the thoughts raced through her head, desperate to make him feel safe.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

No one spoke, no one moved, for what felt like a lifetime. Eventually though Aaron's deep sobs started to fade. Paddy didn't take his hand away, continued to stroke the back of Aaron's head. He'd never felt more useless in his whole life. With a huge exhausted sounding sigh, Aaron lifted his head away from Moira's chest, Paddy was forced to remove his hand as the boy leaned back against the wall. Moira sat back slightly but rested a hand on his knee, not willing to let go of him completely just yet. He reached up and ran his sleeve over his face, trying to remove the tears there, it was a wasted effort though as new ones continued to fall. He took several deep breaths, blowing slowly out of his mouth, clearly trying to get back some control. He closed his eyes and rested his head against the rough stones behind him.

Paddy knew he couldn't leave it there, now it was out there he needed to know more. He wasn't sure it was his wisest move, really didn't want to push but he needed answers. Where to start though. 

"Aaron, can you.....when did.....?" except he couldn't say, stumbling over his words as usual. This was probably the most important conversation of his life and here he was messing it up like he always did.

He didn't expect Aaron to answer, wasn't even sure he'd actually asked a question.

"The first time was just after mum left" Aaron's voice was quiet and full of pain. Paddy looked at him in horror as his brain frantically made connections. 

"You were eight?" Paddy almost choked on the words. Like it would have mattered what age he was, like if he'd have been older it would have been any better and yet still, this was so much worse. He'd been a little boy, terrified and helpless. Paddy saw Moira raise a hand to her mouth out of the corner of his eye but he was completely focused on the boy next to him now.

"I was so upset that she left, I kept acting out, kept pushing him. I didn't know he was going to do that though" Aaron was eerily calm as he talked but tears continued to run down his face. "I didn't know what was happening, just that it hurt " Paddy winced at that "and that is was wrong". He took another deep breath and blew it out before he started talking again. Paddy wasn't sure he'd ever heard him speak this much but it was like the dam had broken and he couldn't stop the words pouring out. "Afterwards he said that he was sorry but that he had to do it, to..." Aaron paused again here,struggling to say the next part and Paddy wondered how it could possibly get any worse "...to punish me".

When Paddy had first met Aaron he hadn't particularly liked him, had thought he was a little chavvy thug. But he loved Chas and they came as a package deal. But over the last few months he'd started to see the teenager in a new light and as a result had started to care for him. He realized that a lot of his behaviour was a front, a way to keep people at a distance, but that deep down he was a good lad, one who really cared about people but was just scared of getting too close to them. He knew he hadn't had the best start in life and always suspected that there was more to his relationship with his dad than he let on, but never in his darkest thoughts would he have thought something like this had happened. That man had abused and hurt Aaron in an unimaginable way and then he'd twisted everything around so that he made him think it was his own fault. Paddy wasn't sure how it was possible to feel this way and still be breathing, he felt like his insides had been ripped out and left a huge gaping whole where his heart should be.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

John stood and watched, feeling rage unlike anything he'd ever felt before. Eight years old, eight. It was unimaginable. He couldn't help remembering Adam at that age, he was such a cheeky little sod back then, still was really. The thought of something like that happening to him was unbearable and yet this other boy, not so different from his own had had to deal with that, and worse it was at the hands of his own father, the one person who should have protected from everything bad in the world, who should have been the one to make him feel safe.

"Wait a minute" John's replayed Aaron's words over in his head, picking up on something he'd heard "you said the first time. Did it, did it happen more than once?" his words tight with anger, he couldn't help himself.

Aaron seemed to pull further away at the angry tone of his voice, his eyes wide and panicked now.

"I'm sorry.....I'm sorry" he started to say, just like earlier. Moira moved her hand from his knee to rub his shoulder but he recoiled from her, his eyes darting around the room.

"John maybe you should leave" his wife said without looking at him and he felt a stab of guilt that he's made the situation worse.

"Yeah" he knew she was right, she usually was. "In fact kids, you come with me" he started to shepherd the three of them out of the room "let's give Aaron a bit of space yeah".

"But...." Adam started to protest but John warned him off with a shake of his head.

John could see Aaron calming down a little as the room he was in emptied out. Just as he stepped over the threshold Paddy called to him, he was standing up slowly, whether because he was trying not to spook Aaron or just because of his lack of grace John wasn't sure, he was holding his phone out to him.

"Can you ring Chas for me?" he asked but before John could reply Aaron jumped to his feet startling them all.

"No, you can't do that" he yelled at them knocking the phone from Paddy's hand.

"We have to tell her Aaron" Paddy tried to explain.

"No. I don't want her to know" Aaron pleaded "please Paddy".

"I think it's too late for that now Aaron" Moira had stood up as well.

"I can't......" and with those words Aaron made a run for the stable door, just where John was standing. John grabbed him as he tried to push past him.

"Don't touch me, get off" Aaron screamed, squirming violently in his grasp and John instinctively let go, the last thing he wanted to do was hurt him. It was a mistake though because in a flash the boy was off and running.

"Aaron" Paddy shouted as they all ran out of the barn after him. Aaron had jumped a fence and was already way ahead of them, running like his life depended on it.

"Adam go after him" John shouted at his son, knowing he was the only one who stood any chance of catching up to him, and praying that he was right. Adam didn't even hesitate as he followed in the other boys wake. John watched helplessly with the others as both boys disappeared into the distance, he hoped Adam could keep up with him because who know what might happen if they lost Aaron now.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please bear in mind that this is set in 2009 so some relationships are different to what we're used to now, such as Chas and Aaron's. Also I'm trying to keep them in character for that time but will probably be a bit of how they are now mixed in despite myself and I may get the odd person's job or where they are living etc wrong, after all it's been a few years since this is set, I've grown a small human in that time :)
> 
> And thank you to the people who took the time to comment and add kudos, it's nice to know I'm not playing to an empty theatre so to speak.

Chas was in The Woolpack on an extended dinner break, very extended. Some people might say she was taking advantage of Paddy's good nature but she honestly didn't care what they thought. Sometimes it felt like the whole village had nothing better to do with their time than gossip and judge people. Well stuff them. Having said that though, when her phone rang and Paddy'd name flashed up she felt a pang of guilt. She didn't want to have to lie to him about where she was so she decided to ignore it instead.

She was just tucking into her pie and chips when it rang again, and then again a few minutes later.

"Are you going to answer that flaming phone?" her brother said from across the bar.

"No, actually Cain I'm not" she sniped back "anyway I can't, it's ran out of charge". Cain looked confused for a second before he clicked on to what she was doing.

"Never a good sign that" he smirked "lying to your boyfriend this early in the game".

"How do you even know it's Paddy?" she snapped at him but he just raised his eyebrows at her and went back to his pint.

She decided to leave him to it and carried on with her dinner, after first turning her phone to silent of course. 

Marlon was in the bar area collecting places as she finished her lunch.

"Thanks Marlon" she said as the lanky chef picked her plate up and added it to the pile already in his hands. "It was lovely that".

"We aim to please" he smiled at her, looking very happy at the compliment.

As he walked back behind the bar the pub phone started to ring.

"Can someone get that?" he shouted out, his hands full of plates, but no-one else was behind the bar, Dianne having nipped to change the barrel. "Fine then" he huffed in annoyance and stacked the plates on the side haphazardly and grabbing the phone.

Chas didn't really pay much attention until she heard her name.

"Chas? I'm not sure Paddy" widening his eyes at her as if asking what he should say, she shook her head at him, mouthing at him to say she wasn't there.

"I ...what's the matter, just slow down a bit" Marlon continued in response to whatever Paddy was saying to him. Chas looked at him in concern at the worried tone of his voice. 

"What's he done now?" and Chas immediately knew who she was taking about. Aaron, it had to be. He'd gone up to the Barton's farm with Paddy and from the sound of it once again he'd done something wrong. That boy would be the death of her. Honestly sometimes she wondered why she still bothered with him. She'd found a grey hair just yesterday morning and she knew exactly who to blame for that. Why couldn't he make her life easy for once, just be happy and stop causing problems for everyone, especially her. I mean she loved him obviously, he was her only son after all, but sometimes she could quite happily wring his neck.

"Woah Paddy" Marlon was shooting her a worried look, gesturing at her to come and take the phone off him. "Look it can't be that bad" he pulled the phone away from his ear as though Paddy had shouted something. Chas got up from where she was sitting and headed behind the bar when she saw that. Paddy rarely shouted, whatever this was, it was bad.

She grabbed the phone out of Marlon's hand "chill out Paddy I'm here" she said into the receiver.

"Chas" she'd never heard Paddy like that, he sounded panicked and breathless. She felt her own heartbeat quicken in response. "It's Aaron, you need to come up here now".

"What's he bloody done now?" she rolled her eyes, please don't say it was something bad, please say Paddy was just overreacting.

"Nothing,.... well n...not really, it's just....I"

"Oh for God's sake Paddy spit it out would you" Chas was getting irritated at his usual way of stumbling over his words, she just wanted to know what was going on.

"I can't say over the phone Chas, you just...you need to come up here" Chas didn't like what he was saying, or the way he was saying it. She was really starting to get worried now. She caught sight of Cain looking at her across the bar and she could feel Marlon looming behind her.

"Why? What is it Paddy? Is Aaron okay?" it felt like a stupid question, of course he was, he always was, wasn't he?

"I don't know Chas" Paddy sounded tired, exhausted. "Just get here, now".

"You can't just...." she trailed off as she registered the sound of the dial tone, he'd hung up on her. She stood there for a minute just staring at the phone in her hand.

"Sis, what's up?" Cain broke into her thoughts.

"I don't know" she looked at him with fear, "but I think it's something really bad".

"What..." she didn't let Cain finish.

"Can you take me up to the Barton's?" she asked him slamming the phone down on it's cradle and not even noticing when she missed and it fell to the side instead.

"Yeah, of course, but what's going on?" Cain said standing up from his stool as she came round the bar to him.

"I don't know Cain, just please, I need to get there" she knew she sounded like a mad woman, her voice high and screeching in fear. 

"Okay, come on" he said grabbing his jacket from the stool next to him and for once not stopping to down his beer like he normally would.

She nodded at him in relief, glad that he was there for her once again. The pair made their way out of the pub quickly, leaving a wave of curious people who immediately started making assumptions about what they'd overheard. The famous Emmerdale rumour mill was already swinging into action.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Andy was a bit annoyed to be honest, at some point everyone else had disappeared and left him to it. Typical, it sometimes felt like he was the only willing to put a decent day's work in, the only one who really cared about the farm at all. Well that wasn't really fair but he was entitled to feel a bit put out in the circumstances.

When he rounded the corner to find pretty much everyone just standing there he was ready to give them a piece of his mind. But as he got closer the whole thing struck him as odd. Then he saw his little sister and all his anger vanished. She was clinging onto Hannah, tears streaming down her face and all of them stood looking in the same direction, staring off at something across the fields.

"Vic, what's up?" he said rushing up to them, hating to see his sister so upset.

"Oh Andy" she wailed launching herself at him, "It's Aaron". Looking around he noticed that Aaron, and Adam for that matter were both missing. What the hell had he done now?When he found him he was going to kill him for making his sister cry like this. He wrapped his arms tightly around her. "What's he bloody done now?" he addressed John.

"I'm going to see if I can find them" John said walking over to where his car was parked and getting in, not even stopping to reply to Andy's question. 

"I need to call Chas" Paddy said and walked off towards the farmhouse, bringing his phone to his ear as he walked away.

"Hannah come on, let's go put the kettle on" Moira said reaching out and pulling her daughter to her side as they also headed off towards the farmhouse, both of them looked shaken up. In fact everyone looked like they'd just taken a kicking.

Andy was left stood holding his sister in his arms feeling completely confused.

"What the hell is going on?" he asked Victoria, pulling away from her slightly and looking at her.

"Oh god, Andy it's so horrible. I don't know if I can say it" Victoria sobbed.

Andy had absolutely no idea what was happening, he was desperate to find out what was this was all about, but right now his sister needed him and that was his priority. He pulled her back against him and spoke into her hair. "It's okay Vic, you don't have too". 

 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Adam ran as hard and as fast as he ever had in his life but he couldn't keep up. As they ran across the fields that made up his family's farm the other boy was steadily getting further and further away. He could see woods up ahead and knew that once Aaron made it that far he didn't stand a chance, he would lose him. The thought filled him with fear because if he lost sight of him he had a feeling he might never see him again. 

Within minutes his worst fears were realized as Aaron reached the edge of the trees and disappeared from sight. He didn't give up though, couldn't yet. He ran hard until he reached the place he'd last seen him only moments ago. Even then he didn't stop, he just kept going. He had no real idea of which direction to go just trusted his instinct, and hoped that luck would guide him. He kept running on blind faith until a tree branch stopped him in his tracks. 

His foot snagged on it and down he went, he put out his arms out and was able to break his fall. He lay there for a minute thankful that he hadn't broke his ankle, it could so easily have been a different story. But now he'd been forced to stop he knew how futile his chase was. He had no idea which direction Aaron had gone in and if he wasn't careful he could end up wandering out here for hours, totally lost, his sense of direction had never been great. 

It was time to admit defeat. But how could he? How could he go home and tell them that he had lost Aaron? That the one thing he might have actually been able to do to help, he'd failed at.

He wiped the dirt of his trousers and with a sigh stood up. No use putting it off, it was time to head back. He couldn't keep looking on his own, he needed help. With one last look around in the hopes that he might spot some sign of the other boy he pulled his phone out of his pocket and hit the first number on his speed dial.

"Mum" he said, still a little out of breath when she answered on the first ring "I'm sorry, I lost him". 

"It's okay Adam" she said, just the sound of her voice was a comfort, made him feel less terrible for his failure "just come home, we'll sort it". He loved his mum so much.

"Okay" he said his shoulders slumping in defeat. He put his phone away and started to make his way back the way he'd come. He couldn't help feeling like he was abandoning the other boy though. He wasn't even sure if he actually liked him yet, he hadn't made the best first impression. But he felt some kind of a connection to him, as though in another life, one where he wasn't sniffing round his sister, they could be friends, good friends, the best. He hoped he would still have a chance to see if that was possible.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Aaron ran, and ran and ran. 

He didn't know where he was going, he just knew he couldn't stop. 

He was vaguely aware when the scenery changed from wide open fields to densely packed trees but he didn't slow his pace. It was a miracle he didn't trip over or run into anything but he just kept going. He only wished he could outrun the thoughts in his head as easily as he had the people he'd left behind.

People who now knew the worst thing about him.

How could he have been so stupid, so weak? All he had to do was keep his mouth shut, keep calm and keep everything in. He couldn't even do that. What did they all think of him now? Bet they thought he was pathetic. Oh God, this was such a mess. He could feel the tears still streaming down his face and he angrily swiped at them with his sleeves as he ran. He was such a baby, he wanted to be tough, acted like he was all the time but it wasn't real, deep down he was still that pathetic little boy he'd always been and now they all knew it. He couldn't go back there, didn't want to see what they thought about him written all over their faces. But what was he supposed to do now, where else could he go? Paddy knew and before long so would his mum. He was finally starting to feel like he belonged somewhere and he'd gone and ruined it. 

He had no idea of what he was going to do now, there was no safe haven for him anymore. So he kept running, he knew he couldn't run for ever, but still he ran because the thought of what might happen when he stopped was too much to bear.


	4. Chapter 4

Hannah sat on her bed staring at the cover and fiddling with her nails. She didn't know what to do. She felt like she should be doing something but what could she do? She'd helped her mum make some tea for everyone and then she'd retreated to her room, deciding it was for the best if she just stayed out of the way for now.

Poor Aaron. That's all she could think. She might be young but she wasn't stupid, she knew what this sort of thing did to people. How it messed with their heads, changed everything. 

There was a small knock at her door and it creaked open to reveal Victoria standing there, her face still wet with tears.

"Is it okay if I come in?" she asked timidly "your mum said you were up here".

"Of course" Hannah scooted over on the bed to make room for her.

They sat there in awkward silence for a few minutes.

"I can't believe it" Vic said. "I mean I believe it, but it's just so awful isn't it?" Hannah nodded, letting her speak, she felt it was only right. Victoria knew Aaron much better then her after all. 

"You know I slept with him?" Hannah pretended not to be shocked. "I mean it was ages ago now, but well, it was his first time" Vic sat with her legs crossed facing her on the bed. "He was really nervous before, and he hated me knowing he was a virgin, he got really defensive about it. I didn't really understand at the time. But now, well it makes sense doesn't it?"

"I guess so" Hannah replied, she wasn't sure if it did to be honest, the idea of her first time scared her but boys were supposed to be different weren't they and anyway Vic would know better than her. She had way more experience.

"Oh my god" Victoria said "I just realized something else. When he found out about me and Daz he just assumed he'd forced me, proper flew off the handle at him."

Hannah had no idea who Daz was but she didn't want to interrupt. She'd find out eventually she was sure.

"How did no-one know, how did we not see?" Victoria was crying again now. 

"I don't know" Hannah handed her a box of tissues, "I guess he's good at keeping secrets".

"I hope Adam caught up with him, you don't think he'll do anything stupid do you?" Vic asked blowing her nose into a tissue.

"Who? Adam?"

"No Aaron"

"I don't know, I hope not" Hannah answered. It didn't feel like enough. She wanted to offer her the other girl some comfort, some kind of reassurance, but she way out of her depth. She wasn't even fifteen yet, and this was massive. With a jolt she remembered why Victoria was here today, she'd come to help set up for her birthday party tomorrow. Well that wasn't going to be happening now, somehow she didn't think any of them would be in the mood for celebrating anymore. She knew she certainly wasn't.

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The car journey had mostly been quiet, Chas too wound up to say much. She had a thousand thoughts going through her head. One minute she was worried sick about her son and the next she wanted to ring his neck for doing this to her. She had no idea what she was going to be walking into when she got up to the farm and the uncertainty made her jittery. 

As soon as Cain pulled up in front of the farm house Chas was opening the door and walking as quickly as she could in her high heels.

"Hold up Chas" Cain called after her jogging to catch up "don't go barreling in there like a bull in a china shop".

"Don't tell me what to do" Cain rolled his eyes and followed her into the house.

The kitchen was full of people, too may people but none of them was Aaron.

"Chas" Paddy said standing up from where he was sitting at the table.

"Well, where is he then?" Chas asked.

"We don't know" Paddy didn't look at her as he spoke.

"What do you mean you don't know? How can you not know? What the bloody hell is going on Paddy?" Chas knew she sounded hysterical, but that's because she was.

"There's been....well you see Aaron....."Paddy babbled on as usual until she fixed him with a glare, she could feel her eye twitching with tension. "He's ran off" Paddy finished lamely.

"What's he done that for?" Chas was completely confused now, was she supposed to be angry or worried.

"I think someone needs to explain exactly what's happened" Cain said from behind her and she nodded in agreement.

"Sit down Chas" Moira said taking a seat at the end of the table.

"I don't want to bloody sit down, I want to know what's going on with my son" she bit back angrily.

"And we'll tell you" Moira replied in a calming voice that just irritated her even more "but you really need to sit down first".

"Don't you......"

"Just do it" Cain interrupted her before she could get going, and something about the way he said it had her pulling a chair out in a huff and sitting down. 

"Well go on then" she said to the other woman

"I don't really know where to start" Moira said with a sigh.

Chas resisted the urge to roll her eyes.

"John caught Aaron setting fire to some hay in the barn".

"What the bloody hell was he playing at?" Chas screeched. "Is that why he ran off?".

"No, it's not" Moira didn't look at her, instead she played with the cup on the table in front of her. "John lost his temper, he ended up giving him a clip round the ear and locking him in one of the stables to cool off".

"He did what? Where is he now?" Chas said looking around at who was there, other than herself, there was Cain, Paddy, Moira and even Andy but John was notably absent. When she got her hands on him there'd be hell to pay, no one laid their hands on her son, even if he did deserve it.

"He's out looking for Aaron" Paddy said.

Chas threw her arms up in exasperation, were they going to get to the point, she was no clearer now than she had been a few minutes ago.

"When I found out we went to let him out, he was really upset" Moira continued with the explanation.

"Well what did you expect?" Cain said."He was bound to be angry, anyone would be, but this is Aaron we're talking about, it doesn't take much to set him off".

"Yes except he wasn't angry, he was distraught" Moira said looking up at him then back down to Chas.

"What do you mean distraught?" Chas felt even more confused now.

"He was crying, he'd just been sick and he was really scared".

"Our Aaron?" Chas frowned, that didn't sound like her boy. He was never scared, didn't have enough sense for that.

"What the hell did he have to be scared of?" Cain sounded just as confused as she felt.

Moira looked over at Paddy then as if asking for help. He took Chas' hand in his and she let him.

"I wasn't there at first, the girls came and fetched me, but when I did get there..... well it wasn't good. I've never seen him like that, in fact I've never seen anyone that upset. It took a while but he told us why" Paddy took a deep breath then, as if he was about to dive underwater and Chas had a horrible feeling she was about to be dragged under with him. "He was so scared because he thought John was going to punish him for doing something wrong......" Paddy squeezed her hand as he spoke, "punish him like his dad used to".

"Gordon?" Chas couldn't understand what Paddy was trying to tell her.

"What do you mean, punish him?" Cain's voice was tight and controlled but Chas could hear the anger under the surface.

"He said....he said that his dad.... hurt him for being bad" Paddy was looking right at her now and the grip he had on her hand was too tight, but she didn't pull away. It was the only thing keeping her from jumping out of her seat.

"Hurt him how Paddy?" Chas was suprised at how calm her voice sounded, because all she could picture was her son, her little boy crying and scared. Whatever had made him like that was going to be terrible, she just knew. She wasn't sure she wanted to hear anymore, but she had to, she owed him that much.

"He said....th...that his dad, that Gordon, abused him.....sexually" Paddy finally got the words out and for once she could forgive his stutter, his inability to say those words, because who wouldn't struggle with them. The worst thing to say, even worse to hear.

The room narrowed to a point, she felt like she couldn't breath. He'd taken her breath along with her heart with his words. She was dead, she must be, because how could she still be alive after hearing that. She could feel Paddy's hand in hers and it was the only thing grounding her, the only thing keeping her here, stopping her from flying off into nothingness. She looked up and his eyes locked with hers.

"I know" he said reading everything she was feeling.

She grabbed at him desperately and he pulled her into his embrace. She clutched at him desperately as the tears came. She didn't speak, she had no words, instead she sobbed out her pain and anguish. She'd let him down, her little boy, the person she was supposed to love and protect for ever. This was all her fault.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, thanks so much for all the interest in this. I feel like Emmerdale is one of the smaller fandoms on here so to get so much love is lovely.
> 
> Just a couple of things to say about this chapter. First I'm not too sure about the geography of Emmerdale and the surrounding farms and distances but just go with it for the sake of the story. It's only fanfiction after all.  
> I just want to make sure people know that I don't agree with Aaron's way of looking at things but that I'm trying to tell parts of this story from his perspective, and he isn't in a good place. Also remember that this is set when he was 17 and I think that time has allowed him to see things a little differently since then, although he clearly still has many problems dealing with it (bless him).
> 
> \------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cain leaned back against the kitchen worktop, his hands curling around the edge. He looked the picture of calm and collected. But he was good at that, keeping his emotions hidden. He'd had a lot of practice at it after all. Under the surface though, well that was a completely different story. He was seething, his anger knew no limits. He was surprised that the countertop was still in one piece, his hands gripped it so tightly it was a wonder that it hadn't crumbled into dust. 

As he watched his sister sob her heart out on Paddy's shoulder he was planning the route to Gordon's house in his head and already had half a plan as to how to dispose of the body. To think he used to quite like him, he'd thought he was a halfway decent bloke. He was usually a pretty good judge of character and yet he'd got it so wrong this time. That man was the lowest of the low. Anyone who could do that to a child didn't deserve to live. But he hadn't just done it to any child, he'd done it to Aaron, his own son and more importantly Cain's nephew. Which meant he was family, and nothing was more important to Cain than family. As much as he thought Chas' son was a little gobshite at times he had to admit to having a soft spot for him. He was a good lad really, had been proving himself pretty useful at the garage and he knew he looked up to him. But all of that was irrelevant really, because even if Cain couldn't stand him he didn't deserve what his dad had done to him, no one did. 

He watched as Chas finally started to calm down, his cheek twitching because of how tightly his jaw was clenched. She sat back from Paddy and Moira handed her a tissue without being asked. Chas noisily blew her nose and wiped a shaky hand over her face. She still held onto Paddy's hand with her other hand.

"When you said sexual" she seemed to almost choke on the word before continuing, "did he say...." she trailed off.

"He told us his dad raped him, that he did it to punish him" Moira said softly. Cain could feel tears pricking at his eyes, tears of rage. Chas gave a choked sounding sob at the word.

"What?" Andy spoke and looking at him Cain could see from the look on his face that he was hearing some of this for the first time too. "Punish him, that's.....".

The worst thing Cain had ever heard.

"It started just after you left and it happened more than once" Paddy said the next words in a rush as if he couldn't bear to say them.

"Oh my god Paddy what did I do?" Chas wailed then.

"You haven't done anything" Cain couldn't let her blame herself for this "this is on Gordon, he's the sick bastard that did this".

"No don't you see" Chas turned pain filled eyes on him now, "this is my fault, I left him with him, I left him with a monster".

"He's his dad, you didn't know" Cain tried to make her see sense.

"But I should have been there, kept in contact more, I failed him" Chas hung her head in shame. 

Cain didn't say anything, he couldn't really because as much as he loved his sister he knew she was right. She had failed him, they all had. Every one of them too caught up in their own lives to see what was going on. They should have took the time to be more involved in his life instead of leaving him in his father's hands, somebody else's problem.

"No wonder he hates me" Chas sounded defeated.

"He doesn't hate you " Paddy said trying to get her to look at him.

"No he does Paddy and he has every right too" she was silent for a minute. "What made him run off?"

Cain saw the look Paddy gave Moira, the sadness in both their eyes, the reluctance to answer.

"What?" he asked.

"He ran when I said I was going to phone you" Paddy admitted to Chas.

"See, I was right" she said pulling her hand away from Paddy's and gripping her own arms tightly. "He does hate me".

"No, he's just scared" Paddy said softly.

"Of me?"

"No of everything, of everyone knowing. He's kept this to himself for so long, nine years Chas. He must feel so exposed, so vulnerable".

"God knows what's going through his head, we need to find him Paddy"

"Adam ran after him" Moira said "but he lost him in the woods, he's on his way back now, John picked him up they should be back any minute".

"They just left him out there?" Chas yelled at her.

"He couldn't see any sign of him and he couldn't keep looking by himself" Moira defended her son.

"No that's not good enough he should have kept looking, in fact why did you let him run off in the first place".

"Sis calm down" Cain walked over and put a hand on her shoulder, "this isn't their fault".

"Don't tell me to calm down Cain. My son is out there all by himself and he.... what if he" she was crying again now, not that she'd ever really stopped, but now it was full on ugly sobs. He left his hand on her shoulder and let her cry it out. 

"Do you have any idea where he might have gone?" Moira asked all of them once Chas calmed down a little and Cain shook his head, he couldn't think of anywhere Aaron would go. It made him realize how few connections the boy had here, how much he kept to himself.

"Maybe we should call the police" Andy said.

"No" Chas said, and Cain knew she was acting on impulse, their family didn't call the police. After all the runs ins they's had with them over the years sometimes it was hard to remember they were the good guys.

"Not yet" Cain made a decision, because if they called the police they would have to tell them about what Gordon had done and that wasn't their decision to make. It had to come from Aaron, if he chose too. Also once the police were involved it limited his own options and he wasn't ready to do that yet. "We'll call the family, look for him ourselves".

"Yes" Chas agreed with him and he saw Paddy nodding as well.

He looked at his sister "we'll find him, don't worry".

She gave him a small tight smile and nodded and he was glad he'd been able to give her some reassurance, he just hoped it was true.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Aaron stopped running. He'd had too, no one could run for ever. He sat on the floor with his arms resting on his legs, his head hanging between them as he tried to get his breath back. He almost didn't mind the light headedness that the overexertion had caused, it left no room in his head for anything else, but all too soon it started to clear and other thoughts crowded in.

He didn't know what to do or where to go. He was so scared he couldn't think straight. By now his mum probably knew, Paddy would have called her he just knew it. Who else? It didn't bear thinking about and before long it would get back to him. His dad. He would know he told. He'd never been more scared in his life. He didn't want to be alone, but at the same time the thought of seeing anyone, now that they knew, it terrified him.

What would his mum think? Would she even think it was true? Maybe it was better if she didn't. He could go back to pretending nothing had ever happened to him, that his dad had never touched him, that he wasn't so bad. She would be angry at him for a while, thinking he'd made an awful lie up but he was used to that, used to people thinking the worst of him. He could live with that. But the alternative though, that he wasn't so sure of.

One thing he was sure of though, he couldn't sleep out here, he was not built for sleeping outdoors. The couple of nights he'd spent doing that after he'd ran away from his dad's had taught him that. He found himself thinking back to that night, nine months ago now. The night he'd finally gone too far and his dad had given up on him. He'd felt so betrayed, after everything he'd been through, everything he'd put up with he had never thought his dad would kick him out, he thought he loved him. Maybe he shouldn't have fought back that last time, maybe he should have just let him..... No he couldn't think like that. His dad shouldn't have done those things to him, he knew that, but he knew he'd pushed him too it, time and again. Why could he never learn his lesson? If he'd just behaved himself, been nicer to Sandra, not caused so many problems then his dad wouldn't have lost his temper as much. They could have been a happy family if it wasn't for him. And now here he was again, screwing everything up because that's what he did. 

He took a deep breath and ran a weary hand over his face. One problem at a time. That's how he'd handle it, first things first he had to figure out where he was. He was still in the woods but he could see where the trees thinned out ahead of him. He climbed to his feet and on legs that felt like jelly he made his way towards the break in the trees. He couldn't believe his eyes when he saw what lay the other side of the woods. 

Emmerdale. He might have known, there was just something about this place. He couldn't make his mind up whether he loved or hated it. It was the first place that had ever really felt like home and yet at the same time sometimes it felt like a trap, he just couldn't seem to escape it. Even now in his blind panicked run he'd somehow he'd found his way back here. It looked so quiet and peaceful and yet he knew that wasn't really true. So much had happened here over the years, so much pain, loss and suffering but also joy and laughter. So many buried secrets, loves lost and found. It was hard to believe such a small collection of stone buildings could have seen so much. Looking at all the familiar places from his vantage point on the hill he finally thought of somewhere he could go. It wouldn't do for long, probably only tonight, but it was somewhere he could sleep. away from prying eyes, safe. He would deal with tomorrow when it came.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again, so much for this being a one chapter fic. So I had a lot I wanted to say in this chapter but I'm worried that the flow isn't quite right as a result. It feels a little choppy to me, hopefully it doesn't read that way. Are you ready for another character to make an appearance? Well two technically. Enjoy :)

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Aaron shifted on the hard wooden floor, trying once again to get comfortable. He'd given up hours ago trying to get some sleep. The floor was too hard and so were the thoughts running through his head. Exhaustion over took him a couple of times but he soon found himself snapping awake as the building around him creaked and settled in the summer heat. The noises unsettling him in the darkness, half awake and thinking someone was creeping up on him, that he wasn't safe anymore. He'd had trouble sleeping for years. In the light of day he'd been able to pretend like everything was normal and it was for the most part, but at night that was a different story. All the thoughts he managed to hide away from always seemed to come back to haunt him in the darkness. Every sound like nails on a chalkboard, setting him on edge, unable to relax. He'd thought once he'd moved out of his dads, sleep would come easier, without the always present fear of the door to his room creaking open, of hearing footsteps approaching his bed, or feeling his bed cover being pulled back. But it would seem not, years of being watchful and scared had been ingrained in him. He wondered whether there would ever be a day when he could just relax and fall asleep without any worries, probably not. 

It's not like he was scared of Paddy either, although he had been wary at first. He'd always been unsure around older men, didn't know what they might do if he pushed hard enough. So that's what he'd done, pushed him. It might seem a little twisted, intentionally winding him up just to see what his reaction would be, but he needed to know. It was the uncertainty that killed him. If Paddy was capable of doing the same thing to him that his dad had done then it was better to know. He could deal with that, he understood that. But Paddy had always just put up with him. Aron could only ever remember him properly losing his temper once and even then he hadn't even hit him. Sometimes it worried him, the nicer Paddy was, because that's what his dad had been like at first too. He'd been a great dad but eventually Aaron had worn him down until he couldn't even pretend any more that he didn't hate him. He wondered how long it would take for him to make Paddy feel the same way too, he knew his mum was already half way there.

There was the nightmares too. Not every night, sometimes he'd even go a few weeks without having one, but they never really went away. He didn't know what set them off. Obvious things sometimes, like the time Paddy had jokingly called him a naughty boy and he'd felt eight years old all over again. But then he could have a great day, well great for him anyway, everything would seem good and then that night he'd wake up in terror, struggling to get his breath in the dark of his room. Some nights he would find himself scrambling to get out of bed, convinced someone was trying to pin him down. He was surprised that he never seemed to wake anyone else up, years of knowing how to keep quiet paying off. He was always so relived that no-one had discovered him like that, he wasn't sure whether in that vulnerable state post nightmare he would just end up blurting everything out. 

Except now none of that mattered because he'd gone and done it anyway. Let one moment of weakness overtake him.

He could see the light creeping in around the edges of the door heralding the beginnings of a new day and while he was glad that the long night was over the thought of what this day might bring filled him with dread. He couldn't stay here forever, if nothing else he needed a drink, probably some food as well, but the thought of eating anything made his stomach flip over in rebellion. He was too tightly wound, his nerves frayed. A drink though, now that he needed. After all the running and crying too he was definitely dehydrated. His head was banging and he felt sick, not sure how much was physical or just because of the thoughts going through his head. It didn't really matter though, the result was the same, he felt lousey.

He sat staring at the opposite wall lost in thought so he didn't notice the door open slightly and then close again. The first he knew he wasn't alone was when he felt a wet nose nudging at his hand. He recoiled in fear at the sensation, feeling like an idiot when he saw the culprit. It was a tiny little dog. Except it wasn't just any little dog, he knew this one. Great, just what he needed. He reached down to grab her hoping he might be able to shove her back out the door before anyone noticed she was missing, but as he reached for her she started yapping furiously at him. 

"Tootsie" he heard a voice calling from outside, a very familiar voice. Then the door to the wooden hut was being pushed open as Tootsies' owner came looking for her. He frantically looked around for somewhere to hide but it was too late, there was no where to hide, not anymore. He'd been found and by no other than Edna Birch of all people.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Edna couldn't believe she'd dropped Tootsies' lead, even worse the little dog had been off like a shot and she'd had no chance of keeping up. It was a good job her dog was so vocal as there was a good chance she might never have found her otherwise. She was so relieved when she heard her little bark coming from the cricket pavilion. She rushed straight in wanting to make sure her beloved pet was okay but she stopped dead in her tracks when she saw what her dog was barking at so ferociously. 

It was that Aaron boy, he looked up at her with fear filled eyes before standing up and backing into the corner as if frightened by her. Which was ridiculous of course, he had no reason to be scared of her, unless he was up to no good of course. Which now she thought about it was probably exactly what was he was up to. Still she had much more to fear from him than the other way round, these teenage hoodlums, always causing trouble, besmirching Emmerdale's good reputation. She was in good mind to give him a piece of her mind. She wasn't going to let some boy intimidate her.

"What do you think you're doing in here young man?" she said snatching Tootsie up off the floor and stroking her to calm her down. "Up to no good no doubt".

"What would you know you old bag?" he snarled back, but he didn't move, kept his back firmly fixed in the corner.

"How rude. I don't know, but that's what you kind are always up to isn't it, young ruffian that you are" she said indicating his hoody.

"You don't know anything about me" he said back, but there was less anger in his voice now and he refused to look her in the eye.

"Well then why don't you explain yourself, what are you doing in here at this time of the morning" she looked around to see if there was any damage and noticed the old blanket bundled up on the floor. "Did you sleep here?" she frowned at him.

"No" he said back a little too quickly. "Anyway it's none of your business, I'm out of here".

He started to walk towards the door but she stopped in front of him, blocking his path. "No I can't let you leave until you tell me what you were doing in here" she refused to back down.

"Move" Aaron said through gritted teeth. "Don't make me have to move you" the words were said in anger, but she could also sense the desperation in them, she wasn't frightened.  
He made to walk past her again and she reached a hand out to lay on his arm. He pulled quickly away from her touch and slammed his back against the wall to get as far away from her as possible. 

"Why can't you just let me go" he was pleading with her now and she was startled to see he had tears in his eyes.

"What's the matter with you?" she felt concerned now, his reaction worrying in it's intensity.

"Just leave me alone" he said wrapping his arms tightly around himself, closing himself off. "Why can't everybody just leave me alone?" the tears that had been glistening in his eyes before now ran over and down his cheeks. Edna was shocked at her own reaction to the sight of them. She may come across as cold and unfeeling but she was a human being like anyone else. Just because she wasn't open with her emotions didn't mean she didn't have them and right now she felt a huge amount of compassion for the clearly distraught boy.

"Because you have people who love you" she wanted to help him, she felt bad for her words from a moment ago. Maybe she had been a little too quick to judge. He just scoffed at the words and shook his head at her.

"No I don't" he said, there was no anger in his voice now, just sadness unlike anything she'd heard before.

"That's not true, your family loves you" Edna didn't even know why she was still here, but she couldn't just leave him in this state. 

"Yeah well they shouldn't" Aaron said then and she could hear some of the anger back, only this time she knew it was directed at himself. What on earth had gone on in this boy's life that he thought so little of himself. She watched as he slowly slid down the wall till he was sat on the floor, legs spread out in front of him.

"Why would you say that?" she asked. She couldn't begin to think what was going through this young man's head, he seemed so sad, it was heartbreaking to watch. She almost wished he was being rude and obnoxious like she was used to, that would be easier to deal with than this.

He didn't say anything for a while, his gaze fixed on the floor. she didn't think he was going to answer her at all but then he spoke again. " Do you think some people are born bad?"

"No I don't" she wanted to make sure that he listened to what she said next so she slowly lowered herself down until she was sitting next to him. She knew she would regret it once it was time to get back up but she didn't feel right looming over him as she spoke. "If you're talking about yourself, then definitely not. You're not bad Aaron, you may make questionable choices or react badly to things but that doesn't make you a bad person".

He looked at her then as if trying to tell how sincere she was being but then he looked away again.

"I think you might be wrong" he said then and she didn't know how to repond. 

"You have people who love you despite what you think, do you really think they would feel that way it you weren't a good person?" she asked him then.

"People love bad people all the time and then they get hurt because of it" Aaron argued back. 

"You're right, the people we love are the ones who can hurt us the most sometimes" Aaron gave a little sob at her words and she wondered what she had said wrong this time. 

Tootsie was scrabbling in her lap and rather than get scratched she let her go, being careful not to let go of her lead this time though. She was surprised when the little dog headed straight for Aaron's knee instead. Aaron moved his hands out of the way for a minute but Tootsie just used that as an excuse to make her self comfortable. She curled up on his lap and looked up at him with big eyes. Aaron reached out and began rubbing behind her ear and she gave a contented little sigh before laying her head down and closing her eyes.

"Are some things unforgivable?" he asked after a minute, he seemed lost in the repetitive movement of petting the dog.

"Have you done something you shouldn't have Aaron?" she wasn't afraid of making him angry, she didn't let things like that worry her.

"No" he cried out. "It wasn't me....I didn't......"he trailed off "I don't know anymore", another pause. "I'm just so tired" he admitted wearily.

Edna couldn't for the life of her figure out what any of this was about, but looking at the clearly exhausted boy next to her she knew what she had to do.

She very carefully got to her feet, it took much longer than she would have liked. Once she was standing she brushed herself down and made sure her hat was sat securely on her head before extending her hand to him. He looked at it with a puzzled expression.

"Come on, you're coming with me" she said.

"What?"

"You heard me".

"Yeah but I don't...."

"I don't know what is happening, but you young man, need to sleep. I have a sofa that you can use then we'll see what to do from there" he looked like he was going to refuse so she didn't give him a chance to.

"I won't take no for an answer". She knew she was taking a risk here, maybe even putting herself in danger but all she could see was a boy that was in pain and needed help and it was her Christian duty to help him. But not just that, she wanted to, it felt like the right thing to do.

He hesitated for a moment longer and then he lifted Tootsie up from his lap and placed her carefully on the floor next to him. He took the hand she was offering him and pulled himself to his feet. He didn't really need any assistance in getting up but he took her hand anyway, letting her know he was willing to accept her help. She felt humbled by the gesture and was grateful when he meekly followed her out of the wooden building. 

She wasn't sure what she was going to do after this but it was a start. One problem at a time she decided.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, hope you're all still enjoying it. Thanks once again for all the kudos and comments especially G who has commented on every chapter so far.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The Woolpack was pretty quite for a lunch time, Diane didn't mind so much though. It might not be good for business but sometimes it was nice to not be rushed off her feet, especially with Marlon being about as much use as a chocolate teapot. She wasn't sure what was going on but he'd been late into work and looked like he hadn't had a wink of sleep.

"Another round please Diane" Alan said coming over to the bar.

"Of course Alan" she said grabbing a glass and pouring a pint.

"Do you know what's going on?" Betty called over from the table where she was sitting with Pearl.

"What do you mean?" Diane asked.

"Well I heard that Chas and Cain went rushing out of here last night and the vets is all closed up today" Pearl said. "No sign of Chas or Paddy".

"Or Aaron it would seem" Alan added to the conversation "I saw Ryan at the garage earlier and he was fuming, he's been left by himself".

"So no Cain or Debbie either then?" Diane handed Alan his pint and started pouring out a glass of wine for Betty.

"Looks like it" Alan replied.

"Uuummm, and Marlon's like a bear with a sore head this morning" Diane told them.

"Those Dingles" Betty gave a shake of her "always causing trouble".

The door to the pub opened and Edna walked in heading straight over to the bar.

"Edna" Alan greeted her warmly. "Are you going to join us?"

"No sorry Alan, I have something to do" she was clearly in a hurry but as polite as ever. "Diane is Marlon here?" 

"He's in the kitchen, do you want me to get him for you?" Diane said handing Alan his change.

"Yes please" Edna looked relieved oddly.

"What do you want with him?" Peggy asked.

"It's private" was all Edna would say.

Diane put her head round the door of the kitchen to find Marlon. He was stood in front of the chopping board, carrot in one hand and a knife in the other, but he was just staring into space.

"Marlon" Diane tried to get his attention and he jumped at the sound of his name. "Is everything alright?" she was worried about him, clearly something was troubling him.

"No not really Diane" he said putting the knife down and sighing loudly.

"Anything I can do to help?" 

"No, thanks though" he gave her a small smile.

"Well Edna is asking for you".

"Edna?" he looked just as puzzled as she was.

"Yeah, she's in the bar".

"Okay I'm coming" he wiped his hands on his apron and followed her out to where Edna stood waiting.

"What can I do for you Edna?" he said.

"I was hoping to find Paddy or Chas but the vets is closed and there's no answer at The Smithy" Diane thought the usually composed woman looked agitated.

"No they're out looking for....." Marlon trailed off, Diane wanted to hear the end of the sentence and she could see Alan and the other two sat at the table listening intently to the conversation as well.

"I think I might be able to help you with that" Edna said.

"You know where our Aaron is?" Marlon blurted out. Might have known, trouble seemed to follow that boy around.

"Yes".

"Oh thank god" Marlon said, his relief obvious. Diane didn't know he cared that much about the boy, but then he was his family, and the Dingles protected their own. Even if they didn't always deserve it.

"Come with me" Edna said and Marlon turned to her.

"Yes it's fine Marlon" she said before he could ask. "We're not exactly busy are we?".

"Thanks Diane" he said gratefully and Diane watched as he followed Edna out of the pub.

"What do you think that's all about then?" Pearl said before taking a big swallow of her drink.

"I've no idea" Diane answered for everyone "but I'm sure we'll find out soon enough". Secrets never stayed buried for long in Emmerdale.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Edna was so relieved to find Marlon, Ideally she would have liked to have found the boy's mother but she couldn't so Marlon would have to do, she didn't want to stay gone long. She walked back to her cottage at a brisk pace and even Marlon with his long legs had to jog to keep up. 

She opened the front door but not before turning and putting a finger to her lips to show Marlon to keep quiet. Aaron had been sleeping when she'd left and she really hoped that would still be the case, that he hadn't woken up and ran off. It was with a great amount of relief that she found him where she'd left him, curled up on her sofa, arms wrapped tightly around himself, Tootsie snuggled up at his feet. 

When she had first brought him back he'd been jumpy and nervous, refusing to even sit down. Instead he stood near the door as if ready to bolt at any moment. She had quickly fetched him a glass of water from the kitchen and he gulped it down so quickly it was wonder he hadn't been sick. As he handed her the glass back he started to sway on his feet so she pushed him gently towards the sofa. As soon as he sat down she could see some of the tension leave his body, his eyes heavy with exhaustion.

"Why are you doing this?" he'd asked her then.

"I don't know" she answered honestly. It was the truth she didn't know why she was doing this, he wasn't her problem after all. But he needed help and she could offer it so that's what she had done.

Aaron seemed to respect her answer as he'd allowed himself to relax into the seat cushions, listing to the side as he couldn't keep his head up anymore. He started to bring his feet up next to him.

"Shoes" Edna told him and he even gave a little smile as he pushed them off his feet and let them drop to the floor. As he lay down his eyes had immediately started to close. She leaned down to straighten his shoes up and his eyes had flown open in a panic and he'd grabbed at her hand, clutching it tightly.

"Don't let him get me" he gasped out.

"It's okay" she said squeezing his hand back and feeling tears prick at the back of her eyes. She had no idea who HE was but Aaron's terror was hard to ignore. "You're safe here". At her words his grip on hand released and he couldn't keep his eyes open anymore, he finally let himself fall asleep. He looked so young lying there, so innocent. She still didn't know what this was all about but the urge to protect him was overwhelming. 

She had spent the rest of the morning pottering around her little house, never going too far from the front room, making sure to keep an eye on him. He slept on but he was far from relaxed. He tossed and turned on the small sofa, occasionally muttering under his breath and even distressingly at one point crying in his sleep. The more she saw the more she worried. It was just after the crying fit that Tootsie jumped up and curled up by his feet as if even the little dog knew he was in need of comfort.

She couldn't decide what to do, and prayed for guidance as to what to do next. 

She felt like she had been sent a sign when he called out for his mum in his sleep. The boy needed his mother, it was so obvious. She had tried ringing the vets number first of course but when it went straight to answer machine she knew she would have to leave Aaron and go find them herself.

So here she was now with Marlon in tow. When she'd failed to find Chas at home she decided that Marlon would have to do, he would be able to phone Aaron's mother, she only hoped Aaron would understand why she did it. 

Marlon followed her into her house and the look of relief on his face when he saw Aaron lying there confirmed for her that she had made the right decision in fetching him. He clearly cared for the boy.

"I need to ring Chas" he whispered to her.

"Of course, go in the kitchen so you don't disturb him" she pointed out the door to the other room.

He was back in a flash. "She's on her way" he told her.

"How long has he been here?" he continued to talk in whispers. She might have suggested that they go in the other room to talk but she got the impression that he didn't want to let Aaron out of his sight. He hadn't taken his eyes off him since coming back in. The expression on his face was hard to read but whatever else was there it was tinged with sadness.

"All morning, I found him when I walked Tootsie earlier, he was hiding in the cricket pavilion. He was exhausted, I don't think he'd had a wink of sleep".

"Yeah well he's not the only one" Marlon ran a weary hand over his face and she could see how tired he was too.

"Can you tell me what's going on Marlon?" her curiosity was overcoming her politeness.

"I don't know Edna, it's not really my place to say".

"Is he in some sort of trouble?" she really hoped that wasn't the case, that she hadn't been harboring a fugitive.

"No nothing like that" Marlon eased her concern. "It's just.....well it's awful Edna" his face crumpled as he whispered the words.

"What is? I'm worried about the boy, I just want to help. I wouldn't have brought him back here otherwise".

"I know and I'm grateful, we all are". There was a pause while he seemed to be considering what to say.

"When I found him he was very upset, he asked me some very strange questions" she continued.

"What kind of questions?" Marlon frowned.

"He asked me if some things are unforgivable" she saw the way he flinched at her words. " He also asked me whether I thought people could be born bad, I got the impression he was referring to himself".

"That bastard" Marlon shocked her by saying as he clenched his fists in anger.

"Marlon" she admonished his use of language.

"I'm sorry" he said, although he didn't sound it.

"Who are you talking about?" she decided to let the swearing go, clearly now was not the time, he was angry for a reason.

"His father" he spoke through gritted teeth nodding at Aaron's still sleeping form. "That..that man", the way his mouth twisted on the word man spoke volumes, "he did something unforgivable. To Aaron. He hurt him in the worst possible way".

"He abused him?" she asked and got a small nod back. "Do you mean he...."

"Yeah, he raped him" Marlon said quietly confirming her worst fears, She knew how absurd it was that his expletive a few moments ago had offended her because there was no worse word to hear than the one he'd just said.

"That poor, poor boy" Edna raised a hand to her mouth in horror. How could someone do that to a child. Marlon was right some things were unforgivable. Her conversation with Aaron made a little more sense now but at the same time filled her with such sadness. He clearly felt so little of himself, had been so badly damaged. What that poor boy had been through, and at the hands of his own father it didn't bear thinking about. 

"Yeah" Marlon nodded in agreement, "no-one knew, not till yesterday and he ran off in a panic, we've been looking for him all night, most of them are still out". 

"Everyone must be worried sick".

"Yes, I think some of them thought he might do something stupid, maybe even hurt himself" Marlon explained. "We had to find him. I'm so glad you did" he gave a grateful smile again.

"Do you....."she didn't get to finish the sentence because just then her door banged open and the whirlwind that was Chas came bursting into the room.

"Where is he?" she screeched at them before Edna had a chance to tell her to keep quiet. It was too late anyway, there was no way anyone could sleep through any of that. Aaron started awake at the noise and when he saw his mother standing in the doorway he sat up in shock and pushed himself back into the sofa as if he could disappear into it.

Seeing the devastated look on the young man's face Edna wasn't so sure she'd made the right decision anymore, she couldn't help feeling she might have just made everything worse.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here comes Chas. 
> 
> This ones a doozy, be warned. I have taken a lot of the dialogue from the relevant reveal episodes because they were just perfect to mess with in my opinion.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chas had never been more pleased to hear Marlon's voice, bringing her the news she had been waiting for all night. He'd found Aaron, he was safe. She left Moira to tell the rest of them to call off the search and she let Paddy and drive her and Cain back to the village. On the drive a thousand thoughts went through her head. Was he really okay and would he even want to see her. He'd ran off in the first place because he didn't want her there, would he feel any different today.

But when Paddy pulled up outside Edna's house she didn't care anymore, the need to see him and hold him overwhelmed any other thoughts she had. Paddy hadn't even turned the engine off and she was already out of the car and racing up to the house.

"Chas wait" she heard Paddy calling after her but she just ignored him and barged straight in. Edna and Marlon looked at her with shock as she stopped dead in the doorway.

"Where is he?" she yelled at them but they didn't need to answer because then she saw him. He was half sat up on the sofa, looking at her like she was his worst nightmare. The expression on his face stopped her from moving forward, even though all she really wanted to do was take him in her arms.

"Aaron" she said her voice softer now, she started to walk towards him but he backed even further away from her, as if trying to disappear into the sofa.

"What are you doing here?" he snarled at her, then looked around at the other people in the room in surprise before finally landing on Edna with a hurt expression on his face.   
"You called them?" his voice broke as he said the words, he sounded betrayed.

"I'm sorry Aaron" Edna actually sounded like she cared that she'd upset him.

"I don't want you here" Aaron turned angry eyes back on her. 

"Tough" she spat back at him, her worried and sleepless night making her snappy. "Do you have any idea what you've put us all through?" she yelled at him.

"Chas" Marlon said in a shocked voice and she turned on him next. 

"What Marlon?" she snapped at him and he raised his eyebrows at her before tilting his head in Aaron's direction and drawing her attention back to where her son sat huddled on the sofa. He looked so small and lost that in an instant her anger vanished, replaced by regret for once again doing the wrong thing. For allowing her emotions to cloud her judgement and once again hurt her son. "I'm sorry Aaron" she said approaching him and sitting next to him. It didn't escape her notice that he moved so that he was sitting as far away from her as possible. "I've been so scared, I was so worried about you" she tried explaining to him.

"Don't pretend like you care" he wouldn't look at her.

"I do. I do care. I love you so much" she started to reach a hand out to him but he just glared at it until she dropped it back into her lap.

"I don't believe you" he said, but she could hear the doubt in his voice. "You're just saying that because you feel guilty". The words were like a knife to her heart because he was right. She did feel guilty, so very guilty. But he was wrong about her not loving him and she needed him to know that.

"You're right" she told him and he flinched. "I do feel guilty, but you're wrong about me loving you. I'm so sorry that I've made you doubt that, but I do love you, so, so much" she was crying now and he looked at her out of the corner of his eye, his own eyes wet with unshed tears.

"He told me you didn't" he said then, her jaw clenched at the reminder of what had brought them to this place. "He told me you would have stayed if you loved me".

"I'm so sorry, you'll never know how sorry I am. I wish I'd never left you. It was always my biggest regret" and it was. She had doubted her ability as a mother so much that she'd walked away. Convinced herself that he would be better off without her.

"I was a mess, I thought I was doing the best for you. I promise you I would have never left you there if I'd known what he was capable of. I thought he loved you".

"He did love me" he said, the pain in his voice making him hoarse. "At least I thought he did" he sounded so unsure. "What's wrong with me?" he asked. "Why am I so hard to love?". 

She heard someone in the room give a pained grunt at Aaron's question. Looking around she took in the people in the little room with them. Edna stood in the doorway to the kitchen her thin face pinched in sadness. Marlon and Paddy stood next to each other, almost touching they were so close. She saw the pain she felt reflected in their eyes. Finally Cain, who stood in front of the open door, as though at any minute he might turn and leave, the scene he was witnessing too much for him to stand. She pleaded with him silently to stay, she needed him there, needed all of them. She couldn't do this alone. Aaron needed her but she needed them. He gave her a hard look back and pulled the door shut behind him, closing the rest of the world out and trapping them all here.

"Look at me please" she pleaded with her son and put a hand gently on his face, turning it towards her. He didn't resist, if anything he leaned slightly into her touch. He still wouldn't meet her eye though, keeping his eyes downcast. "You are so loved and I'm so sorry that he made you think you aren't. He's wrong and what he did is wrong. You didn't deserve that". 

"You don't know" he sounded so tired. "You weren't there", it wasn't an accusation just a simple statement of fact. But she didn't understand how he could think he deserved any of this.

"Then tell me" she told him simply. He looked at her and their eyes met for the briefest of moments, she could see the doubt in them, knew he was torn. "Please, I want to understand" she prodded, and she meant it. She needed to understand, needed to know what exactly Gordon had done to her son to make him believe he had deserved to be hurt so badly and that he wasn't worthy of love. And he needed to say it, needed to get his truth out there, it was the only way he could maybe start to be free of it. Once it was out in the open she could maybe find a way to prove him wrong, prove Gordon's lies wrong. She wanted to replace Gordon's voice in his head with her own. Replace pain and darkness with love and light, but to do that she needed to know the whole ugly truth, no more secrets.

She saw the moment he made a decision, he pulled away from her touch and his shoulders slumped in defeat.

"I was so upset when you left you know" he started and while she was tempted to jump in and apologize she knew now was the time to stay quiet and let him speak."I used to cry all the time, but he was great at first. He tried so hard to cheer me up, even though he must have been hurting himself. But I just threw it all back in his face. Told him I didn't want him that I only wanted you. I was a nightmare. I thought if I was bad enough you'd have to come back, but I was wrong because you didn't. He kept having to take time off work because of me and he ended up getting fired for it". He started picking at his fingernails again as he talked, a nervous habit she'd noticed a few times before, when he was worked up over something.

"I remember him coming home that night. I remember his headlights pulling up on the drive" he had tears streaming down his face now as he began to tell of the night that it all began, the night that changed everything. 

"He slammed the door, he always used to tell me off for doing that. I must have rushed out to see him or something because I remember he just pushed straight past me" he took a shaky breath before continuing. "We were supposed to be having fish and chips, we had them all the time after you left, but he'd forgotten them, so he made me something else. I don't remember what it was but I didn't like it so I wouldn't eat it. He just started shouting at me, but really shouting at me" he was getting more upset as he spoke, tears running freely down his face, his breathing labored but still she left him alone. He was lost in his memories now and was scared to break the spell.

"He sent me up to bed, I'd never seen him like that before. I must have got off to sleep because I just remember waking up to something smashing, a plate or a glass or something I don't know but I just curled up and hid under the blankets" her mind conjured up the image of her little boy, so frightened and hiding under his covers, small and scared.

"Maybe I went back to sleep after that I don't know" he let out a small sob then before continuing, his voice so full of pain and fear it was hard to listen to. 

"But then I heard the door creaking open" another deep breath that he blew out as if trying to gather courage to keep speaking. 

"He used to come in every night, tuck me in and say goodnight. I just thought everything was going to be alright but it wasn't" he sounded so young and she couldn't hold back anymore. She moved closer to him and put a hand on his arm, She used her other hand to wipe away the tears that were streaming down his face. It was a useless gesture she knew but he didn't pull away, was willing to accept what little comfort she could offer him. 

"He just stood there, not saying anything, just staring at me. And then he came over to the bed" she couldn't hear this, she was wrong she didn't want to know anymore, it hurt too much.

"The look on his face... and then he just...." he was sobbing again unable to finish the sentence, he pulled his knees up onto the sofa and wrapped his arms round them tightly.

"He pulled the covers back and climbed in next to me, I didn't understand what was happening. I was so scared and it hurt so much, I couldn't breath" his sobs raw and heart wrenching as he tried to talk. She reached over running her hand over his face and gripping his hand, needing to keep in physical contact with him, not wanting to let go. Her own tears running down her face as she tried not to completely fall apart.

Aaron took several slow breaths, trying to calm himself down. 

"The next day when I got home from school there was fish and chips on the table just waiting for me. He said he was sorry for what he'd had to do but I'd been naughty..." he screwed his face up and looked at her again. "I'm sorry" he sobbed out, "I'm sorry".

She couldn't help it, she couldn't keep quiet anymore. Hearing him apologize for the evil that had been done to him, hearing him still think it was his fault was too much. She pulled him to her till his head was resting on her shoulder, her arms wrapped tightly round him.

"No, no, I'm sorry" she told him as he gripped onto her tighter than she thought possible, sobbing into her hair. "But I promise you, I'm going to make this all better". 

Looking over her son's head she saw that everyone was just as horrified as her. Edna was now sat on the armchair as if she hadn't been able to stand any longer. Marlon was gripping Paddy's arm so hard it must have hurt but the pain on both their faces wasn't from any physical suffering. And Cain. She had never seen Cain like that, he met her gaze, his own face wet with tears and she saw everything she felt reflected in her brother's eyes. Anger, guilt, pain and sorrow, infinite sorrow.

She had just made her son a promise, she had broken so many to him over the years but this one she had to keep, no matter how.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again snippets of dialogue stolen from the relevant episodes, with a few bits I've added that hopefully fit.
> 
> Thank you for the lovely reviews I had on the last chapter. Getting reviews really makes my day and helps to dispel some of my self doubt :)

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Chas held her son and let him cry his heart out. She wanted so badly to take all his hurt away but she knew that was impossible. Anything now was going to be too little, too late. So she just held him and hoped he would be comforted by that.

Eventually he pulled away from her and self consciously wiped at his eyes. He looked at her and she felt like he was searching for something, she made sure to keep her face still, not wanting him to misread anything he might see there. She gave him a small smile and wiped some of his tears away.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she couldn't help asking and he shrugged his shoulders slightly.

"I don't know, I mean after that first time things went back to normal. Even better than that really. He was so nice to me" she clenched her jaw when he said that. "It was like we were some kind of team. He said it was me and him against the world and that he was the only one who really loved me and I believed him. We never mentioned it and I started to think maybe it hadn't happened, that it was just a bad dream, At least until it happened again" he admitted.

"What happened?" Chas asked.

"You were right" Chas. "Everything changed when Sandra came along and they had Liv" she remembered when she'd said that to him about the baby, it had been spiteful and mean and she was ashamed of herself. "I just wanted him to notice me, to pay attention. So I started playing up, hanging around with the wrong kids, skipping school and it caused loads of arguments between them. Sandra said she'd had enough, that he needed to sort me out. He told her he would get me back in line, she wasn't to know" he defended his step mother.

"Why didn't you tell her, or anyone after that?" Chas couldn't help asking.

"Because he said no-one would believe, that everyone knew how naughty I was and how much I lied"his breath hitched on the words. "He told me that if I did it would happen again" Chas curled her fingers into her palm and dug her nails in to stop herself reacting as Aaron carried on. "But he said that if I was good then it wouldn't, and I tried". He was looking at her as if he felt he needed to prove himself, like he still thought he was that naughty little boy and that he had brought everything on himself. "I really tried but you can't be good forever" he broke down crying again at that admission. 

"Nothing else happened for a couple of years" he said but all she heard when he said that was that it must have happened again. "But it wasn't the same anymore, I sometimes felt like he hated me, I'd see the way he looked at me some times, when I did something wrong and I was so scared he was going to do it again. I'd lie awake all night, just listening for the sound of footsteps on the landing outside or the door creaking open". He must have been terrified, living constantly on edge.

"I tried really hard to make him love me, I just wanted him to be my dad you know?" he looked at her for understanding, he still looked so young, so insecure. It was as if telling about all those years ago made him feel like that little boy all over again.

"I know sweetie" she said stoking his face again "and I'm so sorry that he made you feel that way".

"When I was twelve I got in this stupid fight with Sandra, she was trying to stop me going out with my mates. I was calling her all sorts. I broke my sister's favourite doll and that night" he shook his head, unwilling to say anymore. "I should have been able to stop him", the self loathing in his voice was difficult to hear.

"You were just a kid" it was Cain who spoke, his anger obvious but Aaron just shook his head and kept his eyes down.

"I couldn't talk about it, I just felt dirty and ashamed. I went proper off the rails after that. I gave up trying to be good, what was the point, I'm just bad news. I promised myself I wouldn't let it happen again though. I kept my distance, kept an eye out for the signs that he was coming for me again, managed to keep away from him, until the last time".

"The last time?" Chas was holding Aaron's hand, rubbing circles on the back of it and he seemed mesmerized by the movement.

"The night I hit Sandra" Chas remembered that night. She hadn't been around for it but she had dealt with the aftermath, it was what had led to him coming to live with her again, after his dad refused to have him back. Just before Christmas she had gotten the phone call from the police station about him. He'd gotten into a bit of bother, some drugs had been involved but luckily in the end everything had worked out, her family had been able to protect him. Or at least that's what she had thought, now she knew they had all let him down, they'd hadn't protected him when it really mattered, hadn't even known he needed them till it was too late.

"What happened that night?".

"Sandra caught me stealing some booze. I begged her not to tell my dad, but she said she had too. That I'd brought it all on myself and that he was the only one who could handle me. I was so scared, I hid in my room, hoping she'd change her mind but when he got home from work, she told him. He didn't even wait till she'd gone to bed like the other times he came straight up to my room. I saw the look in his eyes and I knew what was coming and it was like I was frozen. He came at me and he threw me down on the bed, started trying to... I fought back though and I managed to knee him in the balls and push him away" she felt a little thrill of satisfaction that he'd managed to hurt him, at least once.

"I don't what would have happened then but LIv started shouting for her mum, we must have woken her up and he backed off then when he heard Sandra coming up the stairs. I went to the bathroom to sort myself out but he followed me in there, he said that I shouldn't think I'd gotten away with it, that he still needed to punish me. I was so scared, I shouted at him that he couldn't do that to me anymore, I pushed past him but Sandra was standing outside the door and I couldn't get away, I felt so trapped and I just lashed out. I didn't mean to hit her I swear" he sobbed. "But the way he looked at me after I did, I knew I couldn't stay there. So I ran".

"But when I came to get you, you didn't want to stay with me you wanted to go back, you begged him to let you" Chas couldn't help wondering out loud.

"Because I thought once he calmed things could go back to normal. I didn't think he would kick me out, I thought he loved me, in spite of everything. Maybe even because of it, I kept his secret for him" she didn't think her heart could break anymore. She wanted him to stop speaking now, because everything time he did it just got worse.

"Oh god what have I done?" he cried out, going to stand up. 

"What do you mean?" she kept hold of his hand, stopped him from moving away.

"I shouldn't have said anything. He's going to find out I told" he was panicking now, his eyes darting around the room, as if only just realizing how many people were here, had heard him speak. "He's going to be so angry".

"Don't you worry about him" Cain stepped forward, his jaw tightly clenched.

"But what if he....." Chas could feel him shaking.

"I said don't worry about him" Cain was firm and Chas was a little scared by the look in his eye.

"Aaron look at me" Chas ducked her head down trying to catch his eye. He brought his head up but he still kept his eyes fixed on something just to the right of her face, he couldn't look her directly in the eye. "You have nothing to be afraid of" he gave a little snort of disbelief at that. "I promise you he can't hurt you anymore."

"You can't promise that" she could feel him trembling still.

"Yes I can, and I do. You're safe" he sagged in her arms, allowed her to draw him in as he rested his weary head on her shoulder once more.

She was lost in the moment, lost in her son and his pain. She didn't notice the door to the cottage opening, nor did she notice the three men leaving.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Marlon felt out of his depth. He'd never heard anything so terrible in his life.

When Chas had called them all to the Barton's last night he had never expected to hear what he did. He had felt shocked to his core that something like that could have happened to someone in their family. I mean it wasn't like he didn't know this sort of thing went on but it was always to other people, removed from his reality. He felt like everything had been tipped on it's head. Judging by everyone else's reactions he knew he wasn't the only one feeling that way. Lisa and Debbie had cried, Eli had punched a wall, Sammy had looked confused and sad, Shadrach had poured himself a drink from John's liquor cabinet without even asking, and Zak had taken his hat off and rubbed his head over and over again until Marlon had been convinced that his hair was going to start falling out.

When the questions and outrage and tears had finally died down they had started the search. Everyone doing their part, all desperate to find Aaron and bring him home. A fruitless night spent scouring woods and outbuildings had yielded nothing and left them feeling even more useless than before. Marlon had left them to it mid morning. He hadn't wanted to leave them but Chas had insisted that he go into work, that he couldn't let Diane down at such short notice. One less person wasn't going to make much difference at that point anyway, they were all starting to lose hope that they might find him at all. 

So he'd gone to work, although it had been a terrible idea. Tiredness and worry had made him a liability in the kitchen, only the lack of people ordering food had saved him from causing himself an injury or setting the kitchen on fire. He'd felt terrible for leaving the rest of them, felt like he'd abandoned Aaron. So it felt so good when he'd been the one who ended up finding him. Well Edna technically, but still he'd played a part. He felt like he'd helped slightly, although not enough to appease the guilt that was eating away at him.

But because of that he'd ended up here, stood in Edna's front room and listening to his sort of nephew bare his soul.He'd listened to how he'd been hurt physically and mentally, because from the sound of it Gordon had manipulated his son into thinking that he was to blame, that there was something wrong with him.

Marlon had always thought Aaron was a bit of a thug, quick to anger and rarely happy. A moody little sod would be how he best described him. But even so he'd seen glimpses of something more, something sweeter. Had seen how much he cared for people, no matter how much he tried to hide it sometimes. He'd seen it in the way he was with Belle, sweet and caring when he could have just easily ignored her. He'd seen it in the looks he would give his mum, or even Paddy when he didn't think they were looking, like he couldn't believe he had them in his life. 

For him to still be capable of loving others even though he thought he wasn't deserving of it himself was amazing. Truth be told he was a little in awe of him.

Watching Chas trying to console her son and knowing her heart was broken too was horrible. It was almost a relief when Cain opened the door behind him and gestured to him and Paddy to follow him out.

Being outside was strange. When they'd been inside it had felt like time had stopped, that that the world must have stopped spinning. But looking around he could see that he was wrong. Life carried on, people doing the same things they did everyday, oblivious to the storm at their centre. He envied them their ignorance.

"Paddy I need your car keys and I need you to stay here, watch Aaron and Chas for me" Cain said once the door was firmly shut behind them.

"Of course" the vet said fishing his car keys out of his pocket and handing them over. "But why, where are you going?" he asked nervously a second later.

Cain didn't answer just looked at him for a couple of seconds before turning around and walking over to the car.

Marlon shot Paddy a look, surprised that he didn't say anything else. But he saw the same hard look on his face that he'd seen on Cain's and that he was certain matched his own. Cain opened the door and got in. He put the key in the ignition and started the car before rolling the window down and looking at Marlon.

"You coming?" he said simply.

Marlon didn't answer, but he also didn't hesitate before he walked around to the passenger side and got in. As Cain put his foot down Marlon watched Paddy in his side mirror, the other man's face grim as he watched them drive away.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another couple of characters show up, don't know how happy you will be to see them though.
> 
> (shameless self promotion time as well. I wrote a one shot earlier based on the current timeline. It's a conversation between Aaron and Rhona about their shared experiences. It's called Members Club Only, check it out and let me know what you think)

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chas may not have noticed the three men leaving but Edna did. She also noticed when Paddy returned alone.

"Would anyone like a cup of tea?" Edna broke the tense silence. 

"Can we just go?" Aaron said pulling away from his mum and wiping his face one more time. His tears seemed to have stopped for now and he looked beyond exhausted. This should have been a cathartic experience, finally telling the secret he'd been keeping for so long should have freed him, made him feel lighter but he looked like the opposite was true. He looked worn down and sad and worst of all ashamed.

"Of course we can sweetheart" Chas said looking up at Paddy. She frowned when she saw he was alone.

"Where's...." Paddy shook his head at her, stopping her from asking the question. She looked confused for a moment and then they shared a look that spoke volumes. Edna knew what they were saying. She knew Cain's reputation, what he would do for his family and having listened to what they had all just had to she could only imagine what he was thinking, what he might do. An angry Cain was a disturbing thought and he was so much more than just angry. She could almost understand it.

When Aaron stood up from the sofa he swayed slightly for a minute and Paddy stepped forward to grab him. Aaron flinched away violently, then he immediately looked embarrassed.

"I'm sorry" he said.

"No, no it's fine" Paddy tried to respond. "Well not fine, but it's okay, well not...you know what I mean...it's..." Chas glared at him. "Right let's get you home shall we?" he finished lamely.

Aaron walked to the door on shaky legs, Chas at his side, not touching but keeping close. Paddy followed behind looking like a huge lost puppy. Edna saw them out and at the threshold Paddy turned to her.

"Thank you Edna, for everything" he said sincerely. 

"I'm glad I could help" she said sadly and as he turned to follow the other two she put a hand on his arm drawing this attention back to her again. "Look after him won't you".

"I'm going to do my best" Paddy said back and she knew that he would. Aaron was lucky to have him, he needed people like Paddy in his life. Selfless and caring, someone who could show him that he was loved just as he was, with no ulterior motive.

She watched them walk away before stepping back inside her house and closing the door. The room seemed so empty now and it seemed darker. This was the place that had always felt safest to her, where she could be herself and relax but the thought of sitting on the sofa sent a chill down her spine. She had a feeling she would always associate it with one boy's pain and suffering now, would never be able to look at it without seeing Aaron falling apart and baring his soul. Maybe she should donate it to charity and buy herself a new one. She immediately felt guilty for thinking that, selfish for wanting to rid herself of that darkness knowing he never would be. If only he could be fixed so easily.

She made her way through to the kitchen and put the kettle on, the actions automatic, something she had done a thousand times allowing her mind to wander. She kept going back to when she had seen Paddy come back into the house without Marlon and Cain. Picturing the look Chas and he had shared when she'd started to ask where they had gone. She had her suspicions, in fact she was almost positive she knew where they had gone. Was it really any of her business, was any of it really? She didn't want to be seen to be interfering but could she really stand by and do nothing knowing what she knew. She had to do the right thing, the moral thing. 

She ignored the kettle when it came to the boil, walking over to the phone and picking it up. She couldn't just stand by and do nothing while people got hurt, she knew what she had to do. She dialed the number without hesitation.

 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Sandra stood washing the pots. Sometimes it was nice to focus on the small tasks, on the things that she could do. Instead of all the bigger problems, the ones she didn't have a clue how to fix. 

Would today be the day she finally plucked up the courage and left him for good? It would be a good day to do it really. It was the school hoidays and Liv was at her friends for a sleepover. She would have the whole weekend to get sorted.

She'd thought about it so many times. She'd even kind of done it a handful of times, packed a few bits and took Liv with her to stay at friends for a couple of nights. But she'd always known she would go back to him, that is wasn't permanent. Because she always gave in.

Things were okay between them, if she ignored his controlling behavior and the way he lost him temper sometimes, if she ignored the doubts she hid at the back of her mind.

At first she'd stayed because she loved him. Then because they had a child together. Later it was because she felt a responsibility to Aaron, she was the only mother he really had and if she left then it would just be him and his dad. That shouldn't be such a worrying thought.

But then Aaron left, and it was just the three of them. So things should have been better, after all Aaron had been the main source of their problems, hadn't he? But things weren't okay because for some reason once Aaron was gone Gordon had been even more short tempered, more controlling. It was as if without his son there he had no outlet for his frustrations any more and so he had turned it on her. She had always liked to think that she had looked after Aaron, protected him but now she was starting to wonder if it had been the other way round. But still she stayed. Because leaving was hard, and staying was easy. She told herself that no relationship was perfect, you had to work at it. 

And that worked for a while. When it was just her that he got angry with. But just lately things had started to change, between Gordon and Liv, and it made her nervous. Gordon had always had a great relationship with his daughter, he seemed to adore her and Liv idolized him. But Liv was growing up, she wasn't the same sweet little girl she had been. She reminded Sandra so much of Aaron sometimes that it scared her. Aaron had always seemed to know what buttons to push when it came to his father and since he left it was like Liv had made it her mission to find those same buttons. 

Sandra knew she wasn't perfect, that she hadn't always been the best mother but she tried her hardest to protect her children, and she couldn't deny that she'd not always done the best job of that with Aaron. But she was determined that wouldn't be the case for Liv. Wanting to keep her child safe wasn't odd,it's what all mothers did, even if the person she was protecting her from was her own father.

A knock on the door interrupted her thoughts. She grabbed a tea towel from the side and dried her hands on it as she walked towards the door. She contemplated not answering it. It was the middle of the day and that usually meant some annoying sales person trying to get her to buy something she had absolutely no interest in, but she somehow always ended up getting. She found it hard to say no. She was waiting for a delivery though so she didn't want to risk missing it. If she did that it would probably end up being delivered to a neighbours house and then she would have to go round and collect it later. That would involve making awkward small talk with people she barely knew, the thought made her shudder in apprehension. So she took the gamble and answered the door.

Two men stood on her doorstep. They neither looked like sales people or delivery men. Something about them made her uncomfortable.

"Can I help you?" she said. She had the door open but stood in the open space making sure they stayed outside on the doorstep.

"Is Gordon in?" the shorter of the two asked bluntly. He may have been the smaller of the two but he was by far the more intimidating looking. He was quite good looking in a rugged kind of way she decided, but there was a hardness to him, a sense of danger that actually added to his appeal if she was honest. She almost blushed at the thought, but thoughts of how jealous Gordon would be if he knew what she was thinking quelled any desire she was feeling.

"I'm sorry he's at work" she answered politely.

"And where's that?" he asked.

"I'm sorry but who are you exactly?" she asked then. As if she was just going to tell two strangers where her husband worked. This whole thing seemed very strange.

"It doesn't matter" he answered. "Are you going to tell me where he works or not?".

"No I don't think so" she said feeling brave. He just nodded as if expecting that.

"Fine, we'll be back later" why did that sound like a threat. Both men turned and walked away.

"What shall I tell him this is about?" she really didn't want these men coming back but if they were anyway then at least she could give Gordon some kind of hint as to why.

They both stopped and looked at each other before the same one who had spoken before spoke again.

"Tell him it's about Aaron" there was no warmth of any kind in his voice she noted. His words clipped and hard.

"Aaron?" she stepped outside of the house, concern for her former step son overriding her nervousness. "Is he okay?".

"Why don't you ask your husband?" he said and then they both turned and walked away.

She watched them go with a sinking feeling in her stomach.

What did he mean by that? What had happened to Aaron and what did it have to do with Gordon? What did they know? Who even were they? She had too many questions and no answers.

Except that wasn't really true was it? .She had an idea what this could be about. Just because it was something she didn't want to face didn't mean it didn't exist. 

She was half way through packing her bags when she heard another knock at the front door. Surely they couldn't be back so soon, it had only been a few hours and Gordon was still at work. Although looking at her watch she knew he'd be back any time. Maybe it was him, maybe he'd forgotten his keys. She wasn't sure which would be worse. She looked out the window and was shocked to see a police car parked outside.

She left the suitcase open on the bed and went to answer the door, filled with trepidation.

"Mrs Livesy?" one of the two policemen stood on her doorstep asked when she answered the door.

"Yes".

"Is your husband in?" he asked.

"No I'm sorry he's at work" she said for the second time that day.

"Do you know when he'll be back".

"I'm sorry but what is this about?" she asked them, scared to hear the answer.

"I can't tell you that, we need to speak to him" the policeman was young and looked uncomfortable, but she noticed a hard glint to his eye, as though he didn't like whatever it was that brought him to their door. Maybe that was just her own guilty conscience reading too much into it though.

She hadn't noticed a car pulling up behind them so when her husband's confused face appeared behind the uniformed men she almost jumped out of her skin.

"Is everything okay?" he said in that easy, friendly way he always had.

"Mr Livesy?" the other officer asked.

"Yes, can I help you?" he still seemed relaxed and friendly but Sandra knew him well enough to read the tension in his face.

"We need you to come down to the station with us Sir".

"What an earth for, what's this about?" he asked, a little less friendly, a little more tense.

"Someone has made some serious allegations against you and we need you to answer some questions".

"What kind of allegations?" he sounded genuinely confused, it was very convincing.

Sandra saw the way the officer looked Gordon straight in the eye as he answered.

"Rape of a minor" and Sandra's world dropped out from under her feet.

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm assuming that Sandra either never met Cain and Marlon or at the least doesn't remember them.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a slight jump backwards in time here. The first two sections are set between when Cain and Marlon went to Gordon's and when the police showed up later on. Just filling in the blanks. The final section brings us back in line and features a perspective I didn't expect to write.
> 
> Enjoy :)

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

When they'd got back from Edna's Zak and Lisa were sat in the kitchen. Paddy supposed he should ask how they'd gotten in but they were Dingles so he wasn't sure he wanted to know. Aaron had taken one look at them and gone straight up to his room. Chas had gone to follow him but Paddy had told her to let him sleep and she'd reluctantly agreed. One kind look from Lisa and Chas had fallen into her arms sobbing while Zak had looked on with wet eyes. Paddy had made everyone a cup of tea then excused himself to go check on the animals and to reschedule his appointments for the rest of the day.

It took him longer than he expected and it wasn't because he dragged it out on purpose. It wasn't because it felt good to be doing something he knew how to do instead of feeling useless. It did feel strange in the surgery though, because nothing had changed, which was weird because he felt like the whole world had shifted two inches to the left. Everything just felt out of place and wrong.

Eventually though he couldn't put it off any longer and he went back into the main part of the house. Judging by the looks on Zak and Lisa's faces Chas had filled them in on what Aaron had told them a couple of hours earlier. He was kind of glad he missed it, he wasn't sure he could listen to it again, not when it was already on a loop inside his head.

Marlon showed up a short while later, alone. 

"Where's Cain?" Paddy asked, a little nervous about what the answer would be.

"He's gone to the garage, to see if Ryan's okay" Marlon told them.

"Okay. And.....?" Paddy didn't need to finish the question.

"He wasn't in" Marlon was grim faced. "We're going back later".

"Well count me in" Zak said and neither Lisa or Chas tried to argue with him.

A knock at the door startled them all. Paddy went to answer it, wondering which of the Dingles would be checking in now. Although most of them didn't bother to knock. He wasn't expecting to find two police officers standing there though.

"Mr Kirk?" the female officer asked politely when he just stood staring at them.

"That's...I mean... yes...sorry what's this about?" he knew obviously but there was always a chance it was a coincidence and they were here for some other reason, unlikely but possible. That theory went out the window with her next question though.

"Does an Aaron Livesy live here?".

"You better come in" Paddy said stepping back and letting both of them into the house.

"What's going on?" Zak asked, looking more than a little uncomfortable at the presence of the police.

"We need to speak to Aaron Livesy".

"He's upstairs but I think he's sleeping" Paddy told them, "I'll go check".

"Who rang you?" he heard Chas asking as he made his way up the stairs but he didn't hear the answer. He didn't think the police would tell her anyway but he had a good idea.

He knocked gently on Aaron's door and when there was no answer he hesitantly opened it slightly and peered in. Aaron was lying on top of his bed, staring at the ceiling but clearly not asleep.

"Is it okay if I come in?" he asked carefully. Aaron didn't answer but as that wasn't a no he decided to go in anyway. He shut the door behind him and went and stood next to the bed. He considered sitting down on the edge but wasn't sure how Aaron would feel about that.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

Aaron gave a funny little huff "what do you think?".

Paddy smiled a little at the typical response from the teenager, it was nice to hear the old, surly Aaron he knew so well. But then the realization that the he now knew why Aaron acted the way he did, why he kept people away from him and hardly ever seemed happy wiped the smile off his face.

"Yeah sorry".

"What are you sorry for?" said in the same flat tone.

"I don't know....I just....The police are here" Paddy blurted out.

Aaron looked at him then, his eyebrows furrowed.

"What? You called them?" he sounded hurt.

"No, no I didn't. But I think it's a good thing they're here".

"How do you figure that?" Aaron pulled himself up so he was sitting against the headboard now.

"Well you need to talk to them at some point" Paddy tried to explain.

"No I don't" Aaron was shaking his head.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not talking to them".

"But...."

"No. I never should have said anything. It was fine".

"It wasn't though was it, not really?" Paddy said softly.

"I don't know" Aaron admitted with a slump of his shoulders. "I just...I can't talk to them. It's too big already".

"It's not going to go away though".

"I know. I know it's not. But..." he looked down at his hands again, picking at his nails.

"But what?" Paddy asked gently.

"I'm scared" Aaron said it so quietly that Paddy barely heard him. But he did hear him and it was like a punch to the stomach.

"I know" he said, sitting down on the bed now, needing to be close to him. "But I promise you, you're not alone. We're here and we'll support you, no matter what".

"Thanks" Aaron said sadly but Paddy wasn't convinced he believed it.

"You don't have to do anything you don't want to" Paddy really wanted Aaron to talk to the police, to begin the process that would see that bastard pay for what he'd done but he knew it wasn't fair to push him. This had to be Aaron's decision.

"Really?" Aaron looked so young and unsure.

"Yes really. Look today has been.....well awful, and you're shattered. I think you should get some sleep and see how things are tomorrow. I'll tell them you're sleeping".

"Do you think they'll believe you?".

"It doesn't matter, they can't force you to talk. You're not the one in trouble here".

"It doesn't feel like that. And it's not going to away is it?". Paddy wished he could lie to him, but he couldn't.

"No, no it's not. But it doesn't have to be today".

"Okay" Aaron said and lay back down on the bed, curling away from him.

Paddy resisted the urge to put a hand on his shoulder and stood up instead. 

"Get some rest" he told him and when Aaron didn't reply he left him to it.

"Is he okay?" Chas asked as soon as he entered the kitchen.

"He's sleeping" Paddy said.

"You were up there a long time" Marlon had to open his big gob. Paddy glared at him.

"Look we understand that this is a difficult situation" the same officer who spoke before said. "We will be continuing our investigation with or without Mr Livesy's statement. But it will be better if we can talk to him".

"I know" Paddy sighed. "I just don't think he's ready". He saw the way everyone was looking at him sadly.

"What now?" Lisa asked.

"We will be looking into the allegations" Paddy's jaw clenched at the word, "and we'll need to speak to most of you at some point. This will probably be a long process" the other officer explained.

"What about Gordon?" Zak asked.

"He'll be brought in for questioning".

"You're not going to arrest him?" Chas screeched.

"Not yet, but I want to assure you this is being taken very seriously. We will investigate this fully" the female officer tried to reassure them.

"We'll be in touch and if in the meantime Aaron changes his mind please either come into the station or give us a call".

"Thank you" Paddy said and then showed them out. Before he shut the door he noticed a couple of villagers glancing over as they got in their patrol car and drove away, well that was going to help the situation.

"What now?" Zak was asking when he walked back into the kitchen.

"Well you'd better call Cain off" Marlon said. "Now the police are involved it's going look really suspicious if something happens to Gordon".

"Yeah you're right" Lisa agreed. "Shame though".

"Maybe this is for the best" Paddy said. "We couldn't just leave it and at least this way no one get's in trouble".

"Not as satisfying though is it?" Zak said gruffly. "Who rang them do you think?"

"Could have been anyone, it's not like it's that big a secret anymore is it?" Marlon answered.

He was right but Paddy could only think of one person who would have done it. He wanted to be angry at her but he understood why she'd done it. It was her way of helping, he only hoped Aaron would see it that way eventually as well.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The pub was busy, it was a Friday night after all. Edna took one look inside and almost changed her mind but she found she didn't want to be alone anymore. She had seen the police car pull up at Paddy's earlier but they hadn't stayed long. She was worried that she'd done the wrong thing, maybe she should have just stayed out of it. But she had to do something, she knew Cain Dingle and she couldn't just stand by while he'd gone on the warpath. Part of her couldn't help thinking that Aaron's father deserved it but anything Cain might have done would just have brought more trouble and that was the last thing Aaron needed. No she had done the right thing.

Looking around the pub she couldn't help noticing that none of the Dingles were present, although obviously she knew why. She did see her friends sat at their usual table though, she made her way through the crowd to join them. 

"So did you see the police were at Paddy's earlier?" Betty was saying as she walked up.

"Yes, although you don't need two guesses to figure out why" Pearl answered.

"I know. That Aaron boy is more trouble than he's worth" Betty replied sanctimoniously.

"Well we don't know that is was Aaron, they could have been there for all sorts of reasons" Ashley tried to be the voice of reason.

"Come off it Ashley" Viv said from the side. "That boy's nothing but trouble, I don't know why Paddy still bothers with him to be honest".

Edna couldn't bare to hear anymore. All she could picture was that poor boy, sat on her sofa, sobbing his heart out earlier. How dare these people sit here in judgement.

"STOP IT" the whole pub seemed to still at the sound of her angry shout.

"Edna" Ashley looked shocked at her outburst. "What on Earth's the matter?"

"You, all of you. Sitting in here, judging, while that poor boy....." she knew she was making a scene but she couldn't help herself. She had spent all afternoon sat by herself, worrying and to hear them talking like that it just set something off inside her.

"I don't understand" Alan said looking at her with concern.

"No none of you do. You just assume the worst. You sit in here and even though you have no idea of what's happened you think the worst of him".

"Well we're just going off past behaviour?" Pearl defended herself. "He's always been a trouble maker".

"Yes and not one of us ever stopped to think why he was like that, did we? Maybe if we hadn't have been so quick to pick fault, to think the worst of him then he might have been able to talk to someone sooner. He might have asked for help" she had tears streaming down her face and any other time she might have hated the fact that she was showing herself up like this, but right now she didn't care.

"Why does he need help?" Laurel asked.

"I've said too much" Edna felt terrible, she was just making everything worse. "I've got to go" she didn't give anyone chance to stop her. She just left them sitting there in shocked silence at her outburst. Coming here had been a terrible mistake.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

It was really late when Gordon finally got out of the police station. It had been a complete waste of time. Lots of pointless questions that did nothing other than prove that they didn't know anything. He wasn't sure what Aaron was playing at but he was going to find out.

When the taxi pulled up outside his house he wasn't surprised to see that the lights were off, it was gone midnight after all, he didn't think Sandra would be waiting up. 

What he wasn't expecting was for her to be gone though. The second he walked in the empty bedroom and saw the open wardrobe door he knew. He looked inside anyway and when he saw the empty side where his wife's clothes normally hung he slammed the door shut in anger.

How dare she leave, without even speaking to him, without letting him explain himself. This better be one of her silly hissy fits. She'd come running back with her tail between her legs in a couple of days. She had better. 

This was all Aaron's fault. He couldn't believe his son had done this, after everything he'd done for him, everything he'd sacrificed. He'd only ever acted out of love and for Aaron to throw that back in his face like this, well that was unforgivable.

If he ended up losing his family and everything he'd worked for because of Aaron he would never forgive him, never.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again, I hope people are still reading this and I'm not just dragging on for the sake of it.
> 
> A special warning for the second part of this chapter, Aaron goes into more detail of the abuse, hopefully not too graphic but it is quite upsetting. I'm really hoping I got the balance right, feel free to let me know.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

It had been a long night. Aaron lay curled up on his side, listening to the house settle and creak after the heat of the day. He heard Paddy and his mum moving around, both of them checking on him at different times. He kept his eyes shut and ignored them and they took the hint. Later he heard his mum crying in the middle of the night and Paddy quietly consoling her. It made him feel guilty. It also dragged up memories of other crying in the night and hushed whispers, except those whispers hadn't been kind they'd been cruel and full of threat. 

He couldn't sleep, he was so far beyond tired that it was like he'd come out the other side and sleep was now impossible. He just waited for morning to come and all the problems that would bring. None of this was going to go away. He just wanted to close his eyes and shut it all out but he knew that sleep would just bring more things up. 

Morning came soon enough. His mum was the first to make an appearance, bringing tea and toast and barely concealed tears. He just turned away from her and she left with her head hanging down. Later Paddy showed up, he tried to talk to him but the words wouldn't come. He felt like he had razor blades in his throat just waiting to tear him apart if he said anything. Paddy left too, taking the uneaten toast and undrunk tea with him. 

He heard voices throughout the morning. Hushed and subdued. First Lisa and Zak's then later Marlon's. Later still he could have sworn he heard John and Moira's voices and the thought of how he'd been last time they saw him made him flush with embarrassment. He couldn't hear any words but there was a funeral type hush to them all. He didn't leave his room, didn't even leave his bed, everything was too much. Eventually though his bladder wouldn't take no for an answer anymore. He got up as quietly as he could and left the safety of his room to go to the bathroom. He knew they'd heard him when the voices downstairs stopped. Cain and Debbie's voices had replaced the others a while ago. He could picture the four of them sat around the kitchen table, discussing his future, making his decisions for him. He didn't know how he should feel about that. He knew they'd get tired of leaving him alone soon, that he could only hide for so long. It would mean doing something he really didn't want to do but he couldn't go back so that meant he had to go forward. He flushed the toilet and washed his hands in the sink, catching sight of himself in the bathroom mirror. He looked awful, red and puffy eyes, his skin grey. He looked half dead and felt it too. He averted his gaze unable to face the truth staring back at him. 

He hesitated at the top of the stairs, still so very tempted to go hide back in his bedroom.

"Aaron?" his mum's voice called from downstairs, she sounded worried and unsure, her voice quiet and gentle in a way that it never was normally. Taking one last deep breath he headed downstairs.

Cain was leaning against the counter and everyone else was sat around the kitchen table, pretty much exactly as he'd pictured them. He kept his head down not wanting to meet anyone's eyes.

"You alright love?" his mum asked, and he gave a small nod.

"Do you want something to eat?" Paddy started to get up from the table. "I've got some of that cheese that you..."

"I'm going to go to the police station" Aaron interrupted him.

"Oh, well that's.....great, that's good" Paddy smiled at him. "When do..."

"Now, may as well get it over with" Aaron answered.

"Well let me get my shoes on and...."his mum started to say.

"You're not going" Aaron stopped her, ignoring the hurt look on her face. "I want to do this on my own".

"I don't think you can. You're under eighteen they'll want you to have an adult with you" Paddy said and he resissited the urge to throw his hands up in the air. Couldn't anything go the way he wanted it to.

"Fine" he conceded. "But not you" he looked at his mum.

"Why not, I'm your mum" Chas looked offended but he didn't care. He didn't want her there. She already knew more than he wanted. The police were going to want details and he couldn't talk about that in front of her.

Looking around the room there was only one real option. He didn't want Paddy's sad looks and he was sure Cain already thought he was pathetic he didn't need to add to that. So that only left one person.

"Will you go with me?" Debbie blinked in surprise at him and for a minute he was worried she would refuse and part of him hoped she would, because then he wouldn't do it.

"Okay" she said and she looked as scared as he felt. For some reason that made him feel better.

"I'll drive you" Cain said and no one disagreed.

"Let's go then" Aaron said before he could talk himself out of it.

"Good luck" Paddy looked awkward at his weird choice of words, "well not luck...well...you know what I mean". 

"Yeah thanks" Aaron saved him from trying to say anything else.

"I'm so proud of you" his mum said standing up and going to give him a hug.

"Don't" he warned her, stepping back. He hated the way his voice broke on the word. She dropped her arms back down to her sides and he tried to ignore the way that made him feel. Relieved, sad, he wasn't sure, his mum always left him feeling so confused.

"We'll look after him sis" he heard Cain saying as he walked out of the door. Debbie walked next to him, not touching but close and he knew he'd made the right choice asking her to come with him.

As Cain drove out of the village he looked out of the window and saw Edna stood in her open doorway. He looked away quickly before she could meet his eye though, he couldn't bear to see the pity there.

He just wanted this all to be over but he knew it had only just begun.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Debbie was scared. She didn't mind admitting it to herself. She thought of herself as being pretty tough but this might be too much. Looking at Aaron sat next to her though she knew she had no choice, because whatever she was feeling must be nothing compared to him. If he had the courage to speak then the least she could do is listen and be there with him while he did.

When they'd been led through to the interview room she been expecting something a lot more cold and formal, instead here they were in what could have been someone's front room. It was obviously meant to make you feel more comfortable, but it wasn't working.

DC Wise had explained what would happen and they were just waiting for the go ahead from whoever was setting the camera up. Debbie couldn't help but notice the nervous glances that Aaron kept shooting at the camera mounted high up on the wall.

"I don't...what do I do?" Aaron sounded terrified.

"Why don't you start with why you're here" Debbie liked DC Wise, he had a way of talking that seemed sincere and caring without being patronising.

"Because they're not going to leave me alone until I do this" Aaron admitted.

"Who?".

"My family" Aaron glanced quickly at Debbie before looking away again.

"And you don't want to be here?" the older man asked gently.

"No, but it's my fault. I shouldn't have said anything" Aaron was rambling a little. "It's not going to change anything and it's just going to be my word against his and no one's going to believe me". Debbie put a hand on his leg and he stilled.

"Don't worry about that" DC Wise said kindly. "Just tell us things as you see them and let us worry about the rest".

There was a quiet knock on the window and Debbie felt the way he jumped under her hand.

"That means the cameras ready" DC Wise told them and Aaron took a long deep breath at the words.

"Can you state your name for the camera?" DC Wise began things.

"Aaron Livesy" Debbie could feel him trembling.

"And why are you here?" DC Wise prompted gently.

Aaron glanced up at the camera again then down to where Debbie's hand rested.

"I'm here because my dad abused me when I was a kid" he took a huge shaky breath after he'd said those words, his eyes glistening already with tears yet to fall.

"And when you say abused?".

Debbie could feel how tense Aaron was. He looked down at her hand again.

"Can you not?" he pleaded with her and she moved her hand away, he didn't want to be touched right now and she could understand why.

"I mean he raped me" the words were said in a rush, he looked right at the camera as he said them but put his head down again straight away, she saw the way his shoulders shook with barely controlled emotion as he took several deep breaths in and out.

"I want you to take your time, but when you're ready can you tell us when it began? Just tell us whatever you can remember."

"I remember everything" Debbie hated to hear the pain in his voice.

"Okay".

"I remember the day, it was a Tuesday, the 29th February. I remember because it was a leap year and one of my friends had a birthday. I thought that was so cool, you know. My birthday was rubbish just after Christmas when nobody cares. But his was cool....." Aaron trailed off them. "I'm sorry that's stupid....I'm doing this all wrong".

"No Aaron it's fine. it's really good actually, the more detail the better" the detective reassured him.

"Yeah anyway I couldn't wait for my dad to get home so I could tell him about it, but....he was in a really bad mood. He just snapped at me. I found out later that he got fired that day. Because of me, because he had to keep taking time off work to look after me".

Debbie hated the way he said that, as though he felt guilty.

"Anyway we had a row about tea, I was being really rude and he lost his temper, sent me up to my room" Aaron had tears running down his face but he made no move to wipe them away. He didn't seem to even be aware of them, lost in his memories.

"And then what happened?".

"I cried myself to sleep but then something woke me up later. I remember it was dark and and when he opened my door the light was behind him and all I could see was a dark shape in the doorway. I remember being scared for a minute but then I realized it was him and I thought he'd come to say sorry for shouting at me earlier. I was pleased to see him" Aaron's face twisted up as if he thought he was stupid for thinking that, like he could have known.

"Don't" Debbie said but he just shook his head.

"It's okay Aaron" DC Wise for all his professionalism looked just as sad as she felt in that moment. "Do you want to take a break?".

"No, I just need to get through this" Aaron said through gritted teeth.

"He came over to the bed, and then he pulled the covers back. I remember I was confused but I thought maybe he wanted a hug so I sat up, but he...he pushed me back down and then he...he..." his breath hitched again and he had to take several deep breaths before he could carry on. "He pulled my pajamas down. I didn't understand, I tried to push his hands away but he grabbed my wrist and twisted it. It really hurt so I started to crying and he yelled at me to stop. He called me a baby and pushed my face down into the pillow. Then I felt him....he put his....." Aaron doubled over as if in pain and Debbie couldn't just sit there any more she put a hand on his shoulder and tried to pull him towards her but he just pulled away from her with a hiss.

"I'm sorry" she was crying too now. She hated this. She just wanted to offer comfort but because of what that man had done to him he couldn't bear it.

"I'm sorry" he sobbed. "I just...please don't touch me".

"Are you sure you don't want to take a few minutes" DC Wise asked again.

"NO" Aaron almost shouted it, then again more quietly, "no. I'm okay, I just..." Aaron wiped away the tears on his face with his sleeves and then he carried on. 

"I just remember it hurt so much" Debbie flinched. "I thought I was dying, I didn't know what he was doing, I mean I was eight I didn't know anything about that stuff, but it just. I thought he was trying to kill me, it hurt so bad. And he had my face pushed into the pillow and I couldn't breath, I thought I was going to die".

Debbie wanted to run from the room, run away from this nightmare. All she could see was that little boy, so scared and alone. How could anyone do that?

"When he was....done... he ran me a bath and I remember just sitting in it and letting him wash me like he did when I was little. He left me there for a few minutes and when he came back he had some clean pajamas and he'd changed my bed sheets. He helped me get dressed because my hands were shaking so much and then he put me to bed and tucked me in just like he always used to. I started crying again and he started rubbing my back and he said.....he said" he had to stop again, he ran his hands back and forth over his head rocking slightly. 

"He said he was sorry but if I hadn't been naughty then he wouldn't have had to do it. He said it was our secret and that if I told anyone then everyone would know how bad I am". He leaned back on the sofa then, his head resting against the back and his eyes looking at the ceiling. "What have I done?" his voice anguished as tears ran down the side of his face.

Debbie didn't know what to say. All those years of pain and suffering and silence. How do you even begin to fix that, to begin to heal something so awful. 

She looked over at DC Wise, a man who was trained in this, who must have heard such things before. But he just sighed and rubbed a weary hand over his face, because who could ever get used to hearing something like this.

She wished she could go back to not knowing, to not seeing that little boy in her mind, hurt and scared, alone and blaming himself. She felt guilty at her selfishness. Because all she's had to do was listen, Aaron had lived it. He still had to live with it, it would always be with him, he would never be free of this. 

The worst thing about it was that she knew there was more to come. He'd only just begun to tell his story and already it was worse than she could have thought possible. She didn't know how she was going to make it through the next few hours but she knew she had to, for Aaron. So she would, because he needed her and that was all that mattered.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the lovely reviews on the last chapter, it really does brighten my day.
> 
> Here's the next one for you, enjoy :)

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Cain was nervous. It wasn't a feeling he was used to and he didn't like it. Sat in the waiting area of the police station was not the most comfortable place to be either but that wasn't what was bothering him. It was the thought of what was going on behind those doors, what horrifying memories his nephew was having to relive, what pain his daughter was having to listen to. The thought of it made his hands curl into fists, his jaw twitching with impotent rage. 

If only Gordon had been home yesterday, then he could have dealt with this his own way and they wouldn't have to be here. But he knew deep down that that wasn't true. Anything he'd done might have been satisfying for him, would have made him feel like he'd done something useful, but it wouldn't have helped Aaron, would probably just have made things worse. It didn't stop him picturing Gordon's face under his fists though, bones shattering, blood flowing, maybe it was sick, but not as sick as what that bastard had done to his son. 

Cain knew he'd never win any awards as a father, or as a human being for that matter but what Gordon had done was beyond anything he could or would ever do. To do that to any child let alone his own son was unimaginable. It made him feel sick, his stomach constantly churning. All he could picture was the little boy Aaron had once been, small and cheeky and so, so vulnerable it turned out. 

He sat forward in his seat and ran his hands over his face, he might be good at hiding his emotions, but that didn't mean he didn't have them. Right now he was finding it hard to keep them in check, the urge to hit something overwhelming.

He'd been sat there for what felt like a lifetime, but had only been a few hours when the door opened and finally the people he'd been waiting for emerged. 

They both looked ill. Pale and red eyed and exhausted.

"I just need to go to the toilet" Debbie said and shot off down the hallway without looking at either of them, but he saw the look on her face, the tears about to spill.

Aaron just looked at his feet and fiddled with his shirt sleeves.

Cain was torn, did he follow his daughter or did he stay here with Aaron? It wasn't a hard decision in the end because Debbie he might be able to help, but he had absolutely no idea what to say to his nephew. So he took the easy option and felt like a coward for it.

"Stay here" he said to Aaron without looking at him and followed his daughter down the hallway.

He hesitated before going into the ladies toilets but the urge to check on his daughter over rode any awkwardness he might feel. Luckily she was the only one in there anyway.

Only one stall door was closed and he could hear the sound of retching coming from in there. He waited patiently for the sound to stop and the sound of the toilet flushing just before the door opened. Debbie walked out and jumped a little to see him standing there.

"That bad huh?" he asked as she walked over to the sink and ran the water to wash her hands. She splashed some water on her face and patted it dry with a hand towel before turning to him and answering.

"You have no idea" she said. "I just, I don't know how he did it. How he got through it".

"I'm guessing you being there helped" Cain offered.

"No, I don't mean today, although that too. I mean when he was a kid. What his dad did, hearing it like that, God Dad it's so much worse then you can even begin to imagine. Not just what he did either, but the things he told him". She paused than as though going over what she'd heard in her head. "Did you know he made him think it was all his fault? That it only happened because he was bad?" Cain had never seen his daughter so emotional, it made something inside him twist until he thought he might snap.

"Do you know what the worst bit is though?" Cain shook his head because how could any of it be any worse than any other. "I think Aaron still believes it, I think he's thinks he's to blame. What do we do with that?".

"I don't know" Cain shook his head sadly.

"Me neither" Debbie sighed. "I don't think us both running off and leaving him is going to help exactly is it?".

"No, probably not" Cain agreed. He placed his hands firmly on the top of her arms and looked her in the face. "We'll get through this okay, we're family".

"Yeah" Debbie said although she didn't sound very convinced. "I love you Dad" she said with tears in her eyes.

Cain felt a lump in his throat before he pulled her to him in a proper hug "I love you too" he said into her hair and felt her clutch the back of his top tightly. He wouldn't let go until she did.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chas was cleaning. Paddy supposed he shouldn't complain but it was obvious she was doing it to keep herself occupied while her son was off at the police station.

When Aaron had first left, with his Uncle and cousin, Chas had dissolved into tears. She'd cried on his shoulder, heartbroken that she couldn't be there with her son, worried that he didn't trust her. Paddy had tried to reassure her but she wouldn't listen. She was too scared that Aaron hated her and that this just proved it. He should want his mum with him.  
Paddy didn't tell her that she might have a point because even though he thought Aaron might hate his mum somewhat he knew he loved her too. In the end he told her that Aaron was hurting and didn't really know what he wanted, but they had to respect his decisions or risk pushing him away. They just needed to show him that they weren't going anywhere and he'd see that eventually.

Chas calmed down eventually and that was when the cleaning had begun.

She still wasn't done when Aaron arrived back from the police station with Cain and Debbie. He'd barely said two words to any of them before heading up to his room and Chas turned hurt filled eyes on him again.

"Should I go up there?" she asked him, as if he had the answers.

"I wouldn't" Debbie answered for him. "He's all talked out, I think he just needs some space".

Chas looked like she wanted to argue but in the end her shoulders slumped in defeat.

"How was it?" she asked the younger woman.

"Bad" Debbie said simply.

They left soon after and Paddy wasn't sure what to do then. At some point life had to go in, he just wasn't sure when that point was. 

They didn't see Aaron again for the rest of the day. Chas went up at one point with some tea for him. She came back down with it a few minutes later and shook her head at him.

Paddy took it off her and headed back up. He knocked lightly on the door and heard a muffled "I told you I'm not hungry mum" from the other side.

He opened the door and walked in anyway. Aaron was sitting on his bed and looked annoyed at the intrusion but Paddy walked over and put the plate down next to him anyway.

"I don't want it" Aaron said.

"I know, but you need to eat" Paddy said softly. "I can't pretend to understand what you're going through but we're all worried about you, your mum especially" Aaron gave a little huff at that. "Just eat something, at least then she might get off your back a little".

Aaron gave a small sigh and reached over to the plate picking up a piece of cheese and showing it to him before putting it in his mouth. Paddy gave him a cheesy thumbs up and then left him to it, he knew he wouldn't want an audience. As he was walking through the door he heard Aaron say quietly.

"Thanks Paddy" he smiled to himself before shutting the door.

He went back up later to find the plate half empty and Aaron fast asleep. Seeing him lying there, looking relaxed for the first time in days he had to resist the urge to kiss his forehead, he settled instead for carefully draping his blanket over him.

They went to bed not long after. Chas fell asleep immediately, it was as if she'd been waiting for her son to sleep before she could. Paddy didn't drop off straight away, for some reason the idea of being the last one awake was comforting, he felt like he was protecting them somehow. He fell asleep eventually though.

He didn't know how much later it was when he woke but it was still dark out and Chas was snoring gently next to him. His heart was beating fast due to how suddenly he woke up and it wasn't until the pounding of it in his ears started to slow down that he heard it. Even then he wasn't sure and he laid there holding his breath, listening. Then he was sure. A quiet whimper.

He sat up slowly and crept out of his bedroom, not wanting to wake Chas up. He stood outside Aaron's room, unsure of how to proceed. He could hear a few quiet whimpers and the rustling of sheets. His mind was made up a few seconds later when the whimpers turned into slightly louder gasps of pain. He pushed the door open and the light from the landing fell across Aaron's bed. Aaron sat up with a gasp, pushing his back against his headboard.

Paddy cursed himself for not thinking. Of course him walking into his room in the middle of the night was going to scare him.

"Aaron it's me, it's Paddy" he said, coming into the room a bit further but not approaching the bed.

Aaron didn't seem to see him at first, his eyes darting around the room in fear.

"Aaron, it's okay" Paddy tried to get through to him again. The terrified boy's fell on him then and for a second his fear seemed to increase but he relaxed, slightly, when he finally recognized who was standing there. Paddy just stood there feeling awkward while Aaron slowly got his breathing back under control. He wanted to comfort the teenager but he was scared to do the wrong thing.

"Sorry" Aaron said eventually.

"What for?" Paddy frowned.

"For waking you up, I'm normally quieter" Aaron explained.

"Don't worry ab....wait a minute what do you mean normally" Paddy said picking up on what Aaron had just said. Aaron didn't answer straight away, just picked at the bed covers.

"Aaron?" Paddy prodded gently.

"When I have nightmares, I keep quiet usually".

"Do you have a lot of nightmares?" Paddy felt like he needed to know, this was yet more pain that Aaron had been hiding from them.

"I guess" Aaron admitted.

"And you keep quite usually?" Paddy saw the way Aaron rolled his eyes at him for repeating his words

"Yeah". 

"Why?" Paddy asked

"I don't want to bother anyone" Aaron answered, how heartbreaking was that.

"You're not a bother Aaron. Please don't ever think that" Aaron gave him a thin lipped smile in return but he didn't say anything.

"I'll get you a drink of water" the older man resisted the urge to sigh. He would keep trying to get through to him, keep chipping away at his self doubt but it was going to take time.

"No I'm fine" Aaron stopped him. "I just want to go back to sleep". He was already shuffling down the bed until his head was on the pillow and he was under the cover.

"Are you sure?" Paddy asked.

"Yeah, thanks" Aaron turned on his side so he was facing him but it was a clear indication that the conversation was over as far as he was concerned.

"Okay then" Paddy walked to the door. "Night Aaron" he said and hearing a quite night in return from Aaron he pulled the door shut. 

He tiptoed as gracefully as a man of his size was able back to his room and slipped quietly back into bed, pleased when he didn't wake Chas up.

It took him a while to get back to sleep, his senses on high alert for the slightest noise. The house was quiet, he couldn't hear a sound, but the silence wasn't as comforting as it used to be.


	14. Chapter 14

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Monday came round soon enough. When Aaron came downstairs for breakfast wearing his work overalls both Paddy and Chas looked at him like he'd grown a second head.

"What do you think you're doing?" Chas asked in her usual calm manner, so, not at all.

"What does it look like?" Aaron grabbed a slice of toast and leaned against the counter.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Paddy asked.

"Yeah" Aaron concentrated on taking a bite of toast, it tasted like ash in his mouth but he knew if he didn't eat something the wouldn't leave him alone till he did. It was easier to force it down than deal with them. "I can't sit around here all day again".

That was how he'd spent Sunday. Sat on the sofa in the front room, pretending to watch whatever was on the telly. He had wanted to stay in his room, hide away from everyone and everything but he knew that his mum at least wouldn't have given him a minutes peace if he'd done that. At least by being where they could see him they seemed a little more willing to leave him alone. So he had put up with them plying him with cups of tea and food, managing to force just enough down to keep them off his back, even if he felt like he might throw up at any minute.

He'd heard the phone ring a few times and a couple of knocks at the door but Paddy and Chas seemed to be doing a good job of making sure he had space because he didn't see anyone other than them all day. Or maybe he was just being paranoid, maybe none of the visits or phone calls were anything to do with him, people had other things in their lives to worry about than him.

There was one phone call that was definitely for him though. DS Wise checking in and keeping him updated. Apparently they had questioned his dad again but still hadn't charged him yet. The investigation was ongoing. Aaron didn't know how to feel about the lack of charges, his mum and Paddy made it obvious how they felt, they were livid and he felt guilty for feeling a little relieved. Maybe the police would decide not to go ahead with anything and all this could blow over. But then that would mean that they believed Gordon over him and he wasn't sure what to think about that. He couldn't help wondering what his dad thought about all this. Was he angry at him, disappointed? And what about Sandra and Liv, he felt bad for dragging them into it.

The rest of the day had passed in a blur. Most of the time he just felt numb, a constant buzzing at the back of his head making him feel like he was detached from everything but then a wave of panic would hit him out of nowhere and he would end up hunched over on the sofa, head between his knees just trying to breath. He'd gone to bed as soon as it was dark and he'd managed not to wake anyone up this time with his nightmares. 

So this morning he'd decided he couldn't spend another day like that. He needed to get out of the house and at least work was somewhere familiar, almost safe.

"You don't have to you know" his mum brought him back to the moment. "If it's too soon".

"I'm not ill, I'm not injured. Just because you know about something that happened in the past doesn't change anything for me now" Aaron said angrily. He was tired of being treated with kid gloves, he just wanted things to be normal.

"But...".

"No it's fine, I'm fine" Aaron snapped and walked out of the house before either of them could say anything else.

Once he was outside though he had second thoughts. It was a fairly early in the morning but he could see the odd villager wandering about. He wondered how many of them knew, it wouldn't be long before everyone did. He just put his head down and walked as quickly to the garage as he could.

"Aaron" he sighed deeply when Diane called his name as he walked past the pub. "How you doing pet?" she asked kindly as she collected glasses that had been missed the night before. So she knew then. No surprise really, between practically being Vic's mum and Marlon's boss it was inevitable that she would be one of the first to know. He wondered if that meant every one who'd been in the pub this weekend knew.

"I'm late for work" he said keeping his head down as he carried on walking past. It wasn't true of course, he just couldn't stand to see the pity in her eyes or hear anyone else tell him they felt sorry for him.

"Well take care of yourself love" she called after him but he didn't respond.

The garage was already open when he got there, Debbie tapping away at the computer and Ryan with his head under the bonnet of a Ford Fiesta that looked like it had seen better days.

"Morning" he said as he walked up. Ryan pulled his head from under the bonnet and Debbie looked up in shock.

"Oh finally decided to show your face have you? Good 'cus I'm tired of doing your share too" Ryan said smirking at him.

"What are you doing here?" Debbie asked shooting Ryan an annoyed look, which he frowned at.

"I work here don't I?".

"Well yeah, I just thought you'd be taking a few days off, you know, considering" she replied. Ryan was looking between the two of them with a confused look on his face.

"No, no need" he wouldn't meet her eye though, choosing instead to look at the floor, it felt like that's where he spent most of his time looking lately.

"Okay well if you're sure" Debbie accepted his answer. "You can start by checking the oil on that one out there" she pointed at a Mercedes parked out front. That's what Aaron most liked about Debbie, she didn't push. He was really glad he came into work, he already felt a little bit lighter for it.

He soon lost himself in the familiar routine of working on the cars. Debbie had been letting him get more involved lately and she even had Ryan showing him a few more complicated repairs. He was actually enjoying himself, it was nice to have something else to occupy his mind.

Debbie was on the phone in the back and Ryan had just gone to the shop to fetch some more milk when Adam pulled onto the forecourt on his quad bike.

"Alright?" he said once he'd turned the engine off and took his helmet off. Aaron just grunted at him. This was awkward, considering what had happened the last time he'd seen him.

"Is Ryan about?" Adam looked just as uncomfortable as he felt.

"No he's nipped to the shop" Aaron replied while pretending to be busy with tightening the wheel nuts on the car in front of him.

"Oh okay, I'll come back later I guess" Adam started to put his helmet back on.

Aaron sighed and put the socket wrench he was using down. "Can I help?" he offered.

"Um yeah maybe" Adam ran a hand over the back of his neck. "The quad keeps making a weird noise, my dad wanted me to get it checked out".

"What sort of weird noise?" Aaron walked over to take a look.

Half an hour later and with the help of Ryan, who had returned milk in hand, the mystery noise was solved Adam was ready to go on his way.

Aaron turned around to walk back into garage and was surprised when Adam followed him.

"So I was wondering if you maybe wanted to hang out sometime?" Adam asked looking a little nervous as he did.

"Um I'm not sure" Aaron said, the last thing he wanted was someone else pretending to be nice to him, he didn't need a pity friend.

"Look I know it probably seems a bit weird, but I figured you could probably do with a friend at the minute and this isn't about what happened the other day, I just, I'm pretty new around here and working up at the farm I don't really get chance to meet many people. Oh my god I'm making myself sound like a total loser now" Adam trailed off, embarrassed and Aaron had to resist the urge to laugh at him. He couldn't help grinning at him though and Adam returned it a little sheepishly.

"Paddy's got an X-Box" Aaron offered. "I mean if you wanted to come round some time and have a game, I don't think he'd mind".

"Yeah?" Adam tilted his head on one side.

"Yeah" Aaron nodded.

"That'd be great. Here let me give you my number and we'll sort something out for later in the week yeah?".

Aaron handed his phone over and watched as Adam typed his name and number into his contacts list. He sent himself a message and waited for his phone to buzz before handing it back over.

"Got it" he said checking his own phone and putting it back in his pocket. "Right well I'd better go, my dad will think I'm skiving off" he said climbing back onto his quad. He gave one last little wave before driving off.

"Awwww have you made yourself a little friend" Ryan teased him.

"Shut up" Aaron said and went back to working on the car from earlier.

It was close to finishing time when Aaron's phone buzzed to say he'd received a text message. Fully expecting it to be from Adam, a little eager of him maybe but not unwelcome, he didn't even check who it was from before opening it. He felt bile rise up in his throat at what read there:

DAD: I still love you son.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gordon was not happy. He still couldn't find his wife or daughter and he had been called into the station to answer even more questions, wasting yet more of his time. They were a lot more detailed this time, times, dates, specifics that meant Aaron must have given a statement now. This was getting out of hand. But in the end they had let him go without charging him and even though he was angry he wasn't overly worried. There wasn't any evidence and it was just a case of his word against Aaron's. It would all work out fine.

The worst thing about the interview had been when the officer had mentioned the word peadohile, as if he had anything in common with those sick perverts. No, anything that had happened with Aaron had been for son's benefit, because he'd wanted him to grow up to be a decent person, and couldn't watch him going off the rails like he'd started too. To suggest he'd gotten any kind of pleasure out of it, well it made him feel sick to his stomach. Not that he said any of that though, he knew they wouldn't understand. the interviewing officer was already looking at him like he was scum, he'd clearly already made his mind up about him. He wondered if he could put a complaint in, surely it was unprofessional to be so biased. 

So he was angry at Aaron but he was also worried about him. What had made him say these things, especially now after all this time? He knew he'd messed up at the end, losing his temper like that had been unacceptable. But still he thought Aaron understood deep down and that eventually when he'd grown up a bit more, and gotten over his anger that they could reconnect, go back to having that special bond that they'd always had. What had happened since he'd left that had resulted in this? Maybe someone had gotten inside his head and twisted things around, he wouldn't put it past one of those Dingles. That Cain especially, he'd always been a nasty piece of work. He should never have agreed to Aaron staying with them again. He'd allowed his own anger to cloud his judgement and they'd managed to get their claws into him. Now they were both paying the price.

He waited till he finished work on Monday before he decided to reach out to his son. Aaron was the first name on his contact list, he only hoped he hadn't changed his number in the last few months. He couldn't count the amount of times he'd opened up his phone and debated getting in touch with him since he'd left. He'd even gone so far as to type a message out a few times, before chickening out and deleting it every time. Something had always stopped him but now he wished he hadn't been so hesitant, maybe then they could have avoided this whole mess.

He typed the short simple message out and hit send, his hands shaking. He just hoped that Aaron would know how much he meant it and then maybe they could make all this go away. He could get his family back, Aaron included, and forget all about this stupidity.

He sat back with a bottle of beer in his hand and waited patiently for a response. He hoped he wouldn't have to wait long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please remember that I don't necessarily agree with any of the characters views, this is just my slant on what they might be thinking. Gordon obviously had a sick mind but he must have justified it to himself somehow.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I don't have much to say this time, but once again thanks for the lovely comments and kudos.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Paddy opened the door to the Woolpack and held it open for Chas, she looked unsure as she followed him in though.

"Come on Chas, he'll be fine" he reassured her.

"But I don't like leaving him".

"Look he's not on his own is he?" Adam had shown up half an hour ago, junk food in hand. The boys had set themselves up in the front room with the X Box and Paddy would swear he'd even seen Aaron smile a couple of times. "It'll be good for him, something normal you know. Last thing he wants is his mum hovering over him all the time".

"You saying I'm smothering him?" Chas looked annoyed.

"No" Paddy put his hands up, "well maybe a bit".

"I know" Chas sighed. "It's just I'm so worried about him" she looked like she might cry again, something he'd seen far too much of these last few days.

"I know" he said pulling her in for a hug. "Me too, but one night isn't going to kill anyone, I think it'll be good. Come on just for a couple of hours, let him forget for a bit, yeah"

"Okay" she sighed into his shoulder. He grabbed her hand and led her over to the bar.

"You alright sis?" Cain said from where he was leaning against the bar. Eli, Zak and Shadrach were there too and they all looked up and nodded as the two of them walked over.

"Yeah thanks" she gave him a small smile and sat down on the stool that Paddy pulled out for her. John and Moira were sat the other end of the bar and raised a hand in greeting. Paddy nodded back at them.

"What can I get you?" Diane asked from behind the bar.

"Two pints" Paddy said starting to pull some money out of his wallet but Diane put her hand out to stop him.

"These ones are on me" she said pulling the first pint and adding a straw to it for Chas.

"Oh, er thanks" Paddy said.

"How are things?" Diane asked quietly. Marlon had told him she knew, Vic had told her and she'd later asked Marlon if it was true. He was worried he'd done the wrong thing by telling her it was but Paddy told him it was fine, everyone was going to find out eventually. He was amazed so few of them knew so far to be honest.

"Well you know" Paddy didn't really know what to say.

"Have the police said anything else?" Zak asked and the rest of them looked over.. Moira and John walked over to hear the answer. Moira putting her hand on Chas's arm and getting a grateful smile in return.

"They're still investigating" Paddy said taking a mouthful of his beer and licking the foam off his top lip. He thought he heard Shadrach give a little huff but he couldn't be sure.

"And how's Aaron?" Moira asked.

"He's alright.... I think. You know Aaron he doesn't talk much" Paddy answered and everyone nodded their head in agreement.

"I still can't believe it" Diane said sadly. 

Shadrach made another noise before covering it by taking a swig of his beer.

"You got something to say Dad?" Chas asked him, her eyes narrowed.

"No, no, it's just...."

"Just what?" Chas's voice was steely.

"Well are we sure the lad's not making it up?" Shadrach answered completely oblivious to the looks everyone was giving him.

"Why the hell would you say that?" Eli said.

"Maybe he thought it would get him out of trouble up at your place" Shadrach was looking at John.

"You don't know what you're talking about..."Paddy started to say.

"If you'd seen him that day you wouldn't be saying that" John interrupted, his eyes hard with anger at the old man's ignorance.

"I don't mean anything by it, it's just, well it's not as if he hasn't lied before is it".

"Not about something like this" Chas's voice was high with indignation.

"Well, why as he never said anything before then?" Shadrach wouldn't back down.

"Because he was scared and ashamed" Chas was crying now "and he thought no-one would believe him, just like you now".

"Well don't go getting yourself upset about it. I'm just saying" Shadrach didn't even look sorry.

"I think you should go" Cain said between gritted teeth.

"I've not finished my pint" Shadrach said pointing to his half full glass.

Chas walked over to him and picked it up before pouring it over his head. 

"Well you have now, so get out" she hissed at him.

"What d'you do that for?" Shadrach got up but before he could do anything Zak grabbed him by the shoulder and pushed him towards the door.

No-one intervened, they just watched Zak push his brother out of the pub. He came back in a minute later.

"Don't worry, he got the message he won't be back" he said adjusting his cap on his head.

"Good" Chas said sitting back down. "Sorry about that Diane" she said looking over at Diane who was wiping up the spilled beer.

"Don't worry about it pet" Diane said. "If you hadn't have done it I might".

"You don't think anyone else will think that do you?" Chas asked Paddy but Cain answered instead.

"He's just a stupid old man Chas, no one else thinks that".

"No one tell Aaron though please" Paddy spoke up. "I don't think he would take it well, thinking his own Grandad doesn't believe him". It would play into all of Aaron's worst fears and that was the last thing he needed right now. He was already so vulnerable.

"I just wish the police would charge Gordon already, once they do I think Aaron will realise that people believe him, then maybe he'll start to feel better" Chas fiddled with a bar mat nervously.

"What's the hold up?" John asked.

"They want to talk to Sandra".

"Sandra?" Moira asked.

"Aaron's step mum, but she's gone AWOL, no one can find her".

"Well surely that says something in itself. Why would she do a runner if she thinks Gordon's innocent" John said.

"Maybe, but until they talk to her it's pretty much Gordon's word against his".

"It'll be alright" Paddy hugged her to his side.

"I just want to help my son Paddy" Chas said sadly.

"I know, we all do" Paddy looked around the rest of them as he said it. He could see from the way they were looking at him that he was right. Everyone was here for Aaron, they just needed to make sure he knew that.

 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Aaron was glad Adam had come round, if nothing else it had got rid of his mum and Paddy for a bit. They were starting to suffocate him a bit. Adam was like a breath of fresh air. He didn't seem to take anything too seriously and Aaron found himself really liking the other boy, he just had a way of making things seem light that he really envied. He wished he could be more like that some times, but then Adam had grown up with a mum and dad who loved him, maybe that was the difference.

Adam had done most of the talking and Aaron was happy to let him. He mostly complained about how much of a pain his sisters were, but most of the stories he told about them were hilarious and Araon could hear the fondness in his voice.It made him think of Liv. He tried not to think about her too often but he did miss her, she was a funny little girl, sarcastic and sweet in equal measures. He missed her sass. He felt another pang of guilt at the thought of what might be happening to her because of all this, because of him. 

When Adam lost once again he threw his controller down in mock outrage.

"I need a wazz, all that Coke's gone straight through me" he said standing up and stretching. Aaron pointed him in the direction of the bathroom and rested his head on the back of the sofa while he waited for him to return.

The telltale bing of his phone in his pocket let him know he'd got another message . It had been two days since his dad first messaged him out of the blue. He'd had several more since. He hadn't replied to any of them but for some reason he couldn't bring himself to block him either. The only thing worse than seeing them was not seeing them. So every time he got a message it made him sweat with fear but he couldn't help reading them either. It was like when you have a bad tooth but you have to keep poking it with your tongue just to see how bad it really was.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and opened the most recent message:

DAD: Why won't you answer me?

His mouth went dry when he reads the words.

"Alright mate" Adam made him jump when he appeared behind him. Aaron panicked and almost dropped his phone in his haste to hide it from him.

"Well shadey mate" Adam laughed at his clumsiness. "Who's that from then, some bird?" he dropped down next to him on the sofa.

"No, it's no one" Aaron said but before he could put it away Adam grabbed it out of his hand. "Give it back" he lunged for it but Adam jumped up from the sofa laughing.

"Nah, I don't believe you" he ran around the other side pressing the buttons as he went. Aaron saw the moment he read the message, he saw the way the humor disappeared from his face. "What's this?" he said looking between Aaron and the phone.

"I told you, it's nothing" Aaron tried again to grab the phone but Adam pulled it away again, he wasn't messing around this time though.

"Is this from him?" he sounded shocked.

"It's none of your business" Aaron snapped.

"He shouldn't be texting you though, should he?".

Aaron shrugged.

"Can I read them?" Adam asked carefully and Aaron gave up and slumped back onto the sofa in defeat.

"I guess" he felt Adam sit down next to him but he didn't look over.

The other boy didn't say anything for at first, then he sighed and handed Aaron his phone back. Aaron turned it off and put it in his pocket.

"You need to tell someone" Adam said eventually.

"No I don't, he doesn't even really say anything in them anyway, just that he loves me and misses me".

"He's clearly trying to mess with your head though" Adam said and Aaron knew that what he said made sense. It was working as well, they were definitely getting to him. He just felt guilty all the time, like he was one who had done something wrong, like he'd let his dad down. How messed up was that?

"Don't you think your mum would want to know?" Adam asked him.

"She's got enough to worry about" Aaron picked up his controller from the table. "Look I'm glad you came round but it's really none of your business, so either we can carry on playing or you can go home. Your choice" he didn't look at Adam as he scrolled through the menu but he could feel him looking at him. He really hoped Adam would decide to stay but he wasn't about to beg. If Adam chose to leave so be it, he was used to being alone anyway.

He wasn't expecting the surge of relief he felt when the other boy picked up his controller a few seconds later and joined the game. Maybe it was good to have a friend after all.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gordon wasn't sure why he was bothering anymore. Why would no one listen to him? This was unacceptable. Neither Sandra or Aaron had replied to any of his messages, as if they thought they could just ignore him. He found himself getting more and more agitated as the days went on. He wasn't even able to keep it together at work. He'd ended up yelling at an important client today and he was pretty sure he'd lost that contract for the company. His boss had called him into his office earlier and suggested he take a few days off, they weren't calling it a suspension but he knew what it was really.

He had stopped at the shop on the way home and brought a bottle of whisky, unable to bear the thought of sitting in his house alone yet again. He'd given up trying to contact Sandra, he knew she wouldn't come home until this mess was all sorted. No it was Aaron he needed to get through to. He knew that if he could just talk to his son he could make him see reason. But Aaron wasn't replying to his texts.

He put his glass down, the bottle already half empty and took his phone out his pocket and looked at it before putting it down on the table in front of him, still nothing. He looked round the room at all the pictures of his family, of happier times and he felt his eyes well up with tears. It couldn't all be over, he couldn't have lost them all, just because Aaron couldn't keep his trap shut. He picked the glass up from the table and threw it at the wall in anger. Then he picked his phone up and brought Aaron's name up on his contact list. If he wasn't going to reply to his messages then maybe it was time for a more direct approach. He knew if he could just talk to him, he could fix this, everything would be okay.

The call went straight through to voicemail unsurprisingly and while he waited for Aaron's short message telling him to leave a message his eye caught a photo on the sideboard. It was an old school photo of Aaron, he must have been about eight or nine in it, smiling for the camera and looking every inch the cheeky little boy he remembered him as. When did that all go wrong? When did his sweet loving son turn into the vindictive hate filled person he was today? He grasped the phone even tighter in his hand and waited for the beep that meant it was his chance to talk, he had a lot he wanted to say.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this is so short. I did you have two parts planned for this chapter but I literally can't keep my eyes open. I didn't want to leave you hanging though.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Aaron spent another sleepless night worrying. That's all he seemed to do nowadays and it was exhausting. Each day seemed to bring something new to worry about and none of it was going away. Like he didn't have enough to deal with now he lived in fear that Adam would tell someone about the texts. He wasn't even sure why the thought of it was so bad but maybe it was just one more thing on the pile, he wondered when the weight would get too much and it would all come falling down. People said a problem shared is a problem halved but it didn't feel like that to him, it was the opposite in fact. Every day felt like it all doubled in size, it was all encompassing.

It was late enough in the morning that no one would comment on it so he got up and headed to the bathroom. He wasn't sure if anyone noticed how many showers he'd been taking lately, if they did no one mentioned it. He was grateful for that. It didn't matter how many he took though, he couldn't get rid of the this feeling, like there was something under his skin, an itch he couldn't scratch. So each time he turned the water a little hotter, scrubbed a little harder and stayed a little longer. When he got out his skin felt raw but still the feeling was there, nothing seemed to get rid of it.

He got dressed in his room, avoiding his reflection. He picked his phone up off the nightstand and put it in his pocket without checking it. He was too tired to deal with it right now but he knew the urge to check it would be too much later so he needed it with him. Also he didn't want to risk either Paddy or his mum finding it. The irony of the fact that his dad was once again making him keep his secret didn't escape him but a part of him still wished he'd never revealed anything at all. That he could just keep pretending that he was a normal person, instead of everyone knowing the truth about him.

He managed to get to lunch time without checking his phone but by then it felt like it was burning a hole in his pocket. He waited till he was alone, Debbie had had to nip out to deal with something to do with Sarah and Ryan had gone on a sandwich run. Cain was absent again, like he had been for most of the week, no prizes for guessing why he wasn't around. Aaron knew he couldn't stand to be around him, he had hardly spoken two words to him since he found out, he couldn't even look him in the eye. He hated that he'd let his uncle down but he knew how much Cain hated weakness so he understood why he felt the way he did.

His hands were shaking as he turned his phone on and he hated himself for it. He wondered how many messages his dad might have sent, he still couldn't say why he kept reading them instead of blocking him, he felt like he was waiting for something, maybe something to tell him this would all be okay. He saw the voicemail notification as soon as the screen lit up, he hadn't been expecting that. He felt sweat break out on his body, but at the same time an icy feeling crept up his back. He hadn't heard his dad's voice in months, he didn't know if he wanted to now. 

He just stood looking at the screen for ages, he knew he needed to make his decision soon, Ryan would be back any minute and this wasn't something that required an audience.  
Before he could second guess himself he opened the voicemail and put the phone to his ear, close but not touching. His hands were so sweaty he didn't know how he hadn't dropped it yet.

He might have been expecting to hear his dad's voice but he didn't anticipate the absolute terror that it would invoke. He wasn't sure what he'd been hoping for, an apology maybe, as unlikely as it was. That was not what he heard though.

"Why don't you just answer my texts? Stop ignoring me" he sounded as angry as Aaron had ever heard him, it was terrifying.

"Aaron why are you doing this?" his dad pleaded. Aaron could hear the way he slurred his words slightly, a clear indication that he'd been drinking. 

"I thought you loved me" his dad carried on. "I love you so much, I'm the only one who ever did" he heard a soft sob from his father and his own eyes filled with tears at how much he'd hurt his dad. 

"You've ruined everything" he sounded less sad now, the angry tone that Aaron recognised well was back, he really was all over the place, unpredictable and scary. "Why couldn't you just keep you're trap shut?" the harsh words cut through him.

"I knew you'd turn out bad, I tried so hard to help you, I shouldn't have bothered" Gordon snarled. "You're not worth it" Aaron heard the sound of his dad taking a swig of something, he guessed something alcoholic. It was quiet for a few seconds and Aaron thought maybe that was the end of it but then his voice came back over, a little calmer now, back in control.

"It doesn't matter anyway, no one believes you. This will all have been for nothing because nobody cares" he gave a weird little laugh then. He heard him sigh again. "I'm sorry, I just, I really need to talk to you, I miss you son...." Aaron could hear his dad crying now and why did that affect him so much, he shouldn't care. Why did his dad always manage to get under his skin and leave him doubting everything about himself. 

"I just...I need....." the phone call ended abruptly, Aaron figured the time must have ran out and he found himself needing to know what else his father wanted to say to him. What was wrong with him. He really was screwed in the head wasn't he. 

He pulled the phone away from his ear and pressed the buttons he needed to to play the message again. When it ended for the second time, he played it again. He was halfway through his fifth listen when Ryan came back. Luckily he was facing the direction of the road so he had plenty of warning. He shoved his phone back in his pocket and wiped his sweaty palms on his overalls.

"Got you ham and cheese" Ryan said tossing him a paper bag as he walked up. Aaron managed to catch it without dropping it. He was grateful to Ryan, even he seemed to be making more of an effort to be nice around him, but the thought of eating anything right now was unthinkable.

"Thanks" he said, glad his voice didn't wobble like he feared it might. "I'm just going to finish this" he indicated to the car in front of him and putting the bag down on the side. "I'll eat it later".

"Suit yourself" Ryan said tucking into his own lunch, he didn't seem to have noticed anything. So Aaron tried to lose himself in his work, problem was it wasn't working as well this afternoon. His dad's voice was in his head and he couldn't get it out.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is the second half of yesterday's chapter that I didn't manage to finish then. Although it's ended up being as long as a normal chapter in it's own right anyway.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Debbie was worried. She hadn't been sure it was a good idea for Aaron to be back at work when he'd shown up on Monday. She had been in two minds as to whether to send him home or not but he'd practically pleaded with her not to. Not with words of course, this was Aaron after all, but his eyes told her everything she needed to know, so she'd let him stay. But she'd watched him and she worried. Ryan had picked up on something as well, he noticed the way she was more careful with her younger cousin and how she critisized him a lot less than normal. She saw the odd looks he gave the both of them and she'd ended up taking him to one side, out of Aaron earshot and telling him as little as she could get away with. She'd only told him that something was happening with Aaron that meant it might be best to be a little more sensitive around him, but that it was private and it wasn't her place to tell him. To Ryan's credit he'd accepted what she had said at face value without pushing for more answers, and she had seen the way he took on more than his fair share of the work. She didn't know if Aaron noticed that his workload had gone down, but she had a feeling probably not as he spent quite a large proportion of his time seemingly lost in his own world. Just one of the reasons she worried.

Aaron wasn't the only reason the two of them were having to work a lot harder than normal to keep on top of things. Cain was conspicuous by his absence. All week he'd either been out on call outs or on runs to chase up parts. The few minutes he did spend at the garage he hadn't said more than two words to Aaron, had barely even looked at him. Debbie would like to think Aaron didn't notice but she saw the hurt looks Aaron gave him when his back was turned. She knew that her dad wasn't the most emotive of people but she also knew how much he cared for his nephew. The only problem was he was letting his own hurt and anger get in the way of showing Aaron that. She needed to speak to him about it soon though, before the distance became to wide to bridge.

He had been right about family being there for Aaron though, even if it didn't include him at the minute. Over the last few days the Dingles had had an unusually high amount of problems with their vehicles. At some point or another most of them had been in, they always had time for a chat and a brew while they waited for whatever repair needed doing. No one mentioned Gordon or the police but they weren't known for their subtlety and it was pretty obvious they were here for Aaron. It was quite sweet though and she only hoped Aaron could see it as their way of showing support rather than them interfering. It was starting to wear a little thin though and she saw him rolling his eyes when Lisa came in with her second flat tyre in two days. In the end Debbie had had a quiet word with Marlon and told him to get the rest of them to back off, it seemed to be working because she hadn't seen any of them today. Apart from Chas of course, but that was a whole different story.

She had been in every day, several times a day in fact. She tried to talk to Aaron but each time his answers to her became a little shorter until the last couple of times he'd merely grunted at her and walked away to carry on with whatever he was working on. Debbie had walked back with her back to the Smithy and she had heard about how little Aaron had spoken to his mum the last few days, how little he'd spoken to anyone. Chas was worried about him and she reassured her that she would look after him for her.

She had hoped that considering what she'd heard at the police station and how she'd been there for him that he would feel like he could talk to her but if anything it just made him more awkward around her. She didn't know how to fix that. Talking about it seemed like the only answer she could think of but it was the last thing he wanted to do it seemed. She didn't want to push him or make him feel cornered but where was the line between giving him space and making him feel abandoned? She hoped that they weren't all standing on the wrong side it.

So she watched him and she worried.

By the time Wednesday afternoon came round she was feeling increasingly anxious about how well he was doing. She saw how the circles under his eyes got darker, how his shoulders slumped a little more and he talked a little less. He made more mistakes with the cars he was working on until she was tempted to put him back on car washing duties. She didn't though, just gave him the less expensive cars to work on instead. She saw how his hands shook sometimes though and how often he dropped his tools. Ryan shot her increasingly concerned glances which she didn't know how to respond to, other than shrugging helplessly. She wasn't sure how much longer he could carry on like this, something was bound to break eventually.She just hoped it was one of the cars and not him.

So with all that in mind the accident shouldn't have come as any surprise, she only wished she'd stepped in earlier. When she'd gotten back from taking Sarah to the dentist Ryan and Aaron were both there. Ryan was leaning against the car that Aaron was working on, eating a sandwich. She saw a paper bag on the side that she guessed contained Aaron's. She'd also noticed how little he'd been eating, especially compared to normally, she knew now why people made so many jokes about how much teenage boys liked to eat and Aaron used to be no exception. Before the events of last week that was.

"Didn't get me anything then?" she asked walking up to them.

"Sorry didn't know when you'd be back" Ryan said round a mouthful of food. "Why don't you have Aaron's, I'm sure he won't mind" he said grinning. If he was expecting a response from Aaron he was in for a disappointment, the teenager didn't even seem to have heard him.

"Nah it's alright. I'll get somethi....." she was interrupted by the clanging of metal on metal and a pained hiss from Aaron. He stood up from under the bonnet, his left hand clasped to his chest and a pained expression on his face.

"What did you do?" Ryan asked reaching out a hand towards Aaron's injured one. Aaron just backed further away though.

"It's nothing, my hand just slipped that's all" Aaron said, the grimace on his face telling a different story though.

"I'll be the judge of that" Debbie said as she reached out and took his hand, ignoring the small flinch he made when she took his hand in hers. She pushed gently on his fingers until he opened them revealing a pretty nasty gash about two inches long across his palm.

"Shit Aaron, that looks bad" Ryan said from where he was peering over her shoulder.

"Make yourself useful and grab the first aid kit" Debbie snapped at him. She knew she was taking her anger at herself out on him but she couldn't help it. She was supposed to be looking out for Aaron, she'd seen how tired he was and how it was affecting his concentration, she should have stepped in sooner. But because she'd been too afraid of upsetting him he'd gotten hurt. So much for looking after him.

Ryan did as he was told and handed the green box that held there limited supplies a few seconds later. She examined the cut which was bleeding pretty badly before getting him to hold a gauze pad to it.

"I think that needs checking out at the hospital" she told him.

"Just chuck a bandage on it, it'll be fine" Aaron said, although the amount of blood that was already seeping through the pad told a different story.

"Looks like it might need stitches to me mate" Ryan said still chewing on his sandwich, apparently the sight of blood didn't ruin his appetite.

"Well no-one asked your opinion mate" Aaron snapped at him.

"I think he's right though" Debbie was rifling through the first aid box for a bandage to wrap round it. She sound one and the tape to hold it on. "I'll nip you to Hotton General".

"Just wrap that round it it'll be fine" Aaron said indicating the bandage she now had grasped in her hand.

"Why do you always have to be so stubborn?" Debbie asked. "What's the big deal anyway?".

"I don't want to be any bother" Aaron looked away and she had to resist the urge to sigh. Why couldn't he ever just accept that people wanted to help him. "Look it's already stopping anyway" he said and he was right. The act of putting pressure on the wound seemed to have stopped the worst of the bleeding. 

"Fine" she gave in. "I'll wrap it up but I want you to get Paddy to look at it and if he thinks it needs stitching you're going to listen to him".

"I'm not letting him stitch me up, he's a vet" Aaron glared at her as if she was stupid.

"I'm not saying he'll do the stitching, I mean you'll let him take you to hospital. Although I don't see why he couldn't, what difference does it make ".

"Fine" Aaron agreed. "I'll get him to have a look at it after I finish work".

"Which is now" Debbie told him.

"What? Why?".

"As if I'm going to let you keep working after you've just done that" Debbie tutted.

"But...can I come back tomorrow?" he sounded like a little kid when he asked that.

"As long as Paddy says it's okay then yes. Now shut up and give me your hand so I can clean it up and wrap it" she reached for his hand. She could feel Ryan hovering about again. "Here hold this" she said handing him the supplies.

When she peeled the gauze away from his hand Aaron gasped and tried to pull his hand away from her at the pain.

"Oh stop being such a baby" she said without thinking. She felt his hand tense up in hers and she saw the look of horror that came over his face. How could she have been so stupid? She remembered sitting in that interview room with on Saturday and hearing him say those exact words. Words his dad had said to him just before he raped him for the first time. She could see from his eyes that he was thinking of exactly the same thing, only she'd be willing to bet that it was his dad's voice he was hearing in his head. She cursed herself for the slip.

"I'm so sorry Aaron" she tried to tell him. "I didn't think...I didn't.." she looked at him sadly.

"What's the big deal?" Ryan reminded her of his presence. "Pretty sure you've called him worse that that. Just last week I heard you calling him a...." he didn't get chance to repeat whatever insult it was that she'd used because Aaron interrupted.

"He's right, it's fine" he said, although the way his voice shook would suggest otherwise. "Just wrap it up and I'll get out of your way".

Debbie wanted to protest, to tell him that he wasn't in anybody's way but she did as he asked instead, wrapping the bandage carefully around the injured hand. She was as gentle as she could be but he still flinched with every movement. As soon as she was done he moved his hand away from hers.

"I'll get off then I guess" he said starting to walk out of the garage.

"Wait I'll come with you" Debbie tried to follow him but he turned on her.

"No I can manage, I don't need a babysitter". She winced at his choice of words. 

"Okay" she didn't argue, not wanting to upset him anymore today.

"I'll see you tomorrow then" he said and walked off across the forecourt. She watched him go sadly, she couldn't help feeling that she'd let him down today and now he was hurting even more because of her. And she didn't mean just his hand.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See end of chapter notes for a warning. I didn't want to put it here and spoil the chapter but if you have any triggers please read it first.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Aaron didn't want to go home, he couldn't stand the thought of his mum or Paddy fussing over him, not when his dad's voice was still in his head. It was like he couldn't concentrate on anything else. So he just walked, he had no idea where he was going, he somehow found himself on the little foot bridge that crossed the stream down near Butlers. He paused there and lent his arms on the wooden ledge. It was nice here, no one could see you, no one could hear you. It was peaceful, it felt like a long time since he'd experienced that. He watched the water swirling under the bridge and had a strong compulsion to jump in. Let the water carry him away, he didn't care where, just anywhere was better then here. Somewhere no one knew him. Somewhere he could start again, be someone else. He knew that wasn't possible though. It wouldn't matter where he went he couldn't change who he was, what he was. There was no running away from that.

He looked at where the blood had seeped slightly through the bandage on his hand. Yet more evidence of what a screw up he was. He hadn't been able to concentrate this afternoon. His dad's words playing over and over in his mind, making his hands shake. Gordon had been so angry and upset and it was all his fault. He wished he could go back in time and stop himself from saying anything. What had it achieved? No one felt better for it, everything was just so much worse now.

He was so lost in his own thoughts that he didn't hear anyone approaching. A gentle hand on his arm had him almost jumping out of his skin.

"I'm sorry" Edna said from beside him and once his heart stopped trying to beat out of his chest he gave her a small nod in greeting.

"It's fine" he said but the gruffness of his voice told a different story.

"How have you been?" she asked.

"Fine" he answered shortly and she raised her eyebrows at him in question. She seemed to notice his hand then and reached out to take it, he pulled it away though, cradling it to his chest. "It's nothing, just a stupid accident at work" he explained.

"You should get Patrick to take a look at it" she told him. 

"I said it's fine. I can look after myself you know" he snapped. Why did everyone all of a sudden think he was incapable of looking after himself, he'd been doing it for long enough.

"I'm sure you can, but it's okay to ask for help sometimes too you know?" Edna stayed calm in the face of his anger.

"Yeah well I don't need anyone's help".

"Have you ever considered that they want to help you, that it helps them to do so?" Edna said and the words made him blink. 

"I never thought of it like that" he admitted. "I'm just used to people not really caring you know?" he didn't know why he was telling her this, right time, right place or wrong time, wrong place maybe.

"People do care about you" she said giving him a small smile. 

"Yeah?" he didn't mean to make it sound like a question. He'd spent most of his life thinking that he wasn't really worth anything, you couldn't just change that over night. He still felt like most of them were just acting out of guilt or pity. It wasn't really about him, he could be anyone. Nobody truly cared about him as a person, or put him first. He could only think of one person in his life that had ever done that and that was his father, how twisted was that?

"I've seen it, they way they're hurting because of how you've been hurt".

He looked away from her then, he wondered if he would ever feel anything but shame when what his father had done was brought up.

"Have the police said anything?" he didn't think it would take her long, all this false concern just so she could find out more information, so she could go blab it to all her friends probably.

"That's none of your business" he snarled at her.

"There's no need to snap at me, I hope you know I was only trying to help".

"What do you mean?" he frowned and then it dawned on him what she meant. "You called them?" he couldn't keep the hurt out of his voice.

"Well yes, I had to...".

"You had no right" Aaron's voice broke on the last word, and people wondered why he couldn't trust anyone. Everyone just did what they wanted, no one ever stopped to ask him what he wanted.

"I didn't want this, any of it. You don't know what you've done. He's never going to forgive me now" he could feel his eyes tearing up and it just made him more angry. He gripped the railing tightly, not caring what it did to his already injured hand.

"Who Aaron? You don't mean your father do you?" she looked horrified at his words. "You don't need his forgiveness, you've not done anything wrong".

"You don't understand" he wasn't going to let her see him cry, he was so fed up of people seeing him like this. He didn't want to push past her so he turned and walked the other way. He heard her calling after him but he just ignored her and when her voice still followed him he broke into a run to get away quicker. If only the other voice he could hear were so easy to outrun.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

He ran out of breath soon enough, he really didn't have that much energy anymore. He still didn't know what to do about Gordon's phone call and how the very thought of it made him cold with fear. He was angry at Edna but he couldn't help thinking about what she'd said about asking people for help, maybe she was right. He found himself back at The Smithy soon enough. He went in through the back door intent on finding his mum. He didn't know if he could do it, if he could actually ask for help but maybe he should try, he should give her a chance. But as he walked into the kitchen he heard voices coming from the front room. He walked quietly across the room and lent on the wall just out of sight of anyone who might be in there. He knew it probably wasn't a good idea to eavesdrop but he couldn't help himself.

".....felt like such a waste of time Paddy" his mum's voice carried to where he was standing. "I couldn't tell them anything".

"Well I'm sure that's not true" Paddy's calming voice answered. "The police will need all the evidence they can get". So he guessed his mum was talking about the statement she had given earlier in the week. Aaron knew she had been down to the station but he hadn't talked to her about it. Every time she tried to bring up the investigation he had shut her down. He didn't want to think about it, let alone talk about. Knowing that they were talking about it now should have been enough to send him running to his room. But his curiosity got the better of him, he wanted to know how they really felt about this, instead of what they thought he wanted to hear.

"Well I gave them nothing, because I didn't know anything, because I wasn't there" Aaron could hear the bitterness in his mum's voice.

"Hey, hey don't start with that again".

"Why? It's true. I left him there and I walked away. If I hadn't have been so selfish then none of this would have ever happened" Chas was crying he could tell.

"You can't keep blaming yourself" Paddy shushed her.

"I can and I do. And so does Aaron" that wasn't true, not really. At least he didn't think he did. His head was so messed up, he didn't know anymore. There had been times he hated her for leaving but he couldn't blame her either, because he understood that he wasn't enough to make her stay.

"I'm sure that's not true" Paddy kept trying.

"It doesn't matter what you say. When I think about what Gordon did to him it makes me sick to my stomach. I feel like I can't breath. The worst thing that can happen to a child and it happened to mine. How do I live with that? How does he?".

"He's stronger than you know" Paddy said and Aaron had to put his hand over his mouth to stop the nearly hysterical laugh that came out at those words. He wasn't strong, the older man couldn't have been more wrong.

"What if the police don't end up charging Gordon? What then? How do we carry on then?".

"They will".

"But what if they don't? It's just Aaron's word against his at the minute. It's not enough" Chas sounded panicked.

"It will be" Paddy sounded sure, Aaron wished he had that level of belief. He heard his mum crying again then and Paddy trying to console her. He almost walked away then but his mum spoke again, keeping him there.

"I don't know how much more of this I can cope with" she admitted. "I feel like I'm on the edge of a cliff and one more thing is just going to send me tumbling over".

"Well hang on to me then" it should have sounded cheesy, like some line from a Hollywood movie but when Paddy said it it just sounded right. Aaron did walk away then, he couldn't listen to any more.

He made his way carefully up to his room, making sure to avoid the step halfway up that always creaked. Once he was in his room he leaned back against the door with a sigh. 

He was glad his mum had Paddy, he was a good guy and she deserved that. He felt a pang of jealousy though, it must be nice to have someone like that, someone who loved you that much. Thinking about his mum downstairs crying, because of him sent another surge of guilt through him. He just made everyone's lives harder.

Aaron sat down on the edge of his bed and pulled his phone out of his pocket. He put it down on his bedside table and just stared at it for a while. He might have considered telling his mum about the messages from his dad but hearing her downstairs just now he couldn't do it. He knew she's be upset about it, this would be the one more thing she was talking about, he didn't want to be the one who pushed her over the edge. She was already going through so much because of him, he couldn't do it to her. This was his problem, he'd handle it his own way. Maybe he should just delete them all, but he couldn't bring himself to do that. He couldn't read them again though or listen to the voicemail. He didn't need to, he could hear every word anyway. He couldn't seem to get his dad's voice out of his head, except now it wasn't alone because he could hear his mum's voice too. He just wished it would all go away, that he could switch them off just for a second. 

He wasn't sure what made him do it, but some instinct took over and he found himself pressing his thumb into his injured palm. It was like everything else went away and all that was left was the burning pain in his hand. He sank back onto his bed with a sigh, his eyes rolling slightly in bliss, unaware of the blood that soaked through the bandage and dripped down his wrist. He didn't care because for the first time in days his head was filled with nothing but silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Self harm in this chapter. Sorry if that upsets anyone but I felt like it was such a big part of Aaron's character and how he deals with things. I will update the tags accordingly next chapter.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one is a bit late, decided to rewrite it, still not sure I'm happy with it but it moves us forward to where I need to go. 
> 
> Also I've written a couple more little one shots set in the current time line. Feel free to check them out. First one is Sorry between Chrissie and Aaron and the other is He Ain't Heavy and is the missing hospital scene between Adam and Aaron.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Paddy and Chas hadn't heard Aaron come in yesterday and just as Chas began to worry about where he was Paddy had checked his room and found him fast asleep under his covers. It was pretty early in the evening but he knew how exhausted the teenager was so he'd convinced Chas to leave him, if he was hungry he would wake up. He didn't actually expect him to sleep all night though, but it would seem that was what had happened.

He was up early as he had a couple of farm visits to make before morning surgery so decided to take Aaron some toast up before he left. It was okay that he had missed tea but he needed to make sure he ate something. He knew he hadn't been eating much this last week. Wow had it only really been a week since that terrible day when Aaron had revealed such an awful secret, the Barton farm was one of his visits this morning, funnily enough.

He knocked on the bedroom door and heard some kind of grunt in response so he opened the door and stuck his head through to see Aaron sitting up in bed and rubbing his head. That was when he saw the bloodied bandage on his left hand.

"What's that?" Paddy asked coming into his room and approaching the bed.

"What?....Oh" Aaron looked down at his hand when he saw where Paddy was looking. "I did it at work, it's nothing" he shrugged.

"Well it looks like it's been bleeding still" Paddy said indicating the blood trail that had dried along Aaron's arm. "Let me grab my bag and I can take a look at it".

"Nah it'll be alright" Aaron tried to fob him off. "I need to get to work" he started to get up.

"You're not going anywhere until I've looked at that" Paddy said. He didn't wait for an answer, just quickly headed downstairs to grab his bag out of the surgery. He half expected Aaron to be gone when he got back but he was sat on the edge of the bed waiting for him. He had got changed however and when Paddy walked into the room he was looking at his phone. He quickly put it back down when Paddy walked back in. He looked very pale and a little nervous, Paddy squinted his eyes at him.

"Everything alright?" he asked as he put the bag down next to him and got out the things he needed.

"Yeah, yeah it's fine" Aaron answered but Paddy could hear the way his voice shook slightly.

Paddy started to unwind the dirty bandage from his hand.

"How did you say you did it anyway?" he asked wincing at the raw looking wound that he could see properly now that it was exposed.

"Hand slipped working on an engine is all" Aaron said, but he didn't look at him.

"This looks like it could have done with a few stitches, but it has stopped bleeding so you might get away with it" he said as he gently cleaned the dried blood away. 

"Look can you get a move on, I'm going to be late for work at this rate" Aaron said grumpily.

"Alright, keep your hair on" Paddy tutted at him. He pressed a fresh gauze pad onto the cut before starting to wrap a clean bandage around it. "Are you sure you should be at work with this anyway? I'm sure Debbie won't mind if you take the day off".

"Yeah well I mind. It's only a little cut, and I like being at work. Less time to think".

"I know you said you don't want to talk about it anymore" Paddy had come to the end of the bandage now and he put the tape he had already cut on to hold it in place. He didn't let go of his hand yet though, using the excuse of making sure it was properly secure to hold on for just a little bit longer. "But I just want you to know you can tell me anything" Aaron's eyes darted to his phone, where it sat on the bed next to him. "I'll always listen".

Aaron looked at him, Paddy sensed the weight of something in the room, something as yet unspoken.

"Aaron?" he asked, giving him an invitation to speak if he wanted to. Aaron looked away nervously, he seemed to be gearing himself up to speak.

"I...." Aaron began.

"Paddy, hadn't you better get a move on?" Chas' voice shouted from downstairs and the spell was broken. Paddy cursed the terrible timing on his girlfriend's part.

"You'd better get going" Aaron said and Paddy could see that the walls were already back up. He sat back for a minute really looking at him, but Aaron wouldn't meet his gaze.

"Okay" he said packing his things back up into his bag. "But I need to check that again tonight" he said pointing at the freshly bandaged hand.

"Okay" Aaron agreed and Paddy picked his bag up to leave. "Thanks" Aaron said as he picked at the edge of the bandage.

"You're welcome" Paddy smiled at him, giving him a quick pat on the shoulder. "And leave that alone, otherwise I'll have to put a dog cone on you" Paddy grinned at him.

Aaron frowned at him for a second and then. "I'd like to see you try" he grinned back. Paddy's heart did a little mini somersault to see a smile, even a little one on the teenager's face, he felt proud that he'd been the one to put it there.

"Well let me know if you it causes you any problems or you need anything else later" he told him. "After all, I'm only a phone call away as they say" Aaron's grin disappeared in an instant and he couldn't think what he'd said wrong.

"I need to get to work and so do you from the sound of it" Aaron said getting up off the bed after grabbing his phone and shoving it in his pocket. Even though Aaron never even touched him Paddy couldn't help feeling like he was being pushed out of the room. So he left, but he still felt like he'd missed something. He would just have to keep trying.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

"Do you want a brew before you go?" John asked him as they walked back towards the farmhouse. Paddy glanced at his watch, he still had an hour before his first appointment.

"Yeah go on then" he said, never one to turn a drink down, especially if there was a few biscuits involved.

Moira and Adam were both in the kitchen when they walked in and Paddy smiled as he watched John tease his son about shirking work. Moira was already pouring tea, she must have seen them coming across the yard.

Paddy like Moira and John, they seemed like a really nice couple, it felt somewhat strange to see a nice normal, family in Emmerdale, how weird was that?

"Biscuit?" Moira asked placing a plate of all his favourites in front of him.

"Ooohh Bourbons" Paddy said picking one up and dunking it in his tea. "I never get a look in with these at home, Aaron normally scoffs the lot" and just like that the atmosphere changed.

"How is Aaron?" Moira asked sitting down next to him.

"Yeah you know, he alright, I think" Paddy said around the biscuit in his mouth. "Well maybe not...alright...I don't know to be honest".

"Well I would be surprised if he was" Moira said sadly. "This is a lot to deal with, and he's been dealing with it on his own for so long, it can't be easy".

"I looked it up online you know" Paddy said, the biscuits forgotten now. "It was...well...it was terrifying. Some of the things it said about long term affects, it's just I'm worried that he might never get over it really" he trailed off then.

"I would imagine it's something that will always be there. This sort of thing leaves so many scars" Moira said. "Bad enough that it happened at all, but his own father, it doesn't bear thinking about."

"If I could get my hands on his dad, I can't tell you what I'd do to him" John spoke.

"Join the queue" Paddy responded. "You know Aaron finds it really hard to trust people. I know he comes across as a bit of a thug but it's just his way of keeping people away and now we know why. Chas said that he used to adore his dad, idolize him even, and to think he used that against him. What must that do to a child, when the people who should love you more than anyone can hurt you so badly? The one person who should have kept him safe did that to him" Paddy could feel tears pricking at the back of his eyes and Moira must have seen to as she reached out and patted his hand with a sad smile on his face.

"Well at least now people know, his dad can never hurt him ever again".

Adam made a noise then drawing all of their attention to him.

"Something you want to say son?" John asked him frowning.

"No, it's nothing" but even Paddy could tell he was hiding something and he didn't even know him that well.

"Adam" Moira said in that voice that only mums can do.

"If I tell you something, swear you won't tell him it came from me" Adam looked nervous.

"Well now you've got me worried" Paddy said, what could Adam know that had him acting like this.

"I mean I don't know if it's even that bad, but I'm pretty sure he shouldn't be doing it, especially with the police investigating and everything" Adam rambled on.

"What are you talking about?" John interrupted him.

"He's been texting him" Adam blurted out. "His dad". Paddy didn't know how to react, he could see the same shocked and confused looks on John and Moira's faces.

"Why would Aaron want to text his dad?" because Paddy couldn't think of a single reason why Aaron would want to do that, not a healthy one anyway.

"No it's the other way round" Adam was quick to clarify."His dad's been messaging him".

"What the hell?" John exclaimed, Paddy knew how he felt.

"I think you need to tell us exactly what you know" Moira pulled a seat out for her son so he could join them at the table, he did so reluctantly.

"When I was round at his the other night I caught him checking his phone so I thought it'd be funny to grab it off him, but that's when I saw them, the messages I mean".

"What did they say?" Paddy could feel his anger rising.

"Not much really, just how much he loved him and missed him. But the last couple he was demanding to know why Aaron wasn't replying to any of them".

"That evil, manipulative bastard" Paddy wasn't expecting to hear the venom in Moira's voice, but she said exactly what he was thinking. 

"This is bad isn't it?" Adam said looked guilty.

"Yeah, it's bad" Paddy said quietly. "He's messing with his head, like he hasn't already done that enough. You know I thought there was something he wanted to tell me this morning, I should have pushed him to talk. All this backing off isn't doing anyone any good".

"You weren't to know" Moira tried to placate him.

"No I wasn't" Paddy was angry now, but it was only aimed at one person. "Because once again Gordon is forcing Aaron to keep secrets from us. He must be so confused. Well this has to stop, I'm not going to let that man get to him anymore. This ends now" he got up from the table.

"What are you going to do?" Adam asked looking up at him fearfully.

"I'm going to go talk to Aaron and I'm going to read these bloody messages myself".

"You know as much as I hate the thought of his dad messing with his head, he might have actually done us a favour" John said then.

"How do you figure that?" Paddy asked him.

"I'm pretty sure the police are going to be just as eager to read those texts as well, Gordon may well have screwed up big time" John looked at him with grim satisfaction.

"Yes" Paddy felt a thrill of hope course through him, maybe some good could come of this new heartache after all. He needed to get back and see Aaron, make sure he was okay and make sure he hadn't deleted those messages. As awful as this was, maybe, it might be the break they had been waiting for.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gordon spent half of Wednesday in a drunken fog and the second half in a panic. Once he sobered up he remembered how stupid he'd been. He'd actually rang Aaron and left a message. He couldn't remember exactly what he'd said but whatever it was it couldn't have been good. He needed to get Aaron to delete that message or it could all be over for him. He tried ringing him but when it went straight to voicemail he wasn't stupid enough to leave another message. 

What to do, what to do? 

This was not good, not good at all. How could he have been so stupid. 

It was late Wednesday night when he decided what he needed to do. It was too late to do anything about it now of course, but first thing in the morning would be soon enough.

He sent Aaron one last text message before he went to sleep. One last chance to reply. He didn't expect him to though. Oh well he'd had his chance. More direct action was going to be required now and Gordon knew what he had to do.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if there was any confusion about chapter 20, when I posted 19 for some reason it posted it twice as 19 and 20 so I had to delete the second one. Here is the actual Chapter 20 though. Enjoy xx

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Aaron felt strange all morning. His hand ached but that wasn't what was bothering him. He'd felt guilty when Paddy had tended to him this morning, worried that the vet would be able to tell what he'd done the night before, but he didn't seem suspicious. That just made him feel worse though, he didn't know why he'd done it, but the fact that he had slept better then he had all week just made him more confused. How could hurting himself have that effect? The calm that he'd felt didn't last though and this morning he was back to feeling terrible, if anything he felt worse than before, the shame eating away at him. His dad's latest message really didn't help either, it left him feeling jumpy and nervous. What did he mean by it? When no one was looking he took his phone out of his pocket and read it again, as if it might suddenly become clearer.

Dad: I'm done waiting, I need to see you.

It didn't help, he still didn't know what his dad meant by that. Was it just something he was saying or would he really come here? He should probably tell someone but how? He'd been so tempted to tell Paddy but he was sick of being a burden, of stopping everyone from getting on with their lives, he was probably just being paranoid anyway. 

He knew Debbie had wanted to send him home because of his hand but the thought of being in the house alone made his stomach twist in knots. He'd promised her he would take it easy and with narrowed eyes she had agreed to let him stay. If it hadn't have been for the fact that she wanted to take Sarah into Hotten to pick up some school supplies, which would mean leaving Ryan on his own, he got the feeling she would have sent him home anyway. 

So he spent the morning doing as much as his injured hand and Ryan would let him, which it turned out wasn't much. But at least he wasn't alone. He felt safer knowing that Ryan was here with him, although if Gordon did show up he wasn't sure that would make a difference. 

When Ryan asked him if he minded if he left him alone while he nipped for lunch it took everything in him to nod and tell him it was fine. The urge to beg him to stay was almost overwhelming and he felt ridiculous for his reaction.

Ryan must have read something in his expression though because he hesitated. He'd arranged to meet his mum in the cafe but he said he could ring her to rearrange. Aaron had snapped at him and told him he didn't need a babysitter so Ryan had left with one last worried look over his shoulder.

Aaron got on with what he was working on telling himself that Ryan wouldn't be that long. It was a bright sunny day but some reason all he felt was cold. He tried to ignore the prickly feeling he felt on the back of his neck, telling himself he was behaving like a child.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Brenda liked working in the cafe, it was the perfect opportunity to find out what was going on in the village. She didn't like to think of herself as being nosy but there always seemed to be some drama going on for someone, and anyone would find it all fascinating. The latest intrigue seemed to be centred around Chas' lad Aaron. No one seemed to quite know what was going on but those that did were keeping it themselves and judging by the glum looks they all seemed to have on their faces it wasn't good. She knew the police were involved and Aaron hadn't been in the cafe all week so he was obviously feeling guilty about something. She worried about the youth of today sometimes, at least her Gennie had always been a good girl. She had that to be thankful for, although there was a lot to be said for good parenting really. 

The other benefit of working here was that she knew all the people who lived here and she always spotted a new face. The man who came in late morning was definitely not someone she had seen before. She would remember, he was quiet good looking and very friendly, she decided she liked him instantly.

"Can I get you anything else?" she asked coming over to clear away his plate.

"No thank you" he smiled up at her and she felt like a schoolgirl again when her heart did a little skip at the way his eyes twinkled. "That was smashing".

"Ohhh, I'm glad you enjoyed it. I feel like no one around here appreciates my cooking usually" she cooed at him.

"Well their loss, I would be in here all the time if I lived here, although I'm not sure that would be good for my figure" he said patting his flat looking stomach. 

"Oh I think you could get away with it" Brenda flirted and was rewarded with a big grin from the man in front of her. "So you're not from around here then?" she couldn't help fishing for information.

"No, Hotten. I am looking for someone though actually" he said leaning in as if drawing her into his confidence.

"Oh really and who is the lucky lady?" Brenda almost shocked herself with her brazen question but the man in front of her just laughed charmingly at her.

"No, no nothing like that. I'm looking for a young lad actually, maybe you know him? Aaron Livesy?" for all his casualness there was something intense about the way he said the name. Some of his charm slipped away slightly and she saw a glint of something darker in his eye. It made her wonder what Aaron had done to upset this man.

"Don't tell me he's done something wrong by you? I tell you that boy has been nothing but trouble for his mum since he came to the village. I don't know how she puts up with him" Brenda leaned in to tell him.

"Really?" he raised his eyebrows at her. "That doesn't surprise me, he was always getting into trouble when he was younger" he also leaned in and it was like he was confiding in her, she liked that. 

"So you've known him a long time then?".

"Yes, you could say that. It's been a while though. I was passing through and I just thought I'd catch up".

"Oh that's nice" she said taking his plate and putting in on the side for Bob to take through to the kitchen, she ignored the irritated look he gave her. She far to interested in the man in front of her. It wasn't often she got to chat to someone so nice, most people who lived here just seemed to find her annoying and didn't tell her much anymore. Where as he seemed happy to chat. "I'm not sure now is the best time though. I think he might be in a spot of bother", she half whispered.

He raised his eyebrows at her comment. "Really what kind of bother?".

"Well I don't know but the police had been round and he seems to be keeping a bit of a low profile about it. Other than when I've seen him walking to work I've not seen him round the village at all this week, and his family won't speak a word about what's going on. No surprise there though, they always have been a close knit bunch".

"Yeah" the man said and she thought she saw his jaw clench for a second.

"Brenda, I could do with some help over here" Bob interrupted, glaring at her from behind the counter.

"Okay. okay, keep you hair on" she rolled her eyes at the man and he gave her a sympathetic wink.

"Well it was lovely talking to you" he said getting up from the table.

"You too" she found herself blushing at his attention. "Come again anytime?" she offered.

"I'll remember that" he opened the door to leave and then as if just remembering something he turned back and asked "Where did you say Aaron worked again?"

"Just down the road at the garage" she answered without a second thought. He gave her a huge grin in return and she was glad she'd been able to help him.

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Gordon had second guessed himself on the drive over here but he couldn't stand to just wait around for other people to decide his fate. The fact that the police hadn't been anywhere near for a couple of days meant that Aaron musn't have told them about his phone call, so maybe he still had a chance to get through to his boy after all.

He realized once he was in the village that he didn't have a clue where to find his son. Last he knew he'd been living at the Wishing Well with the rest of his inbred family but he could hardly go knocking on the door up there asking for him. He really needed to speak to Aaron alone, it was the only way he could get through to him. While trying to figure out his next step he decided to grab a bit of a late breakfast in the small cafe he spotted. It turned out luck was on his side when the woman in there turned out to be very useful indeed, thank God for small minded gossips.

He left the cafe and made his was down the main street of the village keeping a careful eye out for anyone who might recognize him. It was a nice sunny day and there was already a few people sat outside the pub on the benches, enjoying an early lunch in the sunshine. He envied them their carefree existence. He made sure that he didn't know anyone there before making his was past them quickly and on down the street. Even so a couple of them nodded a polite greeting that he returned. As he got close to the garage he slowed down a bit, he wanted to assess the situation rather than walk in there blindly. He couldn't risk Aaron seeing him before he was ready. 

Luckily there was a small shop, Home Farm Stores the sign proclaimed, just across the road from the garage and he was able to see everything he needed to while keeping mostly out of sight. He first saw a young man working on a car outside but he immediately knew it wasn't Aaron, even from this distance. When his son appeared from the small building a few minutes later he almost dropped the jar that he was feigning an interest in. So at least the nosy bat who worked in the cafe was right. 

It was strange seeing his son for the first time in months. He hadn't changed that much in that time from what he could tell, although he did look a little older, less of a boy now but still a long way from being a man. He watched for as long as he could without it looking strange and he decided that it was just the two of them working there, at least for today. He just had to hope that at some point he'd get the opportunity to speak to Aaron alone.

"Can I help you with anything?" an older man said coming out of the shop to talk to him. He had a name badge that said Doug and he was giving him a strange look. Gordon couldn't say he was surpised, he had been looking at the same jar of jam for the last ten minutes.

"Oh yes sorry" he said smiling at Doug warmly. "I was just trying to figure out the ingredients, my wife has all these ridiculous allergies".

"Oh tell me about it" the older man said sighing. "Never used to hear about it in my day, but nowadays everyone seems to have something. All a load of codswallop if you ask me" he face flushed red then as if he realised he might have just put his foot in it.

Gordon laughed good naturedly to let him know there was no harm down. "No I totally agree, but I have to humour her, you know" he shook his head and rolled his eyes to let the other man know how he felt about that.

"Oh yes, I know that feeling" Doug winked back at him conspiratorially. As they stood there talking Gordon noticed the other mechanic leave the garage and walk off down the road. Now was his chance.

"Well I better leave it for now, would hate to get it wrong" he told Doug as he handed the jar over to him.

"Fair enough" Doug took it from him, "bring your wife with you next time".

"I might just do that" Gordon grinned at him. As soon as the older man walked back into the shop he turned around and headed straight for the garage.

He couldn't see Aaron at first and for a moment was worried that he'd missed him then he spotted movement inside the small building. His son had his back turned to him, sorting something out on the bench in front of him. The sound of the radio blaring out hid the noise his shoes made on the gravel so he was able to make it all the way across the yard and close behind him without him even noticing.

"Hello son" he said and couldn't help a feeling of satisfaction when Aaron spun around, fear written all over his face.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, hope you like this one, it's a chapter I've had in mind for a while now, still plenty more to come though. Remember when this was going to be a one shot (laughs a little hysterically) .
> 
> A little violence in this one just to warn you.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Aaron couldn't believe it, all his fears had come to life. His dad was here, he was really here.

"D...dad" he managed to stutter out. He was aware of how his back was up against the tool bench and he had nowhere to go.

"Long time no see" Gordon said smiling at him like an old friend. It was disconcerting to say the least.

"What are you doing here?" Aaron managed to croak out, hating how weak his voice sounded. 

"I think you know" Gordon continued to smile at him. "What are you playing at Aaron?" he still didn't sound angry, just concerned.

"I'm sorry" Aaron couldn't help himself from saying, it was ingrained in him from years of trying to keep on his good side.

"It's a little late for sorries don't you think?" Gordon took a step closer and Aaron could feel the metal bench digging into his back.

"I don't....what do you want me to say?" Aaron kept his eyes down on the ground, too scared to meet his father's eye.

"I want to know why you're doing this to me, to us?" his father looked at him sadly and he felt guilt twist inside him.

"I didn't mean too" and it was true, if it was up to him none of this would have ever happened. He would have been happy to let his dad carry on living his life while he tried to do the same. No one would have to be dealing with any of this.

"That's the problem though isn't it Aaron, you never mean to. Yet somehow you always end up doing the wrong thing" there was a harder glint in his eye now.

"What?" Aaron could feel his face getting hot under his dad's gaze.

"You know what I mean. If you'd just been a good kid then none of this would have happened" Gordon said the words that had always played over and over on repeat in his head. He never knew until know that it had always been his dad's voice he was hearing.

"I don't understand" Aaron knew he sounded like a little boy with those words but he couldn't control it, because that was exactly how he felt. His dad somehow always managed to make him feel so small.

"No you never did, because you're stupid" Gordon spat the words at him. "You never did learn your lesson, nothing ever sunk in. Do you know how hard it was to love you?" he was right up in his face now and Aaron had to turn his head away to avoid the hate in his eyes.

"What? I'm your son" his voice broke on the words. Even after everything he just wanted his dad to love him. What made him so unworthy of that?

"Everybody else hated you. Even your own mum couldn't stand to be around you. She was just a stupid whore that left and yet you still think she loves you, just how stupid are you?" he could feel his breath on his cheek, he was so close.

Aaron needed to get away from him because as much as he knew the words were said to hurt him, he couldn't deny the truth in them. He pushed past him so that he could walk out of the garage and into the sunlit yard.

"She knew what you were, what you are" his father's spiteful words called after him halting him in his tracks.

Aaron knew he should run, that he shouldn't listen to this man but he couldn't, he needed to know what his dad really thought. Maybe then he could understand.

"And what's that?" he asked turning back to face him.

"Bad" Gordon grinned at him, but there was no warmth in it at all. "You're rotten to the core, why else would I do what I did huh? Did you ever think about that?".

Aaron felt sick, he could feel the panic building up inside him at his dad's words. Gordon's face changed suddenly, it was dizzying to watch. One moment his face was twisted with anger and then in the next he looked calm and composed again.

"I still love you though son, it's not too late to fix all this" he smiled at him kindly and it reminded him of the good times they'd had together when he was growing up. He didn't know which side of his dad was the real one. Was it the one who said he loved him, who took him to the footy and went on bike rides with him. Or was that all an act, was all of that just to keep him quiet, to protect his own skin. Was the monster he remembered all his dad ever really was?

"What?" Aaron was so confused. "How?" because deep down all he wanted was for this all to be okay, even after what his dad had just said he couldn't help hoping that Gordon really did love him, that someone did. 

"You just need to tell the police that you lied" Gordon said his face soft and kind and everything Aaron wanted it to be. But it was all a lie, it was just a mask hiding his true nature.

"But I didn't" it was barely a whisper but he saw the way Gordon's jaw clenched.

"Well maybe not lied" he tried to reason with him. "Just blew things out of proportion a little, you know exaggerated it so it sounded worse than it really was".

"No" Aaron breathed out. He knew what his dad was doing, he'd done it before, nothing had changed, except Aaron could see it now. 

"Come on Aaron I'm trying to help you here?" Gordon sounded a little less calm and a little more angry now.

"No you're not" this wasn't about him, it was about saving his own skin.

"I would never have let you go if I'd known this would happen" Gordon said sadly.

"Let me go?" Aaron couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Yes you're my son. Mine. But I knew I couldn't help you, I tried my best but it's too late for that. Look all you have to do is tell them it was a misunderstanding and this can all go away".

"A misunderstanding?" Aaron's fear was fading, rage rising in it's place "What exactly did I misunderstand?".

"I was just trying to help you, I wanted you to grow up to be a decent man, I did the best I could" Gordon was pleading with him now.

"Really?" Aaron could feel tears tracing down his cheeks and he didn't care anymore. He didn't care what this man thought of him. "You raped me, how exactly was that supposed to help" he saw the way his dad flinched at the word and he was pleased.

"Don't say that" Gordon's voice had it's edge back, Aaron knew he was getting to him. He knew it was dangerous to push him like this but there was no going back now.

"What, don't you like that word? Well tough. You raped me and you're going to pay for it" Aaron couldn't believe what he was saying, but it felt good, he'd waited so long to do this.

"How's that then. You've got no proof. It's just your word against mine and everyone knows what a lying little scumbag you are" Gordon snarled.

"Oh really" Aaron smirked at him grabbing his phone out of his pocket and holding it up in the air so his dad could see it. "I think the police might like to see this, pretty sure it's not going to help your case".

He should have seen it coming, he knew what his father was like but he was so caught up in the thrill of finally standing up to him that he let his guard down.

"Give me that" his dad snapped, lunging at him. The rage on his face was the image that haunted his nightmares. His dad flailed at him trying to grab the phone from him. Aaron scurried back but lost his footing and ended up falling backwards. He kept hold of his phone and scrambled to his feet before his dad could get to him though. Gordon continued forward and he tried to put his free hand, the injured one out to hold him back. He didn't expect his dad to grab it though, the older man squeezing it tight so that he dropped to his knees, letting out a pained scream as he did so.

"Not so brave now are you?" his dad snarled at him as he dug his thumb into the fleshy part of his palm, as if he knew on instinct how to inflict the most pain. Aaron wanted to curl in on himself from the agony but his dad held him there, trapped. He could feel the blood soaking through the bandage and running down his arm and he was as scared now as he'd ever been. His dad was going to win again, because his dad always won.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Bob was busy making Val a coffee so he didn't see Cain come in, but when he turned round he was standing at the counter waiting patiently to be served.

"Oh sorry didn't see you there" Bob smiled at him warmly. "What can I get you?"

"Bacon sarnie please Bob" Cain said, in what could only be considered a friendly tone for him. For most other people it would have sounded slightly rude, but Bob knew Cain well enough to hear it for what it was. "Oh and a tea as well".

"You eating in or taking out?" Bob asked.

"Take out, at least someone should be at the garage" he raised his voice on the last few words, obviously intending Ryan, who was sat at one of the tables with his mother to hear.

"It's my lunch break" Ryan said round a mouthful of sandwich, which his mother raised a disapproving eyebrow at. "Anyway Aaron's there, so it's not like I left it unattended".

Bob headed into the kitchen to prepare Cain's order so he didn't hear the rest of the conversation.

He came back out bag in a hand a few minutes later.

"£3.80 please?" he offered the bag and tea over and Cain handed a £5 note.

"How's he doing anyway?" he heard Cain asking Ryan and he tried to pretend he wasn't listening as he got Cain his change.

"He hurt his hand yesterday so he's about as much use as a chocolate fireguard, but for some reason Debbie let him stay" Ryan answered.

"How'd he hurt his hand?" Bob could see Cain was concerned about his nephew. It seemed a little out of character, Cain wasn't known for his caring attitude.

"His hand slipped when he was fixing something, doesn't help that he's so distracted all the time" Ryan offered.

"Is everything okay?" his mum asked. Cain rolled his eyes in annoyance.

"Are you talking about Aaron?" Brenda chose the worst moment to stick her nose in.

"What's it got to do with you?" Cain snapped as he took the change that Bob had been holding out for the last minute and a half.

"Oh nothing really" Brenda answered snottily. "I just wondered if that nice man had managed to catch up with him?",

"What nice man?" Cain's voice was icy now, Bob wouldn't have been surprised to turn round and find Brenda frozen solid by it.

"Oh he didn't give his name" Brenda answered pretending not to be bothered by Cain's intense gaze. "He just said he knew Aaron from way back and wondered if I knew where he could find him" she seemed oblivious at the effect her words were having, but Bob saw the was Cain's lips thinned at her words.

"You didn't tell him did you?" even Brenda couldn't fail to hear the worry and panic in the other man's voice, not things you usually associated with Cain Dingle.

"Well yes....I told him he worked at the garage....what's wrong with that?".

"You stupid cow" Cain bellowed at her.

"What's up boss?" Ryan asked standing up in concern.

"How long ago was this?" Cain asked Brenda, completely ignoring the younger man.

"I don't know, about half an hour ago I think" Brenda stammered out.

"Damn it" Cain threw his sandwich down on the counter and without another word ran out of the cafe.

Ryan didn't hesitate, he just ran out after him, leaving his mum sat there, mouth open in shock.

"What on Earth was that all about?" Val asked from her seat at the counter.

Bob shrugged his shoulders and raised his eyebrows. He had no idea but anything that could make Cain react like that couldn't be good. Bob wasn't sure he'd ever seen the other man scared in his life but that was exactly what he had seen in his eyes just before he ran out.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Marlon was just about to carefully place two plates of food down in front of a couple of customers when he saw Cain, closely followed by Ryan come running up the street.

"What's going on?" he shouted at them as they got near him. He could see the look of panic on Cain's face.

Cain didn't stop, he just shouted one word over his shoulder as he kept going.

"Gordon" the word was snarled like it pained Cain even to say it.

It was only one word but it was enough to have Marlon dump the plates he was holding and take off after him.

He knew they must look ridiculous, three grown men running at full speed through the middle of the village, but he didn't care because anything that could scare Cain this much was worth looking like an idiot for.

 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Doug was just helping Leyla with the delivery when they both heard a loud cry of pain coming from the garage across the road. Neither of them hesitated as they both headed over to check it out.

There was a million and one scenarios that crossed his mind as they walked briskly across the road, a thousand ways someone could get hurt working at a garage. Not one of them was close to what they found though. 

Doug stopped in his tracks at the sight before him, trying to decipher what he was seeing. Aaron was on his knees on the ground. His hand, his bleeding bandaged hand Doug noticed, held in the grip of a man who stood with his back to them. Doug could see from the expression on the boy's face that he was in a great deal of pain, although the blood running down his arm was evidence enough.

"Aaron are you okay?" Leyla ran up to the pair of them and the man dropped Aaron's hand instantly. Doug recognized him as the man he had been talking to earlier but he couldn't for the life of him figure out what was going on here. The man had a look of concern on his face but Doug could have sworn that when he had first turned towards them he had spotted a flash of irritation there.

Before he could ask any questions himself the sound of running feet heralded the arrival of Cain, Ryan and Marlon. The three of them came flying into the yard, gravel kicking up under their feet. Cain didn't hesitate, he just ran straight up to the man looming over his nephew.

"Get the fuck away from him" Cain bellowed, spit flying from his mouth, a wild look to his eyes. Before anyone could even think of stepping in or stopping him he swung his fist and hit the man square in the face, he went down like a sack of potatoes.

Cain stood over him looking down and Doug thought the expression if looks could kill had never been more fitting. He hoped never to be on the receiving end of such a look and he felt a slight stirring of pity for the man, surely no one deserved that.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


	22. Chapter 22

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Marlon pulled Cain away from where Gordon was laying on the floor. Not to protect the other man but just because there were far too many witnesses to let him beat him to a pulp right now. He understood the urge though, it was taking everything in him not to stomp the man's face into the ground himself.

Gordon started to sit up, he looked a little dazed as he wiped the blood from his nose on the back of his hand. 

"What the hell are you doing here?" Cain snarled at him.

"I came to see my son" Gordon answered back, he didn't make any move to stand up, probably wasn't feeling too steady right now, Cain could pack quite a punch when he wanted to. "There's no law against that is there?", he was defiant in the face of Cain's anger. Marlon might have even respected him for it if he didn't already hate him with every ounce of his being.

"No but there's laws against what you did to him" Cain reminded Marlon of a rabid animal. It was a miracle he was able to form coherent sentences considering how tight his jaw was clenched.

"I didn't do anything to him" Gordon snapped back, before sighing and seeming to calm himself. "That's why I'm here, to find out why he's saying these things. Come on Cain you know me, we went to school together, you really think I would do something like that? And to my own son" he sounded so reasonable, it was all very convincing.

"No I wouldn't have thought it, you're right" Cain answered and Marlon saw the way Aaron tensed up at the words. The teenager was still kneeling on the floor to the side, his injured hand clutched tightly against his chest. Leyla hovered over him, clearly wanting to help but not sure how.

"But that's how you people get away with it for so long isn't it" Cain continued. "You convince everyone around you that you're one of the good guys but deep down you're sick and twisted" Cain looked right at him then, Marlon could tell that he wanted to see Gordon's reaction when he said whatever he was going to say next. "Paedophile" he spat at him.

Gordon surged to his feet, rage twisting his features "I am not a paedophile" he roared at the other man. 

"Back off" Marlon stepped in front of Gordon, not that Cain needed protecting but Marlon wanted to show him that he wasn't the only one he had to worry about.

"What are you saying?" Doug asked then, his voice wobbling. Marlon could see how horrified the older man was, judging by Ryan's wide open stare and the sadness in Leyla's eyes they were all putting the pieces together.

"He's not saying anything, because none of it's true" Gordon continued to defend himself. "This has gone on long enough, tell them Aaron" he turned to where his son knelt hunched over. 

"Don't you speak to him" Cain made a menacing step forward but Gordon held his ground.

"He's my son, I'll do what I want".

"Not anymore you won't" Marlon told him. 

"Aaron come on son, this is ridiculous, look what you're doing, did you really want this?" Gordon threw his arms wide, gesturing to the audience they had.

"I said don't speak to him" Cain's hands were clenched tightly at his sides.

"I love my son" Gordon told them. "I wouldn't hurt him".

"What were you doing just now then?" Leyla asked, with narrowed eyes. She and Doug had already been in the yard when Marlon and the others arrived, she must have seen something to make her suspicious.

"I was....." Gordon seemed thrown, Marlon got the impression he hadn't been expecting the petite woman to question him. "He tripped over and I was just helping him up. Isn't that right son?" there was something to his tone that made Marlon uneasy. He sounded perfectly reasonable but there something underneath it, a layer of menace.

Aaron had been looking down at the ground most of the time but he raised his eyes now. He looked terrified, but there was something else there as well, it looked like defiance.

"No" Aaron said the word quietly, but it held power. Marlon could almost feel it.

"What happened then Aaron?" Marlon asked him gently. It felt weird being like this with Aaron, he'd clashed with him a lot in the past, his attitude irritating him. But he saw him in a different light now, all he could see in front of him was a young lad who needed support.

"He...he wanted my phone. I wouldn't give it to him so he grabbed my hand....and he..he hurt me" Aaron was looking down again as if ashamed of looking weak.

"Why did he want your phone?" Marlon coaxed him.

"Aaron" it sounded like a warning from Gordon and Aaron shivered at the word, but it would seem he was done listening to his dad because he answered Marlon's question.

"He's been texting me, and he left a voicemail message. He wanted me to delete them, he wants me to tell the police that I'm lying".

"Because you are" Gordon still insisted.

"I'm not" Aaron replied. "Not anymore".

"See, see he just admitted it" Gordon grinned triumphantly, hearing what he wanted to in his son's words.

"No I mean I'm done lying for you" Aaron told him. "You made me lie, for nine years I did what you told me too" Aaron was looking right at his dad now, his gaze strong even though Marlon could see the way he trembled and the tears that ran down his face. "Because I believed you, I believed you when you said it was my fault, I believed you when you said you were sorry. I believed you when you said you loved me, but I'm not the liar, you are". Finally Marlon thought. "You were right earlier, I didn't want any of this" he looked around at all the people watching them. "But now, now I do, I hope you rot in jail, I hate you" he didn't sound angry, he just sounded done.

"You little..." Gordon lunged at him but before anyone else could react Leyla stepped in front of the teenager, shielding him. She looked Gordon straight in the eye, her gaze cold and hard and he stopped in his tracks.

"I'm going to call the police" Doug said fishing for his phone in his pocket.

"Yes, yes do that" Gordon looked wild eyed, his earlier calm and reasonable demeanor long since vanished. "I'm sure they'd love to hear about you assaulting me" he turned on Cain again. "I have all these witnesses, you'll get sent down with your record" he smiled at him, his eyes twinkling with glee at the thought. Aaron looked worried.

"I don't know what you're talking about" Doug looked at him deadpan. "You tripped over, Cain just helped you up" he turned his own words from earlier back on him.

"No, no that's not right" Gordon sounded desperate. "You" he whirled around to look at Leyla now. "You saw it".

"Nah, it's like Doug said, you tripped, you should be more careful, it happens a lot round here" she smiled at him and Marlon made a pact with himself to never get on the wrong side of her.

Gordon started to back up, Ryan made a move as if to stop him. 

"No, let him go" Cain said and Marlon frowned at him confused.

"What?" Ryan was angry. Cain nodded with his head in Aaron's direction and everyone looked at the teenager. He was still on his knees, his hand still clutched tightly to his chest and he was visibly trembling. Marlon knew he was barely keeping it together, they could all see it. He knew where Cain was coming from, he didn't want Gordon around his son anymore either, he'd done enough damage both today and in the past to last a lifetime, and it would.

Gordon started to walk away, he wasn't totally stupid. He kept looking over his shoulder at all of them though as if not quite believing they were letting him go so easy. Cain waited right until he was almost out of sight before shouting after him in a fake cheery voice.

"Don't go to far though ay, I'm sure the police will want a few words".

Gordon visibly paled before turning back around and finally disappearing from sight.

Nobody said anything at first, everyone processing what had happened. Unsurprisingly it was Leyla who came to her senses first.

"We should take him to the hospital" she said looking at Aaron.

"No, no it's fine" Aaron protested.

"That needs seeing too" Cain told him pointing to his still bleeding hand.

"It's fine" Aaron pleaded.

"Why do you have to be so bloody stubborn" Cain told him, he just sounded sad and Marlon could have sworn he saw tears in his eyes.

"I just...I don't want to go anywhere..Paddy will sort it out....I just....please"Marlon wasn't sure he had ever heard Aaron say that word before. How could any of them refuse that, he had a feeling none of them would refuse him anything he wanted right now.

"Okay lad" Cain said softly. "We'll take you to Paddy's" he reached a hand out to help Aaron up but he ignored it in favour of doing it by himself and Cain let his hand drop uselessly by his side.

Ryan stayed where he was, someone needed to look after the garage after all, but he watched the rest of them walk out of the yard with a concerned look. 

"I better get back..." Doug pointed across the road at the shop that had been left unattended for too long. "Take care lad" he said to Aaron, but he barely acknowledged him, his energy focused on putting one foot in front of the other. Leyla didn't offer to go with Doug though, she kept close to Aaron as they made their way slowly up the street, he didn't seem to mind her presence as much as Marlon and Cain's so he was grateful for her help.

Marlon kept a close eye on Aaron as they walked down the main street, he could see how much the boy was hurting, but this wasn't about his hand, this was more than physical pain. Considering how much he was struggling he was surprised they made it as far as they did. Just as they got near the Woolpack, Aaron stumbled and fell to his knees before any of them could react.

"Aaron" Leyla cried out in alarm.

"I can't do this" Aaron admitted.

"Take him in there" Cain nodded in the direction of the pub, "I'll go get Paddy", he took off down the street at a jog.

"Come on lad" Marlon reached down and pulled the teenager gently to his feet. Leyla by unspoken agreement ducked her head under Aaron's arm and guided him on unsteady feet towards the pub as Marlon rushed ahead to open the door for both of them.

"Sorry" Aaron mumbled.

"Don't be" Leyla told him echoing Marlon's thoughts. He hoped one day Aaron would be able to accept help without feeling like a burden, today was not that day it would seem. 

The pub seemed dark after the brightness of the street outside and it took his eyes a few minutes to adjust to the gloom. When he did they he could see the eyes of the whole pub on them, maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, hope you're all still with me :)
> 
> Couple more characters show up in this one, remember it's 2009 :)

\----------------------------------------------------------------

Diane was equal parts annoyed and worried. Marlon had gone to take some food out to some customers and then disappeared. According to the customers outside he had literally ran off, with two other men. But she knew Marlon and he must have had a good reason for doing so. That was why when he walked in through the door she didn't immediately have a go. Something she was glad for when he continued to hold the door open for the most unlikely of pairings. Leyla and Aaron shuffled into the pub, the latter with his arm draped around the smaller woman's shoulder.

"Sit him down here" Marlon said pulling a chair out and Leyla led Aaron to it before slipping from under his arm so he could sit down.

"What's happened?" Zak and Lisa rushed over to them but Marlon put his hand up to stop them getting too close.

"Gordon" he said the word like it was poison in his mouth.

"That looks nasty" Ashley said from his perch at the bar, indicating Aaron's hand. Diane could see it was wrapped in a blood stained bandage and blood had even ran down his arm at some point.

"Cain's gone to fetch Paddy" Marlon explained.

"You people do realise that Paddy's a vet don't you?" Carl said as he and Jimmy looked on with interest. "Then again the lad's pretty feral so I see why you'd go there" he laughed at his own joke but it tapered off when he noticed no one else was laughing, or even smiling. Diane knew Carl didn't know the full story but she still felt like giving him a slap for his lack of sensitivity.

"Just shut up Carl" Leyla glared at him. 

"You said his dad did this?" Zak asked gruffly. "What exactly did he do?"

Marlon looked down at Aaron as if trying to decide what to say, Diane got the impression that he didn't want to risk upsetting the boy further but Aaron didn't even seem to be listening, his eyes were glazed and blood shot. She could see the tremors that coursed through his body.

"He came to see him at the garage, he wanted him to go to the police and tell them he'd made it up" Marlon was grim as he said it.

"That evil scumbag" Zak shook his head. "What about his hand, how'd that happen?"

"He hurt it yesterday but there was some sort of argument about his phone and Gordon hurt him to try to make him hand it over".

"Oh lad" Lisa said sitting down next to him and laying a hand on his arm in comfort. 

"Get the lad a whisky on me" Jimmy said to Maisie.

"I can't, he's under age" she told him but Diane interrupted her.

"No it's fine, I'll get him one" Diane grabbed a glass and filled it from a bottle on the wall. She gestured Marlon over and he took the glass from her and placed it on the table in front of the shaking boy.

"Get that down you lad" Zak gave him a pat on the shoulder, making him jump in the process. Zak looked at his wife sadly at the reaction.

Aaron reached out for the glass, his hand was shaking that much that Diane was surprised that he got any to his mouth. He took a big gulp and grimaced at the taste.

"Is he all right?" Maisie asked Diane quietly.

"I doubt it pet" Diane answered.

The door burst open then and Chas came rushing in closely followed by Paddy and Cain.

"Aaron" she cried out rushing over to him. Aaron just seemed to shrink further into himself at her presence though.

Paddy came over, a little more calmly and Leyla got up so he could sit down next to the boy.

"Where's his dad now?" Zak asked Cain as way of greeting.

"No idea" Cain answered shortly.

"What you just let him go?" Zak's shouted at his son.

"It was either that or kill him" Cain yelled back, spit flying from his mouth.

The sound of chair legs scraping on the floor pulled attention to Aaron lurching to his feet.

"Where you going?" Chas screeched at him, reaching out to grab his arm.

He pushed her away "I'm going to be sick" he said as he rushed towards the door to the toilets.

"Don't worry I've got him" Paddy said jumping up to follow him.

The rest of the pub was silent, they didn't all know what was going on but it was obvious that whatever it was was serious.

The silence was broken by the sound of Chas breaking into a sob.

"It's all right love"Lisa leaned down and pulled her into a hug.

"It's not though Lisa" Chas sobbed. "It's not fair".

"What's going on Chas?" Carl asked walking over to the table where she was sitting. Jimmy shook his head at him but he ignored him.

"Go away Carl" Lisa sneered at him.

"What's this about Gordon and the police, is Aaron in some kind of trouble again?".

"Might know you'd think the worst of him" Chas said wiping away her tears angrily. "You've never liked him. Maybe if you'd been nicer to him when he came to stay I could have stopped all this sooner" she lashed out.

"Woah, woah calm down. What have I done wrong?" Carl defended himself.

"Maybe you should leave it" Jimmy said coming over and trying to steer his brother away.

"No I want to know what exactly I've done wrong" Carl refused to go.

"Look it's not about you okay" LIsa told him. "Chas is just upset, this isn't helping".

"I'm sorry" Carl said more calmly. "I'm just worried, what's is it, what could I have stopped?"

"Chas maybe you shouldn't" Zak said looking around the bar at all the people listening.

"No I'm done with secrets, maybe if everyone knew then Gordon wouldn't have dared to come here and he wouldn't have been able to hurt my son again".

"What do you mean "hurt him again"?" Carl was frowning.

"Aaron's dad, the man I left him with... raped him, there happy now?" Chas yelled at him before breaking down in sobs again.

"What?" Carl reared back as though he'd been slapped. "That can't be....I don't...."

"It's true" Zak said wearily, he pulled his cap off and ran his hand over his head before putting it back on. "Lad only told us about it last week".

Carl pulled out a chair and sat down heavily. Diane could see that this had hit him hard, she understood why, even knowing about it already it was still a shock hearing the words again.

"But when....?"

"He was eight the first time, just after I left. I didn't protect him then and I didn't protect him now" Chas wailed.

"Hey now, less of that" Zak told her.

"You didn't know sis" Cain said, "none of us did".

"But I should have done" Chas put her hand to her chest then and Diane could tell she was on the verge of a panic attack. She grabbed a glass and added a generous splash of Vodka before coming out from behind the bar and walking over to the distraught woman.

"Here get that down you pet" She said as she handed it over. Chas took the glass off her and downed it in one gulp. 

"Thanks" she said handing the glass back.

"No problem. You need to calm yourself down" she told her. "When Aaron comes back in here he doesn't need to see you like this" she didn't mean it harshly but she wanted to give Chas a reason to get herself together. 

"You're right" Chas said sitting up straighter in her chair. "I'm sorry".

"Don't apologize love, I understand, it's just he needs you to be strong for him now. What's in the past is done, you need to show him you're there for him now, that's how you move forward".

"That's if he ever comes back out" Cain said looking over at the doors that Paddy and Aaron had vanished through.

"Can you go check on them?" Chas asked him.

"I'm pretty sure he can throw up without me there to hold his hair back" Cain told her.

"Just do it Cain" Lisa scolded him.

"Fine" Cain stomped off leaving the rest of them there to just wait.

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

The sound of retching greeted Paddy when he opened the door to the men's room. He kept back for a minute but when it didn't let up he decided he couldn't just stand here watching. He also didn't want to scare Aaron by coming up on him unawares. So he started talking to him as he approached, it reminded him dealing with an animal that was hurting and scared.

"Aaron, it's just me, Paddy" he said as he got closer. The smell of sick was overpowering but he didn't care, he got as close as he could in the small space. He reached out a hand tentatively and rubbed the boys back as he continued to retch. He saw it as a victory the Aaron didn't pull away from him.

Aaron stopped eventually and sagged back against Paddy's hand.

"Sorry" he said wiping a shaky hand across his mouth.

"Please stop saying that" Paddy said still rubbing circles on his back.

"I don't think I can do this anymore Paddy" Aaron broke his heart all over again with his words.

"I know, I know" Paddy felt tears spilling down his cheeks again for the pain this boy was going through. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up" he said helping him to his feet and leading him over to the sinks. He ran the tap and wet a paper towel under it so Aaron could wipe his face, he did so with a shaky hand. "I really need to look at your hand" he said looking at the blood stained bandage. "Not in here though, it's not exactly hygienic".

"I can't go back out there" Aaron said leaning heavily on the sink. "I bet they all know, I bet they're all talking about me".

"Probably" Paddy agreed. 

"Great" Aaron huffed. "Thanks for that".

"But it's only because people care about you".

"No, they don't, most of them can't stand me. Bet they think I deserved it" Paddy could see how tightly Aaron was gripping the edge of the sink.

"No one thinks that, no one would".

"Well I bet they think I'm pathetic then" Aaron continued to beat himself up.

"Just stop it" Paddy snapped at him. "You're not pathetic".

"Look at me" Aaron said showing Paddy his shaking hands. "I can't stop shaking, and just because he showed up. I'm not a little kid anymore and I still couldn't stop him from hurting me, what does that say about me? I'm weak".

"You're not weak" a voice came from behind them and they both whirled round to find Cain standing there.

"Give us a minute Paddy" Cain said looking between the two of them.

"Um...I'm not....I really need to check his hand out" Paddy stuttered out. Cain always managed to intimidate him.

"Yeah and you can do " Cain rolled his eyes. "We'll be out in a minute, I just want a word with our Aaron first".

"Well..if..if that's okay with you?" he asked Aaron. 

"Yeah" Aaron answered although he looked like he would have preferred anything else.

Paddy bit his lip looking between the two of them for a beat.

"Well then..." Cain raised his eyebrows at him.

"Okay, yeah" Paddy said and walked out of the bathroom, leaving Cain and his nephew to have a talk, Maybe it was a good thing, hopefully Cain could get through to him, because no one else seemed to be able to. Then again Cain wasn't exactly the most tactful of people, this could all go horribly wrong.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, my little boy had a chest infection, but he's a lot better now. Also sorry this is a bit short but I didn't want to leave anyone hanging for any longer.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was quiet once Paddy left. Cain knew he needed to talk to his nephew, but when it came down to it he didn't know what to say. He could see that Aaron was struggling, he was pale and shaking and looked like he hadn't slept for a week, which may just be the case. Something needed to be said, he couldn't go on like this. May as well start with the basics.

"You're not pathetic".

Aaron leaned on the sink and kept his eyes down. "Yeah right".

"You're not" Cain knew he sounded aggressive but he couldn't help himself.

"Oh well, just disgusting then" Aaron shrugged like it was nothing.

"No" Cain almost shouted.

"So why can't you look at me" Aaron raised his eyes to the mirror and met his. Cain resisted the temptation to look away, to do so now would be feeding right into all of his nephew's insecurities. It was hard though, meeting those bright blue eyes without flinching, without looking away in shame.Shame at his own failures. Even though he held his gaze Aaron must have read something there because he dropped his own eyes back to the sink in front of him with a shake of his head. "Why are you even here?" he said wearily.

"Because I care about you" Cain told him honestly but Aaron just huffed as though amused at the thought.

"You barely know me".

"I know enough" Cain said simply.

"What do you know exactly? That I'm some teenage thug, whose mother abandoned him and who let his father...." the anger in his voice dropped away and Cain could see the tears that threatened to spill down his cheeks.

"You didn't let him do anything" Cain wanted desperately to get through to him. "You were just a little kid...."

"Not today I wasn't" Aaron interrupted him. "But he still got to me, I still let him hurt me. He had me on my knees crying like a baby, and you say I'm not pathetic".

"You're not" Cain yelled, making the teenager jump and feeling bad for it. "Do you know what I saw today? I saw you stand up to him" Aaron frowned and turned around so that his back was leaning against the sinks instead. He still didn't face Cain though, his eyes firmly fixed on the floor. "He wanted you to lie, to cover for him again but you refused. You showed him he can't control you anymore, that took real courage, I'm proud of you".

Aaron's face crumpled at his words and some of the tears spilled over and ran down his face unchecked. Cain had a horrible feeling that this might be the first time anyone had ever said those words to him. They really had let him down, just assumed he was okay because they were too caught up in their own lives and all the while he'd been living in hell. It was a wonder he wanted anything to do with them.

"I don't feel brave" Aaron admitted.

"What do you feel?" Cain asked.

"Wrong" Aaron's voice broke on the word and so did Cain's heart. 

"Ahh lad" Cain slumped against the wall and ran a weary hand across his face. 

"You said you would have killed him? Did you mean that?" 

"Yes" Cain didn't hesitate. It didn't have the effect he'd expected though. Aaron didn't look pleased he just looked sadder. "Don't you want him dead?"

"No" Aaron followed the word with a sob that he quickly swallowed and tried to hide.

"I don't understand" Cain frowned. How could Aaron not want that. That man had hurt him so badly, he deserved nothing more.

"Me neither" Aaron looked so young that Cain was suddenly reminded of the fact that he was only 17 years old. For all his immaturity at times he usually came across as much older, he was missing that carefree streak that most boys his age had. But right now all that was stripped away and he was just a scared teenager. "I just....he's my dad" tears were flowing freely down his cheeks, he made no effort to wipe them away.

"He's no dad" Cain growled.

"But he's all I had" Aaron just looked so sad.

"I'm sorry" Cain told him and Aaron creased his brow at him, confused. "I'm sorry that you think that, I'm sorry we weren't there for you. But we are now, I promise you that. You're not alone" he wasn't expecting the sob that his words caused, he also wasn't expecting his own reaction to it. "Come here" he said stepping towards the boy. Aaron backed away looking even more confused but Cain didn't back off he just opened his arms and waited. He was just starting to feel stupid when Aaron finally stepped forward into the circle of his arms. He reached around him and Aaron buried his head into his shoulder. 

He didn't care that his shoulder was getting wet, he didn't care if this was out of his comfort zone, he only cared that he was able to offer him some comfort. 

Aaron was gripping him tightly, sobs racking his body ."It's all right Aaron" he soothed him, he felt his own tears making tracks down his face but he didn't feel ashamed of them.

They stood like that for a while but eventually Aaron started to calm down, he pulled away and wiped his face self consciously, his breathing still hitched on every inhale though, "Sorry" he said stepping back.

"Don't" Cain told him reaching out and squeezing his arm. "You have nothing to be sorry for, not now, not ever".

Aaron didn't say anything just leaned back against the sink, he stood back up with a hiss though when his injured hand made contact with the hard surface.

"Come on, you need to get that hand sorted" Cain told him.

"I can't go out there, not with all them lot pitying me" Aaron spat the words out in disgust, but Cain knew it was still aimed at himself.

"What's so bad about that?"

"Oh like you'd be happy with people pitying you?"

"Probably not" Cain shrugged. "But it just means people care, that they feel bad about what happened to you".

"What good does that do me?"

"I don't know. But you need to stop pushing people away, especially when they just want to help".

"Says you" Aaron scoffed. "Cus you're so good at that".

"Maybe that's how I know what I'm talking about" Cain told him with a raised eyebrow.

"Fine" Aaron sighed again. "I don't have a choice do I?"

"You always have a choice, but your mum is going to kill me if I don't take you back out there." Cain told him. "And if you don't like how anyone's looking at you give me the nod and I'll punch them for you".

"Ashley's out there" Aaron said, as if that would make a difference.

"So, I don't care who it is" Cain gave Aaron an evil grin. "But you know who else is out there? Carl. My odds are on him".

Aaron actually smiled then and Cain felt like punching the air in victory.

"Okay fine, let's get it over with" Aaron started to walk out but before he did Cain stopped him with a hand on his arm. He could feel how much the teenager was still trembling and the hard set of his jaw showed how much he was trying to hide it. "I'm going to have to face people at some point".

"This, this is why you're brave" he told him grabbing his hand and holding it out so they both could see how much it was shaking. "Because being brave doesn't mean not being scared, it means doing something in spite of it. You can do this, I know it".

Aaron seemed like he was weighing up his words. "Thanks" he said eventually. "Can I ask you for a favour?"

"Anything" and he meant it, there wasn't anything he wouldn't do for this kid.

"Can we not talk about how we feel again for about a year? This was just weird" Cain actually laughed at the semi disgusted look on his nephews face.

"Deal" he said still smiling. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much to say expect this one kind of ran away from me. Enjoy xx

\-----------------------------------------------------

 

Aaron felt nervous, which he knew was ridiculous. Truth was though he'd never felt particularly comfortable around lots of people and that was when he was just in the background and no one really cared if he was there or not. But knowing that everyone was out there waiting for him made it a thousand times worse, he hated being the centre of attention. Cain could tell him that they all cared about him as much as he liked but he knew that they were all going to be judging him.

Walking back into the main room was just as bad as he'd expected. It was only Cain's warm hand on his back that stopped him from bolting, although how much his legs were shaking might have made that impossible. He could feel everyone's eyes on him. He felt like a science exhibit and he could tell what some of them were thinking from the expression on their faces. They were trying to see if they could tell just by looking at him. Whether there was some physical sign that they had missed before, something that revealed how damaged he was, scars not just mental but physical.

He wondered if they were replaying any encounters they had ever had with him, reassessing his behaviour in light of what they now knew. Maybe it was a good thing, maybe they wouldn't be so quick to judge him but right now he couldn't see it. He just felt raw and exposed.

"It'll be all right" Cain whispered kindly in his ear, and wasn't that all kinds of wrong? Cain being nice to him and offering comfort, it really felt like they'd gone down the rabbit hole.

His mum started to stand up when she saw him. She had a look on her face that in the past he would have given anything to see but that now just added to the weight on his shoulders. He didn't want her to worry about him.

"Sit down" Carl said getting up from the same table that his mum and Paddy were sitting at. If today got any weirder he thought he might just end up losing his mind. Even though Carl was being nice he couldn't help giving him a dirty look. He still didn't trust him, it was probably just some way to get back in with Chas, he know he was capable of worse.

He did sit down in the offered seat though. His stubbornness could only carry him so far and he knew that if he didn't sit down soon he might just fall down.

"You okay?" Paddy asked from across the table and he just shrugged in response. Because he wasn't okay, he couldn't be further from okay really. Today had been, well, awful. His worst nightmare come to life.

His life with his dad had been his life with his dad and his life now was his life now. He'd always tried to keep the two things separate. It was his past, it didn't need to be part of his future. Although deep down he knew it wasn't that simple. Because what had happened was never really in the past, it was always a part of him, a shadow that clung to him even on the brightest of days, But still he'd hoped.

But now his dad coming here today had destroyed any chance of that. The boy he used to be and the man he wanted to become were one and the same and there was no denying that. He couldn't hide behind his tough act anymore, they'd all seen what his father could do to him, even now he knew he was still trembling, he couldn't seem to stop. They could see how weak and broken down he was. So where did that leave him? Adrift and lost, that's how he felt. His walls had fallen and the nicer people were to him the harder it was to build them back up, he didn't like feeling this exposed.

While he sat there lost in his own thoughts Paddy had been getting some supplies out of his bag to tend to his hand. The first he knew of it was when Paddy gently took his injured hand in his. He couldn't help flinching at the contact, his skin felt super sensitive, it took all he had not to pull away.

"Okay?" Cain spoke from behind him and he was startled to realise his uncle had never left his side.

"Yeah" Aaron said hoarsely and forced himself to relax his hand in Paddy's grip.

Aaron watched with morbid fascination as Paddy gently unwound the now almost useless bandage. He heard Leyla hiss in sympathy once the wound was exposed. It definitely looked worse than when he'd last seen it.

"Jesus Aaron" Chas exclaimed as Paddy wiped away all the blood that had coated his hand and arm.

"This is going to need stitches" Paddy said examining the wound carefully, he could tell he was trying not to hurt him. It was weird how last night he had purposefully ground his own thumb into the wound and the pain had brought him some relief from the chaos in his mind. Yet now the pain was making him feel sick. He knew what the difference was though. Control. He'd been in control last night and now he wasn't. It wasn't a good feeling.

"Can you do it?" he asked Paddy.

"I really shouldn't".

"Please" Aaron didn't like begging but he's do anything to avoid going to the hospital.

"Why don't you want to go to the hospital?" Diane asked from behind the bar.

"I don't know" Aaron answered but that wasn't really true. He just didn't want to explain that he craved the familiar. He couldn't cope with the thought of being somewhere he didn't feel safe. He also wasn't sure he would be able to bear someone else touching him, certainly not a stranger. It was making his skin crawl just letting Paddy touch him and he trusted him more than most.

"Okay" Paddy sighed, giving in like he always did. The familiarity of it almost made him smile. "Not here though" Paddy continued. "You're just asking for an infection if I do it here. We need to get back to my surgery...at least that's sterile".

Aaron looked down, embarrassed. How could he tell them he didn't think he could make it a couple of hundred feet to the vets. He already looked weak in front of all of them, that would just seal the deal. Maybe it would be okay, just because he felt like he might pass out at any minute didn't mean he would. He would just have to take his chances because there was no way he was going to admit to being that pathetic.

"I'll get my car" Cain spoke up from behind him, saving him yet again.

"Why would we need your...." Chas trailed off and judging by the look on her face Cain must have given her one of his looks. "Yeah good idea" she said giving him an understanding smile.

Cain gave his shoulder a quick squeeze and left. His absence made Aaron feel a little more alone.

"Can I see the messages?" his mum asked, her voice timid and unsure. His first instinct was to say no. But looking at her and seeing how worried she was he found himself digging in his pocket and handing his phone over to her.

He watched out of the corner of his eye as she read through them, her jaw clenched tightly, a hard look to her eyes. He was expecting that reaction what he wasn't expecting though was to hear his father's voice ringing out in the quiet of the pub. She must have noticed the voicemail and in typical Chas fashion she hadn't stopped to consider whether playing it out for everyone to hear was a good idea.

He wanted to grab the phone off her and smash it into the ground, but instead he froze. He had to just sit there as everyone listened to a little part of his soul being destroyed.

"Why don't you just answer my texts? Stop ignoring me" his father's angry tone still got to him. He risked a quick look round. They were all listening intently, it reminded him of people driving past a car crash, no one wanted to look but no one could look away either.

"Aaron why are you doing this?" his dad pleaded. The sadness in his voice sounded more pathetic to him now.

"I thought you loved me" his dad carried on. "I love you so much, I'm the only one who ever did" he heard a soft sob from his mum and looked at her guiltily.

"You've ruined everything. Why couldn't you just keep you're trap shut?" the harsh words cut through him yet again, would he always be scared of that man, would he ever escape from his shadow?

"I knew you'd turn out bad, I tried so hard to help you, I shouldn't have bothered" Gordon snarled. "You're not worth it". Aaron hissed as Paddy squeezed his hand tightly.

"Oh god I'm sorry" Paddy let go of his hand in horror at what he'd just done out of anger at what he was hearing.

"It doesn't matter anyway, no one believes you. This will all have been for nothing because nobody cares" Aaron didn't dare look up, he didn't want to see what everyone thought of him now they'd heard what his dad had to say. He knew at least a couple of them couldn't stand him, maybe they agreed with Gordon, this would just confirm what they'd always thought.

"I'm sorry, I just, I really need to talk to you, I miss you son...." that shouldn't still get to him, the sound of his dad crying shouldn't make his heart ache and yet it still did. What was wrong with him that he still felt bad about upsetting him.

"I just...I need....." the call ended abruptly and no one said a word, everyone just looked shell shocked, even Carl looked a little green. Aaron couldn't tell what anyone was thinking, he was glad of that. He kept his eyes firmly on the table in front of him. He knew he must look like a beaten puppy with his head hanging down and his shoulders slumped but he didn't have the energy to do anything else.

"Why don't you answer my texts" his dad's voice once again sounded throughout the pub.

"No" his mum shouted. Aaron looked up to see her fumbling with the phone, trying desperately to turn it off. She had tears in her eyes and she grew increasingly frantic as Gordon once again spewed bile for everyone to hear. "Why won't this fucking thing turn off" she sounded hysterical.

"Give it here" Marlon reached out to take the phone off her and seconds later the message stopped. It was too late though, it had been too much for his mum, she dissolved into tears.

"I'm sorry" Aaron told her reaching a hand out towards her.

"No" Chas shouted making him flinch back. " Stop fucking apologizing, stop thinking you've done something wrong" she was really yelling at him now and he pulled away in confusion, his eyes filling with tears at this unexpected attack.

"Chas" Diane admonished gently.

"No Diane, I can't sit here and listen to it anymore" she turned back to Aaron and put both her hands on either side of his face, forcing him to look her dead in the eye. "I need you to know that none of this was your fault".

"I know" Aaron nodded but from the way her eyes narrowed he knew she knew he was just telling her what she wanted to hear.

"No, enough Aaron" she snapped at him and her fingers were digging into his face now, he was actually a little scared. The tears that he'd been holding back spilled over and ran down his cheeks. 

"Chas" it was Paddy's turn now, he wasn't as gentle as Diane had been though.

"I'm sorry" Chas let go of his face but he didn't know whether she was apologizing to Paddy or him. "It's just listening to that man twist things.....and I know you believe him, he's hurt you so much, you're so damaged because of him and I'm scared" her voice cracked on the last word, tears of her own spilling down her cheeks, to match Aaron's. "I'm scared that I won't be able to help you". She broke down sobbing again and pulled Aaron into her embrace. He sat there awkwardly, letting her cry but not sure what he could do to comfort her.

"I'm trying" he spoke quietly but he knew his mum heard him from the way she stilled.

"What?".

"To let people help me" Aaron tried to explain. "I'm trying...it's just...I never had that before".

Chas sat back and wiped the tears from his face with her thumbs. "I know, but you do now okay?" she tilted her head on one side as she spoke.

"Yeah" he said softly, and he wasn't just saying it this time, he really did know, he just hoped that it would last. His mum pulled his head down onto her shoulder again and he let her. He was aware that they still had an audience but he didn't really care, this was his mum and they both needed this.

"Uh guys" Marlon said, both Aaron and Chas let go of each other at the same time and Chas turned to glare at Marlon for ruining the moment. Marlon didn't notice it though because he was to busy staring at the phone he had taken off Chas a few minutes earlier. Aaron's phone. 

"What Marlon?" Chas snapped.

"I think I might have an idea of how we can help Aaron's case" Marlon said and he held the phone up so they could see what he was looking at. It was open to Aaron's contact list, the name he'd selected plain to see.

Sandra.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I realised a couple of chapters ago that I'd forgotten about a really important character that was around at this time. I finally found a good place to bring him in, hopefully it works :) xx

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sandra was sat on the beach watching Olivia play in the waves. Cornwall was beautiful this time of year and Liv was having so much fun that she hadn't even really questioned why they had come away without her dad, on a trip she hadn't known about until they were on the train. She'd accepted Sandra's vague explanation about a last minute deal and Gordon not being able to get the week of work. Sandra knew it couldn't last, there was only so long they could stay here before they had to return to reality. But sat here now surrounded by people enjoying their holidays and watching her daughter carefree and happy it felt good to pretend for just a little while longer.

Sandra ignored her phone when it rang, just like she'd done every time for the past week. She would check it in a few minutes though just in case it was her mother checking in on her. She was the only person she was taking calls from but she hadn't even told her where they were. She trusted her mum but she knew what Gordon was like and there was no way he wouldn't have got the information out of her one way or another. She had long since blocked Gordon, after the first dozen messages she knew that if she didn't she would just cave so it was better to not give herself the option.

Her phone binged letting her know she had a voicemail message and curiosity had her fumbling in her bag to find it. Seeing Aaron's name next to the missed call notification made her heart stutter in her chest. She was immediately overcome with guilt. The boy that she had once treated like a son but with whom she'd had no contact with since he'd left all those months ago had just reached out to her. She hesitated before listening to the voicemail, but she knew she owed him this much at least. With shaking hands she put the phone to her ear, not sure if she was ready to hear what he had to say.

"Hi, it's um...Aaron. I'm sorry...." he sounded quiet and nervous and tired and so, so young.

"I'm sorry to ring, or ask you for anything but I kind of....I really need your help" she heard him take a deep breath. "Please just talk to the police, I know you didn't know" her stomach twisted with guilt. "But maybe there's something, anything. I just...I can't do this on my own" his voice cracked half way through. "And I'm sorry....for everything...I hope...I hope you're okay, both of you. Anyway, yeah that's it,..sorry".

The phone call ended and Sandra used the cover of her sunglasses to hide the wetness in her eyes. She sat watching Liv play, envying her her carefree attitude. She wasn't that much younger than Aaron had been when she'd first met him. Liv was her daughter, her only child and she had to do everything she could to keep her safe. But there was a time when she had thought of Aaron as her son, he used to call her mum. When had she decided that he didn't deserve the same level of care and attention. She was filled with shame at her cowardice. She could tell herself all she liked that she hadn't known anything was happening but she couldn't trick herself into believing it. Maybe the best way to keep Liv safe was to make sure Gordon could never get to her, it was time she stood up for all of them. It was the only way she could ever hope to forgive herself for what she'd done, or more importantly what she hadn't. 

She didn't expect Aaron would ever forgive her though, not once he learned the truth, but that was her burden to bear, it shouldn't be his anymore.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Cain sat in Debbie's kitchen, drinking tea, it felt very domesticated and strange.

"So Aaron rang Sandra then?" Debbie asked from where she sat across the table.

"Yeah eventually, I don't know what he said though. He insisted on doing it in private." he answered leaning back in his chair and sighing. "Not sure if it'll do any good either, she didn't answer or ring back, and now the police have his phone so who knows".

"It's got to be worth a try" Debbie shrugged.

"That copper who showed up seemed to think the messages would definitely go against Gordon at least".

"Maybe it was a good thing then" Debbie took a sip from her mug and winced when the tea burnt her tongue.

Cain didn't answer, he knew what she was saying but seeing Aaron today he couldn't help feeling that it would have been better for him if Gordon had just kept his distance. It hurt seeing his nephew like that.

"How's his hand?" Debbie asked next.

"Paddy stitched it up" Cain told her, not that he'd watched, he didn't mind inflicting injuries but he'd never been a fan of the clean up side of things. "He's not going to be at the garage for a few days though".

"Well I wasn't expecting him to" Debbie frowned at him, obviously annoyed that he'd thought that was what she cared about. "I shouldn't have let him come in to work in the first place".

"It's not your fault he got hurt" Cain told her, not wanting her to feel bad about any of this, there was enough self blame going around already. 

"Yeah" she didn't sound convinced though. "What now?"

"I guess we just wait to hear what the police say" that didn't seem right. He wasn't used to being on this side of the law. 

"Do you think Gordon will stay away now?"

"He'd better. From now on though Aaron doesn't go anywhere alone. I'm not going to give that man a chance to get near him again".

"Aaron's going to love that" Debbie chuckled darkly.

"Tough" Cain told her.

"Do you think he's going to be okay?" she asked the grin from a moment ago falling.

Cain would have loved to have been able to say yes, but it was never going to be that simple, so he settled for the only answer he could give.

"I hope so".

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------

Aaron lay in the dark of his room, his fingers running rhythmically through Clyde's fur. The German Shepherd took up way more of his bed than he would have liked but he didn't care. He felt bad for neglecting him this last week, although obviously he had good reason and he knew Clyde didn't resent him for it.

When he'd asked his mum and Paddy if the dog could sleep in his room earlier he knew they'd wanted to say no, but when he'd reluctantly admitted that the big dog made him feel safe they'd agreed without question. He had a feeling that they'd do anything he wanted for now. It would probably be a really good time to ask for those trainers he's been saving up for. He smiled a little at the thought.

Today had been yet another strange day. He remembered Liv asking him about something she'd heard at school once, an old Chinese curse that said "may you live in interesting times". He had no idea where she'd heard it but she had wanted to know what it meant, he didn't have an answer at the time but now he thought he understood. He'd give anything for boring, right now he needed boring.

Thoughts of Liv made his hand still. He really hoped she was doing okay and that she wouldn't end up hating him for what he'd done. He felt like he'd taken her dad away from her, what right did he have to do that?

Either Clyde wanted him to keep on stroking him or he picked up on his mood because the dog shuffled up the bed until he was lying right next to him. Aaron didn't push him away but instead buried his head into the thick fur on his back. At least this way he didn't have to use his sleeves to wipe away his tears and Clyde didn't seem to care that his fur was getting a little wet. He felt his eyes getting heavy and he allowed himself to drift off into sleep finally.

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------

Chas couldn't help sticking her head into Aaron's room on her way to bed. Seeing Aaron's arm slung haphazardly over Clyde's back reminded her of when he was little and he used to sleep with his ratty old teddy bear, all be it Clyde made for one strange over sized teddy. The dog lifted his head up and looked at her when the light for the landing fell into the room. At first she thought that he was waiting for her to tell him to get down but there was something in his eyes that told her he wouldn't leave the teenager's side without a fight. She didn't care though because for the first time in a while Aaron actually looked peaceful. 

She slowly closed the door and left them alone.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi sorry for the delay. I inevitably got the bug my son had and I just couldn't seem to get my head around this chapter. Have a couple of things to say at the end about my thought process on this one. :)

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

It had been a weekend of many visits, most of them welcome in one way or another. Chas knew that people just wanted to show they cared. Sure the village was gossip hungry at times but this whole situation was more than that. People had honestly been shaken by the news of what had happened to one of their own. So Chas had tried to be gracious to every one who knocked at the door, even if she hadn't let most of them in. She hadn't been able to stop some people though, such as Cain or Debbie. It was probably a good thing because otherwise Aaron wouldn't have seen anyone except her and Paddy as he hadn't left the house once. Chas knew she should probably encourage him to go outside but to be honest she felt better knowing where he was all the time.

One visitor who had been more than welcome once they found out why he was there had been DS Wise. He had shown up Saturday morning with the very welcome news that the CPS had finally decided to charge Gordon. Chas had felt like hugging him when he told them but instead she hugged her son and he didn't even push her away, it felt like progress. She knew that they had a long road ahead of them but at least they had finally taken the first step on it. DS Wise could only tell them that the combination of evidence they already had, Gordon's messages on Aaron's phone and a statement from a new witness had finally clinched it. The best news of all had been that Gordon had been remanded in custody pending a court hearing, his messages to Aaron proof that he couldn't be trusted to stay away from the victim of the crime he had been accused of.

Chas looked at her son as he sat at the kitchen table eating a sandwich she had made him. He actually looked a little better than he had for a while. His hand was healing nicely and it would seem like he had slept a little better since DS Wise's visit two days ago. She sat down next to him and took a bite of her own sandwich. They ate in silence for a while but it wasn't an uncomfortable one for once.

The peace was broken by Paddy coming through from the surgery. He wasn't alone.

"Sandra" Chas said getting up when she saw who was with him.

"Hello Chas, Aaron" the red haired woman said, as polite as ever.

"Well this is unexpected" Chas raised one eyebrow at her.

"I know, I'm sorry to come unannounced, I just wanted to see if you were okay" the comment was directed at Aaron, who had put his sandwich down and was staring at her a little slack jawed.

"You're the other witness" Chas finally clicked. "You're the reason they've charged Gordon. I guess I should be thanking you".

"No, don't it's...."

"Where's Liv? Is she okay?" Aaron finally seemed to find his voice.

"She with my mum" Sandra told them. "I didn't want to bring her here, she's been through enough".

"She's been through....Oh god don't tell me that Dad?" Aaron looked completely horrified.

"No, no of course not" Sandra was quick to reassure him. "I would never let...." she trailed off then as if realising what she had been about to say.

"Oh good, good" Aaron breathed out in relief. "I would never forgive myself if I left her to...that" he looked down in embarrassment.

Chas watched with narrowed eyes as Sandra looked away guiltily.

"So whatever you told the police, it must have convinced them. What exactly did you say?" Chas asked with suspicious eyes.

"I'm not sure I should say, I probably shouldn't even be here" Sandra looked even more nervous now. "I just I felt bad you know, for not speaking up before. I just...."

"What do you mean not speaking up before?" Chas didn't like what was going through her head. 

"Nothing....I...don't mean...I just....".

Aaron was looking at her in horror.

"You knew?" his voice came out sounding strained.

"NO" Sandra shouted the word. "No, of course not. I just...there was some things that I...." Sandra trailed off.

"What things?" Chas asked through gritted teeth.

"Nothing obvious, so I was never sure, not till the day you left".

"Go on" Chas was impressed by her own self restraint because she wanted to throttle her.

"I heard you" Sandra was only looking at Aaron now and he was staring back at her with such hurt in his eyes. "In the bathroom that day, I heard you tell him that he couldn't do that to you anymore, and when I thought back to those other times when I'd been worried, that's when I knew".

"And you didn't say anything?" Chas couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"Well he left, he came here, so I knew he was safe, that it was over".

"It was over? It's never over. Don't you get that? This is something that he has to live with for the rest of his life. You say you didn't know for sure, but even if you just had a slight idea of what was happening why didn't you do something? I don't understand you, are you that much of a coward?" Chas' hands were curled into claws.

"No, you weren't there. You don't know. They were normal, he was normal most of the time. I mean Gordon lost his temper sometimes, he took it too far I know, but nothing like that. And it was only a couple of times that I knew of, you make it sound like it was happening all the time, it wasn't like that" Sandra tried to defend herself.

"Only a couple of times" Chas screeched. "What do you mean? My child was raped" she saw Aaron flinch but she was in full flow. "Raped, and you say only. I can't....I don't even know how you can stand there and look at him".

"I didn't mean..." Sandra just looked so pathetic but Chas had zero sympathy for her.

"I don't care what you meant, I don't care what you thought, I only care about what you didn't do" Chas spoke every word with emphasis. "You didn't look after him. After all your sanctimonious comments to me about being a better mother, you make me sick".

"At least I was there, I didn't abandon my own child" Sandra snapped back.

"You're right" Chas raised an eyebrow at her. "I did abandon him and I will spend every day of the rest of my life regretting that decision. But I didn't know, didn't for one second think Gordon was capable of doing that to him. I thought I was doing the best thing for him. But you" she pointed her finger and bared her teeth at the other woman "you're just as bad as Gordon".

"That's not fair" Sandra was crying now but Chas didn't care.

"Not fair. NOT FAIR" Chas was shouting now. "Do you really want to talk about what's not fair or shall we ask Aaron what he thinks isn't fair?" both women looked at the teenager and Chas' anger died at the look of hurt and confusion on her son's face.

"I'm so sorry Aaron" Sandra sobbed as she reached out a hand towards him. He just shook his head and looked away.

"I think you should go" Paddy said to her, his voice hard and cold.

"Yes, okay you're probably right" Sandra hung her head. "I really am sorry" she said sadly over her shoulder as Paddy showed her the way out.

"Not half as sorry as me, lady" Chas told her through gritted teeth. 

She watched her go impressed with her own self restraint because it was taking every thing in her to not go after her and claw her eyes out. That was the woman that she had trusted to raise her son. Who as much as she had resented her for it she had believed was a better mother to Aaron that she could be. Up until today she had thought that she'd just been naive, that she had been taken in by Gordon's lies, after all Chas knew how charming he could be. But to discover that she could have stopped it years ago, that she could have saved Aaron so much pain and suffering well that made her just as much of a monster as Gordon in her eyes.

The sound of Aaron's chair scraping against the floor as he pushed it back drew her attention back to him.

"Aaron?" she asked, concerned at the look in his eyes.

"I need some air" he said heading for the door.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" she asked, she was pretty sure it wasn't, he probably shouldn't be alone right now.

"Please" he said and she could see the panic in his eyes, how trapped he felt, so she did the only thing she could, she let him go.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Aaron walked swiftly down the main street. He didn't know where he was going, he just needed to get out of there, away from the thoughts running through his head. He'd finally felt like he could breath a little bit these last couple of days, hadn't felt like he was suffocating but then Sandra had to show up and now he felt worse then ever. He just wanted the noise in his head to go away.

He headed towards the shop with an idea of how he might be able to do that. The last thing he wanted was to face anyone but it would only be for a moment and then it would be worth it. Luckily he didn't know the woman behind the counter and he was able to pay for the random chocolate bar he'd picked up without having to have a conversation or have to see the pity in her eyes. He waited until she was busy serving someone else before grabbing the bottle of whisky he'd been eyeing and slipping it under his jacket.

He turned around in a hurry to escape before anyone noticed when he locked eyes with Victoria Sugden and judging by how wide her eyes were she'd just seen everything. He brushed past her without comment and practically ran out of the shop. Any hope that he'd gotten away with it was dashed when he heard her calling out to him when he'd only gone a few feet down the road.

"What?" he hissed turning on her and she actually looked scared, so of course then he felt guilty.

"You know what" she said back, the fear from a moment ago gone, defiance in t's place. "I saw you take that bottle".

"So what are you going to do? Shop me?" he started to walk away.

"No" Vic looked at him as if she was weighing him up. "Are you okay?"

"What do you think?" he huffed.

"You think that's going to help?" she indicted the top of the bottle sticking out of his jacket.

"Probably not" Aaron shrugged. "Only one way to find out though".

Vic put her head on one side, looking at him, she reminded him of Clyde. "Okay" she said walking up to him. He was startled when she linked her arm through his and started walking.

"What are you doing? Where are we going?" Aaron asked but he didn't stop her from pulling him along with her.

"You'll see" she said with a glint in her eye.

"I kind of wanted to be alone" he told her, resisting slightly. She stopped when she felt him pulling away from her.

"Well tough, 'cus that's not going to happen. So, you coming or what?".

When Aaron felt her give his arm another tug he sighed and fell into step beside her. For someone so small she could be very forceful sometimes. Resistance was futile it would seem.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again. So I just wanted to explain how I'm portraying Sandra and to a certain degree Gordon in this fic. My inner theory is that in the real time line 7 years have passed so things have faded a bit for them. In Sandra's case she convinced herself that nothing happened because she's had time to do that but in my story it was all more recent so it's fresher for her and her guilt takes less time to come out. Also even though Gordon isn't in this chapter, thank god, I have similar thoughts on him. Again in the actual time line, Sandra left him years ago and he's had cancer so he's a bit more mellow about everything, at least at first but in my fic he hasn't had that time to reflect. His wife has just left him and his life is falling apart, that's why I've depicted him as a little more out of control and reckless. Anyway hope that makes sense.


	28. Chapter 28

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

They'd been in the shed for half an hour and Aaron hadn't said a word. He just sat on the makeshift bed with his back against the wall and his legs crossed in front of him. He would take swigs from the bottle in his hand every few minutes, grimacing each time, occasionally he would remember his manners and hold the bottle for Vic to have a drink. She took it from him each time but she only drank from it a couple of times. She wanted to be able to keep an eye on him, not end up in a drunken stupor like he seemed to be heading towards. She held onto the bottle a little bit longer each time, hoping he would forget she had it but no such luck. Aaron might be well on his way to being drunk but he wasn't stupid and he was starting to get annoyed.

"Just pass it here" he snapped at her when she held it to the side without drinking from it herself.

"No" she smirked at him, trying to keep the situation light. Aaron clearly wasn't in the mood though because he just glared at her.

"I'm not joking around Victoria, give it to me" in the past she might have been a little bit scared at his tone of voice but she knew him better now.

"Try and get it" she got up and held it out of his reach.

Aaron's jaw clenched and she felt bad for teasing him, but she didn't want him drinking the whole bottle.

"Don't push me" he warned, but it sounded less angry and more tired.

"You wouldn't hurt me" she told him.

"Really, are you so sure about that?" he raised his eyebrows at her.

"Yes" he seemed taken aback by her confidence.

"What are you even doing here? I didn't ask you to come" he was picking at the sheets and not looking at her.

"And what does that tell you?" she said sitting back down on the bed next to him. He could easily take the bottle off her now if he wanted to but he didn't even try.

He shrugged in answer to her question.

Victoria rolled her eyes at him "It means I'm here because I want to be".

"Why?" he raised his eyes to look at her.

"Because we're friends" she patted his knee. "And also Chas would kill me if I let you go off by yourself to get wasted". She hadn't told him but she had managed to send Andy a quick text letting him know that she was with Aaron and to let his family know. There was a time not that long ago when a text telling her brother she was with Aaron would have set him on the warpath, but that was before.

"Yeah probably" he agreed but he didn't smile at the thought like she thought he might, it seemed like he was thinking. He opened his mouth as though he was about to speak but then he closed it again.

"What is it?" she asked gently but he just shook his head. When he put his hand out for the bottle she handed it over without argument.

He only took a small swig this time though and she knew the tears in his eyes wasn't down to the burn of the alcohol.

"I used to call her mum you know?" he said eventually.

"What, Chas?" Vic said screwing her face up in confusion. "Well she is your mum, so...."

"No not Chas" he sat back and put the bottle down on the shelf behind him. "Sandra, my stepmum" he explained.

"Ookkaayyy?" Vic dragged the word out, she had no idea why he was telling her that.

He looked at her as if weighing up how much to tell her.

"She came to see us, well me I guess. She gave the police a statement, it's one of the reason's they finally charged Gordon".

"That's great news" Vic exclaimed, happy for him, but he was shaking his head at her. "What? I thought that's what you wanted".

Aaron gave a short harsh laugh at her words. "None of this is what I wanted. But that's not what...." he took a deep breath and started picking at his fingernails. "She knew" he blew the breath back out with the words.

"What?" Vic reeled back, hoping she'd misunderstood him.

"Sandra knew what was happening" he clarified.

"But that's....but why didn't she...?".

"I don't know" Aaron said. "I mean she said that she wasn't sure, not until the end, but still. That's kind of fucked up isn't it?" he genuinely seemed unsure. Like he thought she might have not done something terrible, even though she clearly did.

"Uh yes" Vic told him and he almost seemed relieved.

"You know all that time I never really thought about telling her. I was so scared she wouldn't believe me or that she'd tell my dad. But she knew, she knew and she didn't care" he gave a little sob then which he covered with a cough.

"I'm sure she cared" Vic wasn't sure why she was defending this woman but it was more for Aaron's sake than hers.

"Just not enough" Aaron picked up the bottle and took another big swig. "Cus I'm never enough am I?" his voice cracked and Vic felt tears of her own threatening to spill.

"That's not true" Vic told him, her own voice breaking.

"Yeah right. You know what I wonder sometimes?" Vic noticed that Aaron was slurring his words a little bit now, she wondered whether he would be so chatty if he hadn't drank so much. Part of her was worried that she was taking advantage of his vulnerable state but at the same time he obviously had stuff he needed to get off his chest. She only had to hope that he wouldn't regret it once he sobered up.

"No, tell me" she leaned against his side and rested her head on his arm.

"I wonder if I'm a real person" he gave a humourless laugh at his own words. Vic didn't say anything but she wrapped her arm around his, wanting him to feel her next to him. "I know that sounds crazy. I just..... sometimes I just feel so apart from everything, like not connected you know? And that would explain why no one really cares about me, why I don't matter".

"Oh Aaron" Vic rubbed at her own eyes. "You do matter, people do care about you. I'm sorry that you don't feel that but I swear it's true".

"But why would they? I'm not a good person, look how I treated you, I was horrible to you, because that's what I do".

"You know there's times I thought you were a right nob but we're friends now aren't we?" he gave a small nod. "Do you know why?" 

"No" he said and the fact that he really didn't understand why she was his friend broke her heart just that little bit more.

"Because when you're not acting like a total prat you're actually kind of sweet" she squeezed his arm and he rested his head on top of hers.

"Wow you really are full of it aren't you?" she heard the smile in his voice.

"Oi" she smacked him on the arm. She watched disappointed as he picked the bottle up again and took a huge swallow. It backfired on him though because the harsh alcohol had him coughing and spluttering. She reached round and patted him on the back. She wasn't sure when it turned from patting to hugging. Or when his coughs turned into sobs but next thing she knew she was sat holding him tightly as he cried into her neck.

"Shhh, shhh" she found herself saying as she rubbed his back in comfort.

"God I'm sorry" he said when he sat back rubbing his sleeves over his eyes. "I really need to stop doing this".

"Don't worry about it" she smiled at him. 

"Well this isn't working" he said holding the bottle up in his hand. Victoria was disturbed to see that it was half empty.

"What do you mean it's not working?" 

"It was supposed to make everything go away. I wanted to not feel anything but it's just made it worse".

"Well I could have told you that" Vic rolled her eyes at him.

"I just wanted him to shut up for one fucking minute, is that too much to ask?" he stood up and threw the half empty bottle at the wall, breathing heavily as he stood there with his back to her. His hands almost clawing at his head. Vic was shocked at the sudden anger, she wasn't sure why though she'd seen it before from him and he had more than enough reasons to be angry.

"It's okay" she said getting up and reaching out to touch his back. He turned around quickly and the anger on his face made her flinch back.

"No it's not. It's never going to be okay and nothing helps" he swiped angrily at his eyes, unwilling to cry again. 

"Come on, let' sit back down" Vic said trying to lead him over to the bed again.

"I don't know, maybe I should go home" Aaron said glancing at the door, but as he turned he swayed slightly.

"I don't think you can make it, do you? I'll text Andy, ask him to come and pick us up. Okay?"

"I guess".

She sat back down on the bed and patted the space next to her. He bit his lip and she saw the way his eyes went to the door before looking back at the space next to her. He finally came and sat down next to her.

He kept his gaze firmly fixed on the bed. "Do you think she was scared?" he asked and Victoria once again felt lost, his mind was all over the place. He must have realised that he wasn't being clear because he carried on. "Debbie? Do you think she was scared?"

She knew what he was talking about now, after all they were sitting on the very bed that Debbie had given birth to Sarah, it was kind of gross when she really thought about it. 

"She must have been" Aaron answered for her. "All alone and going through that, and you you've been through some awful things too. Everyone has shit to deal with, so why can't I get on with stuff like everyone else?"

"Well it's not a competition but honestly what happened to you, what your dad did is just horrible".

"Is it though? Like Sandra said it only happened a few times, maybe I'm just blowing all this out of proportion" he was picking at his nails again and Vic was concerned to see red there, he'd picked that much he'd made himself bleed. She put a hand on top of his, stopping him from making it any worse.

"Stop" she told him softly, she wasn't just talking about his hands. "If you found out that Zak had abused Belle what would you think?" she asked him.

"What? Why would you even say something like that?" he frowned at her, his face twisted in revulsion.

"It's a horrible thought isn't it. You're horrified. Just the thought of it it makes you feel sick?".

"Yes" he was angry at her she could tell.

"Because there's nothing worse you can think of is there? The idea of that sweet little girl being hurt like that, especially by Zak, it's unimaginable".

"Yes" he said again through gritted teeth.

"You're Belle" Vic told him. He physically recoiled as her words hit him like a punch.

"You know what I'm saying" she told him, once again wrapping herself around him. There had been a time when she thought she might want him for a boyfriend, she hadn't seen him like that for a while but she still really cared about him and she just wanted him to feel better.

"You're saying I'm a 10 year old girl" she almost laughed at his attempt at humour and then immediately felt like crying at everything else. "I'm tired, I'm always so tired now" he started to lay down and Victoria shuffled around so he could lay his head on her lap.

"Well you've drank half a bottle of whisky, I'm surprised you're not in a coma" she told him. He smiled slightly and she could see his eyes getting heavy.

"My mum's going to be pissed" he yawned.

"I think she'll understand" Vic reassured him. "I'm going to ring Andy, tell him where we are"

"Okay" Aaron said, but he was already half asleep.

Vic looked down at him sadly before pulling her phone out of her pocket.

Andy answered on the second ring.

"Vic?"

"Yeah it's me, can you come and get us?"

"Where are you?"

"Debbie's shed" she knew he'd know what she was talking about. "You might need to bring someone with you, I'm not sure he'll be able to walk far".

"Jesus Vic, what happened?"

"He's just drunk"

"Are you?"

"Of course not" she snapped back.

"Okay sorry. I'll be there soon okay".

"Thanks" she said and hung up the phone.

Aaron was fast asleep now, his gentle snores tickling the skin on her thigh. She wished his hair was longer because the urge to run her fingers through it was strong. She settled for resting her hand on her shoulder.

She wasn't the most comfortable she'd ever been but she settled back as much as she could on the hard bed. Until her brother got here she would keep watch over her friend, she just hoped he wasn't sick on her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I kind of really liked this chapter which means I'm now nervous that you guys won't like it. I do feel like I'm repeating scenes a little bit now but I wanted someone to have an insight into Aaron's thoughts. Also for me the whole point of this fic was to see other people's reactions and thoughts about what happened to Aaron and I really wanted Vic to have a chance. Anyway hope you didn't hate it and you're not bored yet. I don't think there's a lot more chapters left to this but then again it was originally meant to be a one shot and now we're on chapter 28 so what do I know. x


	29. Chapter 29

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chas and Paddy we're once again sat in the kitchen, this time with John and Moira. Moira had shown up a couple of hours ago with a message from Andy that Victoria was with Aaron, it had been a relief to know he wasn't on his own. But then John had shown up a short while ago to let them know that Adam and Andy had gone to fetch Vic and a very drunk Aaron home. She was going to murder him when he got back, as if she didn't have enough to worry about.

"Maybe you should go easy on him" Moira told her, trying to calm her down.

"I don't need parenting tips thank you very much" Chas snapped at her.

"She didn't mean anything by it" Paddy tried to calm her down, Chas sighed looking around at all their faces. Truth was she was worried again, or still depending on how you looked at it. She just needed to lash out at some one, her and Aaron we're more alike than either of them would like to admit.

"I know, I'm sorry" she said getting up and looking out the window to see if there was any sign of them. "I'm just...I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I'm doing everything wrong" she admitted. She didn't hear Moira get up but the other woman appeared next to her and put a consoling hand on her arm.

"I can't begin to imagine what you're going through, but you're doing your best in very difficult circumstances. I think you're doing an amazing job honestly" her soft scottish brogue was comforting.

"Really?" Chas couldn't believe what she was hearing but Moira just nodded at her.

"Thanks" Chas smiled at her. The smile dropped from her face when she saw Victoria hurrying up the path, closely followed by Adam and Andy who were supporting her son between them.

Chas raced to the main door to the house and flung it open.

“Bring him in here” she said standing back so they could bring him into the front room. They did and let him drop onto the couch before stepping back awkwardly.

“What the bloody hell are you playing at?” Chas wasted no time in laying into her son, her worry over riding the voice telling her to stay calm.

He cowered down into the sofa.

“I’m sorry” he slurred out, his head hanging down between his knees. “I screwed up again….didn’t mean to…I don’t….it’s like..that’s just what do…don’t hate me” he turned watery eyes on her and her anger fizzled out.

“Of course I don’t hate you” Chas said sitting down next to him.

“Why not? I do” Aaron said.

“Oh Aaron” she said taking his hand in hers and rubbing circles on the back of it with her thumb. “You break my heart” she had tears of her own in her eyes.

“Sorry” Aaron mumbled.

“No, no that’s not what I meant, I just, I wish you could see how amazing you are” Chas told her son.

“I’m Belle” he said and she wondered if he’d lost his mind.

“What?” her brow wrinkled in confusion.

“Something….Vic said” Aaron said like that explained it before he started giggling. Actually giggling. Chas turned sideways to look at the girl in question who was currently stood near the door with her brother. Adam had joined his parents in the doorway to the kitchen and Paddy had sat down in the armchair. Aaron seemed to notice how many people we're in the room suddenly because he looked around at everyone in anger. "What are you waiting for another show, the freak hasn't entertained you enough?".

"Aaron" Paddy chastised him.

"No, it's okay" Moira stopped him. "Now we know he's home safe, we'll get out of your way" she put a hand on Adam's arm and for a minute Chas thought he might protest, but instead he looked sadly at his new friend.

"You'll be all right mate" he told him. "Tell you what, I'll come round tomorrow, bring that movie I was telling you about, yeah?"

Aaron didn't answer though just let his head hang down, his eyes firmly fixed on the carpet.

Paddy got up to show everyone out but Chas only had eyes for her son. He didn't say anything and she thought he might have fallen asleep but then she saw the tears dripping off his chin. She reached out a hand to wipe them away and he flinched violently away from her. Chas tried not to be hurt. Instead of forcing anything on him she just sat back on the sofa next to him and waited for him to make the next move. He didn't do anything for a while but eventually he also let himself sink back into the sofa, his arm touching hers.

"The room's spinning" he said. If she ignored everything that had led to this she could pretend to herself that this was the same thing that every other mother of a teenage son had to deal with. Except of course they wouldn't be drinking to help them cope with the news that yet another adult in their lives had let them down. 

"That's what happens when you get so drunk you can barely stand" Chas tried to keep it light.

"I can...can stand" Aaron managed to slur out.

"Really? Prove it".

Aaron made absolutely no attempt to stand up. "Maybe not right now" he told her, closing his eyes and slumping down slightly on the sofa until his head was resting against her shoulder. She knew it didn't really mean anything, that he was just trying to get comfortable but she would take any physical interaction of him as a victory. She did stop herself from throwing her arm around him and pulling him into a cuddle though, even she knew that would be pushing it.

"What we going to do with you, you wally?" she asked him affectionately.

"I don't know.....more trouble than I'm....than I'm worth me" he mumbled.

"That's not true" she said softly into his hair. "You're worth everything to me, you have no idea".

"Really?" she hated how he still didn't seem to believe that. "Even though I" he hiccupped before carrying on " keep messing everything up?"

"Yes" she said as Paddy was walking into the room with two cups of what she was hoping was coffee. "You're not the first teenager in the world to get drunk, I might have even done it myself a few times". Paddy laughed at her comment as he put the cups down in front of them.

"Just a few times?" he grinned at her.

"Yeah well maybe more than a few" she grinned back. "If you're anything like me you'll be regretting it soon enough anyway, I hope you're ready for the headache from hell".

"I already regret it" Aaron sat up again, the smell of the coffee getting his attention. "It didn't work anyway" he said picking the cup in front of him up and bring it to his lip with a shaking hand.

"Why what was it supposed to do?" Paddy asked.

"Make everything go away" Aaron put the cup back down, miraculously without actually spilling any. "Make him shut up" Paddy frowned over at Chas at Aaron's comment.

"Make who shut up?" Chas asked, although she was pretty sure she knew the answer already.

"Dad" Aaron rubbed a hand over his eyes and then slumped back against the sofa again. "It's like I can hear him all the time, telling me stuff, making me feel....I don't know. Why can't I make him go away?" he was squeezing his hands over his ears tightly.

Chas looked at Paddy in a panic at her son's distress but she could see he didn't know what to say either. She reached up and pulled his hands away, keeping them both clasped in hers.

"Remember when you were really little and I would put you to bed" she said with a flash of inspiration. Aaron turned red rimmed eyes on her, squinting in confusion. "You would always ask me to tell you a story and sometimes I would forget to bring a book up or you would get bored of hearing the same ones all the time. Do you remember what I would do?" he shook his head at her but then he stopped and she saw the instant that he remembered. His eyes lit up and he actually smiled, properly smiled.

"Big boy stories" he chuckled.

"Big boy stories?" Paddy gave a funny little laugh at the phrase and Chas felt the need to explain.

"I used to make a story up for him, I'd ask him who it was about and we'd make it up together as we went along, sometimes it would last a few minutes but some nights it would go on forever" she smiled at the memory.

"You made up stories?" the disbelief in Paddy's voice was a little irritating. 

"Well I didn't say they were any good, but he was only little so he was easily pleased" she defended herself.

"No" Aaron said. "They were good. I forgot how much I loved them".

"Yeah we forgot a lot of things" she answered wistfully.

"Go on then" Aaron said grinning at her cheekily.

"Go on then what?"

"You must have brought it up for a reason. Tell us one then" he tried to make it sound like he wasn't too bothered and he was just making fun of her but she could heat the eagerness in his voice.

Even though it had been her idea she suddenly felt self conscious. It had always been something just between the two of them, she wasn't used to an audience. Paddy must have picked up on her reluctance.

"I need to go check on the surgery" he said getting up and heading for the door that led through to the vets. She shot him a grateful smile as he disappeared.

"So are you comfy?" she asked her son, the same way they had always done this. He snuggled down further on the sofa and once again rested his head on her shoulder. She felt him nod his head once he was settled.

"Okay" she began. "Boy or girl?".

"Boy" he answered like he almost always had.

"Name?" 

"Roger" he answered after he thought about it.

"And what does Roger do?" and so they were off. She knew that if he wasn't drunk he probably would have thought this was stupid idea. But the alcohol had lowered his defenses just enough. He let himself be just a boy listening to his mum tell a story. She was quiet proud of the tale she wove, of a boy named Roger who was sent to fight a dragon and save a maiden, except it turned out that the dragon was being kept prisoner by the evil girl instead. At first Aaron kept making suggestions but as the story went on he got quieter and she could feel him slumping down further against her shoulder, relaxing into the sofa. She carried on with the story for a while until she heard his soft snores confirming that he'd fallen asleep.

Paddy came back through and asked in hushed whispers if she wanted help moving him but she just shook her head. It was nice sitting here with her son resting against her and while she wasn't the comfiest she'd ever been there was nowhere else she would rather be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this one kind of came out of nowhere. I had no idea what I was going to write other than I wanted to get Aaron home, hope you enjoyed a bit of mother son bonding. The big boy story is something I actually used to do with the boys I was an au pair for years ago, hopefully it didn't come across as too cheesy.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So bit of a short one, but I felt like Aaron needed a break, a little bit more bonding as well. Don't worry plenty more angst to come. I also have the end of this fic firmly in mind now just not sure how much there will be between now and that point.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"You look rough" Adam said when he walked into the room. Paddy had let him in and told him Aaron was waiting for him in the front room, before carrying on with cooking whatever it was he was cooking. Adam hadn't looked too closely.

"Half a bottle of whiskey will do that to you" Aaron sat scooting over on the sofa so that Adam could sit next to him.

"Wow I didn't realise you'd drank that much" Adam was almost impressed, if Aaron didn't look half dead more than a day later he might have really been.

"Paddy said I was lucky I didn't get alcohol poisoning" Aaron was looking through the DVDs Adam had brought round.

"Yeah, were they mad?"

"Nah they we're pretty cool about it actually" Aaron held up Inglourious Basterds. "Have you seen this one yet?"

"Not seen any of 'em mate, your choice".

"This looks pretty good" Aaron said reading the back.

"Chuck it in then" Adam told him sinking back onto the sofa.

"What we watching then boys?" Paddy said walking into the room with a couple of pizzas. Aaron looked at him in horror.

"Oh erm....we...." Adam said as Paddy put the pizzas down on the table in front of them.

"Look at your face" Paddy burst out laughing pointing at the expression on Aaron's face. "I'm only kidding fella's, I wouldn't want to harsh your vibe"

"What are you talking about?" Aaron screwed his face up at him at his ridiculous choice of words.

"N...nothing" Paddy looked embarrassed. "Anyway who's up for a beer?"

"Er...." Adam wasn't sure what to say. Was Paddy really going to let them drink?

"No thanks" Aaron glared at him and Adam realised his mistake.

"Right answer" Paddy grinned at both of them. "You passed the test, I'll go get you some coke".

"Thanks Paddy" Aaron sat back down on the sofa next to his friend. 

"He's all right Paddy isn't he?" Adam asked him reaching out for a slice of pizza.

"Yeah" Aaron agreed. "Yeah he is" he looked thoughtful as he said it, as if it was only just now sinking in that he really meant it.

Paddy came in with a couple of cans of coke a few seconds later.

"You can join us if you want" Aaron told him and the way his face flushed red, Adam knew that this was a big deal. The look of delight on Paddy's face just confirmed it.

"No, it's all right, I've got some stuff to do. But thank you" Paddy said, as he walked past them he pretended to punch Aaron in the arm, who looked startled at first but then he laughed and tried to hit him back. Adam relaxed back into the sofa. He had been planning on asking Aaron how he was but seeing him like this, more relaxed than he had since he'd known him he didn't want to ruin the mood. Obviously the other boy just wanted a normal night, and that he could give him.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Aaron felt okay, well if he ignored the queasiness that still gurgled in his stomach, that was. He was never drinking again. He had sworn that to himself when he spent half the night hunched over the toilet bowl. But he hadn't been alone, Paddy and his mum had taken it in turns to sit with him all night. The voice in his head telling him that no one cared about him was very quiet last night. 

Half way through the film there was a knock at the door. His stomach flipped over with nerves. He wasn't sure when he'd started to dread people showing up, just lately it felt like every knock at the door just brought someone else making things worse. Even when it wasn't someone bringing bad news it was someone coming to see how he was. He knew they meant well but he wasn't used to getting this much attention. It made him want to hide away in his room. He just wanted one day without having to talk about Gordon or how he felt, or crying, was that too much to ask?

There was another knock and he still couldn't make himself get up to answer it. 

Adam gave him a look out of the side of his eye.

"Do you want me to get it?" he asked and Aaron gave him a small nod.

Adam opened the door just a little but the next thing Aaron knew it was pushed wide open and Victoria, Hannah and Holly all came barging in.

"See I told you" Hannah said picking up the pile of DVDs off the table and looking triumphant.

"You've got all the new ones here" Holly said.

"Yeah we're havin' a movie night. What's the problem?" Adam glared at his sister.

"Well so were we" Hannah replied. "Except you took all the DVDs".

"I didn't know did I" Adam protested.

"Well there's only one solution isn't there?" Vic said grinning at all of them. "We'll just have to watch them here, budge up" she said to Aaron before plonking herself down next to him.

"I'm not sure that's a good idea" Adam said looking at Aaron with concern.

"Nah, you don't mind do you Aaron?" Vic said pulling him along the sofa to make room for Hannah to sit down on the other side of him.

"Um, I guess not" he said a little reluctantly.

"So what we watching?" Hannah asked looking at the paused image on the screen. "Urgh, not this one, I don't think mum and dad will want me to watch this, it's a bit violent isn't it?"

"Well tough" Adam said in a huff. "Cus it's what we're watching".

"It's fine" Holly said. "What mum and dad don't know won't hurt them. We'll watch something more age appropriate next. I think you've got Up in there somewhere" she sat down on the armchair. 

So it looked like they were going to be here for a while. Adam threw his hand up in the air in defeat and then threw himself down on the floor when he saw that all the seats were taken.

Aaron knew he should feel uncomfortable and he did at first but as the night wore on he felt himself relaxing more and more.

To think he hadn't even known some of these people a few weeks ago and now they knew more about him than almost anyone. But tonight none of that mattered, because they were just five teenagers watching movies.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Should I go check on them?" Chas said glancing at the door to the front room.

"No, they're fiiiinnnnneeeee" Paddy said, stretching the word out for comedic value.

"But...."

"No buts" Paddy said, smiling a little at his own words, he really was a goofball. She still wasn't sure why that was so appealing, but it was, it really was.

"What if...." she stopped mid sentence when Paddy put his finger on her lips.

"What are you playing at?" she snapped at him, pushing his finger away.

"Shhhh" he hissed and the pointed at the doorway into the room.

She glared at him but she didn't say anything else. That's when she heard it. Over the sound of whatever movie it was they were watching, laughter. Girly giggles, Adam's weird little laugh and one other, it just had to be Aaron's

She turned watery eyes back on Paddy. Who knew the simple sound of her son laughing could reduce her to tears? It was so good to hear.

"See" Paddy said gently. "Tonight, he's all right"

"Yeah" Chas smiled at him, wiping her eyes with the tips of her fingers. "Yeah he is". 

She was still worried, she still felt guilty and sad but maybe just for tonight she could relax just a little bit.


	31. Chapter 31

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lisa looked around the table with pride. This was her family and for all the faults she loved them. It had been Zak's idea to invite Chas, Aaron and Paddy for Sunday dinner. According to Chas Aaron had taken some persuading. He'd barely left the house recently but he'd come eventually, even when it had only been him and Chas in the end because Paddy had had to go on an emergency call out. He was quiet, which wasn't that unusual but she actually missed the odd cheeky or sarcastic comment she would usually get out of him. But for most of the meal he'd kept his eyes firmly on his plate and only spoken when directly addressed. It hadn't been too uncomfortable though, Eli and Sammy had joked around and Belle had been telling them all about her new teacher now she'd gone back to school, so Aaron's silence had not really stood out. 

Even with his head down he must have noticed the looks people kept giving him though but even the tactless Shadrach had known better than to bring up the subject of Gordon or the looming court case. Chas in particular had spent most of the meal looking at her son with concern until eventually Lisa heard Aaron hiss under his breath to her to stop staring at him. She had blushed and looked away. Lisa had saved her by asking her if she'd heard anything from Charity lately which had set her off on one of her tirades, exactly as Lisa had hoped it would. 

"You've not eaten much" Shadrach said to Aaron as Sam started clearing the plates away once everyone was done.

Aaron looked a little startled by the comment, he had been staring off into space for the last few minutes.

"Oh um, just not that hungry Grandad" he said shrugging his shoulders.

"A growing lad like you, you should be eating like a horse. No wonder you look so ill" the old man prattled on and Lisa felt like smacking him round the head to shut him up. But he did have a point though, Aaron really didn't look well. Chas had told her earlier in the week that he was doing okay all things considered but he wasn't sleeping that well and he wasn't eating much either. That had been one of the main reasons Zak had suggested they come for dinner. But it would seem that even one of her famous roasts couldn't tempt him to eat more than a few mouth fulls. All of this was really taking a toll on him, she could only hope that things would improve once his scumbag of dad got what he deserved. 

"Here scrape all that into a bucket" Zak said getting up to help Sammy. "Belle can go give it to the pigs, can't you love?"

Belle sighed "why do I have to do it?"

"Because you're the youngest" Eli said getting up and ruffling her hair. "Plus me and Sammy promised we'd meet Marlon for a pint didn't we Sammy?" 

"Uh yeah" Sammy agreed.

"I'll come with you" Shadrach said getting up from the table.

"Oh might know, whenever there's cleaning up to do, you lot disappear" Lisa told them. "I suppose you're going too?" she asked Zak.

"Nah, not this time. Think I'll stick around here" he shot a glance at Chas who was once again looking at her son with concern.

"I'll do the pots when I get back" Sammy offered.

"Oh you mean when everything's dried on like cement, I don't think so" Lisa laughed at him. Sammy's face fell at the idea that he might have to stick around. "Oh go on with you, I'd only end up having to do 'em again if you do them anyway" Sammy gave her a grateful grin.

"Well it's only right. It is a woman's......" Shadrach started to say as he followed Eli out of the door.

"If you finish that sentence don't bother coming back later" Lisa snapped at him. He looked like he was going to say something else but Eli grabbed him by the arm and pulled him out of the house followed by a sheepish looking Sam. 

"I'll give you a hand Lis" Chas started collecting plates from her side of the table.

"Thanks love" Lisa smiled at her before scraping the last of the scraps into the bucket and handing it to Belle.

"But it's heavy" Belle said peering into the bucket with disgust.

"Aaron'll give you a hand, won't you lad?" Zak asked the teenager.

"Um, yeah okay I guess" Aaron got up and took the bucket off Belle, turning his nose up in disgust at the contents.

"Be careful of your hand" Chas called as the pair of them walked out the door but Aaron just rolled his eyes at her.

"He'll be okay" Zak said handing her his plate and starting to collect the glasses.

Chas bit her lip and nodded at him, but she still stood staring at the door that he had disappeared through.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Belle was on a mission. She was going to make Aaron laugh. So far she wasn't having much luck but she wasn't going to give in that easily. She didn't know exactly what was happening. Her mum had sat her down and told her that Aaron's dad had done something really bad to him when he was younger. She wouldn't tell her what it was but Belle wasn't stupid and the fact that her mum wouldn't even tell her what it was said a lot in itself. It made her sad, she really liked Aaron, he'd always been nice to her, even when she'd got him in trouble that time.

So watching him today, sitting there at the table with all of them, he'd just looked so sad and tired, even Uncle Shadrach had noticed, so she was going to try to cheer him up, somehow.

"This is gross" Aaron said dropping the contents on the bucket into the pigs trough and watching them barge each other out of the way to get at it.

"Well they need to eat, at least nothing goes to waste this way" Belle said looking at the pigs fondly, but Aaron just turned his nose up. " Wow it's a good job you don't still live up here then, because I'd make sure this was your job" Belle told him and was rewarded with a small smile. "I thought you were supposed to be a Dingle, farming should be in your blood" she told him.

"Chas isn't exactly the farming type, and anyway I'm a Livesy really" something about the way he said it made her pause and look at him. Her plan seemed to be backfiring, because he just looked more sad, and a little like he might be sick.

"I guess" she said taking the bucket off him and putting it down just inside the door.

"Shouldn't we take that inside?" he asked.

"If we go back in now we'll get stuck with washing up. I say we stay out here for a while. We may as well feed the rest of them".

"Crafty" Aaron nodded in appreciation, he followed her round helping her where he could, mainly just doing the heavy lifting side of things, while being careful with his injured hand.

"Well one good thing about being the youngest is I get to learn from everyone else's mistakes" she told him.

"I wouldn't know, I'm the oldest".

"Oh yeah, I forget you've got a little sister" is wasn't a surprise really, he never mentioned her. "What's her name again?".

"Olivia, I call her Liv though. You remind me of her a bit, both too cheeky for your own good" he smiled at her again, a little wider this time. She was making progress.

"Anyway, how is this better than washing some pots?" Aaron asked as he scooped up another bucket of feed.

"Well for one, no grown ups staring at you, asking if you're okay".

"Good point" he agreed with a nod.

They walked out of the barn and out into the yard in silence for a few minutes before something occurred to her and she stopped dead in her tracks.

"Wait a minute" Aaron had to stop to to avoid bumping into her.

"Why what is it?" he frowned.

"Your last name is Livesy?"

"Er yeah" he gave a weird little quirk of his head, confused by the question.

"And your sister's name is Olivia?" 

"Yeah" he still didn't seem to get where she was coming from.

"So her name is Olivia Livesy" she started to chuckle, it sounded even more ridiculous out loud than it had in her head. She saw the minute that it registered for him.

"I guess I never really thought about it, she's always been just Liv to me anyway" he was smiling too though.

"Liv?" Belle was really laughing now. "That's even better. Liv Livesy, oh my god that's priceless"

"Yeah okay Tinkerbelle" Aaron threw her full name back at her and then he started to laugh along with her. 

She was so busy being pleased with herself for succeeding in her mission that she didn't notice how muddy the ground was, not till her foot landed on a really sludgy part and went sliding out from under her. Her arms pinwheeled in the air and out of the corner of her eye she saw Aaron grab for her, but it was too late and she was too far away, she was going down. She put her arm out instinctively to stop herself and that turned out to be her biggest mistake.

He was still laughing as she went down, in his defense it must have looked funny and he probably didn't hear the snapping sound that her wrist made as her hand made contact with the ground. The second she screamed though the smile dropped from his face. 

"Oh my god Belle, are you okay?" he said crouching in the mud next to her, his hands hovering over her, not sure what to do.

She couldn't answer though, it hurt too much. 

"I'll go get someone" he said starting to get up.

"Nooooo" she wailed stopping him in his tracks. "Don't leave me alone".

"I need to go get someone" he told her, his own face pinched with worry.

"Please don't go I'm scared" she sobbed.

"Okay, okay" he said sitting back down next her. "I'm not going anywhere okay. It'll be okay".

She saw him looking between her and the farmhouse in the distance before he seemed to make a decision.

He wiped the tears from under her eye with his thumb and smiled encouragingly at her. 

"You're going to be fine. Don't worry" he said and even though her wrist was really hurting she felt a little bit better knowing he was here with her and wasn't going to leave her.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chas put the dishtowel down just as Zak was coming back down the stairs with two black bags.

"I found 'em" he said holding them triumphantly.

"Put them on the table" Chas said making sure there wasn't anything in the way. Zak put one on the floor and the other where she asked.

Chas immediately tore the first one open and started sifting through what was inside.

"What is all this stuff anyway" Lisa said coming over and grabbing some handfuls of paper too.

"It's what Gordon sent over when Aaron moved back here" Chas explained stopping on a child's simple drawing of a house. "It's stuff from when he lived with him".

"Okay" Lisa said sitting down next to her and shooting Zak a worried look. "Why are you looking through it now?"

"Because maybe there's something here, something that helps his case" Chas continued to pick up pieces of paper and discarding them when they didn't show what she wanted them too.

"Are you sure you're not just torturing yourself?" Lisa asked putting her hand on top of hers.

"I need to do something" Chas told her. "I've done anything so far, I need to feel like I'm helping".

"I'm sure that's not true lass" Zak said. He was searching round in the other bags and he pulled a tin out. "What's this?" he said prizing it open. The lid came off with a pop and photos spilled out onto the table.

Chas grabbed them up quickly, some of them getting crumpled up in her hands as she grasped at them. She let them all drop and was just left holding one, she let out a sob as she looked down at it.

Lisa reached a hand out to take it off her. It was a school photo of Aaron, he must have been about 10 years old in it.

"You can see it can't you?" Chas said, her eyes wild.

"What are you talking about?" Zak frowned at her.

"Look, look at it" Chas grabbed the photo again and pointing at it. "Look he's smiling but you can tell he's not happy, look at his eyes. How did I not see it, it's so obvious?"

"Love, stop it" Lisa said sadly.

"No, no I'm right. Look at them, look at all of them" she was crying again, looking through all the photos, seeing a little boy who was so good at putting a brave face on but who couldn't hide how much he was hurting, she could see it now, how did she not seen it then? The guilt was crushing.

The table was a mess, photos and pictures, school reports, all telling the story of a boy she didn't even know, a life she hadn't been a part of. She grabbed the bag and tipped what was left out onto the table. 

Amid all the other things was a ratty brown lump. Chas grabbed it up the second she saw it.

"Teddy" she exclaimed. "I thought he was gone. Aaron used to sleep with this every night when he was little" her eyes up with joy at the precious stuffed animal. 

The door banged open startling them all.

Aaron stood in the doorway, Belle clutched tightly in his arms. She had one arm draped around his neck and the other clutched tightly to her chest, her face buried in his neck. Both of them were visibly trembling.

"What happened?" Lisa gasped rushing forward.

"I think her wrist is broken" Aaron spoke for the girl in his arms.

"Right then, let's get her to the hospital" Zak said taking charge. Lisa grabbed the van keys of the side.

"Pass her here lad" Zak said reaching out to take his daughter off the teenager.

"No" Belle spoke for the first time, burying her head further into his neck.

"I've got her" Aaron told them, his eyes determined.

Zak paused looking at them before nodding his head. "Okay, come on then" he said holding the door open and Aaron followed him outside.

Chas trailed after them watched in awe as her son, who only a short while ago had looked like a strong breeze could knock him over, carried Belle out to the van, his steps never faltering, not even once.


	32. Chapter 32

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When Lisa woke up the first thing she noticed was that she was alone, it would have been hard to miss the great lumbering oaf that was her husband. At first she assumed he'd gone to the toilet, when he still hadn't returned a few minutes later she guessed he was checking on Belle. But then when he still didn't show up, grunting and shuffling like he usually did curiosity got the best of her.

She got up and grabbing her dressing gown from the back of the door she tiptoed out of her bedroom. Her first stop was Belle's room, she didn't expect to find Zak there after all this time and she was right but she still wanted to check on her youngest. Belle was flat out and snoring slightly. The bright pink cast that the hospital had put on her broken wrist stood out against the white of her sheets but her face was calm and peaceful, the tears from earlier long since dried and probably forgotten. She had already been talking about showing it off an school tomorrow, like it was a trophy of some kind. Lisa smiled down at her and kissed her lightly on the cheek before creeping out of her room again.

As she walked further down the hallway she could see a light shining from downstairs and guessed that must be where her missing husband was. He was sitting at the table and looked up at her as she approached him. Her shoulders fell at the tears streaming down his face.

"Oh love" she said going up to him and putting her hand on his shoulder in comfort. Up until then she had thought he was crying about Belle, their youngest always had a special place in his heart and she knew that seeing her in pain earlier had really gotten to him, but then she saw what he was holding. It was a photo, a family photo. Chas, Aaron and Gordon all smiling happily for the camera, Aaron must have been about 6 in it, and a cuter little boy couldn't have existed. He picked another photo up from the table and put them next to each other. This one was a few years later, just Aaron and Gordon. Gordon was smiling, but Aaron, well Aaron looked like the moody little sod that they all knew so well. 

"She was right wasn't she?" Zak said sniffing and wiping at his eyes. "Chas, when she said you could see it. Looking at these" he spread his hands over the photos spread out in front of him.

"Yeah, I think she was" Lisa said sitting down next to him with a sigh. "But then, look" she held another photo up, Aaron again with a small blond haired girl on his lap, his sister at a guess, both of them laughing their heads off, it looked like he was tickling her. 

"He was so good with our Belle earlier" he sighed. 

"Yeah I thought for a minute he was going to come home with us" Lisa chuckled. Aaron hadn't once left Belle's side. He had only let go of her hand when he hadn't had a choice and he had stepped right back in as soon as he could. No one had missed the way Belle looked at him. He'd been her hero today, that wasn't something that would go away any time soon. He'd only gone home with Chas when he'd seen that Belle really was okay, smiling and sleepy and on her way home with her parents.

"I'm going to look through this stuff, see if there's anything that can help" Zak pointed at the piles of stuff they'd left out earlier.

"Can't it wait till morning?" Lisa glanced at the clock. It was 2.30am, they might live on a farm but this was still much earlier than they would normally get up.

"Couldn't sleep anyway" Zak shrugged, picking a piece of paper up and looking at it before putting it in a pile he'd started. Lisa looked at him, at the determined look on his face, the tears still visible on his rugged cheeks.

"I'll put the kettle on" she gave his hand a squeeze as she got up.

They worked in silence, partly because they were listening out in case Belle stirred but mainly because what was there to say? Their daughter was asleep upstairs, she'd been hurt today but she'd had people around her, they had all helped her and because of that she hadn't really been scared and now she slept soundly, safe in her bed, knowing that if she needed anyone then there would be someone there for her.

Yet here they were sorting through piles of stuff, looking for evidence of a childhood fractured, broken, stolen. It almost felt wrong to be so relieved that their child was safe knowing that they'd let another be hurt so badly. So they kept looking because it was better than doing nothing.

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Chas woke with a start. It didn't take her long to figure out why. A scream echoed through the house, an anguished cry like nothing she'd heard before. Paddy lay next to her but he sat up at the same time she did.

"I've got this" she told him, leaving him in the bed and going straight to her son's bedroom.

Clyde looked at them from the foot of Aaron's bed as they opened the door and even he looked worried. Aaron was still asleep, but he was far from peaceful. Chas knew he'd been sleeping terribly since all of this had come out and according to Paddy for a lot longer than that. It was yet another thing Aaron had been dealing with on his own for far too long. Even on the nights when his cries had woken her by the time she'd gotten to him he'd either settled back down or he was awake and telling her to go back to bed, that he was fine, no matter how wet his eyes were or how much his hands shook. Every time she did as he asked and left him alone. She wasn't sure when she become afraid, but that's what she was. She was so scared of doing or saying the wrong thing, of pushing him further away, of making everything worse. So she did what he asked, without question, no matter how much it broke her heart.

But this time it was different, he was still trapped in whatever horror his mind was tormenting him with. She almost found herself hoping it was just some random nightmare, the kind that everyone suffered from at some point or another but she knew it was a futile wish. This was confirmed moments later when he started to sob in his sleep. 

"Aaron" she said gently rubbing his arm. Any worries she had about waking him in the middle of a bad dream were outweighed by the pain of seeing him suffering like this. He tensed up under her hand and she backed off slightly.

His eyes when they opened were more vulnerable than she had ever seen them and it had taken a while for him to recognise where he was. When he finally woke up enough to see her sitting there he self consciously wiped his eyes and looked away.

"Sorry I woke you up" he said his voice hoarse and low. "You can go back to bed now".

She didn't move though, just sat there looking at him.

"Are you deaf?" he snapped at her.

"No" she snapped back before she could stop herself. "Do you want to tell me about it?" she asked more softly, she was trying here.

"Not really" he shrugged.

"I wish you would" she slumped down further on the bed, her hand running backwards and forwards on the sheet nervously.

"Why?"

"Because you can't keep everything to yourself".

"It was just a dream, it's not a big deal".

"I wish you wouldn't do that" she told him sadly and he frowned in response. "Downplay everything, dismiss it like it doesn't matter, like you don't matter".

"And I wish you wouldn't do that" he came back at her and it was her turn to frown now. "Make everything a bigger deal than it needs to be, not everything has to be talked about".

"But you don't talk about anything, not with me anyway" she knew she was getting worked up, but she'd wanted to say this for a while.

"Because I can't" he was gritting his teeth as he spoke. 

"Why not?" she needed to know, even if it hurt to hear it.

"Because I'm still mad at you okay" his eyes went wide as the words left his mouth, like he'd had no intention of saying it and he immediately regretted it. And it hurt, she couldn't deny that but she was glad he'd said it. It had been the elephant in the room for far too long.

"Okay" she told him and he flinched like she'd slapped him.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean...."

"Yes you did and it's okay" she turned her head slightly so he couldn't see her quickly wipe away her tears but she knew she wasn't fooling him.

"No it's not" he looked so guilty.

"You're right it's not. But you have every right to be mad, to hate me" he went to interrupt her but she put a hand up to stop him. "I understand, I do, and I don't want you to think that I love you any less for it".

"I didn't mean to upset you".

"No I'm glad you said it. Don't ever be afraid to tell me this stuff, ever. I'd rather know the truth, no matter what". She meant it. The only way they could move forward was if they were honest with each other, no more lies.

He looked relieved, as though he'd thought she might lash out at him for what he'd said. She patted his hand and went to get up, he didn't say anything until she was at the door.

"I couldn't save her" he said it quickly, like he was afraid he'd left it too late.

She turned back to him, the light from the hallway spilling across him but leaving the rest of the room in darkness.

"Who? Belle? You know that was an accident right? There was nothing you could have done. Anyway she's fine, or she will be".

"No I meant my dream. You wanted to know what it was about?"

"Yeah" she took a step closer to the bed but no more. "It was about Belle?"

"No, Liv" he bit his lip. "She was falling and I had hold of her but then I couldn't hold on. She was falling and I just had to watch. But....but then he caught her....." his breath hitched on the last part.

"Gordon?" Chas wasn't even sure why she'd asked, who else would it have been?

"She looked so relieved and happy that he had her and when she looked at me, it was like she hated me" he swiped furiously at his eyes. "Do you think she's going to hate me?"

"Why would she hate you?" Chas couldn't understand why he would think that.

"Because she might lose her dad because of me, because of what I've done".

"You haven't done anything Aaron. It's him, he's the one to blame for all of this. Right now she's too young to really understand anything but one day in the future she will and then she'll hate him just as much as the rest of us".

"So I'm right then, I've taken her Dad away from her".

"No. You've helped keep her safe from a monster and one day she'll thank you for it. I only wish someone could have done the same for you".

He was looking down at his hands, picking at the plaster that covered his palm now that it was almost healed, so she couldn't see his face, didn't know if anything she was saying was getting through to him.

"Thank you" Chas told her son.

"What? Why?"

"For telling me, for trusting me. I know I haven't always given you reason too but I'm going to prove to you that you can". She would as well, what ever it took. He was her number one priority now, a lesson in parenting that had taken too long for her to learn, but she wasn't going to throw away her chance to be a proper mum, not now.

"Okay" he nodded at her.

"Anything else you want to tell me?"

"No, why?" he sounded wary.

"I need my beauty sleep is all, can't hide everything with make up" she grinned at him. "I meant it though, I want you to know you can talk to me, anytime"

"Okay".

"I'll see you in the morning then" she stepped out into the hallway. She took one last look at him, he was shuffling down the bed, trying to get comfortable under the sheets. "I love you son" she said quietly, the words carrying in the silence of the house.

"You too" she heard his soft reply as she pulled the door shut behind her. He hadn't said it back but it was close enough.


	33. Chapter 33

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Aaron got to work early Monday morning and Debbie was still opening up. She hadn't said anything at first, just carried on unlocking and unbolting the door. He stood there awkwardly waiting for her to speak and trying to avoid looking at the spot where his dad had brought him to his knees a little over a week ago.

"So you up for this?" Debbie said eventually, swinging the large doors wide open.

"Yeah my hand's pretty much healed" he told her scuffing his toe in the gravel.

"That's not what I meant. Chas said you've barely left the house since your dad.....well since he showed up here"

"And?" he knew he was coming across badly but some habits were hard to break.

"And we've got a lot of cars booked in today, lot's of customers, not to mention Ryan will be here soon. Are you sure you can handle all that?"

"I'm not going to break you know. I'll be fine" but even he could hear the catch in his voice.

"Okay, it's up to you, but if it gets too much tell me. I won't think any less of you". How could she, he probably couldn't get any lower in her eyes anyway. He still found it hard to look her in the eye, more than anyone. She knew too much, it made him burn with shame.

"I've missed loads of time already, and I can't work tomorrow either, because you know...the plea hearing" she nodded, he knew she already knew that it was tomorrow. "Plus it's better than sitting at home, with mum and Paddy fussing over me, they're doing my head in".

"What do you expect, they're worried. But I mean it Aaron, I'm not going to fire you for missing time, even I'm not that ruthless. Nobody expects you to be okay with all this, it's a lot to deal with. Don't push things" she reached up and put her hand on his cheek and he shocked himself by leaning into her touch.

Someone clearing their throat had them both jumping away from each other as if they'd been caught doing something they shouldn't.

"I'll put the kettle on shall I?" Ryan asked as he walked past them into the garage.

Debbie looked him over once more with narrowed eyes before pursing her lips and making a decision.

"Oil change" she said pointing at the car that was parked just inside the door. She walked off into the office and Aaron went over to the car she'd pointed to and lifted the bonnet.

He turned around to grab his tools and almost bumped into Ryan.

"Brew" the older man said holding out a mug of tea.

"Thanks" Aaron said taking it off him but keeping his head down.

"These models can be a bit tricky" Ryan nodded in the direction of the car Aaron was about to make a start on. "Give me a shout if you get stuck and I'll give you a hand".

"Okay, thanks" Aaron told him taking a sip from the cup, it was just how he liked it.

"I'll leave you to it then, it's good to have you back" he reached out and patted him on the shoulder in a slightly awkward move, his hand lingering on his arm a little longer than was necessary. "Remember what I said, if you need any help just ask".

"I will" Aaron turned back around to face the car, ending the conversation before it could get any more awkward.

The rest of the day had gone okay. Ryan had nipped to the cafe at lunchtime and when he came back he not only had the sandwiches he'd gone for but a cream cake for all of them. Apparently Brenda had insisted, something about feeling guilty or something. Aaron didn't bother to find out why and he actually did eat the cake, ignoring the grin Debbie gave him as a big glob of cream landed on his chin and he licked it away. 

Other than Ryan and Debbie he'd not really spoken to anyone else, letting them deal with any customers, just keeping his head down and getting on with his work.

At 5pm when Debbie began closing up he was completely exhausted. Weeks of not eating or sleeping much had taken there toll on him, but this was a good tired and he welcomed it.

"Good job today Aaron" Debbie said clicking the last padlock closed. She walked over and linked her arm through his before walking out of the yard by his side. As they began walking up the road he realised that she wasn't letting go.

"I don't need an escort you know" he grumbled at her.

"Shut up" she said smiling at him and rubbing his arm with her other hand. He was too tired to argue with her, and to be honest it was kind of nice. When they were at work Debbie was very much the boss but in moments like this she kind of felt like a big sister. Not that he'd ever actually wanted one of them but still, it was kind of nice.

She stopped at the end of the path that led up to the Smithy. 

"Well thanks I guess" he said as they unlinked arms.

"Anytime. I'll see you tomorrow then".

"Okay" he started to walk away from her, then stopped when he realised what she'd said. "Wait, what? I won't be at work tomorrow, remember it's the hearing".

"I know, I'm coming with you".

"No you're not" Aaron shook his head at her.

"Yes I am" she came back at him, it felt like a playground argument.

"Doesn't anyone listen to what I want anymore. I don't want you there, I don't need you there".

"Are you sure about that? Look if you really don't want us there then fine, but we want to be there. We want to support you and we want to send that bastard a message. So tell me you don't want me there and I will stay away" she stood there waiting for an answer, that determined look in her eyes that he was so used to.

"Fine" he told her in the end.

"I mean it, if you don't want me there, I'll stay away. Just don't think you have to do this alone".

"Okay you can come" he sighed running a knuckle over his eyebrow self conciously. Part of him wanted to tell her to stay away. Truth was he was terrified of seeing his dad tomorrow, he wasn't sure he could face him without breaking down, he really didn't need an audience for that. But maybe if he had people around him, people who cared, he wouldn't be so scared. Either way he didn't feel like he could win.

"Are you sure?" he could tell she meant it. If he told her now that he didn't want her there she would stay away.

"It's only the plea hearing anyway" he shrugged his shoulders like it was no big deal.

"I'll see you tomorrow then".

"Yeah tomorrow" he watched her walk away, thoughts of tomorrow and his exhaustion from the day keeping him rooted in place. Finally he forced himself to move. When he opened the door he was greeted by a very enthusiastic Clyde.

"Hey boy" he said reaching down and ruffling the big dogs ears.

"Aaron" a voice he knew well said, and Belle came through the doorway, a big grin on her face at seeing him there.

"Belle" he greeted her with a grin. "What are you doing here?"

"Mum and Dad wanted to see your mum, and I wanted to see you" she told him. "I wanted to say thank you for yesterday".

"I didn't really do anything" he said frowning. "How's your arm anyway?"

"No you were great and It's fine, hardly hurts at all. My friends at school were well jealous. Also no PE until this is off" she held the pink cast up. "So bonus".

He smiled at the positive spin she was putting on it.

"Hiya lad" Zak said getting up from the table when the two of them walked into the kitchen.

"You don't have to get up for me" Aaron told him.

"No it's all right we need to get going anyway, we were just waiting till Belle got a chance to see ya" he told him. He held a hand out to help his wife up.

"We'll see you tomorrow" Lisa said as they walked towards the door and Aaron had to suppress a sigh, they were going to need a mini bus at this rate.

He sat down at the table and watched as his mum showed the three of them out.

"So no guessing why they were here" he said when she came back into the room. She didn't say anything but she did look a little guilty.

Paddy came through from the other room then.

"What do you think then?" he asked him.

"Of what?" Aaron scowled at him.

"I didn't get chance to ask him. We thought it might be nice to have a bit of dinner at the pub" Chas said looking at him with pleading eyes. He fought the urge to panic.

"Er, I'd rather not".

"Oh come on Aaron, it'll be fine. I've got a real hankering for one of Marlon's pot pies" Paddy said licking his lips in a disturbing way. "You can't hide away for ever".

"I'm not hiding" Aaron snapped at him, although maybe he was a little. "I'm just really tired" he felt the way they both looked closer at him then.

"You do look tired" his mum conceded. "It's okay we'll stay here. I'll cook something".

"No it's fine" Aaron said quickly, the last thing he wanted now was to have to eat something his mum had cooked. "Look why don't you two go, you can bring me something back later".

"No we'll stay here" Chas said looking at Paddy.

"Mum" Aaron sighed. "Honestly go, please I want you too. I'm just going to have a shower and then crash on the sofa. It might be nice to have the place to my self for a couple of hours" he could see that she still wasn't sure so he turned his attention to Paddy. "Paddy" he gave him his best puppy dog eyes.

"He's right Chas, come on" Paddy tried to coax his girlfriend to go with him.

"Are you sure?" she said, not yet moving. Aaron got up and opened the door for her.

"Yes, go".

"Okay then. I'm only stopping long enough to eat dinner though" she told Paddy as though he'd suggested they go clubbing. 

As they left Chas stopped in the doorway. 

"I almost forgot. There's a surprise waiting in your room. Zak dropped it off". As soon as the door shut behind them he headed straight upstairs his curiosity spurring him on despite his exhaustion.

He opened the door to his room and walked in. Then he saw it, just sitting there on his bed, like it belonged there. Teddy.

He walked over slowly and reached a tentative hand out like it was going to bite him. He picked it up and it felt just like he remembered, he thought he might be sick. He stood holding it, thoughts running through his head until he couldn't stand it anymore he grabbed it in both hands and pulled as hard as he could. The seams split easily and it ripped in half, stuffing flying in all directions. It wasn't enough though, he wanted it gone, destroyed, like it never existed. He kept ripping at it, shredding it until it was unrecognisable. When there was nothing left in his hands to shred he finally stopped, his breathing laboured.

He sunk to his knees with a sob surrounded by the destroyed pieces of his childhood toy.


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi here's another chappie for you. Hope you like it, especially G who I gave a choice of two characters that could be in this scene, it was the right choice I feel.

\----------------------------------------------------------------

 

Marlon stood awkwardly on the doorstep of the Smithy. He'd already knocked once but there was no answer. He knocked again, Paddy had said that Aaron may be in the shower or possibly asleep on the sofa and to just go in but it felt strange doing that when his friend wasn't home. When no one answered the second time he glanced down at the plate of burger and chips in his hand, it was getting cold. He plucked up the courage to open the door and go in.

"Aaron" he called into the silence of the house. He put the plate of food down on the kitchen table and walked to the doorway that led to the front room, peering in he could see that it was empty. He must be in the shower then. He wasn't really sure what to do now, he didn't want to just leave a random plate of food on the table without letting Aaron know it was there, what if he got out of the shower and just went straight to bed? He'd only suggested bringing the meal over while Chas and Paddy ate theirs because Chas had been worried that Aaron wouldn't stay awake long enough for them to take him something back. Truth be told he'd kind of wanted to see how he was doing and this way he had a legitimate excuse for doing so. Diane had been happy to let him nip out, the pub was dead with it being a Monday night.

He stood there for a few minutes before it registered that he couldn't hear the sound of running water. Now he was really unsure what to do. If Aaron was already out and had fallen asleep then Chas would have his guts for garters but at the same time he really didn't want to invade the teenagers privacy. Maybe it came down to who he was more scared of, Chas or Aaron? Execpt it wasn't that simple, he'd seen how worried Chas was, how much it was wearing her down and if this one small act of making sure Aaron ate tonight could ease that then he had to do it.

Decision made he climbed the stairs up to where he knew Aaron's bedroom was. He knocked gently on the slightly ajar door "Aaron". Still no answer though.The door was open a crack and he peered in cautiously not wanting to walk in on a naked or towel clad teenager for any reason. What he saw though had him pushing the door wide and stepping into the room, concern flooding through him.

Aaron, still wearing his work clothes, was sat on the floor, his back to the wall, his legs were spread out in front of him and he was just staring blankly at some spot on the opposite wall. There were bits of material and fluff everywhere, at a guess Marlon would have to say it had been some kind of stuffed animal. He just stood in the doorway, completely at a loss as to what to do next. It felt like an eternity but was probably just a few minutes. 

He walked over and crouched down next to the almost catatonic teenager. He tentatively reached a hand out to touch his shoulder and the next thing he knew he was on his backside on the floor. Aaron followed him and Marlon scrambled in fear at the total rage on the boys face.

"Aaron" he shouted putting his hands up in front of his face to stop him from hitting him again, but he didn't need to worry. On hearing his name Aaron reared back away from him. He scrambled backwards anyway, leaving Aaron crouched on the floor staring at his bloody knuckle. Marlon reached a hand up to touch his lip and found the source of the blood.

"Marlon?" Aaron seemed confused. "Oh god I'm sorry" he looked at him in horror at seeing his bloodied mouth.

"I've had worse" Marlon said climbing to his feet slowly, not wanting to spook the teenager. He was way more worried about Aaron than some minor injury, even if it did hurt like a bitch. He didn't want Aaron to see that though, as much for his own self esteem as anything.

"I just...I didn't know you were here...I...."

"It's okay honestly" he tried to reassure him. "What happened here?" he motioned with his arm at the mess on the floor.

"It's ruined" Aaron answered, his tone flat and emotionless, but Marlon could see how red his eyes were and the trace of tears on his cheeks.

"Well I can see that". Whatever it had been it was unrecognisable now, he only hoped it wasn't anything important.

"That's not what I meant" the teenager picked up a bit of fluff and let it drop back down to the ground.

"Okay" Marlon said cautiously. "Do you....want to talk about it?" he winced at his own words and then scratched at the back of his neck when Aaron glared at him. "No, no I guess not". He stood there uncomfortably for a minute before he remembered with a flash of inspiration. "Cheeseburger".

"What?" Aaron looked up at him like he'd gone mad.

"Oh, um I brought you a cheeseburger over. Your mum was worried that you wouldn't end up eating otherwise, so I....." he trailed off.

"Oh okay, thanks I guess" Aaron told him but he was still focused on the mess that covered his floor.

"Why don't you go grab a shower and I'll make sure your food doesn't go cold" Marlon told him drawing his attention back to him, he could see the way Aaron was staring at his split lip, guilt written all over his face.

"Yeah okay" Aaron said.

Marlon waited until Aaron got up off the floor, moving like an old man rather than the seventeen year old he was, to go to the bathroom before jogging downstairs himself. He fiddled around with food, taking the stuff you wouldn't want in the oven out before putting the rest of it in the oven on low to keep warm. It kind of went against all his chef principles but at least it would be edible and warm once Aaron came down to eat it. He was relieved to hear the shower start up, he'd half been expecting to go back up and find the teenager staring into space again, it had been unsettling, even before he'd ended up punching him. He obviously didn't know what that had been all about but whatever the mess all over his bedroom floor was it had taken the brunt of Aaron's outburst. In a flash of inspiration he began rooting around in the drawers until he found a roll of bin bags. Snapping one off he headed back up the stairs, using his long legs to his advantage to take them two at a time. He wanted to get this done before Aaron got out of the shower.

It didn't take him long to gather all the stuffing and material up and shove it in the bag, whatever it was had made a mess but wasn't very big. Of course there was still the odd little bit of fluff floating around but Chas would have to get the hoover out tomorrow to clean that up. He chuckled to himself at the thought of her doing that then winced at the action pulled at his lip. Finding a patch of brown cloth with a couple of beady eyes staring at him he decided his first guess was probably right and that it was some kind of stuffed animal. Why Aaron had it in the first place let alone why he'd decided to basically obliterate it he had no idea. Hearing the shower shut off he took one last look around and scarpered back downstairs with the evidence clutched firmly in his hand. Going back into the kitchen he shoved the bag into the kitchen bin. He grabbed a bit of kitchen roll and held it to his sore lip, it wasn't bleeding much at least. He hadn't been lying, he really had had worse.

Aaron showed up a few minutes later, dressed in a pair of jogging bottoms and a t-shirt.

"I'll just put this back together" he told him getting the food back out and putting it on a fresh plate. "Take a seat, it will only be a sec".

"You don't have to bother" Aaron told him sitting down and running his hand over his head.

"No bother" Marlon said turning around and putting the plate in front of him with a flourish.

Aaron stared at the food in front of him as though it was poison.

"I'll make you a deal" Marlon said sitting down at one of the other chairs.

"What kind of deal?" Aaron looked at him suspiciously.

"If you eat half of it, I'll tell your mum you ate all of it" Aaron just squinted his eyes at him before picking up the burger up and taking a small bite. Marlon figured part of the reason he agreed so easily was because he felt bad for hitting him, but that was okay, whatever worked.

"You going to sit there and watch me?" Aaron said between small mouth fulls. He was eating slowly but at least he was eating.

"Well it's this or a huge pile of washing up at the pub" Marlon answered. He'd not had any intention of staying after dropping the food off but he wanted to make sure he was okay before he left. Chas would ask after all.

They didn't speak again but eventually Aaron sat back signalling he was done eating. He'd actually eaten almost all of the burger but he hadn't touched the chips, Marlon figured it was good enough.

"Thanks" Aaron said wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

"It was just a burger" Marlon shrugged.

"Yeah, not just that though, I saw you cleaned up upstairs, what did you do with it?"

Marlon nodded in the direction of the bin, noting the way Aaron looked at it as though the offending item might climb back out.

"What was it?" Marlon asked him not really expecting a reply.

Aaron looked at him, then he looked down at his hands and started picking at one of his fingernails.

"It's all right, you don't have to tell me" Marlon didn't want to make him feel any more uncomfortable than he already was.

"Nah, it's okay, I guess you deserve an answer, considering" he glanced at his split lip again before looking back down at his hands. He took a deep breath and blew it back out before speaking again. "It's, or it was I guess, a teddy I had as a kid. It's stupid really, it's just I hadn't seen it for years, not since I was eight".

Eight, Marlon knew the significance of that number, that was when Aaron's life had been ripped apart, when his childhood hand ended for all intents and purposes.

"It was just a stupid stuffed toy I used to sleep with, last time I saw it was....that night" he cleared his throat and dug his nail into another one a little harder. "I thought he'd thrown it away when he changed my sheets". Marlon's mind shied away from the implications there. "But he must have kept it" Aaron's frown just got deeper. "Why would he do that, keep it but not give it back to me? I don't understand" he looked back up at him and looked really young and confused. Gordon had so many things to answer for.

"There's a lot about that....man that's hard to understand" Marlon's voice was tight with anger and he knew Aaron could hear it from the way he looked up at him.

"Anyway just seeing it sat on my bed like that, I guess I just lost it" his face flushed.

"Well that's not hard to understand".

"Anyway, like I said thanks. You'd better get back hadn't you? I think I'm just going to crash now anyway", his mum was right, he did look tired, exhausted in fact.

"Okay, yeah, I'll um leave you to it" Marlon got up from the table, Aaron made no move to get up himself. As he got to the door he turned to say one last thing. "Good luck with everything tomorrow, not that you'll need it of course".

"Why? Aren't you coming?"

"Oh, um no. Why? Do you want me to?"

"God no" Aaron scoffed. "It's just pretty much everyone else seems to be" he shrugged.

"Well part of me would love to go, show that bastard what we all think about him, I'm not sure I'd be able to control myself though" Aaron half smiled at that. " I know you think I'm some kind of idiot" he tried not to be hurt when Aaron didn't disagree with him, "but not when it comes to something like this.... I just don't want to make anything worse for you".

"Oh" he said simply.

"But those of us that aren't coming will be here when you get back. We're all behind you you know?"

"Yeah I know" Aaron bit his lip. "I'll see you later then mate" he said signalling that they were done here.

"See you Aaron" Marlon closed the door behind him before heading back down the street to the pub. It was weird but Aaron calling him mate just then had felt momentous, he felt like he'd been allowed into a special club, one that Aaron didn't let many people into.


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I really enjoyed writing this one, I hope you enjoy reading it :)

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The car ride to court was silent and strained. Cain was driving, Paddy sat next to him in the passenger seat. Somehow Aaron had ended up sandwiched between Debbie and Chas in the backseat, it made him feel like a five year old.

Zak and Lisa had been waiting for them when they had got there and everyone had started to head inside but half way up the outside stairs Aaron had stopped in his tracks. Chas had taken one look at her son and sent everyone else in ahead of them. Paddy had given her arm a gentle squeeze and left them alone.

"You don't have to go in you know?" Chas said taking his hand in hers. "We could just go home, no one will judge you for it".

"I will though" Aaron looking down at their joined hands. "I'm okay, I need to do this, I just... need a minute first, could you..." he waved with his other hand to the entrance the others had gone through already.

"Of course" Chas gave his hand one last squeeze before letting go. "I'll meet you in there" she turned and walked away leaving him standing there by himself. 

He watched her go before sitting down on one of the steps. His hands were shaking and he leant forward resting his head in them and taking some small, slow breaths. He tried not to think too far ahead, all he needed to do now was go up the stairs and walk through the door. That's as far as he would let himself think. He rubbed his sweaty palms on his trouser legs. He still wasn't sure why he'd worn a suit, he would just be sat in the gallery, today was all about Gordon. But Aaron wanted to show how seriously he was taking this, he didn't want the judge to look up and see some chavvy little teenager.

He took one last deep breath and headed inside. Paddy was waiting for him just inside the door.

"They've just gone in, your mum didn't want to miss anything. She thought you might have changed your mind about going in".

"No I want to see, where is it?"

Paddy led him up the stairs and Aaron just concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other. When they walked into the gallery, the others were already sitting down, his mum had saved him a seat next to her on the front row, Cain and Debbie were sitting the other side which meant Paddy had to join Zak and Lisa on the next row back. When he sat down next to her his mum gave him a grim smile and took his hand in hers, he let her and could feel her hand shaking just like his was. He'd made it just in time because once his attention was focused on the courtroom below them a door opened and Gordon stepped through flanked by two guards.

He kept his head down and shuffled in, but as he reached the box he turned and looked straight at him. Aaron reared back in shock at his appearance. His left eye was completely swollen shut, a bruise covering most of the same cheek and his lip was split. He heard Lisa gasp and Debbie mutter under her breath to Cain.

"Looks like someone's given him a pasting".

"Good" Cain answered coldly.

"All rise" the words rang out around the courtroom as the Judge made his way to his seat. Aaron was only half aware of what was happening after that, all of his attention was focused on the back of his dad's neck, equal parts pleased that he couldn't see him and disappointed. He wanted to see him, to see if he could tell what he was thinking, if there was any kind of sorrow or guilt there. Maybe a few days in prison might have given him chance to think, to feel regret for what he had done and acknowledge that he was wrong. Clearly someone had tried to teach him that lesson judging by the state of his face. He knew he should feel some sort of satisfaction at seeing him like that but he didn't and he wasn't sure what that said about him.

His attention was brought swiftly back into focus when the clerk stood up to read the charges out.

"Gordon Livesy you are charged on this indictment with four counts. On count one you are charged with rape contrary to section one, paragraph one of the sexual offences act 1956" hearing it laid out like that, so clinical and cold had Aaron digging his fingernails into his thigh. He could feel his mum's hand gripping his other hand tightly.

"The particulars of this offence are that on the 5th May 2004 you had sexual intercourse with Aaron Livesy, who at the time of said intercourse did not consent to it" his mum's hand was squeezing him so hard it hurt but he didn't mind, it gave him something to focus on other than the burning shame that was coursing through him. "The said Gordon Livesy, either knowing that said Aaron Livesy did not so consent, or being reckless as to whether he consented. How do you plead? Guilty or not guilty?".

Aaron held his breath, this was it, the moment where his dad could prove himself to be the man he once remembered, the one who claimed to love him. If he was that man then he would plead guilty, own up to what he had done and save Aaron from having to go through the trauma of a trial. Or he could prove himself to be the monster that the rest of them thought he was.

Gordon opened his mouth to speak and began to cough instead, he hunched over holding his ribs in obvious pain. Aaron watched with concern.

"Do you need a moment?" the Judge asked somewhat kindly as someone passed him a glass of water. Gordon took the glass and raised it to his lips with shaking hands before putting back down again. As he did so he turned his head slightly and caught Aaron's eye. In that moment all of Aaron's hopes were dashed, he didn't see sorrow or guilt he just saw anger and something else, something twisted and dark, If he didn't know better he might think Gordon was enjoying this, this power he had over him, it made his insides crawl with fear.

"Mr Livesy" the Judge drew his attention back to her. 

"Not guilty" he spoke clearly and calmly, like he had nothing to be ashamed of. Aaron heard the gasps from his family around him but he wasn't shocked. He'd known what he would say the second he'd looked at him.

The clerk read the next two charges out and it was a repeat of the first one, just the dates changed. He pictured his ten year old and eight year old self listening to his dad once again plead not guilty to both charges, he wondered what they would think of all this, would they be pleased that it was happening or just as terrified as him that he'd made a terrible mistake ever saying anything, that all this was going to be for nothing.

He could feel himself getting more and more tense as the clerk read the final charge out.

"And the particulars of that offence are that on the 27th of November 2008 you attempted to rape Aaron Livesy" it had only been 10 months ago, that night so fresh in his mind. He remembered thinking that he'd escaped that night, but he'd been wrong he would never be free of this. "How do you plead guilty or not guilty?".

"Not guilty".

"You liar" his mum shouted out.

Lisa reached a calming hand out and placed it on her shoulder. "Don't waste your breath love, he's not worth it" but Aaron could hear the anger and disgust in her voice as well. "Has he no shame?"

"Would we be here if he did?" Debbie said.

"I swear to God I didn't do this" Gordon spoke and he almost sounded convincing. "I love my boy. Aaron" Gordon turned to look at him then, leaning heavily against the side of the box he was standing in. "I know it's not you making up all these lies". Aaron looked down and away, unable to meet his dad's gaze. 

"Shut up you bastard" Chas screamed down at him.

"Silence" the Judge thundered at them all. "That is my last warning. Mr Livesy you must only address the bench".

Gordon ignored her though and continued to shout up to where Aaron was sitting. "Whoever made you say these things it doesn't matter".

"Mr Livesy" the Judge once again tried to warn him.

"I love you son. I always will do" out of the corner of his eye Aaron could see his dad was starting to sway on his feet.

"Evil little bastard" Cain said between gritted teeth.

"Don't listen to him love" his mum said, her voice shaking with emotion as she tried to draw his attention to her.

That was when it happened, Gordon went down. Aaron half rose out of his seat peering down at his father in concern and shock.

"I don't believe this" Chas said rising up with him as they watched the guards rush to help him to his feet again. Aaron could feel tears pricking at his eyes, he didn't know whether Gordon was faking it or whether it was genuine and if he didn't he know the Judge wouldn't either. He sank back down into his seat, numb.

There was a few minutes of strained silence as Gordon was attended to and once the Judge was satisfied that he was okay she addressed him again.

"Mr Livesy you have pleaded not guilty to the indictments and accordingly you will stand trial at a date to be confirmed. In the interim you will be remanded in custody as before" that was one thing at least then, Aaron didn't have to worry about him coming to see him. Although there was always ways he could get to him, even if it was just his dreams at night.

"Guards take him away".

"No you can't" Gordon started to protest. "I'm not safe, you can't send me back there" he turned pleading eyes back on Aaron. "Son, don't let them do this to me, you know it's wrong" the tears that had threatened to spill earlier did so now as his dad pleaded with him.

"Don't listen to him, look at me" Debbie told him and he tried to, he really tried, but he couldn't keep himself from watching his dad be led away, his eyes filled with fear.

"Maybe someone in there will do us a favour and save us the hassle of going to trial" Cain said as the started to file out of the room together.

They stayed together as a group until they were outside, it seemed strange that the sun was shining so bright, it had seemed so dark in there.

"You all right love?" Lisa asked but he didn't answer, he couldn't.

"We'll meet you back at the pub yeah?" Cain said and they must have agreed because next thing he knew he was sitting in the back of the car on their way back to Emmerdale.

"How much of that was real and how much was he putting on do you think?" Paddy asked.

"Knowing Gordon it was probably all an act, just trying to get sympathy out of the Judge" Chas snarled, her anger from before hadn't faded, if anything it was stronger. "I hope it was real though, I hope he's really hurting".

"Pull over" Aaron said, but it was quiet, too quiet.

"What did you say?" Debbie asked, her face pinched with concern.

"Pull over" he said it again, louder, panicked and he was reaching over, clawing at the door handle beside her.

"Dad" Debbie shouted at her dad.

"What the hell?" Cain said looking at them in the rear view mirror, he pulled the car over to the side sharply, luckily they were already on one of the quiet back roads that led to the village so he didn't cause any major incident by doing it. As soon as the car came to a stop, Aaron flung the door open and Debbie had no choice but to get out of the car, unless she'd wanted him to climb over her. Aaron stumbled a few feet away from her onto the grass verge before the nausea overwhelmed him. He hadn't managed to eat anything for breakfast so mostly what came up was bile. It was acidic and vile and burnt his throat on the way up.

He retched for what felt like forever until nothing else would come and then he staggered away from the mess before sinking to the floor on his knees. His breath came in gasps and his mouth tasted terrible.

"Here" a bottle of water appeared next to him and he took it without bothering to see who was holding it. Whoever it was had already opened it, which he was grateful for because he wasn't sure he would have been able to, his hands were shaking that badly.

He took a gulp and swished it around in his mouth before spitting it out, trying to get rid of the taste, He did that two more times before finally taking a swallow, it helped, a little.

"Better?" his mum's soft voice came from next to him. He glanced up to see her by his side and the others stood next to the car looking on with concern.

"Yeah, thanks" he handed the bottle back.

"I know today was hard love" there was an understatement. "but it doesn't matter that he plead not guilty, he's going to go away no matter what".

"It doesn't matter?" Aaron couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Of course it matters. It means he doesn't think he did anything wrong and he'll make sure that everyone else believes that too".

"No he won't. There's already so many people that don't believe him and soon everyone will know just what kind of lowlife scum he is" Chas sounded so sure, he wished he had that confidence.

"Or they won't" his mum didn't say anything else, he knew she didn't know what to say to make him believe her.

He stood up and started walking back to the car, Chas trailing along behind him.

"You're not going to throw up in my car if you get back in it are you?" Cain asked him, Aaron was pretty sure he wasn't joking.

"Nah I'll be fine, nothing left" he reassured him, it seemed to have the opposite affect though as Cain just looked more worried.

"Sit in the front just in case, Paddy can sit in the back, can't you Paddy?" Cain asked the other man, everyone knew it wasn't a question though.

"Yeah, yeah of course" Paddy nodded his head like an idiot. 

Neither of the women was willing to give up their window seat so Paddy ended up having to squeeze his 5ft 11inch frame into the middle seat. He looked ridiculous and under other circumstances Aaron was pretty sure he would be laughing his head off at the sight. Not today though.

Luckily they made it home without any more incidents. They pulled up outside the pub and Aaron shook his head.

"I can't go in there" he said.

"But I told Lisa and Zak we'd meet them there" Chas said as the three of them prized themselves out of the back seat.

"I know, and I know everyone means well but I can't face them. I'm so sick of talking about this, this and nothing else. I wish I could go somewhere where no one knows me, where I can just not have to think about it for a little while".

"Okay we'll head home instead" Chas told him.

"No you go in" Aaron told them. "I'm going to go grab Clyde and go for a walk, I could do with some fresh air".

"I'll come with you" Paddy offered.

"No, you're not listening. I just want to take my dog for a walk and not have to think for a while. Is that too much to ask?" he wasn't angry but he was frustrated.

"No, it's not" Cain answered and he could feel the guilty looks his mum and Paddy were sending him. "Go on lad, we'll see you in a bit".

"But..."Chas started to protest.

"You heard him" Cain said cutting her off. Aaron could have hugged him, except not, of course.

"You'll be all right?" Chas couldn't help asking though.

"Yes. I promise."

"Don't go far, okay? " she said. Debbie and Cain had already started to walk off. Paddy took hold of Chas' hand and gave her a gentle tug in the direction of the pub.

"Fine" Aaron answered and before she could change her mind he walked away. 

He grabbed Clyde's lead and didn't even bother to get changed before heading back out with the excited dog. He waited until they were in the open fields before letting him off his lead and he smiled watching the German Shepherd run about like a crazed lunatic. Clyde always went a little crazy when he first was let free but he'd calm down eventually and Aaron wasn't even slightly worried that he wouldn't come back, Clyde wasn't stupid after all, just a little impulsive at times.

He took his jacket off and lay down in the grass, his hands linked behind his head. He tried to switch off everything he was feeling about today, seeing his dad again had just left him even more hurt and confused. He focused on the clouds floating above his head, trying to see shapes in them like he used to do as a kid, it gave him something else to focus on. He could hear Clyde running about giving the odd excited yip and he could hear some sheep bleating in the distance but other than that, nothing, it was nice, peaceful even. He knew he couldn't stay out here too long but he'd enjoy it while it lasted.


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In all honesty this is a bit of a filler chapter but I need to give Aaron a break otherwise he won't make it to the trial. Plus this was a way for me to show how much the village care. Hope you like it :)

\------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Diane was collecting glasses when Zak and Lisa walked in. From the look on their faces it had gone about as well as they'd all feared.

"How'd it go?" Marlon asked anxiously.

"Well he plead not guilty, so...." Lisa said sadly. None of them had really expected him to plead guilty but they had hoped.

"How's Aaron?" Diane as she went back behind the bar.

"Quiet" Zak answered simply.

"I thought they'd be back here already" Lisa said frowning as she looked around the pub. "We came back a different way but they should have got back first".

Before anyone could say anything the door opened and Debbie and Cain entered, Debbie stood holding the door open and not long after Paddy and Chas came through as well.

"What kept ya?" Zak said as Cain took a seat next to him.

"Aaron had a bit of a wobble we had to pull over on the way back".

"What kind of wobble?" Lisa asked looking worried.

"He threw up" Cain told it plain.

"Poor lad" Diane said, everyone just looked sad.

"Where is he?" Lisa said peering at the door as if she expected him to walk through.

"He's took Clyde for a walk" Paddy told them. "He just need a break I think. Today hit him a lot harder than even he was expecting what with Gordon's theatrics"

"What do you mean?" Marlon asked.

"He was just trying to get some sympathy, that and he shouted up a few things to Aaron, tried to mess with his head. The sooner he's locked up for good and none of us have to see him again the better. Can't come soon enough if you ask me" Zak shook his head angrily.

"Let's just hope that's what happens" Chas said.

"What? I thought you were convinced he'd get sent down" Paddy questioned.

"I just said that to Aaron, he feels bad enough already, I can't let him think I'm not sure either. He's so on edge. I can't wait for this trial to be over".

"Any idea when it's due to start?" Diane asked.

"His barrister seemed to think it would be a few weeks yet. It feels like a lifetime away. I'm worried he's not going to be able to cope, going to work, acting like everything's normal with that looming in the future. I just wish I could help him somehow" Chas sounded so heartbroken and worried, Diane reached out and patted her hand.

"It'll be all right pet, you'll see" she told her.

"Don't think it helps that everyone here knows about it, he hates seeing everyone, knowing that they know. I think he feels embaressed".

"He has nothing to be ashamed of, nobody is judging him" Marlon said.

"I know that and maybe he does too but still it's hard for him facing everyone everyday. I don't think he'll be able to move on properly until the trial is done with, until then he knows it's going to be the main topic of conversation"

"Oh I don't know, this is Emmerdale after all, I'm sure someone will have an affair or try to kill someone at some point" Debbie said causing everyone to smile.

"We do seem to have our fair share of drama round here I have to agree" Diane smiled. "Drink?" she asked Chas.

"Just the one, I don't want to leave him alone too long" the smile fell from her face.

They didn't stay much longer after that but even after they'd gone Diane couldn't get them off her mind. She just wished there was something she could do to help, she knew a lot of people felt like that at the minute.

"Have you heard how today went?" Ashley asked when he came up to the bar to order drinks for him and Laurel.

"I take it you mean Aaron?" she said and he nodded. "Well Gordon plead not guilty. Aaron didn't take it very well from all accounts.

"I'm not surprised" Laurel joined the conversation. "This must be really taking a toll on him, his mum as well".

"Yeah I really feel for them" Diane sighed. "I've been trying to think of some way we could help them. I did have an idea, something Chas said got me thinking but I don't know how they would take it".

"Well tell us what it is, maybe we can help you decide" Ashley said.

So Diane told them and they thought it was a fantastic idea, Leyla walked in half way through and the rest kind of snowballed from there.

 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Chas was sat at the desk in the surgery trying to make sense of the mess she'd made of the afternoon appointments. Most people were being very understanding but that would only last for so long, at this rate Paddy would be better off working on his own. She glanced at the clock, it was almost 1.30pm, only a few more hours and Aaron would be home from work. He'd barely said a word at breakfast this morning, just given her a tight lipped smile as he walked out of the door with a slice of toast in his hand, she just hoped that he'd eaten it and not left it for the birds somewhere. Paddy had talked her out of going to check on him at lunchtime but now she wished she hadn't listened. It was hard to concentrate when she was so worried about him.

She looked up when the door opened and saw Diane standing there looking a little bit nervous.

"Hi love, are you busy?" she said coming in and shutting the door behind her.

"No, well yes, I mean I should be" Chas told her. "I'm sure I can spare a minute though. What's up?" she knew Diane wasn't here for anything vet related seeing as she didn't have any pets.

"Well I want you to hear me out before you say anything" Chas frowned up at her not sure where this was going. "And it's not charity before you think that either. It's just I was thinking yesterday how tired you look and how bad we all feel for you and Aaron".

Chas still didn't say anything just squinted her eyes.

"Not that this is out of pity either" it seemed like Diane had all her arguments in place. "But something you said yesterday got me thinking and when I spoke to a few other people it seemed that so many of us wanted to show you our support in some way and we didn't know how"

"Not being funny Diane but are you going to get to the point some time today?"

"Yes, well um" she reached into her bag and pulled something out, dropping it on the desk in front of her. "Here, we wanted to give you these".

Chas peered down at what Diane had just put in front of her before picking them up in disbelief. 

"What?"

"It's two tickets for you and Aaron. A fortnight in Spain" Diane said as if she wasn't capable of reading them for herself.

"I can see that" Chas said. "I can't accept these Diane, you shouldn't be spending your money on me".

"That's just it pet, it's not my money, well a little bit is but everyone put in for it".

Chas leaned back in her chair looking up at the woman in shock.

"What do you mean everyone?"

"Like I said pretty much everyone in the village put in and before you worry about how much it cost, it's two weeks in Spain off season, it's not exactly Disney World. No one had to break the bank to contribute, although a few people were very generous I have to say".

"I don't know what to say" Chas felt herself getting choked up.

"Then don't say anything, other than that you'll take them" Diane's own eyes were suspiciously bright.

"Thank you" Chas got up from the desk and walked round to give the other woman a hug. "This means so much" her own eyes wet with emotion.

"Like I said we just all wanted to show you we care".

"You have" Chas pulled back and grabbed them both a tissue out of the box in the desk.

Diane wiped her eyes and smiled. 

"I hope Paddy won't mind" Chas said blowing her nose messily.

"Oh he won't I spoke to him already. He said he wouldn't be able to leave the surgery with that short notice and that it would be good for the two of you to have some time to yourselves. He said he didn't think you'd had a holiday together for years".

"No" Chas gave another sob which had Diane looking at her in concern.

"I'm sorry, have I said something wrong?" she asked.

"No, it's just the last time we went away was a few months before I left him with his dad, oh Diane how am I ever going to fix this" the tears were coming again now.

"You don't" Diane shrugged, "you can't change the past, but you can make new memories. And these" she picked the tickets up and waved them around, "will be a good way start".

"Yeah you're right. I can't wait to tell him" Chas looked at the tickets again. "Wait, these are for tomorrow morning".

"We thought the sooner the better".

"What would you have done with them if I'd said no?"

"I don't know to be honest pet. But I didn't think you would, I know you're not that stupid" she grinned at her and Chas knew it wasn't meant to be insulting.

The door opened and Mrs Harris walked in with her Pug, Dudley.

"Well I'll leave you to it" Diane said. "I'll see you when you get back" Diane said.

"Thanks again Diane, could you tell everyone else how much I appreciate it. I know Aaron will too, well I hope he will".

"Of course, I'm just glad we could do something" she gave Chas a nod and a smile and then left through the door that Mrs Harris was still holding open.

Chas sat back down at the desk and checked Mrs Harris in. She wondered if she would have time to nip into town to get a few bits, maybe Paddy would let her go early. She definitely needed a new bikini, one that Aaron would disapprove of, this might actually be fun.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, I got caught up in Robert week. 
> 
> Trial time, hope people are still reading this :)

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chas hated this, knowing her son was about to go through one of the worst days of his life, talking about the only thing worse and she couldn't be with him. She had to sit here in this room and wait for her chance to speak. Cain, Debbie, Zak, Lisa and Paddy were all out there and she knew that Aaron was both relieved and terrified in equal parts that they would hear every detail about what had happened to him. Just like she was both relieved and heartbroken that she couldn't be there with him.

The two weeks they had spent away had been the best thing to ever happen to them. For the first couple of days she hadn't been so sure, he had spent them either completely ignoring her or snapping at her over nothing. She put up with it though, proud of herself for never rising to the bait and eventually it seemed to work. It's hard to keep fighting a battle when you're the only one fighting. Something about being in another country, away from all the gossip and looks and well intentioned but misguided comments finally seeped through to him. He relaxed in a way she was sad to realise she had never seen before, he smiled, he laughed, he even joked. He looked lighter than he ever had and it made her own almost unbearable guilt fade slightly. He had let her in, stopped pushing her away so much, she was closer to him now than she had ever been and she was so thankful for that. A week into the holiday and he stood a little straighter, his eyes looked a little less haunted. She knew it was just a brief interlude but it was good to see. Sharing an apartment she knew he'd still had trouble sleeping but in the morning he'd been able to shake it off easier. 

It lasted until they got on the plane home. It was like a dark shadow passed over him. She'd tried to joke with him and he'd smiled at her attempts but it had felt forced and strained. She was still glad they'd gone away, he'd needed the break, and so had she. But it only served to highlight just how much pressure he was under and how miserable he really was. They needed this trial to be over.

Once they'd got back it had seemed like a whirlwind of meetings with solicitors and interviews. Aaron had even seen the court appointed psychiatrist but had refused any suggestion that maybe he see someone for his own sake rather than just the court's needs. He had snapped that he wasn't mental when it was brought up and Chas hadn't mentioned it again. She had been called as a witness, along with Moira. The biggest shock had come when John had been called as a witness for the defense, who knew what games Gordon was playing now. Aaron hadn't said much about it, he hadn't said much about anything. Other than to let them know he wanted to take the stand. His solicitor had said he had the option of testifying through a video link but he insisted that he didn't want to do it that way. He said he wanted to look his dad in the eye and show him he wasn't scared of him. Chas knew that wasn't true but nothing they said to him would convince him to change his mind.

So here they were the first day of trial. The car journey had been awful, more than once Chas had had to stop Aaron from picking at his fingernails until they bled. She resorted to holding his hand the rest of the way there and he'd gripped hers back tightly. When they had got to court and been told they had to wait in seperate rooms he had looked terrified. In the end Paddy had offered to stay with him till he was called and it seemed to calm him slightly. It meant that she was alone though. 

So she sat and she waited and she tried to breath.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Cain sat in the gallery next to his daughter. Zak and Lisa sat behind them and he knew every single one of them felt as tense as he did, that didn't make him feel any better though.

The solicitors had made there opening statements and the first witness was about to be called. Cain stared at the back of Gordon's head the whole time, willing him to turn round so he could look at him, show him exactly what he thought of him somehow. He didn't though, although he did shift uncomfortably a few times and Cain liked to think it was because he could feel him glaring at him.

He finally shifted his attention when Aaron walked into the room though. The teenager shuffled in, his eyes firmly fixed on the floor as he was led to the witness box. He was sworn in and stood there with his head down while he waited for the questions to begin. There was a small commotion as the door behind where Cain was sitting opened and Paddy stumbled in drawing everyone's attention for a moment, including Aaron's.

Cain took the opportunity to meet his eye and try and show him that they were here for him. Aaron gave a small nod of acknowledgement but his eyes were full of fear. 

"The evidence we are about to see is via pre-recorded interview. In which questions were put to Aaron Livesy by police officers. Once it has played the prosecution and the defense will be given the chance to put questions to the witness" the Judge addressed the jury. Aaron glanced up at them all again as she spoke and Cain felt sick. Because Aaron wasn't afraid of Gordon right now, he was afraid of them all hearing this. He considered getting up and leaving, but he couldn't, he needed to know. Aaron needed them to hear it whether he knew it or not.

He felt Debbie reach out and take his hand. She'd already heard it all, she'd been there the day it was recorded. He didn't know whether she was offering comfort or asking for it, but he could feel her shaking. He knew it would be bad, he already knew some of it, but now he wondered whether he would be able to cope with hearing it all. He gripped Debbie's hand tightly back and watched Aaron as the recording began.

He sat there and he listened and he had to remind himself to breath. He heard sniffing from behind him, Lisa at a guess, although it could be anyone, his own eyes were wet with unshed tears. The only thing keeping them from spilling over was the hatred he felt towards the man below him.

He listened to what had happened to Aaron at eight and wanted to rip Gordon's head off. He heard what happened to him at ten and he thought he might be sick. He heard what happened to him at twelve and he wasn't sure how he was still breathing. He heard what happened when he was sixteen and the tears in his eyes finally spilled over. He didn't care if he looked weak. If he'd felt bad for the boy before it was nothing compared to what he felt now, he felt like he was choking.

Cain watched the whole thing, he wouldn't let himself look away, he owed him that much. He did risk the odd glance at Aaron though. With each word spoken he seemed to sink further in on himself. Cain didn't know what to feel anymore, he thought he'd already gone over everything in his head, that he knew how he felt, but this felt like a whole other level of despair and horror.

He didn't know how Aaron was still standing there. What strength it must take to stand there while everyone watched that, including the monster who'd done it to him. Whatever respect he'd had for him before was blown out of the water now.

The recording came to an end and no one spoke at first. There was the odd muffled sob, more than one person sniffing. Cain could swear at least a couple of the jurors looked like they had tears in their eyes. Good.

Aaron kept his head down and Cain could see the tremors coursing through him. The Judge must have seen it too.

"Mr Livesy" she addressed Aaron, "would you like to take a break?" her voice was kind, her eyes soft with compassion. Cain almost felt like the case was won already, who could watch that and think Aaron was lying, he would have to be an amazing actor to pull off something that convincing. Still they had a long few days ahead of them, the defense was bound to have some tricks up their sleeve, no point getting ahead of himself.

Aaron shook his head, so the Judge nodded to the defense to go ahead with their questions.

"You claim Mr Livesy assualted you when you were eight, ten and twelve and tried to again when you were sixteen?" the male barrister began.

"Yeah" Aaron answered, his voice shaking slightly.

"Did you tell anyone what he was doing?"

"No I was just a kid, I thought it was all my fault" he paused glancing down at his hands as if ashamed, "and I was terrified".

"So terrified you immediately ran away?" 

"Not the first time, but I did leave in the end, when he tried again, last year".

"Why then? Why not before?"

"Because I didn't think I had anywhere to go" Cain folded his arms tightly across his chest, squeezing his own arms till it hurt. 

"What about your mother?"

"I didn't think she wanted me" Aaron quickly swiped away a tear that was running down his cheek.

"But that's who you live with now?"

"Yes"

"What changed?"

"I was wrong about her" Aaron admitted.

"How did you end up living with her?"

Aaron just shrugged.

"Isn't it true that she picked you up from the police station where you had got into trouble with drugs?"

Aaron just shrugged again.

"I need you to answer" the Judge prompted and he glared at her.

"Yes" he snapped.

"Do you take drugs Mr Livesy?"

"No" Aaron looked offended at the suggestion.

"So you were just selling them then?"

"Objection" Aaron's barrister interupted. "Aaron Livesy is not on trial here".

"Withdrawn" the other barrister conceeded, he'd already made his point anyway. "You say you ran away? Isn't it actually the case that your father threw you out?"

"Kind of" Aaron admitted.

"Why did he do that?"

"Because I hit my step mum?"

"So your father, who had always stood by you, who looked after you when your own mum abandoned you finally had enough of your violent, unruly behaviour and asked you to leave after you hit your defenseless step mum?"

"What, that's not how..." Aaron looked confused.

"Isn't it true that you resented your dad for choosing his new daughter and his new wife over you? This is just your way of getting back at him for giving up on you like everyone else did?" the barrister was really goading Aaron now. Cain wanted to leap over the railing and punch him.

"No...I...I don't know" Aaron looked lost and scared. 

"Objection" the prosecution stood up glaring at her opponent. "Badgering the witness".

"Sustained" the Judge said, looking a little bit annoyed herself.

"I apologize" he said, looking anything but sorry. "No further questions" he sat down with a slightly smug look on his face.

"I feel like you have said everything you needed to say in the video" Araon's barrister started, smiling at his comfortingly. "And the defense would have us believe that this is all down to some grudge you have against your dad, all because you hate him and are jealous. So my question for you is a simple one but a hard one" she paused and Cain saw the way Aaron took a deep breath preparing himself for what she was about to ask. 

She looked at him and then over at Gordon.

"Do you hate your father?" Aaron didn't answer, just kept looking down at his shoes.

"Aaron?" she prompted gently.

"Yes" he said, but it was hard to make out, his voice choked and quiet.

"Because he hurt you?"

"Yeah".

"So this, this court case, it feels good right? You're enjoying this?"

"What? No" Aaron glared at her.

"Why not? If he hurt you and you hate him it must be satisfying to see him here, having to face this/"

"No, I didn't want this. I hate everyone knowing about me, judging me, thinking I'm pathetic".

"Is that all, do you feel anything else?" Cain knew she was just doing her job, that she wanted the jury to see that the defense was wrong about Aaron, that this wasn't some kind of grudge but at the same time he wished she'd shut up. This seemed to be hurting Aaron more than anything else, even worse than having to listen to him describe in detail everything that had happened to him. These were the real scars he bore.

"Guilty" Aaron said and Cain heard Debbie gasp next to him. He looked at her for the first time since Aaron had started speaking and he unfolded his arms so he could reach out and take her hand. She didn't look at him but squeezed it back.

"Why do you feel guilty?" 

"Because....because I've let him down. I promised I wouldn't say anything....that I would keep it secret and now he's going to get in trouble because of me......"

"You're worried about getting him in trouble? Don't you think he deserves to pay for what he did?" it almost felt like she was asking for her own curiosity now, like she'd forgotten about the case, caught up in his pain like the rest of them.

"Yeah, yeah I do....it's just....it's so confusing. I don't know what to think, what to feel. I'm just tired of feeling scared and bad all the time" he looked up at her, his eyes bright blue because of the tears spilling from them.

"Just one more question Aaron" she paused as if she wasn't sure before turning away to look at the jury as she asked her final question. "Even after everything, despite all that we've heard, do you still love your father?"

Aaron took a step back, his eyes wide. He looked like she had just slapped him. He didn't say anything but tears ran down his face and dripped off his chin, he wiped at them with his suit jacket but they continued to fall.

"Yes" Aaron sobbed and his legs buckled slightly as he had to grab the bar to stop from collapsing. Sobs wracked his body while everyone watched in stunned silence.


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the time gap, this one is a bit longer to make up for it. Enjoy xx

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lisa sat on the sofa, the television was on but had no idea what the programme was. Belle was asleep with her head on her lap and she was gently running her fingers over and over through the little girl's hair. Tears were steadily running down her face and occasionally she would wipe at them with a tissue, it didn't seem like they would be stopping anytime soon. The door behind her opened with a clatter and she turned quickly with her finger to her lip to let whoever was coming in know that they should keep quiet. 

"Sorry" Eli half whispered as him and Sam came in and shut the door behind them carefully.

"It's all right, I just didn't want to wake her up" Lisa said sniffing and wiping at her eyes again.

"Do you want me to take her up to bed?" Sam asked nodding at the sleeping girl.

"I guess" she said reluctantly. Part of her didn't want to let her go, wanted to hold on to her forever.

Sam walked around the sofa and carefully picked Belle up, being especially mindful of her still casted arm.

"Thanks Sammy" Lisa smiled up at him and patted his cheek fondly.

As Sammy walked off upstairs Eli took the seat next to her and without asking put his arm around her and pulled her to him.

Lisa allowed herself to really cry the, Eli didn't say a word just sat there in silence and let her. 

"So today was bad then?" he said eventually when she'd calmed down.

"Yeah, you could say that" Lisa sniffed and grabbed another tissue to blow her nose. "I though I knew, I thought I had some idea, but watching that video, hearing him say what that vile man did to him, it was so much worse than I thought, and he was just so upset. I've never seen someone hurting that much".

"Zak's still at pub, he wouldn't say anything about it, but I wouldn't expect him to come home in any fit state" Eli told her.

"I guess everyone has there own way of dealing with it" Lisa said sadly.

"What do you think Aaron's is?" Eli asked looking a little bit worried.

"I have no idea" Lisa sighed."I don't know how he's lived with it for so long. That poor lad. You know when he first came here I didn't like him, I thought he was nothing but trouble, I just wish I'd taken the time to talk to him, to find out what was going on".

"Well like they say if wishes were horses" Eli shrugged.

"What on earth are you on about?" Lisa frowned at him.

"You know, that saying, if wishes were horses, beggars would ride" Eli tried to explain.

"What have beggars got to do with anything?" 

"Well just that you know, you can't wish for....never mind. Do you want a cuppa?" he asked getting up.

"Go on then" she said sinking back into the sofa.

"So Zak said Moira was the only other person they got round to today" Eli said from the kitchen as he put the kettle on.

"Yeah, the barrister said Chas will be first tomorrow".

"Bet she's bricking it".

"She's strong our Chas, she'll do good" Lisa told him. She just hoped Chas believed that.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------

Zak sat at the bar, well more like he was leaning on it. Diane watched with sad eyes as he tried to drink himself into oblivion. Cain had been called and was on his way to get him apparently, but in the mean time she was keeping a close eye on him.

"Is he okay?" Ryan asked from where he sat at the end of the bar with Andy.

"I'd say he's a far way from okay pet" Diane said in response.

"It was the first day of the trial today wasn't it?" Andy asked.

"Yes" Diane said quietly, not wanting Zak to overhear them and think they were gossiping.

"Debbie nipped in the garage earlier, she said Aaron did amazing but that it was all really hard to hear" Ryan told them both.

"I still can't believe no-one knew" Andy said a little too loudly as he took a drink of his pint before putting it back down.

"What was that?" Zak slurred from the other end of the bar.

"Oh, er nothing Zak. Don't worry about it" Andy tried to brush it away.

"No...no it's not nothing is it. You're right we should...we should have known" Zak wiped a weary hand over his face, before picking his own pint up again. He drained it and then gestured for Diane to get him another one.

"I think you might have had enough" Diane said.

"I'll be judge of that" he glared at her.

"Cain will be here in a minute, go home to Lisa, sleep it off Zak" Diane patted his hand.

"I can't do that" Zak said his head hanging down. "I'm sp'osed to be head of this family, but all I do is let 'em down".

"Oh come on Zak that's not true" Ashley said from where he was sitting with Laurel.

"You don't know, ya didn't have to listen to what I did today" Zak pointed his finger at him accusingly. "What 'appened to that lad, what he went through, and we did nothing, nothing I tell you" he got up from his stool and started to sway.

Luckily Cain walked in just at that minute. He took one look at the situation and was at the older man's side in an instant. He grabbed him round the waist. Zak looked like he might swing for him for a minute and then he saw who it was. 

"You, you were there. Tell 'em, tell 'em how horrible it was" he said. "Tell 'em what that sick bastard did to our Aaron".

"They don't need to hear that Dad" Cain was surprisingly calm. "Come on, let's get you home".

Diane thought he might resist but then it was like all the fight had gone out of him and he slumped against his son and let him guide him out of the pub.

"That poor family" Laurel said staring after them sadly.

"Yes indeed" Ashley agreed. They all went back to their drinks but no one spoke for a while.

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Chas felt like she might be sick at any minute. She had spent a restless night tossing and turning next to Paddy. In the end she had got up and come downstairs to make herself a drink. The sun was just coming up but it was still hours until they would need to leave for court. It wasn't much later that she heard footsteps on the stairs. Aaron walked into the kitchen and joined her at the table. She didn't say anything to him but she got up and made him a coffee before sitting back down next to him.

He looked worse than she felt. He somehow managed to look like he'd aged 10 years in a day and like a lost little boy all at the same time. 

"How you doing?" she asked giving him a small smile of encouragement. He just shrugged and bit his lip. She knew how much this was taking out of him, she just had to hope he could get through these next few days and then no matter what, it would be over. At least after today she would be able to sit by his side for the rest of it. The thought of taking the stand today filled her with dread, what if she messed it up? What if everything he'd been through turned out to be for nothing because of something she said? Today felt like the most important of her life and she wasn't sure she was up to the task.

"Ready for today?" she asked him.

"Yeah" he said picking at his fingernails again. "You?"

"Absolutely" she said it with such conviction that she almost believed it herself.

"It won't be easy" he told her, as if he was the parent giving her guidance. "Especially with him sitting there, watching you". She was trying not to think about that part. The thought of seeing Gordon scared her, not because she was scared of him but because she was scared of what she might do. What if she lost it and tried to attack him? That was going to be the hardest part of today, keeping calm.

"Nothing will stop me from speaking up for you today" she told him, taking her hand in his and stopping him from once again worrying at his fingernails, they already looked so sore, it was painful to see.

He looked back at her with tears in his eyes and in a choked voice said "thanks for sticking by me".

"Oh sweetheart, how could I do anything else"? her own eyes filled with tears. He looked down at the table and wiped a tear away with his clenched fist.

"Sometimes you just break my heart" Chas said leaning forward and pulling him in for a hug. She hated that he still felt so unsure of himself. Like he thought she would abandon him in the middle of all this, it really did break her heart.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------

 

All in all it didn't go as badly as she'd feared. The defense had obviously tried to paint her as a terrible mother and hearing all her failures laid out like that was horrible, she felt like everyone was judging her. But even though she couldn't really deny that pretty much everything he said was true she managed to keep her self together. At one point he'd even tried to suggest that Aaron was just doing this all for attention, because he was jealous of her relationship with Paddy but it had sounded like a weak argument and even he hadn't really followed it up. The only truly awful part had been when he'd implied that Aaron accusing Gordon had made her feel better about herself because then she could blame his problems on that rather than her abandoning him. She saw the way Aaron winced when she'd described how the guilt of leaving him made her feel sick and she knew it was yet another thing he was feeling guilty for.

But finally it was over and after a short break she was able to join Aaron in the gallery. She sat by his side where she belonged. 

She felt her son tense up beside him as his stepmother was called to the stand.

Sandra shot nervous looks at everyone, her eyes lingering on Aaron for a moment before looking away guiltily. 

Chas found herself glaring at the woman, hearing her describe her relationship with both Aaron and Gordon. For years she had been jealous of the closeness that she thought the woman had shared with her son, but sat hear listening to her she realised that it had mostly been a lie. Chas had let him down by not being there physically but Sandra had been there and she had let him down in every other way. She played the victim but iN some ways she was as much to blame as Gordon himself for Aaron's suffering. Chas knew she should be grateful that she had decided to speak up at all but all she felt listening to her was anger.

"So moving on from the suspisions you had about your husband's actions towards his son, was Gordon Livesy ever violent with you?" the prosecution's barrister asked.

"Yes" Sandra hung her head.

"Would you tell us about that?"

"It was not long after Aaron left....we were just having a stupid argument. I can't even remember what it was about, but he shoved me, I fell over" Sandra spoke quietly.

"Was that the only time he was violent with you?"

"Pretty much, but he was always very controlling. Gordon likes things his way. He get's really angry if he doesn't get his way". 

"So he was only violent with you once Aaron left? Why do you think that is?"

"Because...because when Aaron was with us it was always him that wound Gordon up. He was the one Gordon got most angry with" Sandra glanced up at Aaron before fixing her gaze back on the barrister. Chas felt Aaron tense up beside her, she put her hand on his leg and squeezed.

"Could you give us an example of a time that Aaron wound his father up?"

Sandra looked like she wanted to run away. She reached out and took a drink of water before she spoke again.

"I remember there was one time, a couple of years ago, Aaron must have been about fourteen. He'd been out with his friends and when he came home he stank of cigarette smoke. When Gordon asked him about it he got really cheeky, he just always seemed to know how to wind him up, there was this face he would pull that...Well Gordon just snapped, he hit him round the face, he split his lip he hit him that hard" Chas felt Aaron flinch next to her, as though he was feeling that hit all over again. She took his hand in her hers and squeezed.

"Was that a one off, or was Gordon violent on more than one occasion?" the barrister asked.

"I mean...I don't...It didn't happen every day but it happened more than it should I guess".

"You guess?" the barrister asked, she sounded slightly less than professional in her tone. "I would say hitting a child hard enough to split their lip shouldn't ever happen. Wouldn't you agree?"

"Yes" Sandra mumbled.

"So you personally witnessed Gordon Livesy be physically violent with Aaron LIvesy on more than one occasion?"

"Yes".

"And he was violent and controlling with you?"

"Yes".

"Do you believe that he is capable of the crimes he is accused of today?"

Sandra wiped a hand across her cheek and took a deep breath before she answered.

"Yes".

"Thank you, no further questions".

The barrister for the defense stood up then. He looked at some of the notes in front of him before speaking.

"It's no secret that you and Mr Livesy have had a less then ideal relationship, you have just recently filed for divorce have you not?"

"Yes" Sandra glanced at Gordon and then away again.

"So this court case plays into your hands really doesn't it? It couldn't have come at a better time".

"If you mean did it give me reason to finally do it then yes, you could say that" Sandra started back at him.

"Why now though, what difference does it make now?"

"Because now I know what he did to Aaron, how could I stay with him?"

"So you're saying you didn't know before, even though you've just testified that you did" the man narrowed his eyes at her.

"No...I...always suspected".

"Oh yes, some wet pajamas you found" he sounded patronising, Chas knew he was only doing his job but she'd still like to wipe that smug smirk of his face.

"No it was more than that" Sandra pleaded.

"Um" he sounded like he didn't believe a word she was saying. "Would you say that Aaron Livesy was the cause of a lot of your problems?"

"No, not really" Sandra answered, her voice shaking.

"So you didn't argue about his behaviour?"

"Well yes, sometimes".

"Did you get along with your step son?"

"Um...yes...most of the time".

"Was there anything you didn't like about him?"

"Well no not really, he's a teenage boy he can be a handful sometimes, but that doesn't mean I didn't...don't love him".

Chas heard Aaron take a shuddering breath and she looked over to see him once again with tears in his eyes.

"What would you say you argued with him about the most?"

"He would go out when he wasn't supposed to, and sometimes he would steal things from us, like alcohol. He would always lie about it when we caught him out as well"

"So Aaron Livesy is a habitual liar?" the man seemed to latch onto her comment with glee.

"No" Sandra looked stricken that her words were being used like that. "Just like most teenagers, he would lie to get out of trouble" she tried to explain.

"Exactly" he looked smug at her choice of words. Chas had a feeling Sandra had just played exactly into his hands.

"So you've stated that Gordon Livesy pushed you once. But isn't it true that Aaron was actually more violent with you than that? Didn't he hit you hard enough to give you a black eye?"

"Yes, but that was because he was scared that his dad was going to hurt him" Sandra was crying now, Chas almost felt sorry for her.

"So he lashed out at you?"

"Yes".

"Well that hardly seems fair does it. Why did he hit you and not his father?"

"Because I was in his way".

"And Aaron doesn't like it when things get in his way does he? He lashes out. Isn't it true that what actually happened that night was that you caught him stealing alcohol yet again and when you threatened to tell his father about it he lashed out at you and hit you?"

"What...no...that's not how it happened" Sandra tried to argue with him.

"Really?"

"Yes it's like I said. I heard them in the bathroom. Aaron said....you can't so that to me anymore" she gave a small sob. "Then he came out of the bathroom and I was in his way and that's when it happened".

"So if you were so sure what his words meant, if it confirmed doubts you'd already had, why didn't you say anything, why didn't you leave that night too?"

"Because I didn't want to believe it and because I was ashamed" Sandra cried out.

"Or isn't it the case that you still aren't sure who to believe? Because either your husband or your step son is lying and either way that makes you look like a terrible person for either not protecting a vulnerable child or for not standing by your husband and abandoning him when he needs you most".

"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry" Sandra sobbed but Chas couldn't decide who she was saying it too. Not until she looked up at where Aaron was sitting. "Please forgive me?" she asked him. Aaron didn't say anything, he didn't move, but she felt him trembling next to her.

"No further questions" the barrister said, the disdain in his voice palpable.

"We'll adjourn for the day" the Judge said and Chas breathed a sigh of relief, she wasn't sure how much more she could hear today. She couldn't help feeling that Sandra had just done more harm than good, only time would tell.


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on a roll. Let me know if you're still enjoying it or whether you're bored now. This isn't too far from finished now if you were wondering. It won't end with the trial but not much after that. xx

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

John stood waiting to be questioned. He could see his wife in the gallery and she gave him an encouraging smile. His eyes drifted over the others sat there. When he got to Aaron the boy met his eye and then quickly looked away, John frowned at the fear he thought he saw there. 

"So your wife has already told us about what happened once you went back to Aaron but I would like to ask you a few questions about the events leading up to that" the defense barrister asked him. "Why did you lock Aaron Livesy in one of your stables?"

John cleared his throat. "I was angry at him" he admitted.

"And why was that?"

"I caught him doing something stupid and then he was rude to me about it" John said simply.

"Is it true that you caught him trying to set fire to your barn?"

"Well I wouldn't say he was trying to set fire to it".

"But he had started a fire?"

"Yes, a small one but I don't think he meant for it to get out of hand, he was just messing about".

"But you did at the time, otherwise you wouldn't have locked him in a stable".

"Well. I don't know, I just overeacted I guess" John felt guilty.

"Maybe or maybe you were worried that your property was in danger. How did Aaron react when you first found him "messing about" as you put it?"

"He was cheeky and then he got angry".

"But he wasn't scared?"

"I didn't think so at the time, but now looking back on it, maybe he was".

"But you didn't think so at the time?"

"No" John admitted.

"Aaron Livesy has a history of lying to get himself out of tricky situations doesn't he?"

"I wouldn't know about that" John scowled at him.

"But were there any consequences to him damaging your property that day?"

"No, but he didn't really...."

"So once he reacted the way he did his earlier vandalism was forgotten?"

"Well obviously, it didn't seem very important then" John answered angrily.

"So he got away with it?"

"Well not exactly"

"So he was punished for it?" he raised his eyebrows at him.

"No" John answered through gritted teeth.

"No, I didn't think so. No further questions" the man sat back down leaving John standing there feeling useless.

"Mr Barton what did you do to Aaron when you found him in the barn that day?" the female barrister for the prosecution asked him as she stood up.

"Erm, I erm shouted at him and took his lighter away" John told her.

"Is that it?" she raised an eyebrow at him.

"No, I hit him round the head" John hung his head in shame.

"Isn't it true Mr Barton that you hit Aaron, a minor and then you unlawfully locked him in one of your stables. Don't worry Mr Barton you're not on trial here I'm just trying to establish the facts" she smiled at him.

"Yes" John said, he glanced up at where Moira was looking down at him. She nodded reassuringly.

"Now if Aaron Livesy had wanted to he could have reported you to the police couldn't he?" 

"Yeah, I guess so" John realised where she was going with this.

"So pretending to have a breakdown and then telling everyone that his father sexually abused him seems like a very elaborate way of avoiding a telling off when he could easily have chosen to turn the tables on you doesn't it?"

"Yes" John agreed with her eagerly. "Yes it does".

"Thank you Mr Barton, no further questions".

John stepped down, glad his part was over with.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"So Mr Phillips how long have you known Gordon Livesy?" Cain watched with narrowed eyes as the next witness took the stand.

"It must be about six years now" Phillips answered. He was a tall relatively good looking man in his early forties, and apparently he was Gordon's friend. So good a friend he was willing to testify on his behalf and tell everyone he thought Aaron was a liar, Cain hated him already.

"So he was already with his wife Sandra when you met him?"

"Yes".

"And you and your wife socialised with both of them on many occasions?"

"Yes, well i would say me and Gordon and me are mates but we did do stuff as a couple sometimes too" he answered.

"And how would you describe Gordon?"

"He's a good bloke, a really good bloke actually. Always happy to help out if you need a hand and he's a good laugh. I consider him a good mate".

"Do you know anything about his relationship with his son, Aaron Livesy?"

"I know the lad was a handful, he drove Gordon nuts at times. But I know he really loves him as well. He was devastated when he decided to go back and live with his mum. He told me he felt like he'd failed him".

"Did you ever witness anything that worried you about his relationship with his son?"

"Like what?" Phillips looked nervous.

"Did you ever see Mr Livesy hit his son, or do anything that could be considered going too far?"

"No, nothing like that" Phillips shook his head. "If anything I was always impressed by his self control when it came to Aaron. That lad really pushed him sometimes but he was always able to keep calm. I've always kind of envied him that, I think he's an amazing dad". Cain was watching Aaron as the man spoke and saw how tense he was and how defeated he looked.

"Thank you Mr Phillips, no further questions". He had barely sat back down before the barrister for the prosecution was up and ready to ask her questions.

"So you say you've known Mr Livesy for six years?" she asked.

"Yes".

"And in that time how much time would you say you spent at his house on average?"

"I don't know" he looked confused.

"Don't worry you don't have to be too accurate, just a rough guess would do. Would you say a few hours a week about covers it?"

"Yeah I guess" he shrugged.

"So that's quite a lot of time that you don't spend there then? Time where anything could happen?"

"Erm".

"You don't need to answer that" she smiled at him, but it was far from warm. "Did you know his father died two years ago?"

"Yes, yes I did" he stood up a little straighter, as if proud that he knew that, as if it proved something.

"Do you know what he died of?"

Phiilips eyes widened and he looked over at Gordon as if he could give him the answer. 

"Mr Phillips?" she prompted.

"No, no I don't" he admitted. 

"What about why Aaron left? Did he tell you the reason for that?"

"He told me that he wanted to go spend some time with his mum, try and rebuild their relationship".

"So he made no mention of the fact that he threw him out, after a fight where Aaron hit Sandra?"

"No" he looked over at Gordon again but looked away quickly.

"So maybe you don't know him as well as you think you do" she smiled again. 

"I know he's a good bloke though" he glared at her.

"Yes you've said. He's a really good friend. You trust him?"

"Yes".

"Just curious, do you have any children Mr Phillips?"

"Yes, a two girls and a boy" he said.

"How old are they?" she almost made it sound like they were just having a casual chat, idle small talk.

"My daughters are 4 and 6 and my son is 9".

"Oh lovely, lovely ages. Bet they're your pride and joy. although I imagine 3 that young can drive you potty at times right?"

"Yes" he replied but Cain could see he wasn't falling for her casual manner, it was obvious she was leading him somewhere.

"Have your children been around Gordon Livesy?"

"Yes".

"Have you ever left them alone with him?"

"No, there's never been any reason to" he looked uncomfortable.

"No, probably not. Would you, after hearing the accusations against him, made by his own son, that his wife backs up, so much so that she has left him as a result, would you be comfortable leaving any of them alone with him now?"

Phillips hesitated, it was only for a few seconds, but that pause spoke volumes. Cain found himself leaning forward to hear his answer.

"Yes" it was the answer he'd been expecting but he knew he couldn't be the only one who heard the doubt in it, the way his voice wavered and they way he looked down at his feet, his confidence from before seemed to have deflated.

"Thank you Mr Phillips, that's all I wanted to know. No further questions".

Phllips got down from the stand looking a lot less sure of himself than he had when he'd first walked in. Cain wished he could see Gordon's face right now, because he got the feeling he would be far from happy.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

The final witness for the day was a school teacher of Aaron's. Chas saw the look Aaron gave her as she walked in. No love lost there then she guessed.

"Something you want to tell me?" she whispered in his ear as the Judge spoke.

"Not really, she's just an old bag" he hissed back.

"Didn't get on then I take it?"

"You could say that?" he said back.

"So you taught Aaron Livesy last year?" the defense began his questions.

"Yes I was his Geography teacher, but I was also his form tutor" she told him, standing up straight and only a little nervous.

"So you saw him pretty much everyday?"

"No, because he missed a lot of school. But I saw him everyday that he showed up".

"Okay. What are your impressions of Aaron?"

"He's a trouble maker. He was quite rude and showed little interest in making an effort at school".

"Was he violent? Did he get into fights?"

"Yes quiet often"

"Objection" the prosecution stood up. "Once again, Aaron Livesy is not the one on trial here".

"I'm trying to establish how Mrs Barker came to meet Gordon Livesy".

"I'll allow it, but get to the point" the Judge told him.

"When did you first meet Gordon Livesy?" he asked her.

"It was quite near the beginning of the school year".

"And what was the reason?"

"Aaron had been in a fight at school, so Mr Livesy was called in for a discussion about it".

"Was that the only time you met Mr Livesy?"

"No, he came in to talk to me several times. Like I said Aaron was a trouble maker" she said a little snottily.

"So you got to know Mr Livesy pretty well?"

"Yes".

"And would you say you considered Mr Livesy to be a good father?"

"Yes, I deal with a lot of parents, some of them don't even bother to come in and talk to me but Gordon always seemed very concerned. I got the impression that he was worried about the kind of man his son was turning into"

"And what kind of man is that?"

"To be frank, a thug".

"Thank you Mrs Barker, no further questions" he sat back down.

"Mrs Barker, you say you were Aaron's teacher for at least a year?"

"Yes".

"And in that time you had to speak to his father several times about his behaviour?"

"Yes".

"Did you talk to Aaron about his behaviour?"

"Yes, he was reprimanded on several occasions by me".

"So you told him off?" Mrs Barker nodded. "But did you ever talk to him?"

"I'm sorry, I don't know what you mean" the older woman looked around the room in confusion.

"Other than to tell him off did you ever talk to Aaron Livesy? Did you ever try to find out why he was acting like he was? Did you ever take the time to ask him if he was okay? Or did you just write him off as a thug?"

"Objection, my learned friend is badgering the witness".

"I apologise" she looked anything less than sorry. "I'll rephrase it. Did you ever at any point ask Aaron if he needed help?"

Mrs Barker looked down at her hands and Chas saw her glance quickly up at where Aaron was sitting. He was leaning forward, his elbows resting on his knees, his face pale and his eyes red.

"No" she said quietly.

"No, I didn't think so" the barrister said. "No further questions".

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They called it a day after that. Aaron didn't say a word all the way home. Tomorrow his father would take the stand and Chas knew he was terrified. 

They ended up sat on the sofa as Paddy cooked tea. The television was on but neither of them were really paying attention, it was just better then listening to the silence.

"It'll be okay you know" Chas told him and he bit his lip as he nodded. She could see that he was picking at his fingernails again. By now they looked a mess, he'd been doing it so much. He winced as he drew blood and she couldn't help herself anymore. She reached out and took his hand in hers. "Stop doing that" she told him gently.

"Sorry" he mumbled.

"Tea's ready" Paddy said coming to the door. Aaron got up straight away as if he was starving but Chas knew it was just an excuse to get away from her. Paddy gave her a small hug as she passed him.

They sat down to eat and even though it looked good none of them ate much, they ate mostly in silence. Even Paddy didn't attempt to make any of his silly jokes to break the tension. The last few days had taken it's toll on all of them and while tomorrow would probably be the last day, it also felt like it could potentially be the worst.

After pushing his food around his plate for about twenty minutes eventually Aaron got up to go upstairs.

"Are you sure you don't want to stay down here with us for a while longer?" she asked him.

"Nah, I'm just going to get a shower and then go to bed" he said.

Chas sat at the table watching Paddy clean up, she knew she should probably offer to help but she just couldn't make herself get up. Everything felt too heavy.

"He's been in the shower a long time" she said as Paddy poured her a glass of wine and sat down next to her.

"He always does now" Paddy told her sadly. "I think...I think ....I don't know what I think" he took his glasses off and wiped them before putting them back on.

Chas picked her own glass up and took a big gulp. "It's because he feels dirty" she said, then immediately put her hand to her mouth as if to take the words back.

Paddy didn't say anything but he took her hand in his and kissed her fingers softly.

They both sat there in silence drinking their wine listening to the water from the shower run, and run, and run.


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi thanks for the comments on the last one. This is another chapter where I've used some of the stuff from the actual episode and worked it in with what I wanted to do. Hope you like it x

\--------------------------------------------------------

 

Aaron sat in the front row of the gallery. His mum sat on his right with Paddy next to her. Debbie sat on his left with Cain sat beside her. Behind them sat Moira, John, Lisa, Zak, Eli and Marlon. They had all shown up today in force to show Gordon that they were here to support Aaron. That was why Aaron felt so terrible that all he wanted to do was run away. He’d zoned out for the first part of Gordon’t testimony, hearing him paint himself as the selfless hero and victim of his own story due to his defenses carefully crafted questions just made him feel sick. He couldn’t decide whether he was going to be sick or pass out but he just wanted to get through this morning without making a fool of himself and letting everyone else down. He dug his thumb nail into the back of his hand to give himself something to focus on.

There was bit of noise as the first barrister sat down and the barrister for the prosecution stood up and began her own questions. His mum took the oppurtunity to take his hand in hers and whisper in his ear.

“You don’t have to be here you know”.

“I do” was all he said back and she patted his hand with a sigh before letting go again.

“It’s no secret that you struggled after Miss Dingle left you?” the barrister began.

“I was heartbroken yes” Gordon said playing his part well.

“You were upset and angry?”

“For a while, then I got on with my life. Well I had to” he glanced up at where Aaron was sitting. “I was left with a kid to raise”.

“I’ll kill him myself” he heard his mum say through gritted teeth.

“Chas, it’s all right” Paddy tried to calm her down. Aaron was pleased he was there for her, he knew he should probably have said something to her himself, but he couldn’t. He could barely breath let alone speak, he could feel tears already making there way down his face but he made no effort to wipe them away. What was the point?

“Is it fair to say you took out that anger and resentment on your son?”

“No” Gordon looked very sure of himself.

“That by abusing him, you once more were in control?”

“No it never happened. I never laid a finger on him” Gordon told her.

“But your wife testified that you did, in fact you hit him so hard one time that you split his lip”

“I don’t remember that happening” Gordon said through gritted teeth.

“Really, maybe that’s not the only thing you don’t remember. Do you remember in your statement to the police that you admitted to hitting him, or are you now denying that too?”

Aaron saw Cain lean forward eagerly as Gordon shifted uncomfortably on the stand, it was the first chink in his armour that they had seen from him.

"You like being in control don't you Mr Livesy? You couldn't control his mother but it was a different matter with your son".

"That's certainly not the case" Gordon shook his head at her comments. "I've never had any influence over my son. He's always done what he wanted".

"But you made him do what you wanted. How many times would you say that you hit your son, roughly?" Aaron leaned forward to hear his answer to this one. Was he going to lie again, but then again he didn't know the answer himself, it had been too many times to count.

Gordon gave a small laugh as if the question was ridiculous.

"I'm not making out I was some kind of angel".

"Did it make you feel powerful?"

"Look, Aaron's a challenging kid. I was doing the best I could" Aaron rocked back in his seat. Was all of this an act or did Gordon really believe what he was saying? That he had just been doing his best? He took a few deep breaths trying to calm his racing heart. Debbie reached over and took his hand in hers, making him jump. He didn't look at her, he couldn't look at anyone, but he did squeeze her fingers in thanks.

"You took out your frustrations on him".

"I'm not the one with anger issues" Gordon glanced up at him again before continuing. "Look I love my son" Debbie squeezed his fingers again as he shook his head and took another shuddering breath. "But there's something missing, up here" Gordon pointed at his own forehead.

Aaron heard someone behind him grinding their teeth.

"What, so it didn't matter what happened to him, is that what you're saying? That what you did, it was his fault?" Aaron knew she was just trying to goad Gordon but every word was like a knife to his gut. She was saying exactly what he feared, that somehow this was all down to him, that his dad had only done what he did because there was something wrong with him.

"Don't twist my words" Gordon's voice had a hard edge to it now, he didn't like being manipulated.

"But soon enough, simple physical punishment wasn't enough" she was looking at the jury as she spoke. "You took it to the next level".

"No" Gordon shook his head at her.

"He must have made you so angry. You wanted to teach him a lesson once and for all". Again Aaron could hear people shuffling around. He wondered what they thought of Gordon, of him, who they were most disgusted with.

"You don't know what you're talking about" Gordon practically snarled, his calm demeanour was gradually being chipped away at. "This is all lies" he pointed his finger at Aaron accusingly, Chas put her hand on his arm so that he had someone either side of him now, holding on, holding him up.

"You climbed into your son's bed and you made sure he learnt his lesson by raping him".

"No, it didn't happen" Gordon was shaking his head again. Aaron knew he was never going to admit to this, not ever. "Not once".

"Indeed not once, but three times" she said the words slowly and quietly, emphasizing each one.

"Look, I made mistakes I admit it, what parent doesn't? But not that, never that" he sounded disgusted at the very thought.

"It's been almost a year since you kicked your son out hasn't it?"

"Yes".

"And in that time you've had no contact with him? No birthday cards or Christmas cards even? Why is that Mr Livesy?"

"We didn't end things on good terms, I wanted to give him chance to calm down, I was hoping once he matured a bit we could have a better relationship".

"Really, or is the case that you were relieved that he hadn't said anything and that the more time that passed you thought you'd gotten away with it?"

"No" Gordon denied yet again. "Look all of this is the result of a troubled and delusional mind. I'm not denying I hit him. He pushed me too far. Come on we all know what kids can be like" he was talking directly to the jury again and Aaron could see some of them nodding along with his words. "He pushed and he pushed and I snapped. I regret it of course I do, but I'm not perfect. What parent is? I don't blame my son for any of this, I think he needs help".

Aaron couldn't breath, he put his head between his legs and tried to take breaths but nothing would come. He felt a hand on his back but in his panicked state he couldn't see it for the comfort it was and instead pulled away sharply.

"Is everything okay?" he thought he heard the Judge's voice asking but he couldn't sit there anymore. He couldn't sit and listen to that man call him a headcase, couldn't sit there and listen to his lies. If he ever had any doubt that his dad hated him it was all gone now. If he loved him he wouldn't put him through this, he would own up to it, instead of adding to the torture he'd already been put through.

He got to his feet and scrambled passed his mum and Paddy, not caring if he stepped on them, just needing to get away from this, from him. He pushed through the doors and made his way down the steps outside. He was surprised he made it down to the next level without falling and breaking his neck. His legs were shaking and he scrambled at his collar as he went, he felt like he was choking. He barely registered the concerned looks the people he passed gave him. He came to a stop on the landing between floors, he didn't think he could make it any further. He gripped the railing tightly with both hands and tried desperately to breath, surely at some point he was going to pass out if he carried on like this, he almost welcomed the idea, nothingness seemed very appealing.

Black spots were just staring to appear at the edges of his vision when he once again felt a hand on his back. This time it was accompanied by a voice he knew well, one he was beginning to trust.

"Aaron look at me" it was Paddy's voice, calm and measured. He turned him round gently until he was facing him and then he put his hands on each of his arms so that he could make direct eye contact with him. "Just look at me okay. Breath when I breath".

Aaron wanted to pull away but he knew that he needed to do what Paddy said otherwise he was going to end up on the floor. At first he didn't think it was going to work, but gradually his breathing evened out and he felt his heart rate starting to slow down, at least to the point where he didn't think it was going to jump out of his chest anymore. He slumped against Paddy and felt the large man wrap his arms around him.

"You all right lad?" Zak asked and he lifted his head up to see that they were all there, they had all seen him having his panic attack. His face flushed in shame as he took a step back from Paddy.

"Here" Moira held a bottle of water out and he took it with a nod of thanks. He couldn't get his hands to stop shaking enough to open it though and next thing he knew Eli had taken it from him, passing it back once he'd opened it.

"What are you all doing out here?" he asked after taking a couple of big gulps of water.

"The Judge called a break" Cain told him from where he was standing leaning against the railing a little way away.

"Because of me? God the jury are really going to think I'm a nut job, they'll totally believe Gordon now".

"I don't think so" Cain said. "If anything you've shown them how much this is affecting you, no one's that good at acting".

"I bet Gor....he's laughing at me. I wanted to show him he couldn't still get to me, but all I've done is prove he can" Aaron shook his head angrily, swiping at his own tears with the back of his hand.

"Stop being so hard on yourself" his mum said, her own eyes glistening with tears. "Can you guys give us a moment, I need to talk to my son alone".

"We'll head back in love" Lisa spoke for everyone. "It was only a short break. See you back in there" she ushered the rest of them away. Most of them shooting concerned glances their way, which Aaron ignored.

Chas waited until they had all gone before speaking again.

"There is only one person in that room who should feel ashamed" she said taking his hand and grasping it between hers. "I'm so proud of you, I can't imagine what strength it must take to sit there and listen to him tell those lies. It's taking all I have to do it and I know that's nothing compared to what you're going through".

"They don't think he's lying though" he tried to explain to her.

"Who? The jury?" she frowned at him. "You don't know that, you don't know what they're thinking".

"He's so good at it though. I can't stand it anymore".

"There's twelve people on that jury, they can't all be taken in by his lies".

"All he has to do is plant enough doubt".

"Come on this isn't helping anyone" she told him. "You've made it this far, we're so close, don't give in now" she started to walk away obviously expecting him to follow. When he didn't she stopped and looked back at him.

"Aaron?".

"I don't know what I'll do if he gets away with it" he admitted to her, his voice breaking on the words.

"Oh love" she said, her face falling in sadness. "Come here" she walked back to him and took him in her arms. He sobbed into her shoulder.

When he'd calmed down she pulled away and looked at him. "We're not going to know anything standing out here" she told him.

"I just want to go home" he bit his lip. She stared at him for a minute, before glancing up the stairs where the others had just gone. 

"Okay" she said wiping his face and resting her hand on his cheek.

"Wh....what?" he didn't understand.

"You want to go home, so that's what we'll do" she smiled at him.

"But I don't....shouldn't I go back in there?"

"Not if you don't want to".

"But if I don't....then...he'll think I'm weak".

"It doesn't matter what he thinks. It only matters what you want".

"But don't you want to go back in there, see the rest of it?"

"Kind of, but part of me never wants to see him again, never wants to hear another sick word out of his mouth. But none of that matters anyway, the only thing I care about is you. What do you want to do?"

"I want to go home" he admitted. 

"Let's go then" she said and she took his hand as they walked out of the courthouse together.


	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last day of trial. The writing feels a little clumsy but it's done either way.

\-------------------------------------------------------

"Chas just texted me, she's taken Aaron home" Paddy said in a hushed voice to everyone as people took their places again. He made sure his phone was on silent before putting it back in his pocket.

"I think that's probably a good idea" Moira said from behind him.

"Ay, the lad's been through enough, he doesn't need to sit here and listen to that man anymore" Zak spoke up.

"So you've stated several times that you love your son?" the barrister resumed her questioning.

"Yes".

"So seeing him upset just now must hurt?"

"Yes" Gordon looked uncomfortable at the question.

"Even though you're the one hurting him?" she raised her eyebrow.

"I'm not doing anything to my son" Gordon said through gritted teeth.

"Really, you don't think that by denying what you did to him, you're just adding to his suffering? If you loved him why would you put him through that?"

"I can't admit to something I didn't do?" Gordon glared at her.

"Doesn't it worry you, seeing the son you love fall apart like that?"

"Yes, yes it does. He needs help, like I said, but he's not the only one suffering here" Gordon rubbed a hand over his face before glancing at the jury again.

"I would like to play a recording to the court of a voicemail message that Gordon Livesy left on his son's phone a few weeks ago" the barrister gestured to someone and then the same recording Paddy had heard in the pub a few weeks earlier played out across the court. It didn't sound any better second time round.

"Why don't you just answer my texts? Stop ignoring me. Aaron why are you doing this? I thought you loved me". Hearing him try to twist and wheedle his way into Aaron's mind set Paddy's teeth on edge.

"I love you so much, I'm the only one who ever did. You've ruined everything. Why couldn't you just keep your trap shut?" Gordon looked down, he darn't look at at anyone, even he must know how bad this sounded, it was all unravelling for him.

"I knew you'd turn out bad. I tried so hard to help you, I shouldn't have bothered. You're not worth it". Paddy was watching the jury the whole time and he could see frowns on at least a couple of their faces, he really hoped that was a good sign. He didn't know how anyone could listen to that rambling mess and not have serious doubts as to Gordon's claim to be a good father.

"It doesn't matter anyway, no one believes you. This will all have been for nothing because nobody cares" the little laugh he gave then sounded strange and unsettling and had Paddy wondering whether Gordon was more than just a monster, maybe he really was unhinged.

"I'm sorry, I just, I really need to talk to you, I miss you son" he could be heard sobbing and then finally. "I just...I need" the recording ended and the court sat in silence waiting for the barrister to speak again. She didn't for what seemed an age, obviously intentional, she wanted what they had just heard to sink in. Gordon fiddled with the cuffs of his jacket, he looked incredibly uncomfortable.

"So do you have anything you would like to say about what we just heard?" she asked him.

"Well...I er. I was drunk" he shrugged. "I don't even remember it", he sounded a bit like a surly teenager.

"But you're not denying that that is you on the recording?"

"No" Gordon hung his head, his cheek was twitching with tension.

"You said some pretty disturbing things Mr Livesy. Are you saying that you're not responsible for your actions because you were drunk?"

"No, of course not, but I was angry" he tried to reason.

"Yes we could all hear that. I'm sure Aaron has heard it before. Do you always lash out at your son like that when you're angry?"

"No" Gordon said through gritted teeth.

"No? So this was a one off was it? You're not in the habit of doing and saying hurtful things to your son when you lose your temper? What was different this time then? Why now?"

"Because I'd just got back from the police station. My wife had just left me, I was watching everything I'd ever worked for disappear because of him" Gordon was shouting a little now, his face red, his eyes wide.

"You weren't in control of your life anymore?"

"No"

"Just like when your first wife left you. You weren't in control then either were you, only that time Aaron was eight, a handful by all accounts. Were you drinking back then too?"

"Sometimes, but that doesn't mean I...."

"Lost your temper? Took you're anger out on him?"

"It wasn't like that, stop twisting everything" Gordon shouted.

"Mr Livesy calm down" the Judge admonished him, but Gordon looked anything but contrite.

"No I'm sick of this, sick of everyone judging me, thinking I'm some monster. None of you know, none of you were there. You don't know what he was like" he yelled.

"Tell us then Mr Livesy, what was he like?" 

Paddy saw Gordon's barrister desperately trying to get his client's attention, but he was too far gone. The prosecution was doing an excellent job of getting under his skin and he was showing his true colours now.

"He was a nightmare, I tried, I tried so hard but he wouldn't do anything I wanted, nothing else worked, he needed to do what he was told" Gordon snarled at her, spit flying from his mouth.

"He needed to do what you told him?" she kept pushing.

"Yeah, yes okay"

"So you took back control by raping him".

Paddy almost stood up, for a second he thought this was it, Gordon was going to admit it, he was so far gone, he'd lost control. His nostrils flared, he looked like he wanted to rip the woman's head off but then he stopped. He seemed to remember where he was and what he was supposed to be doing, he straightened his shoulders and took a deep breath.

"No" he said calmly, although his voice still shook a little with repressed rage. He looked at her with a steely gaze, never had the phrase if looks could kill been more apt "Are we done here?" he sneered.

She looked at him, her eyes narrowed. "Yes Mr Livesy, I think your done" she walked away, trying and failing to hide a smile. Gordon might have been able to reign himself in at the last minute but he'd still lost his temper. It hadn't been a pretty sight. Paddy wiped a finger under his eye hoping no one noticed the wetness there. The idea that they had just seen a small glimpse of what Aaron had had to face as a child made him feel sick, angry and sad all at the same time.

They were about to break for lunch but he didn't have much of an appetite. 

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Cain wasn't sure how He felt about this Doctor guy. He seemed like just the sort of posh twat he really didn't like. He'd probably fit right in at home farm with that lot. Still it was good that Gordon was done testifying, he wasn't sure how much more of that he could listen to.

"Aaron LIvesy is a fit and healthy 17 year old. He had no problems at birth and has no apparent physical or mental abnormalities. As for his personality and social abilities, Aaron comes across as a withdrawn and reticent young man. He is quick to lose his temper and has violent tendencies. He appears to have very low self esteem and admits to having difficulty looking towards the future. He has major trust issues closely linked to his fear of abandonment. Simply put Aaron is a deeply unhappy young man who I believe could actually pose a danger to himself if left unaddressed."

Cain hung his head and breathed as evenly as he could. Some of what the doctor had said wasn't really a surprise but hearing it laid out like that was terrible. He was just pleased Aaron wasn't hear to here it.

The defense asked him a few questions but he didn't really seem to be going anywhere with them other than making sure the Jury knew that Aaron was prone to bouts of violence, not exactly news to anyone at this point.

Then it was the prosecutions turn.

"Dr Jacobs, you have described Aaron Livesy as an unhappy person, would you say he is depressed?" she started.

"At this point I wouldn't be able to give a definite diagnosis of depression but I would be leaning towards it" Dr Jacobs nodded at her. 

"So he has depressive tendencies, low self esteem, trust issues, a bleak outlook, was there anything else you noticed?"

"Yes actually, he spent most of our sessions picking at his fingernails, to the point that they were bloody".

"And why is that significant?"

"It's actually a form of self harm and shows a high level of anxiety".

"Thank you for clearing that up. So you have been a practicing for many years now?"

"Yes almost 23".

"That's a long time indeed. Have you seen many cases of child abuse?"

"Unfortunately yes" he was grim faced as he spoke.

"Could you please describe some of the mental health issues usually associated with those cases please?"

"Children who have been sexually abused quite often grow up with a lack of self worth, they tend to have problems controlling their emotions along with high levels of anxiety. Self harm, substance abuse and suicide are all quite often a result of such traumatic events. There is also difficulty forming relationships due to a fear of intimacy and inability to trust".

"Sounds familiar" she said looking at the jury with one raised eyebrow.

"What about when the abuser is related to the victim, such as a parental figure?"

"There is a reason why this sort of crime is considered one of the most heinous. Tied in with what has been done to them is the fact that they loved and trusted the person who abused them, this leads to an enormous amount of guilt for the victim, they feel like it is somehow their fault. Even with professional help this isn't something people just get over".

"In your experience how often do people make false claims of sexual abuse?"

"Child sexual abuse has a certain stigma attached to it, not only for the perpetrator but for the victim. Obviously this is unfair but it is never the less an undeniable part of it, not many people would welcome that. People are capable of lying about anything obviously but it takes a certain kind of mind, a certain kind of person to lie about something as serious as this". 

"And in your opinion is Aaron Livesy that kind of person?"

The Doctor paused for a second, well aware of the power his words could hold, then he looked right at the jury as he answered.

"No".

"Thank you, no further questions".

Cain let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. He looked to his side to see Debbie had tears in her eyes. She caught him looking and gave him a tight smile that he returned.

The man got down from the stand and apparently that was it. No more witnesses. All that remained was the summing up.

The prosecution began.

“Over the last several days we’ve heard many troubling things. Some lies” she looked pointedly at Gordon as she said that. “Some truth. Truths both brave and painful. Given all that you’ve heard you must now ask yourself who has the most to gain by lying and seeking to obscure and surpress the truth. So I ask you to recall Aaron’s unflinching account of his childhood abuse at the hands of the very man who was supposed to protect him and keep him safe. I’ve no doubt ladies and gentleman of the jury that you will make the right decision. That you won’t let him down like every adult in his life has so far. But I also ask you to keep one final thing at the front of your mind as you go away to deliberate. No one’s saying Aaron Livesy is an angel but we’re talking about this little boy here.” As she’d been talking she had reached into a folder on her desk and she held up a photo now. It was of a smiling eight year old Aaron, a cheeky glint in his eye as he smiled for whoever was taking the picture. “His whole life still ahead of him as his trust was abused and exploited in the most horrific way imaginable. Keep this little boy in your mind and help give him the justice he so deserves”.

She sat back down but Cain noticed that she left the photo on her desk for everyone to see.

"The truth" the defenses barrister said fixing the jury with a serious look, "is that Aaron Livesy is more than just a troubled young man. He's also a calculating, vindictive liar. He'd have to be in order to level such horrendous allegations against his own father. A father who has made mistakes certainly, but also a father who did his best for his son when his mother abandoned them. The simple fact of the matter here is that other than the questionable word of a troubled young man with a history of violence there is no substantive evidence that any of these events took place. Therefore it stands to reason the defendant must be found not guilty" he nodded to the judge to signal he was done before sitting back down.

"You have heard from both the prosecution and the defense, now you must go away and consider the facts of the case as we understand them. You must ask yourselves one fundamental question, on the balance of the evidence put forward do you believe, beyond all reasonable doubt, that the defendant is guilty of the acts for which he is on trail. There is no doubt that you have a difficult decision ahead, as either way you hold a man's very future in your hands".

And that was it, for good or bad, right or wrong, all that was left now was for twelve people to make a decision that could make a huge difference in Aaron's life. Either way Gordon would pay for what he'd done, Cain would make sure of that.

Now they just had to wait.


	42. Chapter 42

\-------------------------------------------------

Aaron sat next to his mum in the gallery once again. It seemed like only minutes ago that he was last here, it had all been a blur, so much so that he couldn’t even remember the drive here today. All the same people were here again today as well as a few other, people from the village and the rest of his family. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that but he couldn’t stop anyone from being here if they wanted to be. The most surprising was that Sandra had brought Liv with her. This really didn’t seem the place for someone her age. Up until today Aaron had been under the impression that she didn’t know anything about all this, he couldn’t help thinking that this was a terrible idea but he wasn’t her mother. He didn’t get to speak to either of them before the Judge started talking. 

"Have you reached a verdict upon which you are all agreed?" The Judge asked, her tone solemn, her face serious. "Please answer yes or no".

"Yes" one of the Jury members who was standing up replied. Aaron felt his stomach turn over in anticipation.

"In respect of count one, the allegation of rape, how do you find the defendant, guilty or not guilty?"

"Not guilty" there were audible gasps around the court. Aaron couldn't believe it, all the blood rushed from his head and he thought he might faint.

He vaguely heard the words not guilty three more times but he was lost in his own head, he felt like he was floating above everything.

"Well that's that then" he heard his mum say next to him, he turned hurt eyes on her, she didn't sound that bothered.

"Ay, saw that comin'" Zak spoke from behind him.

"What?" he managed to gasp out. Why did no one care, they were all acting as though it didn't matter?

"Well you didn't really think anyone believed you did you?" Paddy frowned at him before laughing. "Oh god, you did, that's hilarious. Look at you, as if anyone would believe a thug like you".

"But...but...I thought..."

"Well you were wrong" Cain said, his face cold and hard.

Aaron could feel tears pricking at his eyes, he'd thought they were all behind him, but he was wrong.

"Order, order in the court" The Judge said banging her gavel. "Mr Livesy you are free to go, in light of everything I'm awarding you full custody of both of your children".

"What?" Aaron shouted as he stood up. Gordon turned around and grinned at him. He reached his arms towards him and somehow both Aaron and Liv were standing next to him. His father's hand on his shoulder, his grip vicelike.

"Mum" Aaron shouted up to the gallery where his mum was getting up and walking away. "Mum don't let him take me"

"It's where you belong Aaron, maybe he can get you back in line" Chas told him, her face emotionless as his whole family stood up and walked away.

"Isn't this great Aaron? We get to live with Daddy now" Liv grinned up at him.

"No, no, this can't be happening" Aaron spluttered out, he tried to pull away from his dad. Gordon just gripped him tighter, he pulled him towards him until his mouth was up against his ear.

"You know I'm going to have to punish you Aaron, let's not make it any worse"

Aaron was desperate to get away, but his dad's hands were too strong.

"Mum" he screamed to her back as she walked away. "Please mum, don't let him take me...please...I'll be good I promise.....please" he was sobbing and screaming and all he could see was Gordon grinning at him.

"Aaron".

"I'm sorry" Aaron sobbed. "I shouldn't have said anything....please don't.....MUM".

"Aaron, Aaron come on it's okay" he heard his mum crying, but it made no sense because she had her back to him.

"Aaron wake up" that was Paddy now, but he had his back to him as well. His dad was leering at him, he could feel his breath on his neck. He just wanted to get away.

He panicked and tried to pull away from his dad's tight grip, his arms flailing, he caught Liv around the head and she went flying.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, don't hate me" he sobbed as she fell to the floor.

He pulled away once more trying to reach his little sister and the hands released him. He fell to the floor and landed hard, his breathing ragged, tears streaming down his face, he'd never been more scared. But Liv wasn't there anymore.

"Aaron, Aaron sweetheart" his mum was sobbing. She had her hands either side of his face and he could see the tears streaming down her face. Paddy stood just behind her, looking just as upset as her. Aaron was confused, a minute ago they didn't want anything to do with him, and yet now they were right here. He looked around searching but his dad wasn't here, it was just the three of them. They weren't in the courtroom, this was his bedroom.

It hadn't been real, it was just a nightmare. He knew that now, he just needed his heart to catch up with his mind. It had felt so real. He collapsed forward into his mum's arms and sobbed into her neck.

"It's okay, it's okay" she rubbed his back as she repeated the phrase over and over.

"You didn't care. You walked away" Aaron said pulling away slightly so that he could look her in the eye. She looked devested by his words.

"I know. I'm so sorry, I did care though, I really did" his mum sobbed.

"No...I don't mean....In my dream, you walked away" he took a breath, trying to get his breathing back under control. "I...it was at court, they found him...not guilty and said we, me and LIv had to live with him and you just walked away" he couldn't look at her as he said it.

"Oh love" she grabbed his hand in hers. "No matter what happens tomorrow I will never walk away from you. Never again" he nodded and bit his lip. He wanted to believe her so badly. "He's going down, I'm sure of it, but even if....if he does somehow get off, and I really don't think he will, you never have to see him again. I promise you that". She sounded strong and sure and it was exactly what he needed to hear. 

"I'll go put the kettle on" Paddy said from the doorway.

"Let's get up off the floor, shall we?" his mum smiled at him. He wasn't sure how he'd gotten on the floor, his bed sheets were tangled around his legs as well. He got up on shaky legs and just managed to make it back the edge of the bed before sitting down.

Chas sat down next to him and rubbed the back of his hand with his thumb.

"Nobody believes him you know?"

"The Jury might" Aaron sighed and ran his thumb across his eyebrow.

"Well then they'll be wrong. We all know the truth though, everyone that matters. No matter what happens that won't change".

"Yeah" Aaron hung his head and started pulling his blanket back across his bed.

"Here let me do that" Chas said taking it off him and trying to shake it back into shape.

Aaron chuckled as he pushed himself back up the bed until his head was near the headboard.

"What are you laughing at?" Chas glared at him, although he could see the twinkle in her eye.

"You really don't know what you're doing do you?" he said pointing to the sheet she had half wrapped round her.

"Yeah well, I never claimed to be a domestic goddess" she shrugged.

"What on earth are you doing?" Paddy asked in a high pitched voice as he came in holding a couple of cups in his hands.

"She's trying to make my bed" Aaron raised his eyebrows at him.

"Trying and failing" Paddy put the cups down on the side. "Give it here" he said taking the sheet off her. She stepped back and he flicked it straight out so that it landed on the bed perfectly. Aaron met Chas' eye and they both surppressed a laugh.

"Here" Paddy said picking up one of the cups and handing it to Aaron. "It's hot chocolate".

"Er thanks" Aaron frowned down at the drink in his hands.

"That's ones for you" Paddy said to Chas nodding at the other cup.

"Thanks Paddy" Chas smiled at him. "Why don't you go back to bed, I'll be in in a bit".

"Okay, night" Paddy patted Aaron's shoulder before leaving them to it.

"You don't have to stay you know?" Aaron said as his mum sat down on the bed next to him, she pushed him with her shoulder so that she could fit properly.

"I know, I want to" she said and clinked her cup against his.

Aaron wasn't sure what time it was but there was no hint of light coming in through his curtains so he guessed morning was a long way off. He wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. He wanted it over with and dreaded it in equal measure.

"What do you want for Christmas?" Chas asked completely out of the blue.

"What?"

"Well it's not that far away, need to start planning ahead."

"Okay, I see what you're doing there" Aaron shook his head at her.

"I don't know what you mean" Chas took a sip of her drink.

"No of course not". He knew exactly what she was doing, she was trying to show him that there would be days after tomorrow, things to look forward to after this all was over. He appreciated it, he just couldn't see it right now, tomorrow was his sole focus.

They sat in a comfortable silence just drinking their hot chocolates, which Aaron enjoyed more than he was expecting. He tried to remember if he'd ever actually had one before, surely he must have done, who hasn't drunk hot chocolate? Too soon it was all gone though, when his mum finished hers she took both cups and placed them on his bedside table. He thought she'd get up then and go back to her own room but she just snuggled down closer to him. He knew he should tell her to leave, that he wasn't a little kid anymore but he'd never really had this, and it was nice to be honest.

He felt his eyes getting heavy and he let his head rest against his mum's shoulder. 

"I love you kiddo" he heard her say as he started to drift off.

He wanted to say it back but he was already too far gone and the last thing he was aware of was her kissing the top of his head and then he was gone.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the cheesy trick dream sequence, I know it's a cliche but I couldn't resist.


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, I've had a really busy week. Hope you like it. :)

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Aaron sat next to his mum in the gallery. This afternoon was eerily similar to his nightmare from the night before, although at least this time half the village hadn't shown up. It was just the same people as yesterday. He was relieved to see that Sandra and Liv weren't here either. Maybe his dream wouldn't turn out to be some creepy premonition after all. 

Aaron held his breath as the foreman of the jury stood up.

"On the allegation of rape, how do you find the defendant, guilty or not guilty?"

There was no dramatic pause, no hesitation. A decision had been made and it was one they were all going to have to live with.

"Guilty".

Aaron heard gasps from all around him.

"Yes" the hissed exclamation came from Cain, sitting on his right. He felt someone pat his back in celebration.

"No that's not right" Gordon shouted out. He turned round to look at him, for the first time he was the one who looked scared. 

"Aaron tell them, you can't do this" he begged.

"Order in the court" the Judge interrupted. The clerk continued reading out the charges. Each time one simple word was the foreman's answer.

On the final guilty Aaron sagged against his mum, sobbing in sheer relief.

"It's over" his mum said as she clasped him to her. "It's over son".

And it was, this part was over.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------

 

The pub was heaving. Apparently someone, he didn't know who, had thought it would be a good idea to throw a party in honour of the verdict. It would seem that everyone in the village had some vested interest in the outcome. The mood was jubilant.

Aaron felt terrible. He knew he should be happy, ecstatic even but he just felt numb. The more people patted him on the back, told him how pleased they were and shot him happy grins the worse he felt. He felt trapped, too many people and not enough air. His mum had barely left his side either and he was starting to feel claustraphobic.

"I'm just nipping to the loo" his mum said, standing up a little unsteadily. She had been bought and drank quite a few drinks already and it was showing. "You'll be okay won't you?" she asked patting his head like a dog.

"Yes" he rolled his eyes at her.

"I'll be right back" she told him. "I'm not leaving I promise".

"I know mum, it's fine" he gave her a gentle push and watched as she tottered away unsteadily.

"That's my boy over there" she said to Katie, who was just walking in through the door as she got to it.

"I know" Katie smiled at the state of her friend.

"Do you know how brave he's been?"

"Yeah I do" Katie said glancing over at him. The soft look she had on her face had him shifting uncomfortably in his seat.

"I don't deserve him you know" Chas looked back at him sadly.

"That's not true" Kate put her arm around her friend, partly out of friendship, but mainly in an attempt to keep her upright.

"It is" Chas slurred as she leaned into her shoulder. "I need a wee, but I don't want to leave him. I promised him I would never leave him again and look at me, I'm already breaking my promise. I'm so bad at this".

"I'm pretty sure he doesn't want you wetting yourself" Kate reassured her gently. She shot Aaron an apologetic look before ushering his mum through to the toilets.

Aaron was by himself for the moment, everyone busy celebrating. He sat in the corner watching them, everyone looked so happy, so we didn't he feel that way? He looked down at the table, unable to watch anymore.

The noise levels were steadily getting higher as everyone got a little drunker, a little merrier. Little snatches of conversation reached him. Sometimes he could tell who was speaking but not always, but he didn't care, it didn't matter who was speaking because they were all saying the same thing.

"Did you see how scared that bastard looked when they said guilty?" that sounded like Eli.

"Well wouldn't you be, we all know what happens to blokes like him inside" someone answered.

"Good" that was definitely Cain.

"Gordon seemed like such a nice man, don't you think?" someone else was saying.

"Just goes to show you never really know what anyone is capable of".

"Do you think he's all right?" the words said in a hushed voice somewhere to his left.

"He'll be fine, at least it's all over now".

"Did you hear what that Doctor said about self harm and suicide?"

"Yeah it's a worry".

He could feel eyes on him but he kept his head down. He didn't want to talk to anyone, he didn't want to have to pretend that he was okay.

"How long do you think he'll get?"

"Not long enough, no matter what. Bloke wants stringing up".

"You never know he might do everyone a favour and top himself in there".

He felt both sweaty and cold at the same time. How would he live with himself if his dad killed himself because of him?

"It explains a lot don't you think?" that sounded like Pearl. "I mean anyone would be messed up after that".

"Yes, poor lad, he certainly deserves our compassion. I had thought about leading a prayer for him this Sunday".

"What a lovely idea".

Aaron couldn't do this, he couldn't sit here and listen to this anymore, everyone discussing him, making judgements, thinking they knew him and what he'd been through. He risked a quick glance up and no one was looking at him. He looked at the distance between where he was sitting and the door to outside. Could he make it without anyone stopping him? It had to be worth a shot, he couldn't stay here, he felt like he might pass out at any minute.

He was up and moving before he could chicken out. He was almost at the door before anyone noticed.

"Aaron?" Paddy appeared beside him, his eyes full of concern. Aaron knew he must look awful, his hands were shaking, there was sweat on his brow and tears in his eyes, none of which Paddy could fail to notice.

"Need some air" he told the vet, praying he wouldn't stop him. If he did he might just lose it. He didn't want that, he was tired of looking weak in front of everyone.

"I'll come with you" Paddy said reaching out and pushing the door open for him. He had to lean around him to do it which meant he was close, too close. Aaron flinched away from him.

"No....I just....I need...." Aaron couldn't get his words out, he didn't know to say what he wanted.

"Paddy let him go" Lisa said from where she was sitting at the bar.

Aaron looked over at her, he could see quite a few faces turned in his direction now, he really needed to get out of here.

"Please" he asked Paddy and the large man slumped his shoulders in sadness at his plea. He held the door open for him and stepped back with a nod. Aaron didn't stop to thank him, he just left. The door swung shut behind him and he stood there talking deep gulping breaths. He had been planning on sitting at one of the benches or even just leaning against the wall because he didn't want to worry anyone by going too far, but now he was outside the urge to keep going was overwhelming.

He started walking, he had no idea where he was going, but just overcome with the need to get away from everyone and everything. He felt like an actor who had been cast in the wrong role. Everyone was expecting him to feel a certain way, to be something he didn't know how to be. The tears that he had managed to keep at bay in the pub ran down his face freely. In the cold November air they chilled his face but he just ignored the feeling and kept walking.

He hadn't looked at the time when he'd left so he had no idea how long he had been out here but he didn't think he'd been walking for long enough to explain the exhaustion he felt creeping into his bones. He was shaking too, although that was mainly because he had left his jacket behind and he was out here in just a thin shirt. He didn't feel the cold though, he just felt numb. He knew he should probably head back. He had every reason to head back but he just couldn't. The desire to get away was still too strong. Every now and then he stumbled, his smart shoes not designed for walking long distances.

Only a couple of cars had passed him while he was walking, these back roads were never very busy. He didn't register the jeep passing him or when it turned around in the road ahead of him. It was only when it pulled up alongside him that he took notice.

"Aaron" Andy called to him from the open window.

Aaron fisted his hands in his trouser pockets before turning to face him.

"You all right?" Andy asked him.

He found himself unable to answer, so he shrugged instead.

"Do you want a lift?" Andy asked nervously.

"No" Aaron shook his head angrily. He could feel Andy looking him up and down, taking in what he was wearing and the shivering he couldn't seem to contain.

"I can't leave you out here mate".

"I don't want to go back yet" Aaron admitted, he scuffed the floor with his toe and bit his lip.

"Okay" Andy answered. "Get in". He reached over and pushed the passenger door open for him.

"I said I didn't want to go back" Aaron frowned at him, taking a step back as if worried that Andy would grab him and pull him into the jeep anyway.

"I know, I heard you. I won't take you back. Get in".

Aaron considered refusing, but he knew that of he did Andy would probably end up ringing his mum and that would bring a whole host of other problems.

"Fine" he sighed and climbed into the passenger seat pulling the door shut with a creak of hinges.

Andy didn't say anything as they drove but he did turn the heater up as soon as they got going again. Aaron found himself relaxing slightly in the seat when he realised that he wasn't going to ply him with questions. He also seemed to be keeping his word as they continued to head away from the village.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Andy didn't want Aaron to think he was checking up on him so he only looked at him out of the corner of his eye. He could see he was still shivering slightly and considering the fact that the car was now almost like a sauna it was obviously down to more than just the weather. He had been crying when Andy had first pulled up next to him but his face was dry now, his cheeks flushed and his eyes glazed. He looked exhausted.

The teenager didn't say a word as they drove and that was fine with Andy, he'd never been great at small talk anyway. 

He pulled down the familiar dirt track and Aaron looked at him like he was mad. He brought the jeep to a stop as close to the edge of the quarry as he dared. He got out the drivers side and opened the back door to grab his spare coat off the seat. When Aaron got out the passenger side after a moment of hesitation Andy threw the coat at him. He had no choice but to grab it otherwise it would have hit him in the face. The teenager looked down at it as though it was radioactive, truth was it didn't smell great, better than freezing though. Aaron must have come to the same conclusion as he pulled it on before joining him where he stood at the edge of the quarry.

Andy sat down so that his feet were dangling over the edge. He didn't say anything but a few seconds later Aaron joined him. They sat there in silence just looking out over the vast expanse.

"Not being funny mate, but why did you bring me here?" Aaron said eventually.

"I used to come here all the time when I was kid, when I just wanted to get away from everyone".

"Oh" Aaron said as it clicked for him.

"Used to come here with my brother actually" Andy said picking up a stone and studying it before bringing his arm back and throwing it as far as he could.

"Daz?" Aaron asked, his eyes squinting as he followed the path the stone took. It was starting to get dark and it was hard to see, it just disappeared into the distance. Aaron picked up a stone of his own and tossed it up and down in his hand.

"No Robert, actually" Andy told him, picking up another stone and just dropping this one straight over the edge. He didn't hear it land.

"Oh yeah, forgot you had another brother, Vic mentioned him once, said you don't get on". Aaron threw his own stone and Andy was impressed with the force of the throw.

"Yeah you could say that" Andy was grim faced as he threw another stone. 

"She said you haven't seen him in years".

"Yeah, technically" Andy shrugged.

"Technically?" Aaron frowned.

"He came to my dad's funeral a few months ago. Well sort of.....it's complicated. Families you know" Andy said without thinking and then winced at his lack of tact.

"Um, I guess" Aaron said and threw another stone, even harder than the first.

Andy considered not saying anything else, he didn't want to push, but he couldn't help asking.

"Take it he got off then?" he said looking over at the teenager.

"What?" Aaron looked confused at the question.

"Your dad, did they find him not guilty then?"

"You didn't hear?"

"No I've been in the top field all morning, fixing the fence, you're the first person I've seen all day" Andy explained.

"Oh" Aaron nodded. "They er....they found him...guilty" he looked down as he said it so Andy couldn't see his expression.

"That's great....isn't it?" Andy was confused. When he'd seen him earlier he'd assumed that the case hadn't gone his way, he still didn't look happy.

"Yeah, yeah of course".

"You don't sound sure".

"No it is. I'm glad. I just.....It doesn't matter"Aaron shrugged.

"Really? You can talk to me, it won't go any further" Andy told him.

Aaron sat there biting his lip then he turned so he was facing him, he didn't really look at him though.

"I don't know, I just...I thought I'd feel different. I thought if he got sent down I'd feel better". Andy could see tears in his eyes again.

"But you don't?"

"No, not really. I'm relieved it's over but it doesn't change anything. It still all happened, I still remember everything he did. I can't get away from that can I?"

"No, but at least he's going to be punished for it now" Andy tried to say the right thing. "That's got to be worth something".

"But one day he'll be free" Aaron sounded defeated.

"Not for years though. He's locked away but you get to live your life now".

"Yeah with everyone knowing. I'm always going to be that lad whose dad....."

"You're not you know. I'm not saying what happened wasn't bad but people have a way of forgetting. They'll move on, so will you".

"Maybe" he didn't sound very sure.

They sat there for a bit, occasionally one of them would throw another stone but that was it. The sun had gone down a while ago and it was starting to get even colder but Andy didn't want to be the one who said they had to leave. He was willing to sit here for as long as Aaron needed. 

Apparently not everyone shared his patience. His phone rang breaking the silence and making them both jump. He pulled it out of his pocket and saw that it was John ringing. Shooting Aaron an apologetic look he pressed accept and put the phone to his ear.

"Hi John" he said, noticing Aaron tense beside him.

"Andy, bit of a long shot but you haven't seen Aaron have you?" Andy looked at the boy next to him, he was tempted to lie, he knew Aaron didn't want to go back yet. Before he could say anything John spoke again. "His mum's going out of her mind, truth be told she's had a bit too much to drink, but she's really worried".

"Yeah" Andy said getting up from where he was sitting as he spoke. "He's with me, I'll bring him back now".

"Really, that's great" the relief in the other man's voice showed that Chas hadn't been the only one worried.

"Yeah, see you soon" Andy said. He put his phone back in his pocket. 

Aaron stood up and started walking towards the car without Andy saying a word. By the time Andy got to the car he'd already got in and put his seatbelt on.

"You okay with this?" Andy said getting in and starting the jeep.

"Got to go back sometime" Aaron shrugged but Andy could see the way he was staring wistfully at the quarry edge, like he would have stayed there forever given the choice. 

"Fair enough" Andy said. 

They pulled up outside the Smithy a while later. Aaron looked at where the lights shone onto the path from the front room window. Someone passed in front of it and then the front door opened. Paddy stood there watching them and Andy could tell he was waiting for Aaron to come to him. He wondered where Chas was, surprised she wasn't already at the car, maybe she'd passed out.

"Thanks" Aaron said leaning his head back against the headrest.

"What for?" Andy asked, he wasn't sure he's really done anything.

"For listening I guess" Aaron rubbed his hand over his face. 

"Look I know it's probably not something you want to hear, but maybe you should talk to someone, a professional" Andy tensed as he made his suggestion, half expecting the teenager to blow up at him. "It helped me" he admitted.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, I can give you a number, if you're interested that is" he fumbled in his wallet for the card he knew was in there somewhere. He found it eventually, hidden behind his debit card. He held out the dog eared bit of card and Aaron looked at it nervously before reaching out and taking it from him. 

The weary teenager climbed out of the car and started to take the coat Andy had given him off.

"Keep it" Andy said.

"Nah, you're all right. It stinks" Aaron smirked as he put it on the passenger seat.

"Yeah sorry about that" Andy grinned back. 

"See you later" Aaron said as he closed the door.

"Yeah, see ya" Andy replied.

He watched as Aaron walked up the path to his house. When he got to the doorway, Paddy stepped aside so that he could enter. The older man looked over at where he sat with the engine running, giving him a small nod of gratitude before following Aaron into the house. Andy waited until the door closed behind him before driving off. 

He didn't know whether Aaron would call the number on the card he had given him but at least he hadn't thrown it back in his face. It was a start.


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, sorry once again. I've been really busy, also I think because I know this is drawing to an end soon subconsciously I'm delaying it a bit. Hope you like this one, a couple more loose ends tied up. I think there will be 2 or 3 more chapters after this one :)

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

 

Paddy threw his controller down in disgust and picked up a slice of pizza instead.

“Sore loser” Marlon laughed at him.

“Yeah well, those zombies are impossible to get round” Paddy grumbled.

“Really” Marlon said as he did exactly that before putting his own controller down with a smug grin. “I’ve missed this” he said picking up a slice of pizza for himself.

“What? Pizza?” Paddy looked at him like he was mad.

“No, this” he gestured between the two of them and the TV. “Hanging out, chilling with my best bud”.

“Yeah, it’s been a while” Paddy agreed. “Things have been….”

“Oh yeah, yeah I know, no need to explain. It’s been a rough few months”.

Paddy nodded glumly. The last few months had been some of the hardest of his life, not to mention how awful it had been for everyone else. The trial had ended a few weeks ago and things had started to return to normal, sort of.

“So how come we have the house to ourselves tonight then?”

“Chas is at Katie’s, some kind of girly night, lots of wine involved I would expect”.

“And Aaron?” Marlon tried to sound casual but Paddy could hear the concern in his voice.

“Him and Adam have gone the cinema in Hotten”.

“Really” Marlon’s grin lit up the room. Paddy knew why, this was the first time Aaron had voluntarily gone anywhere since all this began. Other than home and work he hadn’t really gone anywhere, with one notable exception.

“Yeah. I think it’ll be good for him, he needs to get out more” Paddy said.

“So um, how…how is, you know…er everything?” Marlon asked.

“Okay…I think…I mean it’s Aaron so you’re never going to get much out of him. He’s not said much since the trial” Paddy paused then not sure whether he should tell Marlon what he was about to. It felt private and he knew it was something that Aaron was very sensitive about but this was Marlon. “He’s been to see some one”.

“What do you mean some one?”

“A psychologist”.

“Really?” Marlon’s eyes widened in surprise. “Well I wouldn’t have seen that one coming”.

“No me neither, but he’s been twice so I’m guessing he doesn’t hate it”.

Paddy remembered the conversation leading up to Aaron deciding to go. The older man had been putting some washing on, checking pockets like he always did when he’d come across the battered looking card in one of Aaron’s pockets. He’d put it down on the table looking at it before carrying on loading the washing machine. Aaron had wandered in at some point and put the kettle on before stopping dead in his tracks when he saw the card laying there.

“What are you doing?” he’d snapped at Paddy grabbing it up.

“Er, washing some clothes, what does it look like? It’s not like you or your mum ever do it”.

“Not that. I meant, what are you doing with this?” he waved the card between his fingers.

“It was in one of your pockets, I haven’t even looked at it” Paddy defended himself.

“Oh” the wind went out of Aaron’s sales when he realised that Paddy hadn’t been invading his privacy.

“Why, what is it?” Paddy immediately ruined that moment.

“Nothing, it’s nothing” Aaron went to put it in his pocket, to hide it away.

“Well clearly it’s something otherwise you wouldn’t be having a go” Paddy raised his eyebrows at him.

“I wasn’t having a go” Aaron scowled.

“Really?”

“No…I just…It’s embarrassing that’s all” Aaron bit his lip and looked away. He looked once more at the card in his hand before thrusting it at Paddy. The vet took it from, a little bit pleased that the teenager was trusting him with whatever it was, rather than storming off in a huff.

It was a business card, for a psychologist.

Paddy looked over at where Aaron was now leaning against the counter.

“What…what do you think?” the teenager asked him.

“Um…well….um I don’t….I guess what do you think matters more”.

“I don’t know. I don’t want people to think I’m mental” Aaron shrugged, he started picking at his fingernails again in a way that made Paddy cringe.

“Nobody thinks that Aaron” he said gently.

“No?”

“No”.

The kettle got noisier as it came to the boil and Paddy took the opportunity to grab two cups out of the cupboard. He nudged Aaron out of the way so he could finish making the drinks.

“Take a seat” he told him and Aaron did so without argument. He nodded in thanks as Paddy put the steaming cup down in front of him.

“You really want my opinion?” he asked him once he was sitting down.

Aaron nodded before blowing on his drink and avoiding eye contact.

Paddy blew a deep breath of air out, he really didn’t want to screw things up, this could be a real turning point for Aaron.

“I think you should go see this person”.

“Why?”

“What do you mean, why?”

“What good will talking do, it won’t change anything will it?” Aaron shrugged, like none of this mattered when Paddy knew that couldn’t be further from the truth.

“Okay. I warn you now this might get mushy” Aaron rolled his eyes at him but couldn’t hide a small smirk. “I think you’re amazing” Aaron looked down at the table. “But let’s face it you’re no picnic a lot of the time”. Aaron looked back up at him, frowning again.

“What, so you think this woman can fix me, make me easier to live with?” he snapped at him.

“No, no that’s not what I’m saying. I knew I’d get this wrong” Paddy sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. “Let me put it another way. Do you feel comfortable talking to me or your mum about what happened to you?”

“No” the answer was quick and sharp.

“But do you have things you’re confused about? Things...things you don’t understand?”

“Yeah” Aaron admitted quietly.

“Then why nor ask someone who might have some of the answers, someone who isn’t going to get upset at the things you say. It might feel good to get some of that stuff of your chest”.

Aaron didn’t say anything but Paddy could see the cogs whirring in his head as he thought over what he’d said.

It had been two days later when Aaron told them he’d made an appointment and Paddy had never felt prouder.

He had driven him to the first appointment and tried to hide his disappointment when Aaron had stormed out of the office twenty minutes later with a face like thunder. He’d thought at first that might be the end of it but a week later, after a nightmare that had ended with Aaron sobbing in a ball in the corner of his room, he had agreed to go back. His mum had taken him to that one and Aaron refused to talk about what had happened during it but he had another one booked for next week. His silence worried Paddy though.

“Well it can’t hurt can it?” Marlon said bringing him back to the moment.

“No, I guess not” Paddy put his slice of pizza down, only half eaten.

“You don’t sound very sure”.

“It’s just he’s been really quiet”.

“This is Aaron we’re talking about right, isn’t that pretty much the norm for him?”

“Yeah, I just….I’m worried that he’s putting walls up again, retreating into himself” Paddy said.

Marlon nodded and looked thoughtful for a minute.

“He’s a turtle” he said in a moment of inspiration.

“What?” Paddy thought he’d gone mad.

“No think about it, it makes sense” Marlon insisted.

“Well why don’t you explain it to me then”.

“Well he has this hard shell around him and when he’s scared or feels threatened he hides inside it” Marlon shifted on the sofa, he mimicked a turtles head retreating into it’s shell, looking absolutely ridiculous as he did so. “But a turtle can’t live without it’s shell, it’s all just squishy inside, it's too vulnerabe”.

Paddy frowned at him.

“So you’re saying Aaron needs his shell?”

“Exactly, it’s part of him”.

Paddy couldn’t help seeing what Marlon was getting at, even if he was going about it in the most ridiculous way ever.

“Pass me that controller” he said eventually.

“Ready for me to whoop your ass again?” Marlon handed it over with a grin.

“Shut up” Paddy fake grumbled.

“Why, what you gonna do if I don’t?” Marlon teased.

“I’ll tell Aaron you called him a turtle” Paddy grinned at him.

“You wouldn’t” Marlon looked at him horrified.

“You wanna bet”.

“Fine” Marlon huffed. “Let’s just play”.

“Yeah let’s” Paddy replied. Then he proceeded to do just as badly as he’d done earlier, he really hated this game.

 

—————————————————————————————

 

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Adam asked yet again as they walked up the street together.

“Like I told you before you didn’t have to come” Aaron told him.

“No I know, it’s just, It’s kind of late mate, maybe you should have rang first” Adam suggested.

“No she would have just made some excuse” Aaron disagreed. He came to a stop in front of a house. It looked like most of the others apart from the fact that there was a sold sign in the front garden.

“Is this it then?” Adam asked the obvious to which Aaron just nodded. “Did you know she was selling it?”

“No” Aaron answered, walking straight up to the door and ringing the bell before he could change his mind or Adam could talk him out of it.

There was no answer at first even though the lights were on. Aaron was just reaching out to ring the bell again when he heard someone unlocking the door. It opened a crack and fearful eyes peered out at him.

“Aaron” Sandra said opening the door wider, she looked shocked to see him.

“Sandra” Aaron greeted her. They stood there in uncomfortable silence for a beat before Sandra seemed to come to her senses.

“Oh um, I guess you should come in” she opened the door a little wider but it was obvious she would rather have shut it and left him outside.

“Thanks” he said, nodding his head at Adam to follow him.

She led them through to the front room and the familiarity of it all took Aaron’s breath away. It had been a little over a year since he lived there but not much had changed, for some reason he’d not expected that. He looked around, ignoring the lump in his throat at the thought that this had been his home for so long and now he felt out of place. There were a few boxes stacked in the corner of the room but it didn't look like much had been packed yet. He spotted a photo on the fireplace and automatically walked over and picked it up. He knew it well, it was a photo of the first time he had met his baby sister. The little boy in it looked equal parts enamoured and terrified, he remembered how he’d felt that day. It was a nice memory, one to hold onto.

“So you’ve sold the house?” he asked around the lump in his throat, without turning around.

“Yes, it’s all happened rather quickly, but I think that’s probably a good thing. The sooner we can move on, the better”.

Aaron could understand why she would want to move, to start fresh, this house felt tainted now.

"Where are you moving to?" Adam asked.

"Ireland".

"What?" Aaron turned back around at her answer.

"My sister lives there, she said we could stay with her until I can sort something out" Sandra explained, her hands fluttering nervously at the collar of her blouse.

"But it's so far. What about Liv?"

"Liv's why I'm doing it".

"But I'll never get to see her" Aaron told her.

"We can sort something out once we're settled, maybe you could come and stay for a few days in the school holidays" Aaron knew from the way Sandra averted her eyes as she spoke that she had no intention of keeping that promise. "It's just I can't stay here, not with everyone knowing".

"What have you told Liv?"

"Nothing".

"Nothing? What about...hasn't she asked where her dad is?"

"I've told her that he's working away for now. I'm going to tell her about the divorce once we're settled".

"And that's it. You're not going to tell her anything else? Don't you think she has a right to know what kind of a man her dad is?" Adam sounded angry.

"She's seven" Sandra was upset, this wasn't what Aaron had wanted from this. "By the time he get's out she'll be in her twenties". Aaron hadn't been to the sentencing, he didn't have any reason to but his solicitor had told him that Gordon had been given eighteen years, the severity of it had taken his breath away. "I'm her mum," Sandra continued "It's my job to protect her, for as long as I can" she turned watery eyes on him. "I really am sorry you know?" she said sadly.

"I know" Aaron nodded.

"It's not enough though is it?" It wasn't really a question, because she already knew the answer.

Aaron just shrugged and tried to ignore the fact that once again he could feel tears picking at the back of his eyes.

"Why did you come here tonight Aaron?"

"I just...I wanted to see Liv, to explain, and to..apologise".

"Why do you need to apologise?" Sandra frowned at him.

"For all this" he gestured to the boxes to the side. "For ruining her life, for taking her dad away".

"No, no, no" Sandra walked towards him and reached out a hand to wipe away the tears that were now spilling down his cheeks. He flinched away form her though and she dropped her hands sadly.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. I was going to leave him anyway, I'd been thinking about it ever since you left. The guilt and the worry we're eating away at me. At least now I know she'll be safe, and you too. Now we really can make a fresh start. I should be thanking you really, if it wasn't for your courage I don't know if I would have had the strength".

Aaron didn't know what to do with that information, he couldn't help thinking that it shouldn't have been down to him really.

"Is Liv here? Can I see her? I won't say anything about any of this, I just, I'd like to say goodbye".

Sandra looked nervously between the door to the stairs and him.

"Um I don't...I'm not..."

"It's okay" Aaron told her. "I understand".

"It's not that I don't want you too, it's just that she's asleep. I don't really want to disturb her" Sandra made her excuses.

"Of course not" Aaron was too tired to fight her on this, after all she was Liv's mum even if it turned out she never really had been his. "We should get going anyway, it's getting late" he turned to Adam, who stood watching them with a confused look on his face. "Adam?"

"Er yeah, do you want me to ring my dad, he could come and pick us up?" he offered.

"No" Aaron was quick to squash that idea, the idea of being trapped in a car with John was not something he wanted to think about. " We should be able to get a taxi at the end of the road, there's a rank there".

"Let me give you the money for it" Sandra said opening a drawer and taking her purse out.

"No it's fine" Aaron tried to refuse.

"No, no I insist" she said taking a £20 note out and shoving it into his hand. "Is that enough?" she looked worried. "Probably not this time of night, here take this as well. Better to be safe than sorry" with those words she pushed another two twenties into his hand. Far more than a taxi could possibly cost.

"I can't take this" Aaron frowned at her and tried to give her it back.

"No, I want you to have it" she closed her hand over his. "At least this way I know you'll get home safe" her voice was husky and quiet.

"Erm okay" he said gently pulling his hand out of her grip.

Sandra walked them to the door and then stood watching them as they walked away. He turned around at the end of the path and gave her a small wave which she returned with a small smile before closing the door.

The got half way to the end of the road before Adam spoke.

"I thought you really wanted to see your sister, that was the whole point of this wasn't it?"

"Like Sandra said, she was asleep" Aaron kept his hands in his pockets, it was freezing tonight.

"So?"

"I didn't want to disturb her". The truth was that Aaron would have given anything to see his little sister, but now he knew he was just being selfish. She deserved a chance to start over, to start a new life somewhere, a life he couldn't be apart of.

"Oh, well like Sandra said, maybe you can go visit them in Ireland. I might even come with you, I've always wanted to try a proper Guinness, what do you reckon?" Adam jostled him with his shoulder, trying to make him smile. Seeing his friend grinning back at him he allowed himself a small smile in return.

"Yeah, sounds good" he agreed. 

"Wait, she didn't give you their new address" Adam stopped in the road.

"No" Aaron said as he kept walking. 

"But how will you know where to go?" Adam jogged to catch up with him when he saw that Aaron had not intention of turning back.

"It doesn't matter".

"What do you mean, it doesn't matter? You can't go see her if you don't have....." Adam trailed off as what Aaron was saying sank in. "Oh. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, it's for the best" Aaron shrugged, and it was, just not necessarily for him.

He risked one last glance back down the road as the reached the end, he knew he would never come back here, that part of his life was over for good.

"Come on, let's go home" he said turning back to face his friend.

"All right lad, let's go" Adam agreed. "Hey we might be able to get the last bus if we hurry up, save that sixty quid for something better" he grinned at him and Aaron grinned back properly this time before they both broke into a jog, which inevitably turned into a race. 

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, I think there's about 2 chapters left now. Hope you're still with me.

\------------------------------------------------------------

People were careful around him, no-one was too harsh, all he got was gentle smiles and soft looks and it was excruciating. It made his skin crawl and he wanted to scream at them to stop. He knew that that wasn't a normal reaction, that he should be able to enjoy people being nice to him. But it wasn't what he was used to. It felt wrong and just reminded him that he was wrong, that there was something wrong with him and now everyone else could see it. He didn't like being this visible.

He still tried to avoid people as much as possible at first but it just made the interactions he did have stand out more. He came to realise that the only way things might return to something like normal was if he acted like he usually did and then maybe everyone else would start to as well. At first it felt like exactly that, an act. But over the course of the week it had begun to feel less forced.

He'd woken up that morning with the familiar dread that seemed to always be in the pit of his stomach nowadays. He used to feel like he had a shadow following him around, his dark secret that always lingered. Now that everyone knew he would have thought he would have felt lighter but instead he just felt like something was missing, that there was a hole inside him and he didn't know if that would ever go away. He just had to hope that today would be a better day. That he wouldn't have to feel like the poster child for child abuse, that he could just be Aaron again.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chas was feeling irritated. Paddy had only gone and accepted an invitation to Christmas dinner at the Barton's, without checking with her first. The problem with that was that she had already told Lisa that they would all go to theirs Christmas day. She chose to ignore that fact that she was annoyed at him for doing exactly the same thing she had done. So it looked like there were going to have to split their time between the two like some ridiculous plot to a cheesy Christmas movie. She was definitely going to have to wear her stretchy jeans this year.

She stomped down the stairs in a foul mood. Aaron was already sitting at the table in his work overalls, munching away on a slice of toast. He grunted a greeting to her as she walked over to the bread bin. She slammed the lid back down in temper when she saw it was empty.

"What's up?" Aaron said taking a gulp of tea, before picking up his second slice of toast.

"There's no bloody bread, that's whats up" she snapped at him, her eyes zeroing in on what was in his hand. "Might have known" she huffed.

"What?" he answered with a shrug. "I like toast".

"Yeah me too, except now I can't have any because you've had the last of it. I only bought a loaf yesterday" she started slamming cupboard doors in an attempt to find something else for breakfast.

"Should have bought two" Aaron said grinning at her and taking another big bite.

"Bloody typical. Selfish men, always thinking about themselves first" she was so caught up in her tirade she didn't notice her son slipping quietly slipping out the door.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Where's the part you ordered for the Nissan Note?" Debbie asked Aaron as soon as he walked into the garage. The blank look he gave her in response didn't bode well.

"Er...." he started to say.

"You didn't order it did you?" she sighed.

"No" he admitted with a sheepish look.

"We were supposed to be fitting it today. Now I'm going to have to ring them and tell them there's been a delay. Honestly I haven't got time for this". She didn't like the guilty look on his face but she was trying to run a business after all. There was only so many things she could let slide.

Debbie walked away to the office preparing herself to get her ear chewed off by another irate customer. It was not a good way to start the day.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Brenda was in the middle of the lunch time rush when Aaron walked in. He had not been in for a few weeks but she had seen him a few times this week, it was good that he wasn't keeping to himself so much. She felt the same rush of concern she always felt when she saw him, but he just glared at the look of pity she knew was on her face.

He ordered a cheese and ham sandwich and when she came back from the kitchen with with it has was stood at the counter eating a chocolate bar.

"I hope you're going to pay for that?" she frowned at him. Because after all despite what he may have been through there were rules and she wouldn't be doing him any favours by ignoring them.

"I already did" he mumbled around the chocolate in his mouth.

"I don't think so" she snapped.

"It's not my fault you're getting on and can't remember things" he smirked at her.

"Why you cheeky little......"

"Here" he interrupted tossing a pound at her and grabbing the sandwich bag out of her hand. "Keep your hair on, I was only messing".

He strolled out of the cafe and left her standing there with her mouth open.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Pass us that would you" Cain asked Aaron pointing at the spanner that was just out of reach. The teenager picked it up and without warning tossed it at him with a grin on his face. Not expecting it Cain fumbled catching it and it slipped through his fingers and landed across the top of his foot with a loud thud.

"Argh, you stupid idiot" Cain shouted out in pain, hopping about and grabbing his foot.

"I'm so sorry" Aaron rushed over to help him. His hands fluttering over him, not sure what to do.

"Ger off me" Cain pushed him away. "What the hell were you thinking?"

"I wasn't....I just..."

"What's going on?" Ryan asked coming out from the office.

"Aaron just broke my foot" Cain said through gritted teeth. "You need to take me to A and E. I'm going to need an x-ray".

"Er, yeah of course" Ryan answered. "What about this place though".

"It's almost closing time. Aaron can lock up" Cain leaned on Ryan and hopped towards his car. "I'm sure he can manage that at least". He didn't bother looking at him again as Ryan helped him into the car. He knew it had been an accident, and he knew he probably shouldn't have shouted at the kid, all things considered. But the pain in his foot was intense and it was all he could focus on right now. Hurt feelings would have to wait until broken bones had been dealt with.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Paddy was already starting dinner when the door opened and Aaron walked in. He didn't say a word, just headed straight upstairs. Paddy glanced worriedly after him but the sound of the shower started up and he allowed himself to relax a little bit.

It was just going to be the two of them for tea as Chas had popped into town. He was plating it up when Aaron reappeared. Paddy was pleased to see his skin wasn't bright red like he sometimes was after he'd had a shower lately.

Paddy put the plates down on the table and Aaron pulled a chair out and sat down next to him.

"Well I don't know about you but I've had a pig of a day, literally" Paddy snorted at his own joke but Aaron just rolled his eyes.

"I think I broke Cain's foot" the teenager said in between mouth fulls of food.

"Really?" Paddy's eyes widened. " What happened?"

"I dropped something on it" Aaron shrugged.

"Oh well it was an accident then. Bet he wasn't too happy though".

"You could say that, he had a right go, called me an idiot". Paddy looked at him in concern, unsure how well Aaron would have taken that. Most people had been treading on eggshells around him, not wanting to risk upsetting him.

"You know what, all anyone's done all day is have a go at me". Aaron was looking down at his plate and Paddy couldn't see the expression on his face.

"Oh dear...that..." Paddy didn't know what to say. "It sounds like you've had just as bad a day as me then".

Aaron looked up then with the biggest grin on his face.

"No it's been brilliant" he said laughing. "Best day I've had in a while". Paddy grinned back, it was good to see Aaron happy.


	46. Chapter 46

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. I overthought it and rewrote it a few times. Decided that simple was best in the end. Sorry it's short. One more chapter I think after this.

\----------------------------------------------------------

Aaron jumped when the door clanged shut behind him. He knew it was ridiculous, that he could leave whenever he wanted, but he still felt trapped, as though he was the one locked up in here. Suppose it was understandable really, it was a prison after all.

He walked on shaking legs, following the guard ahead of him. It had been explained to him that due to the circumstances this would take place in a private room, but that a guard would be there the whole time. He wasn't sure whether to be relived or not by that. He was glad he wouldn't have an audience but at the same time there was safety in numbers.

The guard, who was a large man with a hard face, someone anyone would think twice about messing with, stopped in front of a door and turned to face him.

"This is it" he said in a surprisingly gentle tone.

"Okay" Aaron nodded, before running a shaky hand over his face and blowing his breath out slowly.

"You don't have to do this" the man said with a shrug.

"I've come this far though" Aaron told him. "I'd look like a coward if I went home now".

"No one would think that lad".

"Is he...is he in there?" Aaron nodded at the door.

"No not yet, we wanted you to get comfortable before we brought him in".

"Oh, um okay. Can I go in there then?"

"Sure" he opened the door, for some reason Aaron had been expecting it be locked but it wasn't. The room also wasn't what he was expecting. Maybe he'd watched too many television shows. Instead of a table and two chairs he was instead met by a sofa, a couple of armchairs and a coffee table. It almost looked inviting. 

He didn't like it. He'd wanted it to be cold and clinical, so that he could be. He didn't want to feel like he could be in someone's home. But it was what it was, he would just have to deal with it.

"Do you want to see him now?" the guard asked from behind him, making him jump. He didn't know how long he had stood there staring but it had obviously been a few minutes. He found that he couldn't answer straight away. It was a question he had been asking since he'd received this visiting order in the post a few days ago and he still didn't know the answer. But the same compulsion that had him filling that form in made him nod his head now. Curiosity could be a dangerous thing. He needed to know why his dad wanted to see him, even if this didn't go well, he couldn't leave wondering why.

"We're ready" the man spoke into his radio and it was a really short time later that there was a knock at the door. He gave Aaron one last questioning look before opening the door with a sigh. It would seem he thought this was as bad an idea as him mum and Paddy did when he finally told them about it. Despite their own feelings though they hadn't stopped him from coming, they were in face sat outside in the parking lot waiting for him, as far as he would let them come. It felt good to know they would be there waiting for him when this was done though.

The door swung open and he held his breath as another guard walked in, closely followed by the shuffling form of his father.

"Aaron" Gordon greeted him, his voice raspy and sad.

Aaron didn't answer but he didn't run away either. He stood there staring at the man he used to call dad.

"Gordon" he answered eventually and saw him flinch at the word.

"Take a seat" the guard said to him, his voice showing no emotion.

Gordon didn't argue, just shuffled over to one of the chairs and sat down with a sigh. Aaron saw the way he winced as he moved and could tell he was in pain. He had a still healing cut on his lip but no other visible injuries.

"I'll wait outside" the second guard said before stepping outside and shutting the door behind. 

The first guard went and stood next to the door, giving them as much privacy as he could without moving too far away. Aaron chose to sit down on the end of the sofa, as far away from his father as he could. He kind of wanted to stay standing, but his legs didn't agree and the last thing he wanted to do was to look weak in front of him.

"I'm so glad you came" his father started. "I didn't...I didn't think you would" he smiled at him and Aaron bit his lip and nodded.

"How have you been? Are you okay?" Aaron frowned at the question and didn't answer.

"I'm....I..."Gordon hung his head and rubbed his hands on his legs before sighing.

"Why?" Aaron asked him, he had to clear his throat once he'd got the word out.

"What?" Gordon looked startled. 

"Why did you ask me to come here?" Aaron looked him straight in the eye as he asked him his question. He was proud of how little his voice wavered.

"I...I wanted to apologise" Gordon hung his head as he spoke. Aaron had to wonder how much of it was real, and how much of if it was just a show for the guard. 

"What?" 

"Yeah. I know, I'm just I'm so sorry, for all of this, for everything".

It was somehow the thing Aaron had needed to hear the most and not enough all at the same time. Because he still wasn't really saying anything.

"For what exactly?" Aaron asked through gritted teeth.

"For what I did to you?" Gordon still wouldn't look at him, his eyes firmly fixed on his hands.

"And what did you do to me?" Aaron's voice was as hard and cold as steel. He wasn't sure if it was the question or his tone of voice that finally made his father look up.

"You know" Gordon breathed out.

"I want to hear you say it" Aaron almost spat the words at him.

"I...I...don't...I can't..." Gordon shook his head, his eyes were wet with unshed tears, but he didn't look sad, he looked terrified.

Aaron's own eyes were dry for once, because there was something off about this. He knew this man and he knew that he always put himself first, there had to be more to this.

"If you can't say it why am I even here?"

"Because...because I know now, I know what I did was wrong, that you didn't deserve it" Gordon looked away again, he was definitely hiding something.

"Really? What changed? Why now? Have you been talking to someone in here, have you seen the error of your ways? Found God?" each question came out harsher as Aaron felt his control slipping a bit more. That wasn't it though, he could tell. His father shifted uncomfortably under his gaze, winced again as his hand rubbed his side.

"Somebody hurt you" it wasn't a question and Aaron barely breathed the words but it caused Gordon's head to shoot up in panic. "Did they...did they...?" now he was the one who couldn't say the words.

"No" Gordon shook his head. "No" again firmer. "But they, um, they tried" he looked down again.

Aaron just there, trying to process what he'd just learned. He breathed out slowly, trying to remember the calming techniques his therapist had been teaching him.

"Were you scared?" 

Gordon nodded.

"And now you think you know how I felt, now you feel guilty?" Gordon didn't answer, he wasn't that stupid.

"Did you think you were going to die?" Aaron asked, his voice catching on the words. "Did you want to?"

"What?" Gordon sounded confused, it just made him angrier.

"Did you want to die? Do you feel like it was your fault? That you did something to deserve it?"

"No, no of course not" Gordon snapped back. Aaron heard the guard at the door shuffle his feet, but he didn't speak.

"Was he more than twice your size? Did you trust him? Love him?"

"No" Gordon choked out and he knew that he knew what he was saying now.

"Then it's not the same is it? You can't possibly understand what you did to me, just because you've been hurt doesn't mean that you get it now".

"I know, I know and I'm sorry now" Gordon was crying now but Aaron's eyes were dry still.

"You're sorry now, NOW" Aaron shouted at him. The guard took a step towards them and Aaron took a deep breath, rubbed his thumb over his eyebrow and tried to refocus.

"What else?"

"What?"

"You didn't invite me here just to apologise, I know you better than that. You want something" Aaron resisted the urge to pick at his fingernails, the skin around them was finally starting to heal.

"I don't..."

"I'm not that stupid and neither are you" Aaron interrupted him.

"I can't be here" Gordon hissed under his breath, his eyes wide with desperation.

There it was. The reason Aaron was here, the reason Gordon wanted to see him. 

"I can't do anything about that" Aaron told him, struggling to keep his emotions in check now.

"Yes, yes you can" Gordon said leaning towards him. "You could tell them you lied, get them to let me out".

"You've got to be kidding me" Aaron couldn't believe what he was hearing. He stood up, he didn't need to be here.

"Aaron please" his father pleaded. Maybe he should feel bad for him, but he couldn't, all he felt was anger and disappointment.

"Begging won't help you, it never worked for me" Aaron told him coldly.

"I could die in here" Gordon stood up too. The guard who had remained silent throughout stepped forward now.

"Sit down" he told the other man. 

"But I...Aaron you've got to help me".

"No I don't" Aaron walked purposefully towards the door. He waited patiently while the guard opened it for him. As he stepped through he turned back to where his father was sat hunched over and crying. "Bye Gordon", then he walked out the door without looking back.

His mask stayed in place all the way down the corridor, through security and out the main gate. He even made it half way across the car park, but when he saw his mum getting out of the car and walking towards him he couldn't do it anymore. He sank to his knees on the concrete, sobs wracking his body. He heard her heels on the hard ground and only moments later she wrapped her arms around him.

"It's okay, it's okay. I've got you" she spoke into his hair and it was just what he needed to hear.


	47. Chapter 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, here's my Christmas gift to you all. The final chapter of what began as a one shot and grew into a monster.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

Aaron sat on the hay bale flicking his lighter on and off.

It had been a strange day. Not bad just strange. He had woken up that morning to the sound of his mum singing carols in the shower, well trying to anyway. He had dragged himself out of bed despite the temptation to just roll over and go back to sleep. Today was going to be a long one, not something he was looking forward, too many people for starters. Then again last Christmas day had been spent almost watching Victoria drown so it couldn't be that bad could it?

He'd felt jittery on the way to Wishing Well and had kept quiet the whole way there. He could feel the concerned looks Paddy and his mum kept giving him. He knew that his visit with his father just the other day was still at the front of their minds and he wanted to reassure them that he was okay, but for some reason he couldn't bring himself to say anything. Instead he sat in the back with Paddy, his mum having nabbed the passenger seat next to Cain when he'd arrived to pick them up, and stared out of the window, enjoying the peace that he knew was going to be short lived.

Once they arrived at the Dingle's farm he was proven right about the lack of peace, but it was a good kind of chaotic. He felt himself relaxing into the warmth of their welcome in a way he had never allowed himself to in the past. He even laughed along with everyone when Zak almost dropped the turkey when he'd tripped over Alfie on his way to the table. It was nice to feel like he was part of something, even if it was this ragtag bunch of misfits.

Midway through the meal though he started to pick up on some of the sly glances that the adults were giving each other, something was definitely up and he got the that familiar pit of fear in his stomach that it was something to do with him. He turned out to be right, but not in the way he was expecting. When Cain disappeared just as the Christmas pudding was being dished up he didn't even notice but he did see him slipping back in with the biggest grin Aaron had ever seen on his face. It was unnerving.

"You coming" Cain said looking directly at him so he could be in no doubt as to who he was talking to. Before he could even question him he was being gently pushed outside by Marlon and Eli's insistent hands. The whole clan followed them outside .

Aaron knew he wasn't always the smartest but he wasn't stupid either and yet when he saw the small blue Ford Fiesta sat there with a big red bow on the top, surrounded by the grinning members of his family he didn't make the connection. He just stood there staring at it blankly.

His mum was far too excited to wait for him to catch up.

"So, what do you think?" she practically screeched in his ear.

"Um, it's nice I guess" he shrugged.

"Is that it? I thought you'd be well excited to be getting a car" Chas' face fell as she spoke.

"What?" he looked at her in stunned surprise. "This is....it's mine?" he was almost afraid to ask, in case this was all a joke. There was no way they would have bought him a car.

"Of course it is" Chas said, dangling the keys in front of his face excitedly.

"We all chipped in, and Cain and Ryan fixed it up in their time off" Sammy said proudly from where he was standing next to a beaming Lisa.

"Yeah lad you deserve this" Zak said, his voice gruff with emotion as he patted him on the back.

"I don't.....I don't know what to say" Aaron said taking the keys in his hand and staring down at them with a lump in his throat.

"Thanks would be a good place to start" Cain raised an eyebrow at him, but he grinned when Debbie elbowed him in the ribs.

"Yeah..um...yeah thanks. To all of you" he looked around at where his family stood smiling back at him. "But are you sure? I mean it's a lot..."

"We're sure" his mum reassured him giving his arm a squeeze. "Plus this is a joint Christmas and birthday present. You only turn 18 once".

"And this way you won't be asking me for lifts all the time" Paddy said, his grin perhaps the biggest of everyone's. "You're turn to play taxi driver".

"Oooohhh, does this mean you can give me a lift to school sometimes?" Belle said.

"I'm sure he will at some point Belle" Lisa reassured her and Aaron nodded in agreement, still trying to get his head around the fact that he now owned his own car.

"Anyway speaking of you doing the driving we better get going" Chas said opening the passenger door and once again relegating Paddy to the back seat, even funnier in the small car than it had been in Cain's larger vehicle. "The Barton's are expecting us".

\----------------------------------------------------------------------

 

So they had left their family behind, just in time to avoid the washing up and headed off to spend the rest of the day with friends. He'd told himself that the fear he was feeling was from driving and not the thought of spending the afternoon at the Barton's farm, somewhere he hadn't been since that fateful day all those months earlier. But the closer the got the more his stomach churned. He gripped the steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles turned white.

"I thought I'd have to tell you to slow down not speed up" his mum commented looking at the speedometer with a frown. He gave her a tight smile which she frowned at and forced himself to put his foot down.

Once they got there it wasn't quite as bad as he'd feared, once again the welcoming atmosphere of both the Barton's and Andy and Victoria soothing his fears somewhat. The hustle and bustle of the combined families and the good natured bickering between the various siblings allowed him to fade into the background slightly, somewhere he was glad to be. 

About an hour after they got there he managed to slip outside on the pretense of needing the toilet. He just needed a few minutes to himself and the chill in the air helped him to clear his head. He wasn't sure what compelled him to make his way to the barn where it kind of felt like this all began but from the moment they'd arrived it felt like it was calling to him, it was an urge he could no longer resist now that he was alone. His feet retraced his steps until he was back where he'd started.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So here he was, same barn, same lighter but maybe not the same Aaron. He still had yet to decide whether that was a good thing or not. So much had changed for him since that day, and yet at the same time nothing had. He still didn't know whether he would choose to do it all again or if given the option to go back and live that day again he would keep quiet this time. At the end of the day it didn't matter what he might have done, because there was no going back. This was the way things were now, good or bad. 

There were days when he wished he could go back, when he caught a pitying look from some villager he barely knew and wanted to punch them to make it go away but if he was honest it was nice not to feel like he had to hide a part of himself away anymore. He would turn 18 in a few days time, he would be a man by most people's accounts. A time to leave being a child behind. Obviously it wasn't that simple. The child he'd been would always be a part of the man he would become, but maybe now he was a little more free to see who that man could be. 

Lost in his thoughts he didn't hear anyone approaching. The hand that fell on his shoulder made him jump and he dropped his lighter in shock.

John reached down to pick it up. He held it out to the teenager with a slight smile, both of them remembering how different this had gone the last time.

"S...sorry" Aaron stammered out, shrinking back from the offered lighter slightly. "I wasn't.....I mean I wouldn't have...."

"I know" John said softly, still holding the lighter out like a peace offering.

Aaron reached out a shaking hand to take it from him. He knew it was stupid to be scared of this man, but somehow his feelings about his father were all tied up in how he felt about John and he didn't know how to separate the two. He knew he had to try though, it wasn't fair on anyone. Today was a day of joy and light and he wasn't going to let the darkness that had been a part of his life for so long ruin it, not anymore.

Aaron knew it wasn't as simple as all that. What had happened to him was too big, too awful to just let go but he was determined that it would no longer be the main driving force behind everything he did. His father wasn't going to win.

"You okay?" John asked noticing the way his hand shook as he took the lighter back.

Aaron stood up and put the item away in his pocket before answering.

"Yeah" he found he had to clear his throat after that one word, but once he had his next words came out clearer and stronger. "Yeah, I am".

John looked at him as if searching for something but when Aaron met his gaze with his own steady one it seemed to give him the answer he was looking for. The older man nodded in acceptance.

"Come on then" he said walking away and then waiting for Aaron to catch up so they could walk side by side. "Adam's got the karaoke out, he's looking for a duet partner" he laughed at the look of horror Aaron gave him. "You'll do just fine lad" he said slinging his arm round his shoulder and pulling him towards him. Aaron felt himself tense for a second and then allowed himself to sink into the embrace slightly, he had to start somewhere.

As they got closer to the farmhouse, the light spilling out across the yard welcoming them, he could hear the unmistakable sounds of Paddy doing his Elvis impression and as awful as it sounded he knew there was nowhere else he would rather be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always planned for this story to end exactly here. Back where it all began and on Christmas day. I did however intend to post it earlier in the month than this but life got in the way. I have say though that it does feel right that it ended up happening this way. Thank you so much to anyone who had read all the way to the end, and to every single person who commented. I loved reading them all. I would love to hear what you thought now that it has ended. I hope this final chapter doesn't disappoint.
> 
> Happy Christmas to all of you who celebrate and good wishes to those of you who don't.
> 
> Love Rhona


End file.
